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[INFP] INFP Past demonization

NocturnalSun

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2007
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTP
I know an INFP who always hates the current situation, hates the past, and loves the future. She has changed colleges 4 times, and now has lived in 4 different states since she started college. She is 21.

She hates her job until she finds a new one... which she eventually hates. It is the same pattern with the colleges. There is always something wrong, someone oppressing, something unfair, something unbearable.

I am wondering if there is a reasonable explanation for this, especially for an INFP.
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
I am wondering if there is a reasonable explanation for this, especially for an INFP.

Sounds like me. I've changed my major like 9 times, I'm over 20, a senior in college and even though I have like 100 credits, I'm 50 credits or so from getting my undergrad degree in just about any major. It's a pretty sad situation and I only have myself to blame for it. :cry:

If she is anything like me then she probably has been looking for the "perfect fit" passion to pursue. Of course, eventually you have to just pick something and stick with it.
 

anii

homo-loving sonovagun
Joined
Jul 9, 2007
Messages
901
MBTI Type
infp
Enneagram
9
I don't really "hate" my reality, but I do feel restless and discontent... I suffer from "the grass is greener... anywhere but here" malady.
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
I know an INFP who always hates the current situation, hates the past, and loves the future. She has changed colleges 4 times, and now has lived in 4 different states since she started college. She is 21.

She hates her job until she finds a new one... which she eventually hates. It is the same pattern with the colleges. There is always something wrong, someone oppressing, something unfair, something unbearable.

I am wondering if there is a reasonable explanation for this, especially for an INFP.

Well, INFP's are particularly sensitive. Sometimes even I offend them inadvertently (and I'm an NF!). It's likely that it's her P indecisiveness, her NF idealism and romanticizing of the event, and her weak awareness of S and T consequences. She probably just needs to develop her T and J sides more so that she can make better choices, and hold realistic expectations.

I would note that she's probably a more extreme INFP, and most of the more mature ones are probably less reactionary.

Sounds like me. I've changed my major like 9 times, I'm over 20, a senior in college and even though I have like 100 credits, I'm 50 credits or so from getting my undergrad degree in just about any major. It's a pretty sad situation and I only have myself to blame for it. :cry:

If she is anything like me then she probably has been looking for the "perfect fit" passion to pursue. Of course, eventually you have to just pick something and stick with it.

You're right that you have to be diligent in life, Kiddo. This points to you being INFP as well. You could be INFJ, but your J is probably weaker than mine if that's the case.

Wow. That's terrible. 50 credits away? How many more years are you going to be in school? I mean, yikes!
 

scantilyclad

almost nekkid
Joined
Jul 31, 2007
Messages
2,106
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
this also sounds like me. If anyone finds an explanation for this, i would like to know it.

I also just get fed up with repetition.
 

Schizm

New member
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Sep 10, 2007
Messages
134
MBTI Type
INTP
Sounds like me. I've changed my major like 9 times, I'm over 20, a senior in college and even though I have like 100 credits, I'm 50 credits or so from getting my undergrad degree in just about any major. It's a pretty sad situation and I only have myself to blame for it. :cry:

If she is anything like me then she probably has been looking for the "perfect fit" passion to pursue. Of course, eventually you have to just pick something and stick with it.

I dropped out.
 

Schizm

New member
Joined
Sep 10, 2007
Messages
134
MBTI Type
INTP
INFP's have it terrible. They are like INTP's only they are emotionally distraught about the way things are. INTP's are pissed and want to change everything but they suck it up and adapt a cynical attitude. So do INFP's but I think INFP's at their worst are really in this turmoil being sucked into a negative emotional brooding hell. Correct me if I am wrong.
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
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OMNi
You're right that you have to be diligent in life, Kiddo. This points to you being INFP as well. You could be INFJ, but your J is probably weaker than mine if that's the case.

Wow. That's terrible. 50 credits away? How many more years are you going to be in school? I mean, yikes!

