[NF] How to DO instead of THINKING

[Gloriana]

Ok, I am your typical-ass INFJ in that I THINK about things rather than taking action WAAAAAY too much.

Here's the thing (this may have something to do with those Ni/Fe letter thingies, but I am not educated on those), back in Sept 2008 my husband cheated and left. I was a broken zombie for about a week or so, but then it was like BOOM, I just got up and DID THINGS. Maybe survival instinct due to trauma, but it was like I transformed into a different person for about 3-4 months.

It was like 'fear' ceased to have meaning and 'hesitation' even less. I just jumped into everything; social groups, every job I saw in the paper I applied for, taking long walks in areas I'd never visited before, starting conversations with complete strangers, and much, much more. I was in so much pain obviously, but the upside to that was it was like suddenly I had these super powers to stop second guessing myself and discern what I needed to do without my usual 'thinking session' beforehand.

I admit fully that this tendency to overthink is a hindrance, I repeatedly fail to take more action because I've thought myself into the paranoia and uncertainty. I get tired of it more than those around me do (I just don't think they realize it! lol).

It sounds nutty, but as horrible as those first few months were, I actually MISS them in some ways because now it's almost a year later and I'm finding I'm pretty much back to my overthinking self. It's more excruciating than ever because now I've seen how much I can get done when I'm not thinking so much. Rationally I KNOW just DOING will work out better for me. I'm better at it than ever before, but damn I still think myself into paralysis/aloofness way too much. Old habits die hard, I tell ya.

Any of you fellow NFs conquered the whole "Doing-VS-Thinking" battle? What techniques did you employ to re-wire yourself to DO rather than fall back on the overthinking?

I just don't want to wake up in ten years like the rest of my family. They are definitely the thinking types who have missed out on EVERYTHING just to avoid those potentially hurtful situations. Like, they've spared themselves pain that can result from taking risks but they've also spared themselves the happiness too. I don't want that to be me!!!!

 

[nightning]

Well the last time I've gotten out of that depressive paralysis by analysis mode was by (guess what?) MORE thinking. Simply reminding myself sitting around moping is unproductive. You're stuck... thinking anymore isn't going to help. Once you've convince yourself it's pointless to further analyze anything, the next obvious step is action... any little step helps.

 

[King sns]

I'm not really a big over thinker.
But i'm definitely a big sitter-arounder.
I find a to-do list helps get me off my chair.
(Even if the to-do list involves fun things)

 

[kyuuei]

Try doing things one step at a time? I'd think the mental block about getting out and doing things would lessen dramatically at the experience of knowing they were fun.

I'm a very get-up-and-go person, and if I see my friends struggling with that a bit, I don't hesitate to invite them out with me and tag along with me It's easier with company.

 

[stellar renegade]

I find myself doing the same thing, shortnsweet. I don't feel so weird now that a fellow ESXP has confessed to the same thing! Well, I'm not really just sitting around doing NOTHING, but I'm on the computer alot. It's able to keep my attention for long spans of time, but really I'd rather be out and about. It's much more fulfilling. That's why I'm moving.

btw, Gloriana, what you did in those few months sounds like a very healthy reaction. Good on you!

The best way to stop thinking and just do something is to just do something and stop thinking. I mean, really. You just have to let the prospect of it entice you enough, and go out and do it.

Realizing that your over-thinking things is a dead end might help, too.

 

[Athenian200]

I don't know. Sounds like a flawed way of going about life. A Nike commercial ideal that doesn't work well in the real world.

If you just do without thinking, you get in trouble. No, you think it through long enough to get a sense of what's going to happen, THEN do. That's the trick, though... you can't cut out the doing part, or keep going back to formula. You have to think and THEN do as a process. If you commit yourself to that process, you WILL end up taking action. Just make sure you're committed to the process.

Go like:

Idea-think-plan-do.

Don't go:

Idea-think-plan-think.

Once you feel that second "think" coming on, fight it. Force yourself to do instead.

 

[Phantonym]

I don't think that there is a definitive way to "conquer" the over-analyzing curse we have. Or at least I haven't found it yet. It's a vicious cycle. A long period of thinking, followed by the action period. What has helped me sort of get out of it is drowning myself in action, forcing myself not to think and just follow a plan to do things. It really does get into another cycle but unfortunately, it's not lasting and it's back to thinking again.

 

[Athenian200]

What has helped me sort of get out of it is drowning myself in action, forcing myself not to think and just follow a plan to do things.

See, I'm not so sure I'd ever want to do that. Drowning yourself in action sounds very undesirable. I'm rather lazy, and I prefer to use the minimum amount of action possible to accomplish a given task (for instance, sometimes I scroll down the page by pressing the arrow key with my toe rather than sitting up to get closer to the computer). I like efficient, effective action that I get results from and can do consistently, rather than just a flurry of meaningless action.

 

[Phantonym]

See, I'm not so sure I'd ever want to do that. Drowning yourself in action sounds very undesirable. I'm rather lazy, and I prefer to use the minimum amount of action possible to accomplish a given task (for instance, sometimes I scroll down the page by pressing the arrow key with my toe rather than sitting up to get closer to the computer). I like efficient, effective action, rather than just a flurry of meaningless action.

