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[INFP] living in residence

whimsical

New member
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Feb 27, 2009
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351
MBTI Type
infj
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i just moved in and i am finding it quite hard to keep up with all the socialites here, any tips :(

i feel so sad for myself staying in my room, but i cant take all that interaction
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
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Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
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Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Are you really just a shy/insecure extravert? You seem to worry a lot about missing things while away from other people...I really don't think I'm missing out on anything when I'm alone. I much prefer my own company.

But anyway, you could find a healthy balance. You don't have to keep socializing when you are drained; just call it a night when you feel extraverted-out. That's usually how I do it.
 

whimsical

New member
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Feb 27, 2009
Messages
351
MBTI Type
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Are you really just a shy extravert? You seem to worry a lot about missing things while away from other people...I really don't think I'm missing out on anything when I'm alone. I much prefer my own company.

But anyway, you could find a healthy balance. You don't have to keep socializing when you are drained; just call it a night when you feel extraverted-out.

I love my own company and do prefer it except to really close friends. But I have an idealized view of how sort of a perfect uni student should be, and it includes more socializing than im ready for
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
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Aug 19, 2008
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sx/sp
I love my own company and do prefer it except to really close friends. But I have an idealized view of how sort of a perfect uni student should be, and it includes more socializing than im ready for

There's no ideal student. Those happy, outgoing people you see on the covers of catalogs and plastered on websites aren't the reality of it. There's a good mix of extraverts and introverts, so don't worry about living up to an ideal.
 

whimsical

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Feb 27, 2009
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i hate the feeling of introversion being a dying breed
 

rainoneventide

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Jun 15, 2009
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Man, I have the same exact problem. My roommate and a lot of people on my dorm's floor are very outgoing and friendly; they're like "ideal" students. As for me, I couldn't give a shit about most of the campus events and while I'm not unsociable, I enjoy, by far, being alone.

Try not to beat yourself up for not fitting in. :( But if you honestly want to become more sociable, try taking it in little steps. That's really vague advise, but yeah.
 

SciVo

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Aug 22, 2009
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244
MBTI Type
INFP
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924
How about a paradigm shift? Instead of "how can I be the perfect uni student as me," try asking, "How can I be the perfect me as a uni student?" You can't just up and change your nature by force of will to accommodate an arbitrary ideal, so the former frame would cause a constant, unresolvable tension that would be a drag on your uni performance -- not to mention your happiness and self-esteem!
 

whimsical

New member
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Feb 27, 2009
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great question i should try asking myself that one time...
 

Keps Mnemnosyne

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Aug 15, 2009
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Mm
I agree with the others on not trying to be the perfect college student. Even though the people who represent this ideal may seem to have more fun than you times most of these people are just as bored as everyone else. My more practical advice would be to have a smaller group of people to hang out with and become close friends. Not quite sure how to do that specifically as it happened to me without thought. Just hang out with people you do feel comfortable with when you want to and don't worry too much, not being social enough (in your opinion) now, can be fixed later in college.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
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9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
If you want to find some people to hang out with you're obviously looking in the wrong places. Join a club that is based around an interest of yours or talk to some people in your classes and find some common ground. It's all about finding something to talk about really... if you just throw yourself into a random social group filled with people who's vibes you dislike then nothing will happen. But like I said, just find some common ground.

Honestly I've just started college and all I have to do is start talking to people about the classes that they have, what their schedule is like, what their professors are like, what they are majoring in and why, what they do in their spare time etc. In my classes I'd find the guy or girl who looked like someone I'd want to talk to and be like "what's up?", and the conversations started from there.
 

whimsical

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
351
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
If you want to find some people to hang out with you're obviously looking in the wrong places. Join a club that is based around an interest of yours or talk to some people in your classes and find some common ground. It's all about finding something to talk about really... if you just throw yourself into a random social group filled with people who's vibes you dislike then nothing will happen. But like I said, just find some common ground.

Honestly I've just started college and all I have to do is start talking to people about the classes that they have, what their schedule is like, what their professors are like, what they are majoring in and why, what they do in their spare time etc. In my classes I'd find the guy or girl who looked like someone I'd want to talk to and be like "what's up?", and the conversations started from there.

I do this a lot, and I'm a great topic starter, very resourceful and whatnot, the problem isn't that I can't find things to talk about, it's just that it's tiring, it takes a lot out of me.
 
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