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[ENFP] ENFP's and flirting

INTP

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As long as everyone is clear on where you stand, why wouldn't you use it?

Not everyone know where you stand if you dont clearly say it. And when you flirt with someone who doesent know why you flirt, he will think that its because your intrested on him romantically, because thats what most people usually do.

You cant be 100% sure that other guy knows what your up to, unless you allready know him really well or you tell him why you flirt and what does it mean and what does it not mean.
 

Amargith

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BC, I totally hear ya, but it's something that an ENFP has to become aware of. And it takes time, to realize this isn't the way it works for everyone, and that not everyone sees the world the way they do :)

The same goes for the other types, I'd say. It takes an ENTP time to realize that not everyone loves being pushed around and be insulted as a joke. It takes an ENTJ time to realize that not everyone can just assert themselves that way and that those who have a different way of going about shit aren't necessarily pussies, etc etc.
 

Keps Mnemnosyne

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Okay I see your point INTP and I would agree with it. I just don't understand the original argument of 'it's not possible to be friends with the opposite gender without sexual tension' that is still bothering me.
 

INTP

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I just don't understand the original argument of 'it's not possible to be friends with the opposite gender without sexual tension' that is still bothering me.

I dont understand what the hell are you talking about :D
 

Amargith

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Not everyone know where you stand if you dont clearly say it. And when you flirt with someone who doesent know why you flirt, he will think that its because your intrested on him romantically, because thats what most people usually do.

You cant be 100% sure that other guy knows what your up to, unless you allready know him really well or you tell him why you flirt and what does it mean and what does it not mean.

I learned to do just that, and repeat it throughout if needed :)
 

Lady_X

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Mr. Time they are using logic, it is a different version from yours, but it is valid. That was the point of MBTI. There is not a single correct way of living. I think that at best NTs will try not to assume anything until it's proven, whereas NFs are more likely to believe in something that can't be disproved. Neither side is more right than the other, no matter how much it is argued.

Secondly you have used alot of generalizations. I know for certain that I am not attracted to the ENFP girl disproving for me your idea that I am interested in her sexually. You have assumed that your viewpoint is absolute truth. Logic is based on premises that cannot be proven or disproven.

I am not trying to argue with you. I am trying to engage in a meaningful debate about it, because I do have friendships with women and yet you state that I cannot without sexual tension. I will think about the idea that unconsciously I still want to have sex with these women of my age group, but I do have friendships with women much older than me who I would never want to have sex with.

see...there are people out there who just relate on a different level...and we are discussing how we see things...we're just looking through different eyes than you...it's not wrong and neither is yours...it just feels different.

btw...i'm sorry you were hurt but please understand not all enfps flirt...but extroverts just tend to be more outgoing than others...and being nps were just kinda playful and silly...and being f's were empathetic...you know...so...some of that when combined might read as flirty sometimes....especially if someone wants to believe it is.
 

allie bug

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i have current situation that i think applies here. i don't know how i got to this outcome, so maybe some non-enfps can give me some feedback

I saw a guy I hung out with in highschool the other day. He asked for my number and said he was hanging out with the old group this weekend. He gave me a call and asked me to go to a music festival with said group yesterday. pushing through the crowd, he grabbed my hand to make sure we didn't get separated....then the hand holding continued when we were clear.

later, we went to a friends house and hung out. he sat on the couch next to me, fell asleep, woke up, then put his head in my lap and snuggled my leg while we watched a movie with about 8 people.

Now, I am not interested in this guy romantically. And at the end of the night I was called "his woman" by someone there. What was I supposed to do to get the point across. Shake his hand off and be standoffish? poke im in the eye when he put his head in my lap? Tell him I don't I'm not interested after a couple hours of hanging out?

If we give off the wrong impression by flirting (in this case, I felt like I was simply avoiding being a bitch), what do we need to do to clarify what the situation is? I can usually tell if someone is interested in a more-than-friends way after about 15 minutes, wouldn't it be jumping the gun to say "Hey, hold up, you might be liking me, just want to make sure you don't do that"?
 

Lady_X

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i have current situation that i think applies here. i don't know how i got to this outcome, so maybe some non-enfps can give me some feedback

I saw a guy I hung out with in highschool the other day. He asked for my number and said he was hanging out with the old group this weekend. He gave me a call and asked me to go to a music festival with said group yesterday. pushing through the crowd, he grabbed my hand to make sure we didn't get separated....then the hand holding continued when we were clear.

later, we went to a friends house and hung out. he sat on the couch next to me, fell asleep, woke up, then put his head in my lap and snuggled my leg while we watched a movie with about 8 people.

Now, I am not interested in this guy romantically. And at the end of the night I was called "his woman" by someone there. What was I supposed to do to get the point across. Shake his hand off and be standoffish? poke im in the eye when he put his head in my lap? Tell him I don't I'm not interested after a couple hours of hanging out?

If we give off the wrong impression by flirting (in this case, I felt like I was simply avoiding being a bitch), what do we need to do to clarify what the situation is? I can usually tell if someone is interested in a more-than-friends way after about 15 minutes, wouldn't it be jumping the gun to say "Hey, hold up, you might be liking me, just want to make sure you don't do that"?

haha...ahhh...i know what you mean...and i've had to playfully as to not feel bitchy say...omg stop trying to get fresh with me haha

but yeah that's awkward...

i think i'd just say...umm...you can stop holding my hand now!!!...in that playful but serious way...shit...is that the right approach? i'm not sure either.
 

allie bug

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how do you do that without being rude? i think that may be the core issue here. this happens to me a lot and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or have them not speak to me anymore bc i'm no longer a "potential mate" as someone else mentioned
 

BlackCat

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how do you do that without being rude? i think that may be the core issue here. this happens to me a lot and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or have them not speak to me anymore bc i'm no longer a "potential mate" as someone else mentioned

Slip in a phrase like "I'm dating right now" (if you actually are) or "At this point in my life I'm more focused on X than I am on a finding a relationship". Things like that.
 