Oh, I totally get that. For me it's not something meaningless. I make elaborate plans about how to do things with minimum effort and maximum efficiency. Drowning myself in action is all about following that said plan with precision, not allowing myself to think about anything else that might distract me. I can't keep this up for very long, though.

 

[sciski]

I've heard that forcing yourself to sit still and not do anything for half an hour will make you so annoyed that you'll actually get up and do something after the half hour. Could backfire for an Ni Dominant though.... Maybe you need to drag it out to 24 hours of lying prone on the floor or something.

What I've done is sign up for lots of interesting hobby courses. Sign up with a friend so they will push you into i) going in the first place, and ii) keeping on going. This will hopefully build your confidence and then you get to meet people, which opens up new opportunities, etc etc etc.

 

[Gloriana]

Yeah, I don't think the "All Action" thing would be good either, not as a long term mechanism. I have friends who are "All Action" and from what I observe, it can result in the same kind of problems as "All Thinking", winding up in a perpetually unstable place.

I like the suggestion of "Idea-Think-Plan-Do" over "Idea-Think-Plan-Think". I'm stuck as hell in the latter. I think if I put my conscious effort toward it, I could set a more concrete time frame for myself. Meaning, I could curb the thinking by giving myself a structured amount of time that will be acceptable to 'think' before making a choice and going after that choice.

I think I have to be more conscious of reminding myself "You could think for a day or you could think for a year but there will never be any more of a guarantee that the choice you are making is the RIGHT one". I think I have to build up more faith in myself and put more stock into my own capabilities.

I also relate to what 'Sky Is Blue' just wrote, about the cycles. When I think about, that has been me too. I can trace back through the last 14 years of my life and recognize a clear pattern of me having periods of a lot of action, followed by periods of thinking, followed by periods of action again. I too have wondered how to even that out.

I also think I'm typical INFJ in that I tend to prefer DOING the things that have already proven themselves worth doing in the past, then I'll get in a repetitive rut. I DO a lot in any given day in reference to domestic responsibilities and the like, stuff that has proven to be productive, constructive, and serves a purpose. I need to mix it up, explore new options, and make changes.

I am looking for the even keel here, balancing things out so there's just enough thinking and just enough action.

This is really helpful, thank you guys! These boards truly do rock the house.

 

[Athenian200]

Oh, I totally get that. For me it's not something meaningless. I make elaborate plans about how to do things with minimum effort and maximum efficiency. Drowning myself in action is all about following that said plan with precision, not allowing myself to think about anything else that might distract me. I can't keep this up for very long, though.

Oh, yeah, that's what I do too.

For me, it feels a lot like authenticating a nuclear launch. Ni is the president ordering the strike. Fe has one of the keys, and Ti has the other. Unless they both turn their key for the Se launch, nothing happens. So it has to be both acceptable and efficient.

 

[Wiley45]

Haha, I could sit still for a half hour doing nothing and it would be completely fun for me. I'd probably want to stay for another half hour. *Jewelchild hugs her imagination*

The thing that works best for me is getting with my "doer" friends or people who challenge me. They keep me trying new things.

 

[Gloriana]

Just as an aside, I'm only just learning how to ask for help too and this is part of it. Asking for help is pretty sweet, sweeter than I would have thought before, lol.

 

[Gloriana]

Haha, I could sit still for a half hour doing nothing and it would be completely fun for me. I'd probably want to stay for another half hour. *Jewelchild hugs her imagination*

The thing that works best for me is getting with my "doer" friends or people who challenge me. They keep me trying new things.

Ahahaha! Me too! This reminds me of when I was little. My Mom would tell me to sit and not play with anything as a form of punishment. Like a 'time out' kind of thing. She tried it for like a month and gave up on it because I'd just sit there imagining things and then it was like she couldn't get OUT OF THE CHAIR, lol.

 

[Athenian200]

I like the suggestion of "Idea-Think-Plan-Do" over "Idea-Think-Plan-Think". I'm stuck as hell in the latter. I think if I put my conscious effort toward it, I could set a more concrete time frame for myself. Meaning, I could curb the thinking by giving myself a structured amount of time that will be acceptable to 'think' before making a choice and going after that choice.

I think I have to be more conscious of reminding myself "You could think for a day or you could think for a year but there will never be any more of a guarantee that the choice you are making is the RIGHT one". I think I have to build up more faith in myself and put more stock into my own capabilities.

Yes, that's it exactly. Make sure you're aware of all of that... and then DO it.

 

[Wiley45]

Ahahaha! Me too! This reminds me of when I was little. My Mom would tell me to sit and not play with anything as a form of punishment. Like a 'time out' kind of thing. She tried it for like a month and gave up on it because I'd just sit there imagining things and then it was like she couldn't get OUT OF THE CHAIR, lol.

Same with me! That punishment never worked.

 

[sciski]

Argh! Okay, both of you, on the floor! Give me 72 hours of doing nothing!

Damn you, Ni!

But yeah, the whole 'asking for help' is an awesome step.

 

[entropie]

ouh you er INFJ Gloriana, I always read you as ENTP

 

[Gloriana]

ouh you er INFJ Gloriana, I always read you as ENTP

Hmmmm, maybe I am changing into another type AS WE SPEAK??? *bump-bump-baaaaah*