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[Fe] Fe and how it works

Poki

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I have been really watching my wife(ENFJ) and how she interacts and I am really starting to understand Fe and what it is. Fe is the ability to drive emotions into others. If you hurt them they are experts at making you feel bad. Its like they drive feelings in you to try to make you want to do something, not always something for you, but to kinda light a fire under your ass. The things is that they go for feeling, but stop at that, there is no making it up to Fi or with Si. With my wife she goes for making me feel bad, but wont allow me to do anything to make it up, because she wants me to do what I want to do. Its like I just want you to feel this way about what you did, but I wants you to continue to do it anyway because thats what you wanted to do.

Its like they blow up because of something but wont actually put there foot down and physically take control of a situation. Hopefully this does not offend any ENFJ/INFJ types. It is just what I have seen.
 

JocktheMotie

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Nothing like a little Fe-guilt trip. Although I'm sure they say the same thing about Ti-obstinance and nitpicking.

Fortunately, my body doesn't absorb that particular wavelength of emotional appeal, so my energy level never leaves the ground state. Tee-hee.

Obviously that's not all Fe does though, I'm sure you know that...

*braces for another Fe-bashing fest*
 

Totenkindly

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... With my wife she goes for making me feel bad, but wont allow me to do anything to make it up, because she wants me to do what I want to do. Its like I just want you to feel this way about what you did, but I wants you to continue to do it anyway because thats what you wanted to do.

That's nice that she does give you the freedom to do what you want anyway. I don't think it's a bad thing for her to make you aware of the emotional impact of your choices, although obviously there's a wide variety of how one might approach that... not all positive.

Its like they blow up because of something but wont actually put there foot down and physically take control of a situation.

You've obviously never dealt with an ESFJ.

I don't think all this stuff is 100% Fe you're describing.
 

Poki

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Nothing like a little Fe-guilt trip. Although I'm sure they say the same thing about Ti-obstinance and nitpicking.

Fortunately, my body doesn't absorb that particular wavelength of emotional appeal, so my energy level never leaves the ground state. Tee-hee.

Obviously that's not all Fe does though, I'm sure you know that...

*braces for another Fe-bashing fest*

Fe drives good and bad feelings. How exactly it accomplishes that is not strictly on Fe. My wife right now is working on getting a school supply drive setup at a church. What makes it worth it is when the kids show up she knows she is helping those kids. This year it was small and we picked up most of the tab. She scoured all the sales to get things from office depot, office max, etc for really cheap. 1 cent folders, 3 back packs for $5 etc. Making 50 million trips since there are limits on how many you can buy, taking as many people as will go so she can have each one stand in line buying the max amount. When everyone is tired the night of she keeps going to make sure every backpack has everything it needs. She checks, double checks and then runs through her head several times to make sure she didnt forget anything. Fe can be a very wonderful thing. When everyone has given up and tired, Fe keeps driving.

I explained the other day how when this focus is on others she is always let down. It takes another Fe to have the drive that she puts forth and only ENFJs have this drive.

I am not trying to start another bash, thanks for pointing this out so I could mention the good.
 

Poki

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That's nice that she does give you the freedom to do what you want anyway. I don't think it's a bad thing for her to make you aware of the emotional impact of your choices, although obviously there's a wide variety of how one might approach that... not all positive.
Its kinda like stepping on my weaker Fe because she wont let me turn it around and make it better.

You've obviously never dealt with an ESFJ.

I don't think all this stuff is 100% Fe you're describing.

Maybe its the fact that I am close(my wife, lol) with the ENFJ. Its like Fe
coming from both sides good and bad.
 

Lauren Ashley

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Hmmm...can't relate to this. I guess sometimes I make others feel bad, but that's never my intention. There's also a difference in Fe dom vs. Fe aux. vs. Fe tert, etc. I see Fe as the sharing and caring about others' feelings, whether good or bad. Fe types probably care the most about how others feel about them and are treating them. So what you've discussed could certainly result from Fe, but it's not the essence of it.
 

Amargith

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So tell us the essence of it. I'd love to hear from Fe-users how they experience Fe, how they apply it, how it is part of them, what makes you use it, why do you rely on it and how, what the depth of Fe is and how you experience that depth, how it makes you as a person feel to use it etc.
 

