• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFP] INTJ trying to understand an ENFP's actions (PART 2)

Uytuun

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
1,633
MBTI Type
nnnn
Actually, I think "make up sex?" as a question would go down quite well with an ENFP male :).

You, my friend, are not helping the stereotypes perpetuated in this thread.

Do ENFPs even like grand gestures and like...great romantic intensity?
 

poppy

triple nerd score
Joined
May 30, 2009
Messages
2,215
MBTI Type
intj
Enneagram
5
So after all this time, and now that we're just back to amicable coworkers, I hear through the grapevine in the office that he does indeed have a gf, but it's unsure how serious the relationship is. Which means he had a gf the whole time he was going out with me and kissing me. She lives a few hours away, which I realize is why he always goes to that city once/twice a month. And this is why he never liked to call our dates "dates" claiming that word was TOO SERIOUS. Pieces finally coming together...

That's pretty low. I had an ENTP friend of mine do almost the same thing to me.

To confront or not to confront? Is it worth it at this point? How would you go about it?
Should I contact the GF to confirm if it's true?

He leaves the country on vacation in a week for a whole month, so it would be my last opportunity before he returns from his trip.

ENFP's and their DAMN GGS syndrome. Screw that...

I sort-of confronted my ENTP about his having a girlfriend, by casually asking "how's your girlfriend?", much to his surprise. Since then he's avoided me, and on the occasions we have talked it's been quite forced and listless. Confronting him is probably a good way to ensure he doesn't express interest in you again. As others have said you probably won't get an admission of guilt or any attempt to make amends from him, so if you'd be satisfied to simply air your grievances, I don't see anything wrong with bringing his behavior to his attention in whatever way you see fit.

In my experience, just trying to ignore the fact that you feel you've been wronged isn't a long term solution. Eventually it'll come up again.
 

lamp

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
Kalach, Lethe, and Uytunn make some good points, though I disagree with the potential situation of making unfixable grievances sound fixable. Tell him you have some things to say, try and talk in a more secluded place, be upset if you want to. Word things closer to 'you make me think/feel/percieve . . .' rather than 'you are . . . ' If you make him feel obligated to respond, you will get relatively poorer responses. If you want a response, do not make him feel like all you care about is getting your word out.

dont ask the make-up sex question, just surprise him 1-36 hours after the conversation for best effect

Do I care? Not for one second.
thats fine :yes:

Do ENFPs even like grand gestures and like...great romantic intensity?
yes / especially (only?) when it is personal / private

assuming he still texts / calls you, continuing to ignore him will continue to hurt him:devil:
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Kalach, Lethe, and Uytunn make some good points, though I disagree with the potential situation of making unfixable grievances sound fixable. Tell him you have some things to say, try and talk in a more secluded place, be upset if you want to. Word things closer to 'you make me think/feel/percieve . . .' rather than 'you are . . . ' If you make him feel obligated to respond, you will get relatively poorer responses. If you want a response, do not make him feel like all you care about is getting your word out.
agreed.
dont ask the make-up sex question, just surprise him 1-36 hours after the conversation
you don't even want make up sex...why is this part of the conversation...maybe i missed it.

thats fine :yes:
totally. :D

yes / especially (only?) when it is personal / private
totally..yep
assuming he still texts / calls you, continuing to ignore him will continue to hurt him

he's probably confused if he's still doing that yeah...you should tell him what's up.
 

Lethe

Obsession.
Joined
Aug 26, 2007
Messages
801
MBTI Type
iNtJ
Enneagram
152
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
though I disagree with the potential situation of making unfixable grievances sound fixable.

Fixable as in improving the current issues for the future. :) What has already happened shouldn't be overlooked. ;) If things were impossible to be improved on, I'm not sure the ENFP would be interested in trying. (Make the grievances sound reasonable.)
 

lamp

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
Unless ENFPs are really comfortable they won't open up.
I usually open up some when people get emotional, as long as their emotions are more passionate and less draining

you don't even want make up sex...why is this part of the conversation...
its not being considered as a option but I felt like addressing it

he's probably confused if he's still doing that yeah...you should tell him what's up.
If she wants to be malicious, let her. life is chaos, violence, desperate struggle
 

lamp

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
If things were impossible to be improved on, I'm not sure the ENFP would be interested in trying. (Make the grievances sound reasonable.)
I am unsure that I totally follow you but if thescientist dupes the ENFP into giving her a helpful response when she actually does not want to improve anything, and the ENFP realizes this, the whole thing will make thescientist appear less genuine.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
its not being considered as a option but I felt like addressing it
oh i see...makes sense to me then :D

If she wants to be malicious, let her. life is chaos, violence, desperate struggle
sure yeah...i think she should just be however she feels about it yeah.
 

Lethe

Obsession.
Joined
Aug 26, 2007
Messages
801
MBTI Type
iNtJ
Enneagram
152
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I am unsure that I totally follow you but if thescientist dupes the ENFP into giving her a helpful response when she actually does not want to improve anything, and the ENFP realizes this, the whole thing will make thescientist appear less genuine.

My advice is entirely up to thescientist to choose what works best for her. :) If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't bother with a confrontation if I preferred not to improve the current situation. It's fairly pointless, IMO. Most Js like things to be constructive and to the point.
 

lamp

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
I wouldn't bother with a confrontation if I preferred not to improve the current situation.
So why give the illusion that something is fixable when the confrontation already implies such a thing? hm was the 'fixing' comment only in reference to past events?:doh: . . . makes sense now.
Though, I cannot imagine fixing past events (understanding/clarifying, yes).
 

Lethe

Obsession.
Joined
Aug 26, 2007
Messages
801
MBTI Type
iNtJ
Enneagram
152
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
So why give the illusion that something is fixable when the confrontation already implies such a thing? hm was the 'fixing' comment only in reference to past events?:doh: . . . makes sense now.
Though, I cannot imagine fixing past events (understanding/clarifying, yes).

;)

Past: Non-fixable
Present: Fixable

*Note: Some people use confrontations as a "You're wrong, I'm right" blaming session. Technically, nothing is improved here.
 

BlueScreen

Fail 2.0
Joined
Nov 8, 2008
Messages
2,668
MBTI Type
YMCA
Despite other differences, I think INTJs and ENFPs might think along similar lines on these things. We both have Te and Fi as our judging functions. Just one of us works from introverted perceiving and the other from extroverted. It sounds strange, but as an ENFP, seeing Te or Fi normally gives me comfort.
 
Top