TheLovecats
New member
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2009
- Messages
- 4
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
Hi all, this is my first post. I've recently gotten really into MBTI, mostly because all of a sudden this confusing guy I was seeing started to make sense. He's a total ENFP, I'm definitely INFJ. I can suddenly understand our why our chemistry is so intense. We can sit for long periods of time just gazing into the other's eyes and it's almost like we talk that way. It's so awesome and strange.
But now I'm unsure where we stand. Please know up front that I think I will try talking to him about my feelings, but I'd still like your insight. I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible - I could go on forever with details.
So: we are not a couple, but I've known him for almost 9 months. We met right as he was coming out of a long relationship where he had his heart broken (I was unaware of this until our 3rd or 4th date). Not wanting to be his rebound, we talked alot, saw one another every few weeks, and we made out all the time (and it was so good!) but didn't take it any further physically or toward a formal relationship. I think his ex was an introvert, but I don't know what type.
He'd been away for the summer, and had always told me he anticipated being ready for a relationship after he returned. Now he's back, and he asked me to meet up. We had lost touch for July and August. This was purposeful on my part - his behavior and the things he was saying seemed to me like he wanted to get a reaction out of me (which never worked), but my feelings were getting trampled on in the process. Things like “I need to move here immediately. I’m never coming back” or “Maybe I’ll get married this summer.” Sometimes I wonder if I bear the brunt of any negativity he still feels toward his ex. I felt it was easier to withdraw than to talk to him. Also, we only were really only talking online while he was gone and it didn't seem like an appropriate online conversation.
All along, I've had trouble voicing my feelings. Heck, I have trouble telling him about myself. He's found this frustrating at times, but I'm pretty sure it also keeps him intrigued. I've had trouble understanding him and his verbal whirlwinds. It's as if he says one thing and says the opposite in the very next sentence. I can't keep up, but I've always felt that we have mutual feelings for one another.
So when we saw each other after he returned to town, he was so hyper and happy. I could tell that he missed me and he said he felt so much better (healed from the breakup with his ex) and that it was possibly the best summer of his life. He tried to put the moves on me, and with my still being confused about our communications during the summer, I was evasive and said "I don't know what I want anymore". Big mistake. I should have at least explained myself. I understood after the fact that he took this as personal rejection, which wasn't my intention. You would think that hearing him say "Okay, I won't put the moves on you anymore, but it's going to be tough because I lust after you. I'm glad we remained friends through this." might tip me off, but it took a while for me to process.
I knew that I was losing him; I could feel him shutting me out. I ran into him on the street and he could barely make eye contact with me. I feel awful about it. I don't want him to feel rejected. I like him, though I don’t always like the things he does. Why couldn’t I just tell him??
We saw each other again and I lost my nerve to talk to him (instead we bantered and made out). We left and agreed to be friends... which usually lasts until the next time we make out.
In true John Cusack movie fashion, I decided the solution might be in the form of a mix CD. I'm obsessed with music, which he knows. He's mentioned in the past that he'd like a mix from me. I put together an awesome mix full of "hey, I like you and think you're special, let's not pass this up" and "this is why I am how I am" songs, while trying to avoid the "Oh my god I love you" songs. I sent it via interoffice mail. I have no clue if he received it yet and I'm too scared to ask. I really only want to talk about it in person.
Here's the real problem - there may be a new girl on the scene. She's ENTJ. I don't know their history, but he met up with her for a day in the summer when he was near her city. She's recently moved to our area since her family is here. I've noticed conversations between them on facebook, and I'm getting very concerned that he's moved on to her, just like that. If he has, it's been very recent... in the past week maybe.
He always has female friends. I understand that he's a big flirt, but also have felt secure in that he treated me differently. This feels different; like more may be going on.
Can an ENFP just up and move on so quickly? If so, is it likely to be real, since he's had feelings for me until so recently? Is it possible he's trying to get back at me by making me jealous and still retains his feelings for me?
I feel all emotionally exposed due to the mix cd, so this timing is becoming really painful for me. I feel it's been a huge misunderstanding, but I don't know if it's too late to fix it.
ENFPs - what can I do to make it better? Should I try to talk to him, or should I let the cd speak for itself? I'll be so sad if this doesn't go anywhere; it feels so special and precious to me. I've always felt I've had time to try to fix this, but now with the other girl possibly on the scene, I feel like I need to do something quickly.
