[INFJ] I made a gift for an INFJ

[Uytuun]

My INFJ friend is going abroad to study for two years. I'm not big on presents and distance isn't that much of a thing to me...but I felt like she might appreciate a token of support and I wanted to express that support...the first thing that came to my mind when people were taking about presents was to grab my Canadian novels (I izz lit major...she likes Canada a lot) and read parts of them till I found quotes that I intuitively associated with her...so I wrote the quotes down in black and red pen...some are uplifting, others not so much...but I think they are suitable and inspiring...they deal with pieces of her that are important to her. At first I was going to just give her the quotes (rolled up and tied with a ribbon yes yes), but then I realised that that was a very Fi thing to do...so I personalised it a little and added a short message at the end. Still, compared to the letters my ENFJ friend writes, this is seriously lacking in verbally expressed/direct appreciation...but I am me and I really can't see myself writing "I love you so much and cherish our many years together etc. etc."...

How would you react to my gift, INFJs? (I'm not looking for advice, I'm going to give her my gift...I'm just curious as to your reactions)

 

[hokie912]

I think it sounds like a lovely gift. Your friend will really appreciate that you put so much thought into it...or I would, anyway. And I like that you're more subtly expressing your regard if the direct route isn't you. She'll still get it.

 

[Fidelia]

It displays a lot of thought. If it was a SO, I think they would still wish you said a little more, even if they guessed how you felt. In this case, I think it would be happily received and recognized for the effort you put in to personalizing it for her.

 

[Uytuun]

Cool. I thought it was interesting to see how the Fi-Fe thing played out in such things.

 

[hokie912]

Even being Fe, I'm still a little bit reserved with expressing affection, depending on the receiver. If it's someone who's really effusive and affectionate, it's no problem for me to say, "I love you so much." But if it's someone who's more sparing and discerning, I'm more aware of that and don't want to go over the top and seem insincere or make them uncomfortable. I have to build up to expressing how I really feel.

On the flip side of that, I take note of who's giving a gift (or any display of affection) and consider what it means coming from them.

 

[cafe]

Even being Fe, I'm still a little bit reserved with expressing affection, depending on the receiver. If it's someone who's really effusive and affectionate, it's no problem for me to say, "I love you so much." But if it's someone who's more sparing and discerning, I'm more aware of that and don't want to go over the top and seem insincere or make them uncomfortable. I have to build up to expressing how I really feel.

On the flip side of that, I take note of who's giving a gift (or any display of affection) and consider what it means coming from them.

This. Calibration for personality comes into play, so I think it will work.

 

[Athenian200]

Aww, that was sweet and thoughtful. You really didn't have to go to all that trouble, though.

That sounds like something I could definitely appreciate... knowing what kind of things a person who knows me associates with me. I think she'll definitely appreciate it.

 

[Uytuun]

you put so much thought into it

It displays a lot of thought.

thoughtful

Lol.

I just can't hide it.

 

[Amargith]

Not bad at all

I want to make one suggestion. Add something she'll need where she's going, it'll really show your support for her doing this. It doesn't have to be big either

 

[SilkRoad]

I would absolutely love that (of course, it helps that I am a lover of literature!). I agree that it is so thoughtful and personal and it shows that you took the time and you really thought about something that SHE would appreciate.

 

[Skyward]

...but I am me and I really can't see myself writing "I love you so much and cherish our many years together etc. etc."...

How would you react to my gift, INFJs? (I'm not looking for advice, I'm going to give her my gift...I'm just curious as to your reactions)

That would be ranked pretty high on my 'awesomest gifts ever' list if I had one. That kind of thought about the person put into quote form would be awesome, especially since it's hand made.

Also, I wouldnt be able to stand the gushy straightforward Fe stuff. It sounds fake, overcompensating and would mar the idea of the gift, in my opinion.

Now where do I find myself an INTJ female...

 

[Oaky]

It is very nice.

 

[fill]

It really doesn't matter how great your gift looks or the material value of it- show that it was a genuine attempt to express your gratitude. She'll appreciate it (A lot more than she shows it).

 

[Requeim]

My INFJ friend is going abroad to study for two years. I'm not big on presents and distance isn't that much of a thing to me...but I felt like she might appreciate a token of support and I wanted to express that support...the first thing that came to my mind when people were taking about presents was to grab my Canadian novels (I izz lit major...she likes Canada a lot) and read parts of them till I found quotes that I intuitively associated with her...so I wrote the quotes down in black and red pen...some are uplifting, others not so much...but I think they are suitable and inspiring...they deal with pieces of her that are important to her. At first I was going to just give her the quotes (rolled up and tied with a ribbon yes yes), but then I realised that that was a very Fi thing to do...so I personalised it a little and added a short message at the end. Still, compared to the letters my ENFJ friend writes, this is seriously lacking in verbally expressed/direct appreciation...but I am me and I really can't see myself writing "I love you so much and cherish our many years together etc. etc."...

How would you react to my gift, INFJs? (I'm not looking for advice, I'm going to give her my gift...I'm just curious as to your reactions)

That sounds sooo sweet.. I would probably fall in love

 

[Uytuun]

Thanks, guys.

I'm pretty sure she liked it. I had a lot of fun making it too.

I didn't give her anything practical because we are the only N (and Ni at that) (best) friends in a group of Ss and she got plenty of that...I hadn't seen her in a while and damn...I'll miss the Ni connection. The upside is that Ni doesn't disconnect over distance that much.

 

[Requeim]

Thanks, guys.

I'm pretty sure she liked it. I had a lot of fun making it too.

I didn't give her anything practical because we are the only N (and Ni at that) (best) friends in a group of Ss and she got plenty of that...I hadn't seen her in a while and damn...I'll miss the Ni connection. The upside is that Ni doesn't disconnect over distance that much.

I miss a Ni connection :/

 

[lamp]

but then I realised that that was a very Fi thing to do...so I personalised it a little and added a short message at the end.

I am curious as to how you feel about this in hindsight. Even for tiny compromises like this, I can really go back and forth about what to do.

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

I am curious as to how you feel about this in hindsight. Even for tiny compromises like this, I can really go back and forth about what to do.

Seriously? Doing some small thing just because it would make someone happy is worth a deliberation?

 

[lamp]

Well, the message potentially devalues the gift to an extent.

 

[Uytuun]

I am curious as to how you feel about this in hindsight. Even for tiny compromises like this, I can really go back and forth about what to do.

I'm really happy with it. What I did was personalise it more (I hid a humourous children's rhyme adapted for her name and mine and her personality between the quotes - I'm generally the sillier one ) and express the implications of the gift more (my intentions with the gift and reaffirming she's a beautiful person to me..and some funny shit). I never said anything I didn't mean/feel or wasn't comfortable with...no gushing.

In the end I want to make the perfect gift (Te) for her/anyone I care about within my emotional (and practical) means (Fi). I think it's a bit easier to compromise for goal-achieving for Te+Fi than it is for Fi+Te. Shifting perspective to the other person comes very naturally to me, it's second nature (Ni+Fi)...all of a sudden the realisation was there.

Well, the message potentially devalues the gift to an extent.

I relate to that, some core feeling is lost (the unspoken poetry and power in only the quotes), but in the end I feel more satisfied when I get my message across so that the other person can recognise and enjoy it. If I were to do this for my father (also INTJ), I'd give him the quotes, no names, no nothing, just the quotes. I know he would *understand*. This was a very minor adaptation for me, though. I also like to see the value of seeing the value of other ways of being (not that you don't - it just makes me happy).