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  1. #1
    Junior Member NorthernSky's Avatar
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    Aug 2009

    Default Feeling disappointment/let down

    I feel I get very disappointed easily and hurt a lot. I know that kind of goes with the territory. I have this inner conflict where I understand that people have their own lives and problems and that I also am super sensitive so I should just chalk some things up to that. But then I also feel like with some people I've let them know that they've hurt me and yet continue to repeat the same hurtful behavior patterns should not just get away with. Anytime I get hurt, the pain is dulled with time and I'm able to enjoy the person's company again, but I don't forget it about it.

    An example of this happened today. My brother had been telling me he was coming from NH to VT to visit me all week. Then about an hour ago he decided he was too tired (from partying & drinking w/ his friends all week long) to come. He's done this before and it's very frustrating for me. I know on the one hand he's a college sophomore, and I can remember what that was like (as I was one myself not so long ago). But on the other hand, I definitely did not/have not perpetually blow him off for parties during that time or ever.
    Last time he did something like this, I made it clear that I was upset, but this time, there's a part of me that feels he does not even deserve that from me. Part of me, a very immature part, just wants to break all contact with (I will not actually do this) so that he may feel some of the pain that he's caused me.

    I will probably do what I usually do and fume about and quietly ache for a bit, while the storm inside me eventually blows over. I feel I am being a bit mellowdramatic, but I can't seem to help. What would other NFs do in this situation?

  2. #2
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Sep 2007


    Hey NorthernSky...
    (Welcome to the forum.)
    I'm sorry about your disappointment.

  3. #3


    Believe me, I can relate to what you said very much

    I guess it depends on the severity of the situation. I usually shut people off for a while in these situations and I keep analyzing what happened quietly in my mind until I'm ready to confront them or let it go. I don't hold a grudge or plot any vengeance but there's definitely something broken and that cannot be forgotten. I keep on interacting with them but there's sort of a barrier between me and them from now on, at least for a while until I can trust them to come closer to me again. But if it keeps on happening after I've confronted them, I sure am going to voice my thoughts.

    If I were in your situation, I think I'd tell him straight up and be even more assertive than the last time. Giving him the silent treatment will not change anything, things have to be clear that this is a serious thing, not some little insignificant annoyance or a whim.

  4. #4
    Member LavaLucy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008


    Very yes I get upset when someone breaks an engagement that I was really looking forward to.
    It was fine if they weren't going to see me at all but when they say they will (especially when it's their suggestion) and then leave me waiting or cancel at the last's disappointing. I used to get pretty angry sometimes. These days if it is a person who I know is a flibbity gibbit and likes to change plans all the time I will make a big effort to TRY not to look forward to seeing them so much and then I won't be so dissapointed. I know that people don't have the same expectations (high) of keepin to seeing me. I can't imagine why
    On the other hand, like you preparing for a whole week of someone, maybe you had bought food, cleaned up or really made an effort for his stay? I might say to myself beforehand, well you know that person doesn't expect you to do all this for them- I still do it! I can't help myself. And then I would get angry when they don't show ...
    It is next to impossible to change another person and you know what, your brother is probably going to do this again at some point. And the most productive thing for your sanity would be to learn to accept this to some degree and try not to get as upset. I would tell him that you are dissapointed but I know what you mean, there is nothing to do with the anger.

  5. #5
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    6w7 sx/sp
    IEI Ni


    This is exactly why I stopped planning.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

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