Lauren Ashley

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So tell us the essence of it. I'd love to hear from Fe-users how they experience Fe, how they apply it, how it is part of them, what makes you use it, why do you rely on it and how, what the depth of Fe is and how you experience that depth, how it makes you as a person feel to use it etc.

I listed my interpretation of it, as I experience it and as I can tell from other Fe types I know. That interpretation could be modified by simultaneous use of the other functions. But I'm feeling a bit lazy and tired to write a full analysis of Fe :p
 

Poki

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Hmmm...can't relate to this. I guess sometimes I make others feel bad, but that's never my intention. There's also a difference in Fe dom vs. Fe aux. vs. Fe tert, etc. I see Fe as the sharing and caring about others' feelings, whether good or bad. Fe types probably care the most about how others feel about them and are treating them. So what you've discussed could certainly result from Fe, but it's not the essence of it.

So when internal feelings take over they feel like crap that they just blew up. I have had my wife get mad at me because she got onto me about something and she thought her getting onto me made her look like an ass to someone else.

We have essence and then we have reality and actual use cases. you are not Fe dom so you dont retreat to Fe to remain in control. I retreat to Ti to remain in control since its my dominant function. I am sure ENFPs retreat to Ne to remain in control.
 

Poki

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I want to keep pointing out the psoitives sides as well and how it comes out. Texas has new laws regarding school zones, boosters, etc and she takes it upon herself to call everyone she knows that these laws will affect so they dont get caught off guard.
 

JocktheMotie

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So when internal feelings take over they feel like crap that they just blew up. I have had my wife get mad at me because she got onto me about something and she thought her getting onto me made her look like an ass to someone else.

LOL!

I've been there, my friend.
 

Lauren Ashley

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We have essence and then we have reality and actual use cases. you are not Fe dom so you dont retreat to Fe to remain in control. I retreat to Ti to remain in control since its my dominant function. I am sure ENFPs retreat to Ne to remain in control.

That's why this isn't an accurate presentation of how Fe works. If it was it would be able to apply to all types with a prominent Fe, not just Fe dominants. This is more of an anecdotal account of how an Fe-dom might express his/herself when frustrated. Also, keep in mind that ExxJs are "in-charge" and "get things going" types so they are more prone to force their will under stress.
 

Domino

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Wanna wrassle, sweet thang?! *wiggles eyebrows*
 

Skyward

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To me, Fe is basically the thing that makes a person more sensitive to how their actions affect others. Thus it also learns cultural and social norms and keeps them in mind, whether or not that information is valued depends on the situation and the person.

Wanna wrassle, sweet thang?! *wiggles eyebrows*

'... Says Gertrude, the 6 foot tall, three hundred pound underground kickboxing heavyweight champion... in the MENS category.'

(Thats what I was imagining when I read that :D )
 

Amargith

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Well, that would be the standard definition, but people with Fi also do this to certain extent, hence my question.
 

BlackCat

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I like how we haven't gotten any actual answers. People agree that what has been described isn't descriptive of Fe... but we get nothing to go on.

I'm sure we're smart enough to realize what the dominant function does and all that, but you can still define what a function fundamentally does. And yes I read what you put Lauren Ashley, but that is just a bit too broad. Fe use is much more than what you described...

So... yeah. I've literally never seen an answer to this question, what Fe exactly is in MBTI terms. The threads ALWAYS get derailed, get turned into Fe bash fests, and/or turn into fluff/flirting.
 

onemoretime

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Fe's easy. You understand other people's emotional states in the context of how you would feel if you were in their position. Fe-attacks are so effective because they're essentially asking themselves "what could I say that would make me feel the most like crap right now if I were them?"
 

proteanmix

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I dunno guys, I feel like I've responded to so many of these Fe threads from a Fe-doms perspective only to get told "I do that too!" by a non-Fe user that these are almost pointless. Either Fe users use Fe in a way that is particular to them or anyone can do Fe.

OK, here's one: Going to Whole Foods Market and noticing everyone is bringing their own grocery bags.

What is NOT Fe: Using one because everyone else has one.
 

Amargith

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No..Fi asks itself how it would feel in this situation and transfers it to the other person with the right adjustements based on context and background of the person. That's like typical of Fi. So yet again, I'm still looking for an answer to those original questions I posed.
 
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