[NF] NFP's: SO+ children

[Scott N Denver]

So once again I had some thoughts on my mind, and once again they relate to SO's and/or children. [For those who are keeping track, yes this has been on my mind a lot lately].

So I am curious fellow NFP's, where did you meet your SO? Also, for those of you who have children, did you always know that you wanted to, or knew once you met your SO, or knew once it happened, or something else? Expressed differently, when did you know that you wanted to have children?



Potentially-boring stuff about me, read at risk of your own boredom:
And since I like to answer questions myself that I ask of others, I don't have an SO nor do I have any children. Fwiw, growing up I always thought I "wouldn't be in the world" by the time I was 30 either cuz a) I would have fought in and died in some war [I did grow up wanting to be an Army Ranger and then SF/green beret, such stereotypical INFP callings right? ] or b) I would have "left the world" to go live in some buddhist monastery in Asia somewhere. One of the biggest lessons of my life ~10 years ago was that I don't actually need to do that. But I still dream sometimes! :rolli:

 

[metaphours]

?

 

[Charmed Justice]

Where did I meet S/O: Online
Children: I always wanted children. I used to want about 7. Then I wanted 5, until we fostered a relative(who is still like our own) for some years. Then, when we had our biological child, I decided I wanted three, until he turned three, and then I decided.....I'll settle for one.

 

[ericajoy]

Where did I meet S/O: We met in college. We were friends first. We got married 3 years ago.
Children: starting in my mid-20s I wanted children, but it didn't coincide with meeting my s/o. I don't remember through my sleep deprivation haze why I decided I wanted children.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Yes Scott, children are a preoccupation for you lately.

Some smart girl needs to snap you up. I am sure you will be a very loving and nurturing father.

I met my hubs in university and got engaged shortly thereafter. We started a family a little sooner than planned ie my son was a surprise but my daughter - I WANTED to get pregnant again. Pure raging biological urge there. Because I was in my mid-twenties and now married with two kids, there wasn't much contemplation on the topic. We were already there.

 

[runvardh]

I'm alone right now, but I've met the ones I had through many different methods: friends, interests, online, friend of relative, classmate... Actually, the only one missing is bar pickup, and I'm not really enthused to try that.

The idea of kids was an inevitability in the back of my mind for years; though it has turned into more of a want, recently. I figure three should be enough, though I'd be happy with just one. It's really going to depend on how enthused or unenthused the woman is going to be if and when I find her.

 

[Amargith]

I met mine online, 11 years ago. I've always said I didn't want children as I have no connection with them, though my bioclock has been activated of late, and I'm less nervous around kids. So who knows (god help me). So far though, the plan is still to skip that step

 

[stigmatica]

Met my SO junior year in HS. We dated once, and never talked again until years later when she wrote me a letter out of the blue. I was in the military at the time, stationed in Ft. Benning, GA. Started pen paling via letters (pre-net age) and making the 10 hour round trip drive to visit as many weekends as I could. When I exited the military, we were married shortly after. Will have been married for 15 years next month.

Kids? I have two. Did I know I wanted them as a teenager? Yes.

 

[sculpting]

For those of you seeking children I know of two good ones up for grabs:

1) An awesome, only slightly messy, pimply, stinky ENFP teenage boy. Showers occasionally. Looks alright and actually tried to vacuum the otherday. Comes free with xbox 360 and cat and seven skateboards in varying states of disrepair.

2) vomiting toddler. OCD IXTJ who has issues not wearing pants and the shoes with the green laces. IT MUST BE THE GREEN LACES. Likes to play outdoors, loves to mop, unload the dishwasher, set the table, scrub the floors, and anything else which requires strict following of preset ritualistic order. (green laces) Also into household pet domination, domination of total strangers and elimination of teenage siblings. Likes dora the explorer. Comes with one month supply of toiletries.

Both are free with if you cover shipping costs. No refunds or returns.

 

[Scott N Denver]

Yes Scott, children are a preoccupation for you lately.

Some smart girl needs to snap you up. I am sure you will be a very loving and nurturing father.

I know... Updating to current life situations and looking forward to the future. Having spent [or if you prefer: lost] so many years in grad school, I feel like I am younger than my actual age and I'm trying to play catch up if you will.

Women of Denver/Boulder, Hawaii, New Zealand, or wherever else I may end up, pay attention to Peacebaby's advice

You know, I actually enjoy housecleaning "in reasonable doses", maybe I should put that on my online dating profiles...you know, when I get back to those, someday...

I met mine online, 11 years ago. I've always said I didn't want children as I have no connection with them, though my bioclock has been activated of late, and I'm less nervous around kids. So who knows (god help me). So far though, the plan is still to skip that step

I've never had any "desires" that I know of to have children, well almost never I guess just occasional daydreaming, but I feel like age will "ware me down" on this issue and or meeting future SO will all of the sudden provide the context I've never had. Time changes many things, who is to say what the future may hold.

