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[NF] NF's: What is your primary love language?

MonkeyGrass

New member
Joined
Jun 13, 2009
Messages
877
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
7
Quality time is clearly my primary love language. The keyword here is quality. I really like to spend time with people that I like, this is basically how I show my love. If I initiate with you, if I want to talk to you, then I like you as a person. Physical touch is also very important, but that love language is reserved for my significant other, I'm not sure how this process works with bonding with friends as a main language.

I think guys, especially single guys, who have physical touch really have it harder than girls. In our culture, it's far more acceptable for girls/women to snuggle together on the couch in a totally non-sexual way than for guys. No dirty jokes, people. :p Girls can hug and pet and coddle each other in ways that our culture won't allow guys to do. And, of course, anytime "just friends" between two sexes that the other is interested in (wow, what a complicated way to say that) always has the potential for defrauding someone somehow. :doh:

Re: the quality time thing: ITTTA. And, to my INTJ, "quality time" means quantity time. He's very happy to just breathe in the same room, but that's wasted time together for me. It makes for an interesting dynamic!
 

Clonester

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
480
MBTI Type
ENFP
Touch is my #1 by a wide margin. Quality time is #2. I really enjoy the intimacy and the touch that comes with it. I'd love to cuddle up and watch a movie, or chat, or just wait for a girl to fall asleep in my arms. And the quality time, sharing and enjoying amazing experiences together is great. That's why it's good to enjoy some common interests with a girl because you can share what you love doing with someone you love. That's really great too.

As far as the other three, I'll start with acts of service. I had about 20 people over to my place on the weekend and one thing that really stuck out is this one girl who I'm interested in (ISFJ) washed the dirty dishes from the food. She asked earlier if I needed help and I said no since everything was under control, but this was her way (I assume) of saying thank you. And that really stuck out for me- I was impressed. So acts of service is probably number three, but only if nothing is expected in return. I would gladly help out with chores and maintenance in a relationship, but not to "return a favor."

Words of affirmation are not constantly needed for me. Just enough so that I relate those gifts or quality time to love. After all, I can spend quality time with a friend and not feel love, but if it's with a girl and she says some endearing words, it really means something.

Gift giving would be last. It would be the only thing that I wouldn't deem essential as a regular part of a relationship. Just on occasion for the heck of it- a surprise "I love you." But I dated an ESTP once and she loved to freely give gifts and money. It felt weird while I was dating (interesting: one time we were going to soccer and she wanted to stop off at a store for something- turns out it was to buy me water for the game, heh:cheese:), but I realized after that was her way of showing affection. So I wouldn't find it awkward now.
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,964
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
8
Acts of Service - I don't remember the percentages, but I remember this was extremely high
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts - This one and the one above were way lower but equal
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation

I have a mind to think that these work for non-relationship ways of showing love as well.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Quality time
Words of affirmation

People that want to play me learn very quickly that I have a hard time resisting someone who sweet talks me. *sigh*
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Quality time
Words of affirmation

People that want to play me learn very quickly that I have a hard time resisting someone who sweet talks me. *sigh*

aww...and i'm sure a sweet lil lady like yourself gets that all the time. :smile:
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
aww...and i'm sure a sweet lil lady like yourself gets that all the time. :smile:
I'm not giving you cigarette money. :thelook: Unless you really need it. :huh:

:doh: Can't stop being pushover.
 

whimsical

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
351
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
I love quality time & acts of service, physical touch comes into play more when I find the first 2 to be there.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Affirmation (I need to know that someone appreciates, likes and respects me - that I have something to contribute) and quality time (can be even reading together in the same room, or a smile and wink from across a crowded room to say you are thinking of me even if you are talking to someone else. I like walks or drives a lot though, or being read to). However, a thoughtful little gifts are something I love to give others and like to be surprised with (monetary worth is not important, just that you know me well and are thinking of me). Touch (which indicates you genuinely like me and want to be near me) and doing something for me (which indicates I am worth going out of your way for) are important, but just not the very most important.

Hmm, I kind of want it all though. And I like doing the same for someone in return. I think I'm fairly good at making someone feel well loved.
 

Kyrielle

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,294
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
If SO:

Physical Touch
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Gifts

It's very important for me to touch and be touched. Hugs are a favorite with me.

If anyone else:

Quality Time
Acts of Service
Word of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Gifts
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
Joined
Mar 13, 2009
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Physical touch and words of affirmation. :blush:
 

Thessaly

I drink your milkshake.
Joined
Jun 5, 2009
Messages
1,363
MBTI Type
xNFP
Enneagram
3w4
They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

I am the most touchy-feely person on earth so physical touch is my #1. I am also incandescently romantic so words of affirmation hand-in-hand with gifts is my favorite dish to serve. Acts of service and quality time are important and done fairly often as well, but the others I take more delight in. I say I do all of the above far more often than most do in their relationships. I'm pretty much the holy grail of girlfriends. Too bad I scare aware many initially with all my intensity and devotion.
 

poppy

triple nerd score
Joined
May 30, 2009
Messages
2,215
MBTI Type
intj
Enneagram
5
I am the most touchy-feely person on earth so physical touch is my #1. I am also incandescently romantic so words of affirmation hand-in-hand with gifts is my favorite dish to serve. Acts of service and quality time are important and done fairly often as well, but the others I take more delight in. I say I do all of the above far more often than most do in their relationships. I'm pretty much the holy grail of girlfriends. Too bad I scare aware many initially with all my intensity and devotion.

You sure you're not ENFJ? :D
 

saxman

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFP
Words of Affirmation 7
Quality Time 9
Receiving Gifts 4
Acts of Service 2
Physical Touch 8
 

The Outsider

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2009
Messages
2,418
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
Physical Touch 11
Quality Time 10

Words of Affirmation 6
Receiving Gifts 2
Acts of Service 1
 

mangos

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2009
Messages
21
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6&2
I had a three-way tie between words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service. I got basically nada on gifts, with physical touch somewhere in the middle.
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
quality time then physical touch. after that words of affirmation. much lower is acts of service, and then far below that is gifts. i'm getting better at recognizing acts of service. gifts are a. fun stuff or b. something personal. i only recognize the latter as memorable (usually requires writing, especially something hand-written so that i can remember it), the first is just fun. actually my definition of gifts is turning into words of affirmation, which is the only way it is important to me. verbal-physical-emotional communication!
 

ergophobe

Allergic to Mornings
Joined
Apr 26, 2009
Messages
1,210
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Could I BE any more ENFP?


Physical Touch: 10 (33%)
Quality Time: 10 (33%)
Acts of Service: 5 (17%)


Words of Affirmation: 4 (13%)
Receiving Gifts: 1 (4%)
 
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