I do have a really weak J. :blush: Although it is definitely there. I've peeved off enough P types to know that. ;)

It isn't quite as bad as it sounds. I didn't have to pay a dime for my first 2 years of college, so I'm not suffering with too much debt. I started out as a Pre-med major and I realized that I didn't like all the chemistry and math involved. Hard sciences were never my forte. I changed it over to journalism after I became co-editor on the school paper my sophomore year. Sadly, I learned that journalists do not have souls. So I changed it over to psychology, which was a ton of fun, but then I started to worry about what I was going to do to pay for the rest of my education once I got my undergrad degree.

So once I started my Junior year I changed it to secondary education, and started studying biology with a minor in psychology. However, the secondary education program at this university is infamously bad because they ask for an excessive number of credits. And now I'm at the first semester of my senior year, taking 15 credits of biology and psychology courses and I'm about to once again change my major to the social work program. Of course that could spell doom for me too because it requires a 16 credit investment before you can even apply to the program and they are very selective. I anticipate that if I start next semester, I will finish with my BS in 2 years which would equate to 5 and a half years total of college.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
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I do have a really weak J. :blush: Although it is definitely there. I've peeved off enough P types to know that. ;)

It isn't quite as bad as it sounds. I didn't have to pay a dime for my first 2 years of college, so I'm not suffering with too much debt. I started out as a Pre-med major and I realized that I didn't like all the chemistry and math involved. Hard sciences were never my forte. I changed it over to journalism after I became co-editor on the school paper my sophomore year. Sadly, I learned that journalists do not have souls. So I changed it over to psychology, which was a ton of fun, but then I started to worry about what I was going to do to pay for the rest of my education once I got my undergrad degree.

So I once I started my Junior year I changed it to secondary education, and started studying biology with a minor in psychology. However, the secondary education program at this university is infamously bad because they ask for an excessive number of credits. And now I'm at the first semester of my senior year, taking 15 credits of biology and psychology courses and I'm about to once again change my major to the social work program. Of course that could spell doom for me too because it requires a 16 credit investment before you can even apply to the program and they are very selective. I anticipate that if I start next semester, I will finish with my BS in 2 years or after 5 and a half years of college.
Heh. Sounds like me. I've majored in Biblical Studies, History, English, Lab Tech, and dropping out. So far I have an AA in . . . wait for it! . . . General Studies.

Still have no earthly idea what I want to do when I grow up. Once the kids are mostly self-sufficient, I'll probably just start applying for low-paying jobs that don't sound horrible and see where life takes me from there.
 

ygolo

My termites win
Joined
Aug 6, 2007
Messages
5,988
Sounds like me. I've changed my major like 9 times, I'm over 20, a senior in college and even though I have like 100 credits, I'm 50 credits or so from getting my undergrad degree in just about any major. It's a pretty sad situation and I only have myself to blame for it. :cry:

If she is anything like me then she probably has been looking for the "perfect fit" passion to pursue. Of course, eventually you have to just pick something and stick with it.

What's the rush? Some soul searching may help you avoid becoming a corporate wage-slave. (Unless you are burdening relatives w/ expenses)

You know, sometimes I wish I did what you did. I actually did somewhat the opposite thing. I completed one degree, then another, and am working on a third. I am working for the same company I was working for when I was 18, and have a little cubicle maybe 100 ft. away from where I was originally placed (and its 2/3 the size). I essentially still do the same thing I was doing back then.

Its not a bad career, and I am still following my original long-term plan. But I do wonder what would have happened if I had explored a little more whenI was younger.
 

Kiddo

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Its not a bad career, and I am still following my original long-term plan. But I do wonder what would have happened if I had explored a little more when I was younger.

Well I hadn't looked at it that way before but I guess I will be able say I don't have any regrets. That actually makes me feel a lot better. Not many people get a chance to explore so many different career paths. I don't think I will ever look back and wonder, "Could I have done that?" I've satisfied my curiosity, learned a lot about myself, and now I'm ready to give it my all in whatever I choose to do. Through experience I have gotten to learn one of the most important lessons in life...

It isn't what you choose but what you put into it that really counts. ;)
 

NocturnalSun

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Aug 4, 2007
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INTP
I am surprised at the reactions. I know someone who thought she was an ISFP (she is really random, punk, and whimy... hence all the college changes).

