[NF] NFs what hurts you more ?

[Coeur]

Does is hurt more if your loved one just explodes in your presence or when they just become hostile without even raising their voice ?

The worst would having them be so mad, that they're acting out of character. When people are angry at me, I'm hurt period.

I'd rather have them explode so that we can face the issue directly. I would probably feel more overwhelmed from the vibe of hidden anger than the explosion of obvious anger. The obvious anger would seem less deep to me, for whatever reason, as long as it was intended to express displeasure, and not to belittle me. Communication is really important to me.

I would respond to it:
a. calmly/unemotionally to get them to calm down
b. defensively, if I thought it was unjustified [which, in the scenario you gave, it would not be]
c. and I might walk away if it wasn't going anywhere

At the same time, when people get VIOLENTLY angry, it has a very toxic affect on me. Seeing someone slam their fist into the wall has the same affect on me as if they punched me. Yelling upsets me a lot. It is not good for me to be exposed to violent rage. It scares me and makes me withdraw into myself. I'm much appreciative of people who can express their emotions fully without hurting me.

 

[SciVo]

With passive agression I'm not all that good at trusting my intuition, so if someone is, it can just get mistaken/denied and swept under the rug, and quietly nag at my subconscious for the longest time.

Saying that, I've got a friend who was exceedinly repressive of their anger, and when it did come out, outbursts were less scary than when they got slightly annoyed. With outbursts you can detach, it's all out there, they're out of control, - though this is with that sort of outburst.

When they got annoyed, just annoyed, even if it was at someone I was annoyed with too it was...inexplicably terrifying...like...rawr, electricity and fire and ice under their skin and behind their eyes; knife sharp. Like a dormant beast, not a screaming child.

Essentially when there's still that containment, that power over how they might react, how they might not let it all out and punish me or the other person over time, it can be very scary. Though I guess this can depend on both the angry person and reciever.

Sounds like an NT. Dunno what to do about it, aside from stay out of the way.

 

[Yloh]

What really hurts me is knowing I did something to offend or hurt another. I have a weakness of trying to create harmony with everything, so it cause me to become hurt when this harmony is broken.

I've gotten better at not being hurt so much, but it still takes effort on my part.

 

[Koocoomoo]

The sharp vicious whisper tone cuts me like a knife.
I can handle yelling, we'll just get into a heated argument and then I'll say something random or stupid and we'll start laughing.
But those snide under-the-breath remarks make me run to a room and cry.
=(