[MBTI General] INFJ transitioning into INTJ

[penelope]

Saw a similar title, so I thought I'd go for it...

So yeah, gosh, I'm feeling confused. It's not an easy transition, and I've only noticed it over the last 6 months, and only in the last 2 have I noticed the lack of my emotional/feeley capabilities no longer being there, since being in a serious relationship with an ENFP. I'm reminded constantly that I am far more rational and logical thinking than he is, and that he seems to be more emotionally involved in the relationship than I am. I figured at first that our functions were just balancing out that way, but then I got to thinking that there has been an actual transition taking place.

So, I'm at this point in my life where I'm facing a little bit of an arrested development. I graduated college, moved into the city, am on my own financially (lost my first stable, full time job about a month and a half ago), and am facing and getting used to a lot of other firsts. But the transition has left me feeling like a helpless child watching the real world unfold, and the scary thing is that I am not emotionally in tune with myself enough to keep up. Approaching it rationally and logically as I have been just isn't working.

My boyfriend has suggested meditating to try to find that part of me again... essentially my Fi (that's the right function, right? Still new to MBTI). I'm having the most difficult time getting back to it.

So then, I wonder, if I'm really more of an INTJ, how can I develop my Ti (again, 'scuse me if that's the wrong term) to know how to face these challenges?

Just throwing this out there. I'm not even sure I know what I'm talking about. Heh.

 

[INTJ123]

lol. By ALL MEANS, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LET YOUR PERSONALITY GROW. I mean damn, the purpose of this shit is to recognize your strengths and weaknesses so you can build upon your weaknesses and capitalize on your strengths. Not to just put ourselves in a box and make excuses for being rude by saying, Oh I'm a thinker I don't know how to feel....

 

[poppy]

Well my dear...I'm of the belief that types don't shift radically, but there are those who disagree and maybe some of them will be able to offer their perspective.

Ok, so this is what this sounds like to me: There's been a lot of talk lately about the INTJ Fi crisis, when they confront the tertiary function and get used to working with their emotions (which can get pretty ugly). New environments, changes, and difficulties seem to have a way of waking up the tertiary ime. It sounds to me like you're looking at the INFJ equivalent of exactly that, so you're seeing Ti suddenly beating down your door and demanding that it be recognized. Though it might feel like you're becoming a T, this doesn't really make you an INTJ as INTJs use Te, and as the secondary function it probably would have shown up long long ago if you had it.

Well, anyway, if you feel like the above rings true for you, then you'll want to go ahead and tackle that Ti. I'm afraid I can't help you much with that (I've come to terms with my Fi, but I know nothing about its inverse). As your boyfriend suggested it will take some introspection and probably a lot of time to get used to using this function, but don't worry about it too much and just work through it, even if it throws you through some loops. You'll find after a while that your Ti (I believe in the form of internalized truths--Ti users correct me if I'm off) will anchor you in the world.

 

[Oaky]

I doubt it's anything to worry about. Training this, training that. It's all useless. Go back to your 'roots' and you will see that you are exactly the same. What you are doing is creating an outer shell of yourself.

 

[SciVo]

What poppy said. The "tertiary temptation" is when your primary function (in your case Ni) is under demands to rely on a secondary function (in your case Fe) that it distrusts, so it reflexively looks to the tertiary function (in your case Ti) for support to just not go that way at all. But, it's a dysfunctional dynamic that doesn't end well.

So, I'm at this point in my life where I'm facing a little bit of an arrested development. I graduated college, moved into the city, am on my own financially (lost my first stable, full time job about a month and a half ago), and am facing and getting used to a lot of other firsts. But the transition has left me feeling like a helpless child watching the real world unfold, and the scary thing is that I am not emotionally in tune with myself enough to keep up. Approaching it rationally and logically as I have been just isn't working.

I'm about to crash into sleep, but you can probably see how that relates to the stereotype that I described.

 

[r.a]

i can relate. the last two years has been a shift into more rational thought then living and breathing emotions as i used to. at first i didn't know what to do with it. i became a very cold person. i was definitely emotionally detached when it came to relationships, and pretty much anything else that would have previously taken all of my energy to endure. eventually i was reminded on several occasions that i am human and i bleed yada yada...

in the end, its actually kind of nice. its like gaining a new superpower. leveling up. i am still an emotional person but i have tamed things down with the development of Ti. plus, things don't bug me like they used to. i don't have that aching feeling when things don't go my way. i move on, as it is irrational to dwell.

it did change my relationships with people. there was some collateral damage. i don't approach friendships quite like i used to. i have gotten better at handling my enneagram 9 brand diplomacy. i give less a fuck, but i can maintain others' comfort levels with less effort than before, so i don't need to be a dick.

 

[Kalach]

Yeah, what's the INFJ transpose of the INTJ Fi crisis? INTJ will say, this doesn't feel right, what I'm doing, I should stop. INFJ in a Ti crisis will say...? "I can't be sure any of this is true, these relationships I have, I don't trust them, I should stop"?

INTJ Fi crisis is brought on by a mismatch between intuition about what should happen and what actually is being done. INFJ Ti crisis is brought on by...? A mismatch between intuition about what needs to be felt and what actually is being supposed to be felt?

INTJ in Fi crisis will go blubbery, reckless emo. INFJ in Ti crisis will go chilly and distant?

The question for INTJ in Fi crisis is "what is it you want to be able to do?". (Plus, if this is to work, an opportunity to do it.)

The question for INFJ in Ti crisis is...? Beats me. It's something about what the person wants to do or have in the extroverted feeling part of their life, I guess.


In a challenging new life environment, perhaps what is wanted is support and love?

