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[INFP] Male INFPs = Nice Guy/Average Frustrated Chump

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Udog's the man! Listen to him! Seriously though, I have very much observed this business of not enough expression of interest or being apprised of the raging passionate depths of his love. It comes off as someone just really wanting a girlfriend, but not specifically wanting me. I think too that because many INFP men are shy, and are also romantics, they tend to worry about being too aggressive (which they rarely are) or else they don't see the connection between developing skills with other people (eg starting conversations, getting to know someone well) that the target of romantic interest. They fail to see that when you have some practice in developing many kinds of connections and overcoming shyness, then when you meet the girl of your dreams you are much more likely to be successful! Confidence is very attractive!
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
<removed incorrect statements re: Udog> Seriously though, I have very much observed this business of not enough expression of interest or being apprised of the raging passionate depths of his love. It comes off as someone just really wanting a girlfriend, but not specifically wanting me.

:yes:

It's a weird thing I had noticed between myself and the INFPs over at INFPgc. They think that telling a girl that you are interested in them, in a flattering but direct manner, is some sort of terrible sin. So they either say nothing or wait until the dam bursts and tell her everything.

I think there's a bit of Fi involved here. With me, I felt like going down a romantic path with a girl I wasn't fully in love with was some sort of violation of my Fi romantic ideals. So I would slowly develop deep romantic feelings for her, and when I was finally smitten enough to "tell her how I feel", I had way too much invested.

I was almost in love with a girl that hadn't had a chance to really view me in a romantic light, and that never turned out well.
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
:yes:

It's a weird thing I had noticed between myself and the INFPs over at INFPgc. They think that telling a girl that you are interested in them, in a flattering but direct manner, is some sort of terrible sin. So they either say nothing or wait until the dam bursts and tell her everything.

I think there's a bit of Fi involved here. With me, I felt like going down a romantic path with a girl I wasn't fully in love with was some sort of violation of my Fi romantic ideals. So I would slowly develop deep romantic feelings for her, and when I was finally smitten enough to "tell her how I feel", I had way too much invested.

I was almost in love with a girl that hadn't had a chance to really view me in a romantic light, and that never turned out well.

Wow, this sounds similar to some (most) of my past experiences! :doh: And your right, it NEVER turned out well.
 

MacGuffin

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
10,710
MBTI Type
xkcd
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
INFP men are about as bad off as INTJ women.
 

Nonsensical

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
4,006
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
Sadly enough, I an interning under an INTJ women.
[shivers]
 

Scott N Denver

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2009
Messages
2,898
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
This is one reason why we are a good match. :)

Speak for yourself. I've personally never generally thought it's a good match [though of course there are SOME people for whom the match does work out well of course].
 

whimsical

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
351
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
IMO infps are very nice people but they often come across as people who can get or already do get stepped on a lot. like someone said when they find intimacy, the find they have very much of it to give to whoever the receiver may be. and this is a general strength of theirs with people, id say they actually have a great edge in relationships due to how well they can sometimes get so intimate with a few special people and really get to know them deep down inside.

you really just need to learn how to control the niceness you let out. like infps should have no problem fitting the gentleman image, in some cases you may even be good enough to make it look mysterious, if you have the type of confidence required to pull it off.
 

GZA

Resident Snot-Nose
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
1,771
MBTI Type
infp
You can be as frustrated as you want... I think the whole process is counter intuitive, and what looks weak has many benefits. Perhaps we cant pick up a random chick at a bar, but as others have said, we are predisposed to forging more lasting friendships and relationships, and that obviously has benefits, especially long term, while picking up chicks randomly is purely short term. Being frustrated is counter productive because in this case it is dismissing yourself because of your lack of ability in a context you may not naturally be interested in anyway. By that I mean your typical INFP doesn't want to do pick up, they want to score a good relationship, which is a different process.

I also take issue with acknowledging the PUA terminology and therefor that whole sub culture in general. I've read some of the stuff, and although there are some good tips and a few insights, they are all buried under very pathetic sounding people who seem to create images for themselves without really sorting out their shit. And that is strongly against how INFP's would theoretically want to live and act. The PUA shit only really works on dumb chicks or chicks who are just straight up horny anyway.
 

Requeim

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
473
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
i think this is more of an INFx thing, i could fit that description as well
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I find that the "typical nice guy" often equals passive jerk, and they usually possess thinly veiled misogynist views. Doing stuff like becoming a girl's friend to weasel your way into her heart (or bed) is manipulative. Pouring strong emotions onto an unsuspecting woman is overwhelming. That doesn't make you nice. Being reserved and easily embarrassed doesn't make you nice. I just wish these guys would drop the "nice" moniker and realize that their real problem is passiveness and poor social skills. Women don't like jerks, they like guys who aren't clingy and whiny.

My advice is to take more action and initiative, don't over fantasize and over-think it, get to know the person without the pressure of some love confession, put dating in perspective (it's not a judgment on your soul if you get rejected), don't be a downer, and view and talk to women as people (not goddesses on a pedestal or objects or goals).


Heartless Bitches International - Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

Heartless Bitches International - 'NiceGuy', 'Asshole' - Different Sides of the Same Coin
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I find that the "typical nice guy" often equals passive jerk, and they usually possess thinly veiled misogynist views. Doing stuff like becoming a girl's friend to weasel your way into her heart (or bed) is manipulative. Pouring strong emotions onto an unsuspecting woman is overwhelming. That doesn't make you nice. Being reserved and easily embarrassed doesn't make you nice. I just wish these guys would drop the "nice" moniker and realize that their real problem is passiveness and poor social skills. Women don't like jerks, they like guys who aren't clingy and whiny.

My advice is to take more action and initiative, don't over fantasize and over-think it, get to know the person without the pressure of some love confession, put dating in perspective (it's not a judgment on your soul if you get rejected), don't be a downer, and view and talk to women as people (not goddesses on a pedestal or objects or goals).


Heartless Bitches International - Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

Heartless Bitches International - 'NiceGuy', 'Asshole' - Different Sides of the Same Coin
+100000

Also, I think it's quite silly to use your type as an excuse. INFP male does not equal AFC. It's about the attitude toward life that that makes the biggest difference. Majority of the INFPs I know including 2 male INFPs are in LTR or married. The male INFPs just went for it, took risks, and exuded confidence. Even the most jaded INFP I know is in a happy relationship of 5 years.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
I find that the "typical nice guy" often equals passive jerk, and they usually possess thinly veiled misogynist views. Doing stuff like becoming a girl's friend to weasel your way into her heart (or bed) is manipulative. Pouring strong emotions onto an unsuspecting woman is overwhelming. That doesn't make you nice. Being reserved and easily embarrassed doesn't make you nice. I just wish these guys would drop the "nice" moniker and realize that their real problem is passiveness and poor social skills. Women don't like jerks, they like guys who aren't clingy and whiny.

My advice is to take more action and initiative, don't over fantasize and over-think it, get to know the person without the pressure of some love confession, put dating in perspective (it's not a judgment on your soul if you get rejected), don't be a downer, and view and talk to women as people (not goddesses on a pedestal or objects or goals).


Heartless Bitches International - Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS

Heartless Bitches International - 'NiceGuy', 'Asshole' - Different Sides of the Same Coin

Daaaaaaaamn calling people out!

OrangeAppley - can you start a thread in Bonfire or Relationships on this? I would love to hear what people say. There is already a thread on 'nice guys' but if you make the topic more specific like you did in your post, I promise not to merge the threads. :)
 
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