INTP

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how do you do that without being rude? i think that may be the core issue here. this happens to me a lot and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or have them not speak to me anymore bc i'm no longer a "potential mate" as someone else mentioned

You do it like this:

Hi mr.x i am not intrested about you in eny romantic way, i just wanted to hang out with you as a friend.

There is nothing rude about saying it straight, its rude not to say it like that. Sorry to let you know that you cant say that in this situation without hurting his feelings. Saying it straight like this you will hurt him the least and you will be least rude. If you do the magical enfp dissapearing trick you will hurt him more(maybe really really much more), but your just not there to see it. Not to mention how rude it is to dissapear without explaining yourself.
 

Laurie

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Especially if you have INTJ friends of the opposite sex, then I doubt they are just there to be "friends"...if you don't feel sexual attraction, then you're leading them on, and you're about to crush all their hopes. When that's done, they will stop talking to you, forever, because that's what INTJs do.

BS. That might be what you do. That isn't what all INTJs do.

I do have a friendship with a female ENFP, and she is playful with her comments, but not flirty.

I think playful is the perfect word. That would explain why I didn't understand when people thought I was flirting and I was just being nice. Also, many people just want to believe that if you smile at them you are flirting with them. I smile at everyone.

It would also explain why ENFPs seem to flirt regardless of gender. It can just be a playful thing but people take it as flirting. Don't get me wrong, we can be flirts, too. It's just that the belief that we are always flirting is flawed.
 

Charmed Justice

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What makes you (ENFPs) decide what kind of communication to use, flirting vs normal?
I don't know. Like so many have said, it's difficult to even qualify what flirting is for an ENFP because we are generally playful.

Like on here, is using the wink emoticon flirting?
 

Laurie

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Having a friend of the opposite sex automatically means they want you and you will crush their soul when you reject them?
 

Moiety

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being genuinely interested in someone's beliefs, personal life, interests,etc. is, more often than not, taken as flirting. I engage in the same "mindplay" (i guess that's what you can call connecting with someone in a conversation) with my girlfriends as I do with male friends. Why can't I honestly be interested in what you have to say without an having an ulterior motive?

Do you mean what the criteria is for me to flirt or what the definition of flirting actually is?

The criteria for you to flirt, yes. I'm genuinely interest in people all the time and I never have people thinking I'm flirting with them. I just talk normally. I ask questions. I say things of my own. I hear them out. etc etc Rinse and repeat.


allie bug said:
i have current situation that i think applies here. i don't know how i got to this outcome, so maybe some non-enfps can give me some feedback

I saw a guy I hung out with in highschool the other day. He asked for my number and said he was hanging out with the old group this weekend. He gave me a call and asked me to go to a music festival with said group yesterday. pushing through the crowd, he grabbed my hand to make sure we didn't get separated....then the hand holding continued when we were clear.

later, we went to a friends house and hung out. he sat on the couch next to me, fell asleep, woke up, then put his head in my lap and snuggled my leg while we watched a movie with about 8 people.

Now, I am not interested in this guy romantically. And at the end of the night I was called "his woman" by someone there. What was I supposed to do to get the point across. Shake his hand off and be standoffish? poke im in the eye when he put his head in my lap? Tell him I don't I'm not interested after a couple hours of hanging out?

If we give off the wrong impression by flirting (in this case, I felt like I was simply avoiding being a bitch), what do we need to do to clarify what the situation is? I can usually tell if someone is interested in a more-than-friends way after about 15 minutes, wouldn't it be jumping the gun to say "Hey, hold up, you might be liking me, just want to make sure you don't do that"?

Really? Is this a problem for most ENFPs? Do you let most people touch you even, just like that? I don't. So when someone does they better have a good reason for it. If a girl grabbed my hand like that, I'd simply look her in the eyes. You don't even need to say anything. It' just like..."wth are you doing". But even if you had to, just say" what are you doing?" or "get off me dude" or something to that extent. Use humor or whatever.

If you are a touchy feely person, I could see how that would be more a problem...but if you are, they why does it bother you that he's resting on your lap? And if you're not, why do you let him to that?

And yes, what's so wrong about shaking his head off or move your leg? Only someone with low self-esteem thinks people will hate them if they aren't always "nice", whatever "nice" even means this days.
 

Lady_X

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oh but it's awkward and you feel presumptuous saying it if they haven't given you a reason to...if they do...absolutely of course but otherwise i think it's best everyone assume friendly intentions....

but like allie's situation...i'd either just let go of his hand...or get up if he was trying to lay his head on me...or if i felt like it was appropriate...depending on if there were others in the room or not...probably best to just say...hey...what's goin on? you're being pretty affectionate tonight...somethin we ought to talk about? that is...if up to this point they were just friends.
 

Moiety

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how do you do that without being rude? i think that may be the core issue here. this happens to me a lot and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or have them not speak to me anymore bc i'm no longer a "potential mate" as someone else mentioned

Why??If they are just being your friends because they want to date you don't you think that speaks volume about their character?



PS: I haven't forgotten to address some of the replies people had to my posts btw. I will do so....eventually :tongue:
 

INTP

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Having a friend of the opposite sex automatically means they want you and you will crush their soul when you reject them?

No. Why?
 
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