(And Ti's picking at the truth of the detail of the love and support that exists at the moment?)

 

[Lethe]

Unfortunately, I shifted the other way [strong T ----> mild T] during my personality transition. It looked something like this:

INTJ in Fi crisis will go blubbery, reckless emo.

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Does this link help?

INFJ Stress Relief

Although INFJs may feel like remaining still and stationary until the chaos and confusion of a stressful situation dissipates, it would be best for them to actively sort out their needs from others. Being excessively cooperative and agreeable, the INFJ has a tendency to adopt values and beliefs of others as their own. When external conflicts grow, so does the INFJ's sense of personal disharmony. Disassociating themselves from others takes a great deal of effort for the INFJ.

Perhaps developing Ti is a way of balancing your relationships?

And once you've embraced more of it, you can revert back to using Fe as the auxiliary without exhaustion?

 

[Athenian200]

If I had to be around an ENFP for extended periods of time, I think I'd eventually feel overloaded with emotion and feel the need to withdraw, become critical, and get colder/more rational, much to the chagrin of the ENFP. They're so passionate that they're overwhelming, and it's hard to get through to them or connect intellectually at times.

You DO know that INFJs have tertiary Ti that they fall back on when they go into themselves, right? The Fe really only works well when you engage with the world. When you get stressed by the world around and "pull out," your emotions start shutting down. You get out of sync with your feelings. Almost like an INTP, but not quite.

Believe me, I've been realizing the same thing. I've been training for a job, and I was trying to get one with computer networking... but I'm slowly realizing that it's not going to be emotionally fulfilling for me because I'm not THAT interested in computers anymore. I was at one point, but not now. I didn't realize that until I actually started doing the work and trying to motivate myself to show up to class, though. The frustrating thing is that this is my only skill set, and I'm probably going to have to use it whether I like it or not. So basically, I've been having to fly by the seat of my pants to get to class.

My Fe refuses to organize my life, so I'm being pushed into rushing at the last minute to get on the bus, missing class half the time, making up the work on the computer whenever the impulse strikes me (ALL the class material is online). So I'll make it because I already understand this stuff, but Fe and my J refuse to help, because there's no emotional investment in succeeding. The teacher didn't help AT ALL by saying that they didn't care if we went to class. It also doesn't help that he never teaches anything other than what's in the book anyway, and goes over things I already understand repeatedly. I'm not even being challenged enough to stay interested.

The icing on the cake is that this isn't a credit class, and that I know I could take the CCNA regardless of whether I finish the class or not. So there's barely any motivation to show up... and yet, I know that if I don't keep trying, I'll keep putting off studying for it without feeling any guilt. So this is providing just enough guilt from my mother to keep me studying (if inconsistently), even if it's hurting my self-esteem/image.

But I digress. I think that this is more a Ti thing than a Te thing, and that you're still an INFJ.

 

[violaine]

If I had to be around an ENFP for extended periods of time, I think I'd eventually feel overloaded with emotion and feel the need to withdraw, become critical, and get colder/more rational, much to the chagrin of the ENFP. They're so passionate that they're overwhelming, and it's hard to get through to them or connect intellectually at times.

You DO know that INFJs have tertiary Ti that they fall back on when they go into themselves, right? The Fe really only works well when you engage with the world. When you get stressed by the world around and "pull out," your emotions start shutting down. You get out of sync with your feelings. Almost like an INTP, but not quite.

Yup, this is exactly how it goes for me when I am close to those who are, imo, overly colored by their feeling states and with whom I can't regularly dispassionately connect through discussion of ideas. I become very detached and not at all open to sharing my emotional life with them, so much so that that side of me seems to disappear. It becomes acutely the case with those who seem hysterical/out of control to me.

I also test more often as INTJ and as an Enneagram 5 during those times.

If I have slipped into that mode it takes being around those who are truly detached or seemingly insensitive for me to see that I am still an INFJ, just one who doesn't identify with people who broadcast their emotional/inner state a lot. (T or F style. I've noticed I can regularly feel this way around EXTXs too.) The litmus test is if I see someone treating someone else poorly - gah, I become so far from detached it is funny! My overwhelming interest in people and social dynamics and generalized concern for others also never changes, which for me is a reliable proof of my being unwaveringly INFJ.

 

[cascadeco]

Honestly...whether you are in fact an INFJ or INTJ I don't particularly care (and also I tend to think most non-extreme individuals are going to be more of a blending of a couple of different personality types than relating solely to one), but I'll just add a few comments.

From experience, I have gone through 'phases' of being/feeling much more 'T', in terms of my assessment of myself, and my reactions/opinions/judgments of others. And, when I am cynical/down about life, I can become that much more irritated/cold about people in general.

Also, many years ago I was in a relationship with an ENFP, and I have to say I felt *extremely* non-F in comparison to him. Personally I think it's an Fi/Fe difference, and with INFJ's the Ti thrown in can really make them detach more. And the 'J' will make them that much more....careful? Restrained? More apt to play the more calm/rational role in a relationship with an extroverted feeler?

So I don't think your feelings/thoughts about yourself need mean you are an INTJ. I'm not in a position to say you aren't, either, but just a few thoughts.

 

[Lethe]

That is interesting. 'Coldness' is my default state of mind and I usually don't have any dilemmas about reverting back into it. The ENFPs evoke the type of passionate emotions that I've never considered on my own, and the less time I spend with them, the more I go back to my original thinking self. So I ultimately feel more flexible, adventurous and enthusiastic around them. Sometimes, they do overload me with their feelings, but I rejuvenate after an hour, or a few hours, in solitude.