Thanks for reading.
But now I'm unsure where we stand. Please know up front that I think I will try talking to him about my feelings, but I'd still like your insight. I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible - I could go on forever with details.
So: we are not a couple, but I've known him for almost 9 months. We met right as he was coming out of a long relationship where he had his heart broken (I was unaware of this until our 3rd or 4th date). Not wanting to be his rebound, we talked alot, saw one another every few weeks, and we made out all the time (and it was so good!) but didn't take it any further physically or toward a formal relationship. I think his ex was an introvert, but I don't know what type.
He'd been away for the summer, and had always told me he anticipated being ready for a relationship after he returned. Now he's back, and he asked me to meet up. We had lost touch for July and August. This was purposeful on my part - his behavior and the things he was saying seemed to me like he wanted to get a reaction out of me (which never worked), but my feelings were getting trampled on in the process. Things like “I need to move here immediately. I’m never coming back” or “Maybe I’ll get married this summer.” Sometimes I wonder if I bear the brunt of any negativity he still feels toward his ex. I felt it was easier to withdraw than to talk to him. Also, we only were really only talking online while he was gone and it didn't seem like an appropriate online conversation.
All along, I've had trouble voicing my feelings. Heck, I have trouble telling him about myself. He's found this frustrating at times, but I'm pretty sure it also keeps him intrigued. I've had trouble understanding him and his verbal whirlwinds. It's as if he says one thing and says the opposite in the very next sentence. I can't keep up, but I've always felt that we have mutual feelings for one another.
So when we saw each other after he returned to town, he was so hyper and happy. I could tell that he missed me and he said he felt so much better (healed from the breakup with his ex) and that it was possibly the best summer of his life. He tried to put the moves on me, and with my still being confused about our communications during the summer, I was evasive and said "I don't know what I want anymore". Big mistake. I should have at least explained myself. I understood after the fact that he took this as personal rejection, which wasn't my intention. You would think that hearing him say "Okay, I won't put the moves on you anymore, but it's going to be tough because I lust after you. I'm glad we remained friends through this." might tip me off, but it took a while for me to process.
I knew that I was losing him; I could feel him shutting me out. I ran into him on the street and he could barely make eye contact with me. I feel awful about it. I don't want him to feel rejected. I like him, though I don’t always like the things he does. Why couldn’t I just tell him??
We saw each other again and I lost my nerve to talk to him (instead we bantered and made out). We left and agreed to be friends... which usually lasts until the next time we make out.
In true John Cusack movie fashion, I decided the solution might be in the form of a mix CD. I'm obsessed with music, which he knows. He's mentioned in the past that he'd like a mix from me. I put together an awesome mix full of "hey, I like you and think you're special, let's not pass this up" and "this is why I am how I am" songs, while trying to avoid the "Oh my god I love you" songs. I sent it via interoffice mail. I have no clue if he received it yet and I'm too scared to ask. I really only want to talk about it in person.
Here's the real problem - there may be a new girl on the scene. She's ENTJ. I don't know their history, but he met up with her for a day in the summer when he was near her city. She's recently moved to our area since her family is here. I've noticed conversations between them on facebook, and I'm getting very concerned that he's moved on to her, just like that. If he has, it's been very recent... in the past week maybe.
He always has female friends. I understand that he's a big flirt, but also have felt secure in that he treated me differently. This feels different; like more may be going on.
Can an ENFP just up and move on so quickly? If so, is it likely to be real, since he's had feelings for me until so recently? Is it possible he's trying to get back at me by making me jealous and still retains his feelings for me?
I feel all emotionally exposed due to the mix cd, so this timing is becoming really painful for me. I feel it's been a huge misunderstanding, but I don't know if it's too late to fix it.
ENFPs - what can I do to make it better? Should I try to talk to him, or should I let the cd speak for itself? I'll be so sad if this doesn't go anywhere; it feels so special and precious to me. I've always felt I've had time to try to fix this, but now with the other girl possibly on the scene, I feel like I need to do something quickly.
Thanks for reading.
. When the interest is expressed in a straightforward fashion, I respond honestly and openly. Based on my own experience, I do not lean towards subtlety in my own expressions of interest. If it's there, the person will know. 