But as for some of you, I am an INTP who has changed his major officially once, but unofficially (as in, didn't get it in their records) about 4 times. Computer science -> Information technology -> Family Studies -> Psychology -> Philosophy & Psychology double-major. So, maybe it is just the lack of J??

All the while considering German or some other linguistics.

All this indecisiveness (and being a part time student) requires 83 more credits to graduate and I am starting my fourth year. After this semester I will need 68 more... :(
 

Athenian200

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Wow... how can people be so indecisive? That's just awful. I mean, didn't you all realize you were making it harder on yourselves by changing paths? You'd have done better to stick with something than to just keep switching around. People really don't plan ahead like they used to... :1377:
 

GZA

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Aug 13, 2007
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1,771
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Sounds like me. I've changed my major like 9 times, I'm over 20, a senior in college and even though I have like 100 credits, I'm 50 credits or so from getting my undergrad degree in just about any major. It's a pretty sad situation and I only have myself to blame for it. :cry:

If she is anything like me then she probably has been looking for the "perfect fit" passion to pursue. Of course, eventually you have to just pick something and stick with it.

By the sound of it, you may also have gone to college before you were ready. I know a few people who went to college, didn't like it, wanted to do something else, and failed a lot of classes. They realized that they simply weren't ready to be self motivated like that, so they are working untill they feel they are ready to go back.

She probably has other problems...
 

Kiddo

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Wow... how can people be so indecisive? That's just awful. I mean, didn't you all realize you were making it harder on yourselves by changing paths? You'd have done better to stick with something than to just keep switching around. People really don't plan ahead like they used to... :1377:

I believe the statistic is that the average college student changes majors 4 times. I don't think it is so much a planning thing as a self exploration thing. Whatever you choose to pursue will be what you do for 40 hours a week, every week, for pretty much the rest of you life. You want to make sure you get it right. I've always had a plan, but plans change and need amendment.

By the sound of it, you may also have gone to college before you were ready. I know a few people who went to college, didn't like it, wanted to do something else, and failed a lot of classes. They realized that they simply weren't ready to be self motivated like that, so they are working untill they feel they are ready to go back.

I don't think I was ready for college. It's taken me this long to figure out who I am and what I need from life. I haven't done poorly but I haven't done anywhere near my best either. But now I'm starting to come into my own and I think I'm ready to give it my all in whatever I choose to do.
 

kelric

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Sep 8, 2007
Messages
2,169
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Wow... how can people be so indecisive? That's just awful. I mean, didn't you all realize you were making it harder on yourselves by changing paths? You'd have done better to stick with something than to just keep switching around. People really don't plan ahead like they used to... :1377:

Well, as someone who stuck with a major (well, graduate school) about 5 years longer than I should have, sometimes knowing when to call it quits and try something that can help you be happier is worth it. Had I only stuck around as an undergraduate another year before going to graduate school (most of my friends in college had another year after I left), I likely would have been in a position to make better choices later. Sticking with something's fine... if you like it. If you don't, not so much. The trick, of course, is knowing when you've given something a fair chance.
 

cafe

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Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
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Wow... how can people be so indecisive? That's just awful. I mean, didn't you all realize you were making it harder on yourselves by changing paths? You'd have done better to stick with something than to just keep switching around. People really don't plan ahead like they used to... :1377:
I wasn't really around anyone with a career growing up. I had no idea what it took to get by in life.

I knew I wanted to get married and have a family and I put a decent amount of study into what to look for in a partner and how to build and maintain a good marriage. The second guy I dated was the right one, so we got married and I've stuck with him. It was a good decision and I'm still happy with it.

I planned on having four to six kids by the time I was thirty. Had my fourth and last at 28 right on schedule. I love that we did it that way. My kids are all close enough in age to be something like friends. They will be grown before we are fifty. We will be young enough to help with and enjoy our grandchildren.

I wanted a home of our own. We got that a year ago. It's a house we can retire in, although we may have to install a wheelchair ramp eventually.

We're working toward making our retirement years as financially comfortable as possible. With the economy like it is there are no guarantees, but hopefully the political backlash will correct things enough to make it doable.

I have no problem planning ahead, being decisive, and sticking things out when it's something important to me that I feel passionate about, but a job? Meh. Not so much.
 

