[MBTI General] Too much of an introvert

[whimsical]

Does anyone else feel like they are often too much of an introvert, for example, I get invited to parties but I am usually not up for them unless I know a lot of people that are going; I'm not very into dancing up front with random people I do not know, I'd much rather prefer to meet people in a more formal setting such as a workplace or at school, preferably one-on-one and not a whole group of people either. I don't know what it is but most of the time I just feel like being by myself. Would you say this is a bad thing?

 

[simulatedworld]

No, it's not bad, per se; that's pretty normal for introverts, but it might indicate that you could use some work on exercising the auxiliary function (Fe for you.)

Try studying ENFJs and see what you can pick up from their approach.

 

[whimsical]

I actually do not have any problem talking and conversing and being social with people, and I believe my Fe is quite developed, I just prefer being on my own. At least until school starts back up.

 

[simulatedworld]

^ Well, no, there's nothing wrong with that.

Out of curiosity, what is it about being around others that bothers you?

 

[Phantonym]

I can relate to this. I do feel that I'm too much of an introvert and I think I'm missing out on so many things. For the past year I've practically been like a hermit. And it's worked out for me and helped me sort some things out. But I feel that it's not very healthy to be like that all the time even if I do enjoy it.

It's not a bad thing if you don't take it to an extreme and deliberately try to close yourself off from the rest of the world.

 

[simulatedworld]

Learning to fake extroversion is usually pretty helpful for a number of reasons, if you're naturally introverted. Extreme introversion will often result in missing a lot of opportunities that you'd never even know existed.

 

[whimsical]

^ Well, no, there's nothing wrong with that.

Out of curiosity, what is it about being around others that bothers you?

It's complicated. I just feel like it takes me a long time to get to know people and of course for them to get to know me since I am so reserved. I am not the type of person who will open up immediately, instead, it takes a lot of time and patience and even effort to get to know me and for me to be comfortable enough to share my inner self with the people I have just met. It takes a lot out of me trying to express myself in a way that is true to myself to a person I barely know. I have to know a person in depth to truly be able to communicate with them. Often I just prefer thinking by myself of ideas and things and issues with me and the world and people, formulating my own perspectives. I do it on my own, I don't require other people, although when the time is right, I may seek some guidance in forming these perspectives by gathering the opinions of others.

 

[simulatedworld]

^ That would indicate underdeveloped Fe, sad to say.

Everything you're describing about the way you prefer to operate is Ni, and spending so much time on it is the reason you appear introverted (not the other way around.) The problem is that you're trying to use Ni to govern your outer world as well as your inner, and that never works.

Unfortunately Ni can't really interact properly with the outer world, being an introverted function, so if you want to learn to do that you're going to have to harness your feeling side when it comes to external world interactions. Practice, practice, practice...

 

[whimsical]

What about it would you say indicates underdeveloped fe?

 

[Phantonym]

You're like my long lost twin, whimsical.

 

[simulatedworld]

What about it would you say indicates underdeveloped fe?

You need functional background here to see why.

Introversion and extroversion are not actually personality functions themselves; they're directional attitudes of functions S/N/T/F.

Basically, Jung says that each person has two sides to him:

1) A decisive and organizational Judging function T or F, and
2) A flexible, open and adaptable Perceiving function S or N.

Also, one of these two will be used to govern the outer world of interactions with other people and ideas and things, and the other will be pointed inward to govern the private inner monologue and your own ideas.

P types point the organizing drive inward; that is, they appear outwardly flexible and spontaneous because they keep the Judging process inward and more private.

J types point the organizing drive outward, preferring to show the world their decisive and scheduled side in most cases. The more flexible attitude is kept inwardly private and not often shown to the outer world.

If you want to be a balanced and healthy person, you need to learn to exercise both of these two processes in equal proportions. (For you as an INFJ this would be dominant Ni and secondary Fe.)

As an INFJ you place more emphasis on your Ni than your Fe, but what you should aim to do is to become xNFJ over time. Truly balanced people appear neither introverted nor extroverted in the long run because they have good command of both of these functions and know which works best in which situations.

Fe is in itself the ability to open up and use the emotions of others to respond properly and develop strong social rapport with people according to cultural and ethical community standards. The fact that this process is so slow and difficult for you indicates overdependence upon Ni and a comparative lack of development of Fe.

 

[whimsical]

Lol it's not that slow of a process, though it can be in some places like parties where there are large groups of people and not enough time to get to know people one-on-one or even interact besides dancing.

In more formal settings I am pretty excellent in talking with people and reading their emotions and formulating my responses based on those emotions. They can tell.

 

[simulatedworld]

Lol it's not that slow of a process, though it can be in some places like parties where there are large groups of people and not enough time to get to know people one-on-one or even interact besides dancing.

In more formal settings I am pretty excellent in talking with people and reading their emotions and formulating my responses based on those emotions. They can tell.

Well, you're the one who started a thread about being "too introverted."

Clearly I know nothing about you personally except what you've told me, so it doesn't really help you to convince me.

But if you are truly an exceedingly introverted INFJ, my advice should apply. If you're not, then it doesn't matter and there was no reason to start this thread in the first place.

 

[Lux]

^ That makes so much sense to me, thanks. I can identify with Whimsical about being an introverted introvert. I also agree that maybe my Fe does need work. It works well if I feel like utilizing it but it's harder to push myself in an uncomfortable (new) social situation.

 

[whimsical]

^ That makes so much sense to me, thanks. I can identify with Whimsical about being an introverted introvert. I also agree that maybe my Fe does need work. It works well if I feel like utilizing it but it's harder to push myself in an uncomfortable (new) social situation.

that's exactly it

 

[simulatedworld]

^ Yup, that's the definition of underdevelopment of Fe/overemphasis on Ni.

 

[Snow Turtle]

There's nothing wrong with being introverted if it's a case of just not wanting to be around people. In fact I'd think of that as ambiversion.

PS. I disagree on the idea that overemphasis on Ni means underdeveloped Fe. There's no reason that a person can't have have both developed function and still prefer one. Now if we're discussing underdeveloped individual, that's a different matter and it's sort of subjective really...

 

[Coeur]

Interacting as an introvert isn't bad, as long as you're still interacting with people.

 

[TickTock]

This is interesting. Not to take any emphasis from the OP, is there anything on developing Ne? Did a quick search and couldn't find anything.

 

[simulatedworld]

There's nothing wrong with being introverted if it's a case of just not wanting to be around people. In fact I'd think of that as ambiversion.

PS. I disagree on the idea that overemphasis on Ni means underdeveloped Fe. There's no reason that a person can't have have both developed function and still prefer one. Now if we're discussing underdeveloped individual, that's a different matter and it's sort of subjective really...

Well obviously; there's a difference between preferred functions and strongest functions.

A natural INFJ will always prefer Ni, but should strive to balance it with Fe in order to achieve the best results.

This is interesting. Not to take any emphasis from the OP, is there anything on developing Ne? Did a quick search and couldn't find anything.

Allow yourself to indulge more random thought patterns and trains. Verbalize them out loud to others before they are completed products! For INPs especially, Fi/Ti won't let the person release thoughts from his mouth until it's had time to double check for consistency--unfortunately this leaves you missing a lot of opportunities for great conversation, jokes, ideas, etc. that can gain you a lot of advantage in the right situations, because you're so focused on internal consistency.

Basically, if you want to improve Ne, learn to accept and embrace failure as a means of learning. You must stop being afraid to be wrong.