Met my SO junior year in HS. We dated once, and never talked again until years later when she wrote me a letter out of the blue. I was in the military at the time, stationed in Ft. Benning, GA. Started pen paling via letters (pre-net age) and making the 10 hour round trip drive to visit as many weekends as I could. When I exited the military, we were married shortly after. Will have been married for 15 years next month.

Kids? I have two. Did I know I wanted them as a teenager? Yes.

Ooh, another NFP who spent time in the military, I will have to ask you about this. Ft. Benning, were you infantry I assume?

For those of you seeking children I know of two good ones up for grabs:

1) An awesome, only slightly messy, pimply, stinky ENFP teenage boy. Showers occasionally. Looks alright and actually tried to vacuum the otherday. Comes free with xbox 360 and cat and seven skateboards in varying states of disrepair.

2) vomiting toddler. OCD IXTJ who has issues not wearing pants and the shoes with the green laces. IT MUST BE THE GREEN LACES. Likes to play outdoors, loves to mop, unload the dishwasher, set the table, scrub the floors, and anything else which requires strict following of preset ritualistic order. (green laces) Also into household pet domination, domination of total strangers and elimination of teenage siblings. Likes dora the explorer. Comes with one month supply of toiletries.

Both are free with if you cover shipping costs. No refunds or returns.

Hey!!! NO trying to sell off your own kids!



So I went to one of my favorite malls today, the one where when I go there I'm usually like "Hey, these parents seem interested in and involved with their kids, maybe I could do the kids thing someday", as opposed to say another mall where 100% of the time I go there I see kids of uninvolved parents and my thought is "little monsters!!!" But alas, I didnt get any "maybe I will have kids someday???" vibes this time. More than anything it was a "hmmm, remind me again WHY I would want to do this???"

I feel like I totally have the nurturing thing going on, and basically always have, its all the other stuff that concerns me. Expectations, time requirements, practical details [shopping, money, toys, diapers], what if your kids are really loud and demanding, becoming a personal shuttling service, fits and temper tantrums, etc.

But I've still got plenty of time, so maybe when I'm more like in my mid or late 30's??? Maybe I just need to give adequate time/expression to my inner buddhist/taoist monk self first and then I'll be ready???

Anyways, thanks for the inputs and keep it coming.



addition: I don't know about other NFP's, but for me, I feel like I need to calm back down a lot and get more of my patience back. I've been through some pretty "intense" experiences in my past, and have done some pretty crazy "stuff" [for those who are good at reading between the lines, yes I was going to pick a different word there] as well. Have other NFP's either needed to find their "teddy bear" self before having kids, or as in my case reconnect with their "teddy bear" self?

 

[sculpting]

I was trying to give them away! I was being generous and sharing with others...

Scott you sound very sweet. My kids sort of happened to me, rather than being planned, but for a woman, hormones take over. Even my thinker friends, this happens to. The intensity of the emotions will of course vary and when they kick in will vary-some during pregnancy, some a month after birth. However most guys do something similiar-usually shortly after birth. My ISTP was crying after both of our sons were born.

But eventually, you form an attachment to the little guys, good and bad. At first it seems like you have no time at all to do anything-however once you adapt, relax some standards, get used to the chaos, you find you do okay.

(For instance in order to find the ten minutes to type here, I gave the toddler a waterhose, dogfood, and dishes-he is drenched, covered in dog food, and "cooking")

Expect the first six months of having kids to be sort of shit-like. Then once you adapt, when they are not around, it juust feels odd-what do normal people do with all this extra time?

Daycare is the most expensive thing. Everything else can be managed pricewise if you are not picky.

The biggest thing-you spend many years searching for the ideal mate-they must be great in all these amazing ways. In reality you can divorce them if things work out and never see each other again.

With kids-once you have them, you are stuck to them forever. And you dont get to pick them either. I dunno what I would have done if I had given birth to an ESTJ son or an ESFP daughter. Love them, yes, but be able to support them with what they need to be happy? I dunno.. Just be prepared to be suprised.

 

[Charmed Justice]

With kids-once you have them, you are stuck to them forever. And you dont get to pick them either. I dunno what I would have done if I had given birth to an ESTJ son or an ESFP daughter. Love them, yes, but be able to support them with what they need to be happy? I dunno.. Just be prepared to be suprised.

Isn't that the truth. And they don't get to pick us. I always keep this in mind when I do things my kiddo doesn't like. I am pretty positive my little one is an ENFJ, so I'm guessing we'll do quite alright in the communication department.

 

[PeaceBaby]

I dunno what I would have done if I had given birth to an ESTJ son or an ESFP daughter. Love them, yes, but be able to support them with what they need to be happy? I dunno.. Just be prepared to be suprised.

Indeed!

Mine are ESFP son (20) and INTJ daughter (18). With me an INFP, and hubs an ESTJ, you could say that we have a pretty interesting household.

ESFP son (spontaneous do-work-later boy) drives the INTJ daughter (plan 7 years into the future girl) nuts, not to mention my husband too. Right now son is vacuuming though, so he's in everyone's "good books" at the moment! LOL

And I am the peace-maker, or at least the one who likes peace, so spend much time mediating between all the diverse needs and wants in the family.