Athenian200

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I wasn't really around anyone with a career growing up. I had no idea what it took to get by in life.

I knew I wanted to get married and have a family and I put a decent amount of study into what to look for in a partner and how to build and maintain a good marriage. The second guy I dated was the right one, so we got married and I've stuck with him. It was a good decision and I'm still happy with it.

I planned on having four to six kids by the time I was thirty. Had my fourth and last at 28 right on schedule. I love that we did it that way. My kids are all close enough in age to be something like friends. They will be grown before we are fifty. We will be young enough to help with and enjoy our grandchildren.

I wanted a home of our own. We got that a year ago. It's a house we can retire in, although we may have to install a wheelchair ramp eventually.

We're working toward making our retirement years as financially comfortable as possible. With the economy like it is there are no guarantees, but hopefully the political backlash will correct things enough to make it doable.

I have no problem planning ahead, being decisive, and sticking things out when it's something important to me that I feel passionate about, but a job? Meh. Not so much.

I understand that... but I wasn't so much around another person who knew what it took, so much as I just wanted something a little more mental than physical. Raising children is a lot of work, and it can be fairly repetitive, stressful, and mind-numbing work. Still, It sounds like you wanted to be a typical wife, and headed straight for that goal in the best way you could. You did pretty well. You didn't take college seriously, because it was never part of what you wanted for yourself anyway, and that actually makes sense. Why work at something if it's not something you really want?

I just think if you had wanted a particular career, you would have been more motivated, and would have been more focused. So I think in your case it was a lack of motivation rather than lack of ability. In other words, I think you were intelligent and diligent enough to do well in college.
 

Mempy

Mamma said knock you out
Joined
Jul 29, 2007
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It was never a question of intelligence. Of course she could choose whatever she wanted in college and succeed at it.

I agree completely with Cafe. It's not so much that I don't have the ability or intelligence to succeed at whatever I choose as that I don't think a job is that important to overall happiness. A job is a job, and probably no job is going to be sunshine and roses. So I think it's less important that you cultivate a job than it is that you cultivate a happy homelife, friends and family, and hobbies and pastimes that you enjoy. It's the things going on outside of your job - the people you love and the things you do in your spare time - that make life worth living. So I'm not that motivated to find the perfect job or pick the perfect major. Besides, 70% of people with college degrees don't have jobs related to their major. So I figure I'll take the major that is most enjoyable for me, and see where I end up. At the end of the day, a cool job isn't my goal. My goal is to make my overall personal life enjoyable, and to have the friends and family and inner strength that support me when my career is rocky or going down the drain.

By the way, raising children takes all of your resources and is probably 90% mental, 10% physical. You see perfectly able-bodied parents in their thirties doing nothing for their kids. There's a drug king and queen living down the street from my dad who don't know how to take care of their kids; physically they could, but they don't know how, because they're not mentally or psychologically strong enough.

Raising kids... I just don't know how people do it. Kudos to you, Cafe.


Anyway, back on topic. As an INFP, I'm not like this. She sounds like she's overall unhappy with herself and her life right now. She may be striving for an ideal, like others have mentioned. Have you looked into her enneagram type, by any chance? That might provide you with a lot of valuable insight into her motivations.

I find that when I feel good, I just naturally make good decisions for myself, and that means that I can have the insight to plan, if need be, and to make tough calls (T and J). I think people may be focusing too much on MBTI theory here. People really are adaptable and can make good choices that seem to involve their "weaker" functions. For this INFP, maybe she just needs a boost of confidence and self-esteem. She seems to depend too much on outward circumstances to make her happy. I think to be happy in life you have to find something inside of you that sustains you when all else falls away, as it often does. Maybe she needs to be reminded that shit can happen and she can still be happy. In fact, shit will always be happening. She can be in pain and acknowledge it and still be happy.
 

quietmusician

New member
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Nov 29, 2008
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320
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This sounds like me. I've only changed my major once due to slight lack of interest and pressure the first time around. And I do hate the past and present, but only my past and present. I can definitely fall out of like with a situation and I am more likely to bail because of it. I'm trying to change that now.
 
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