 

[Scott N Denver]

So I'm still on cloud 9

So I was up in Boulder earlier today. For those who may not know, Boulder is our hippie/environmental/yuppie/super-liberal town, which people describe as "52 square miles surrounded by reality" "the grand republic of Boulder" and whatever else. Think like San Francisco, Berkeley, Greenwich Village kinda place. Anyways, I'm convinced there is an above average concentration of NFP's there. Usually when I go there I can spot a number of NFP hippie/earthy women, sometimes more than others. So I was walking around one of the grocery stores, and there were tons of hippie/earthy women there! I was all like "I could potentially have babies with someone like you someday" and "I could potentially have babies with someone like you someday" and "I could potentially have babies with someone like you someday" and... :rolli:

A little backstory: at my undergrad I was anti-attracted to probably 99.5% of the women there. To me it felt like being back in the 1950's. To quote our schools newspaper, "The typical UD woman is more domesticated than your average housepet"!!! Having just left being around the military where women were mens equal, and many of them could totally kick your ass, it was really hard to be in like this 1950's poofy women-as-poodles or whatever environment. But alas no longer!

Also, I don't think about very often cuz it was a while ago but I did think about it today, the closest I ever came to dying was near Boulder. I was a passenger in a vehicle that got hit by another out of control vehicle. I'm strongly convinced that if my seatbelt didn't have that shoulder strap on it then there would have been "Scott's brain kool-aid" all over the broken windshield.

So anyways, today I was all like "Yes yes, perhaps there will be little scotts or scottetes someday..." that and "I could potentially have babies with someone like you someday, or you, or you..." So yes, women that I am actually attracted to, Colorado has them! And thats a lot of progress from where I came from. Now I just need to meet more of them...

"Hi, I'm Scott. Have I mentioned yet that I was housecleaning earlier today and found it enjoyable?" That should line the women up to throw themselves at me right? A man that enjoys housecleaning, those are apparently pretty rare!

Ahh Boulder and cloud nine

 

[PeaceBaby]

Now, take it from the dream to reality. Did you feel drawn to one person in particular you saw? Did you make eye contact? Perhaps you could even ... speak ... to one of these NFP gals ... !

This will sound funny likely, but my favorite saying these days is: "In order to start, you have to start!"

Looking forward to your next steps, lovey dreamer man! ...

 

[Scott N Denver]

Now, take it from the dream to reality. Did you feel drawn to one person in particular you saw? Did you make eye contact? Perhaps you could even ... speak ... to one of these NFP gals ... !

This will sound funny likely, but my favorite saying these days is: "In order to start, you have to start!"

Looking forward to your next steps, lovey dreamer man! ...

TALK to people I don't know at the supermarket!?!?!? Please Peacebaby, I am way too polite/gentlemanly/quiet/etc to do that! Darn me! Mostly I am trying to open myself to the possibility that there are women out there I am attracted to, would do well with, and maybe could enjoy having kids with someday. Just THAT possibility is a great re-opening for me.

Supermarkets aren't like say spiritual groups or volunteering where you know you already have something in common and can just be like "Hi, I'm Scott"

Also, 1) I don't live in Boulder, yet, and 2) many of these people are like college age, I've been out of college for a while now...

I think of stuff like this as "laying the foundation" or "doing the groundwork". But every days is one more day that passes by, and time stops for no one

 

[PeaceBaby]

Then that is a step, and that's wonderful. You keep on taking them, k?

 

[alcea rosea]

So I am curious fellow NFP's, where did you meet your SO?
Lol, at a very romantic setting: in a bar! I was about 18-19 years old and he was a few years older than me. My knight in the not so shining armour.

Expressed differently, when did you know that you wanted to have children?
I have always wanted children. I have always known for somehow, that I'll have some.

Also, for those of you who have children, did you always know that you wanted to, or knew once you met your SO, or knew once it happened, or something else?
When I met my SO, I had the strangest intuition that he would be a good father. I never had that feeling with anybody before. And so he is, an excellent father.

 

[Alchemiss]

...

So I am curious fellow NFP's, where did you meet your SO? Also, for those of you who have children, did you always know that you wanted to, or knew once you met your SO, or knew once it happened, or something else? Expressed differently, when did you know that you wanted to have children?

...

I met my husband when I interviewed for my present job. I went back and told my officemate, "Crap, I'm attracted to him!" and in the next breath, "But I'm a professional and I can handle it". I handled it all right.

We don't have children and it's too late now. I spent a lot of years in graduate school and then it took a while to meet Mr. Alchemiss and then I wanted the marriage to be on solid ground and by the time we tried to have children (being pregnant sort of seemed like being possessed by an alien for me for a while and I didn't have the biological clock thing going on that strongly), it was too late. I'm pretty much okay with the no kids thing. I definitely love being able to focus on what I want and need because I'd probably be excessively child-centric otherwise.

Best of luck with your, ahem, pursuits.