[INFP] INFPs: Sense of Time, THE PERFECT MOMENT, & Universal Application

[OrangeAppled]

I wonder if any other INFPs relate to the following irrationalities, because I'd like to make this a case for what seems to be the "INFP falling off the face of the earth" syndrome.

1. I have no sense of time.

A week can feel like a day, a day like a lifetime, 5 minutes like an hour, 20 minutes like 5 minutes.

People complain that it has been 2 weeks since they've heard from me, but it felt like a few mere days to me, and I am surprised when I see that much time really has gone by. Sometimes, time feels like this weird man-made concept, and I just don't feel it like other people seem to. I'm on some other timeline in my head or something.

I keep clocks and calendars all around me because of my poor sense of time. I need constant reminders.
I'm considering putting a clock in my bathroom, because I'll zone out while brushing my teeth and before I know it I am LATE.

This poor sense of time plays a HUGE part in my being late and allowing too much time to go by in contacting friends. Because of my tendency to fantasize, I will still feel connected to people during this time, which just adds to the feeling that just spoke with them recently.

2. I am always waiting for THE PERFECT MOMENT (imagine cymbals clashing here!) to initiate contact with people.

For example, I will consider calling a friend, and then some Ne doubt kicks in:

"What if it's too late? What if it's too early? What if they are sleeping? What if they are taking a shower? Walking their dog? Washing their car? It's probably a bad time. I'll just call another day."

My mood gets the better of me:

"I am not feeling talkative. I don't want to call them unless I am in the exact right frame of mind."

Then, before I know it, a month has passed. An afternoon arrives. I find myself free and feeling sociable at 4:07 pm. I think: NOW IS THE PERFECT MOMENT. So then I call, and the person is annoyed, and then I feel bad. Which brings me to....

3. Universal Application of Negative Experience

The annoyed reaction of the person is obviously due to my delay in contacting them, but I take it deeper. I think:

"It was not THE PERFECT MOMENT after all. I am an annoying person. They don't ever want to talk to me."

If this happens several times, then I not only apply that conclusion to this one person, but just about every one else also. I then slack on calling everyone, and the more time that goes by, the more apprehensive I am, because I am sure they don't want to hear from me and I will only be bothersome.

This "universal application" must be some kind of Fi Si thing gone awry....Negative experiences are ingrained in me, and it takes a lot of positive reinforcement to change this thought process.

So in conclusion, this is my personal elaborate excuse for falling off the face of the earth, but is this typical INFP?
Any INFPs who relate? If so, what is your way of getting around these weak points and out of this frame of mind?

 

[runvardh]

1. This is why I have a watch and my cellphone on me at all times, and every room in my appartment has a clock. This is also why I use my e-mail calendars at work and on hotmail for any and all things I want to get done.

2. People get used to my timeline for contacting others or they fall out of my reality.

3. I did this more, but now that I have a new attitude on how I deal with people I don't do this as often.

 

[grasshoppersings]

Thank you for sharing on your concept of time. Your thoughts helped me understand INFPs better. Thanks again.

 

[sleuthiness]

Vocabulary/Introverted intuition - Wikisocion

They complain or just comment on the fact that X amount of time has passed?

I don't know anyone in particular who complains.

 

[Wiley45]

OH wow. OrangeAppled, I could have written that entire OP myself, except that you wrote it more succinctly than I likely would have.

I'm not sure I've really solved this issue yet, so I'll just check back to see what others say.

 

[Bubbles]

OrangeAppled. We're official twins.

 

[Udog]

1. I have no sense of time.

Oddly enough, I have a really good sense of time if we are talking about short term scheduling purposes. For example, at one of my jobs my co-workers would randomly challenge me "What time is it?", and the most I was ever off was 7 minutes. Usually I was within 2-3 minutes.

However, days blur into weeks, and weeks into months, until I realize half the year has already passed me.

2. I am always waiting for THE PERFECT MOMENT (imagine cymbals clashing here!) to initiate contact with people.

YES! Oh dear. It's terrible when it comes to extracurricular club activities and I need to call for volunteers. Do I call at 6? No, they are probably eating. Do I call at 7? No, because I'm now eating. Do I call at 8? Sure, right after I do this one thing. Do I call at 8:30? No, now it's well into primetime TV or they'll be getting ready for bed.



3. Universal Application of Negative Experience

Perhaps alittle bit. If I've worked up the courage to call someone and they don't answer, or don't return my call, I might get worried about why. Are they avoiding me? etc etc etc.

However, I'm pretty good about asking if now is a good time to talk before starting a conversation. If it's not a good time, they'll usually hesitate a bit, and I'll ask them if I should try again tomorrow or something. I can thank work for that habit.

 

[Sauropsidian]

1. I have no sense of time.

Yep, pretty much same with me, I need to have a watch or something constantly, and I'm terrible with estimating times.


2. I am always waiting for THE PERFECT MOMENT (imagine cymbals clashing here!) to initiate contact with people.

Oh gosh yes

3. Universal Application of Negative Experience

yeah, way too much to be healthy, but I think it could be another reason for me.

 

[StormySunshine]

On May 3rd, 2007, I wrote this on a notepad that I hang beside my desk containing meaningful quotes and thoughts: "The future is the past yet to come." I have two lines crossing out, "yet to come."

My original thought, was, "The future is the past," but I thought if anyone read this they would think I was crazy, so I added, "yet to come." After adding that, I knew it wasn't true to myself and crossed it off.

The moment I wrote this was a moment of epiphany. Not the single flash of overwhelming insight an epiphany usually is, but a beautifully gradual progression of bread crumbs leading me eventually to the door opening onto the moment of clarity: each moment we live is not the present, but us remembering the past. Each time we look to the future, we're trying to capture a memory just out of reach. That's how life feels to me.

Whenever something bad happens to me I can smile, knowing this moment I'm remembering will soon fade. Each happy occurrence I experience I look on with regret, knowing this moment I'm remembering will soon fade. Every second I feel inconsequential I take courage from, knowing this moment I'm remembering will soon fade. Every hope, dream and aspiration I try to realize is just another memory out of reach; soon to come, quick to fade.

We try to capture something of these phantom moments by placing them in the snare of time. How ironic that at the center of the snare, we use ourselves as bait. What happens when we realize we're bait?

That was how I was feeling on May 3rd, 2007, just another memory fading away.

 

[Scott N Denver]

2. I am always waiting for THE PERFECT MOMENT[/B] (imagine cymbals clashing here!) to initiate contact with people.

For example, I will consider calling a friend, and then some Ne doubt kicks in:

"What if it's too late? What if it's too early? What if they are sleeping? What if they are taking a shower? Walking their dog? Washing their car? It's probably a bad time. I'll just call another day."

My mood gets the better of me:

"I am not feeling talkative. I don't want to call them unless I am in the exact right frame of mind."

Then, before I know it, a month has passed. An afternoon arrives. I find myself free and feeling sociable at 4:07 pm. I think: NOW IS THE PERFECT MOMENT. So then I call, and the person is annoyed, and then I feel bad. Which brings me to....

OMG, like TOTALLY!!!!! I will say though, there are times where things are the right/perfect moment. And when that happens its like all magical and "meant to be". Most things aren't that important or "pre-ordained"? though...

Given my military upbringing and other stuff, I am very good about time and knowing what time it is and the "plans and timetables" and stuff like that. I find that IN's often suck at that though....EP's can be "not so hot" at that too.

 

[demimondaine]

^ man, we must be from the same litter!

 

[Scott N Denver]

^ man, we must be from the same litter!

was that for me or someone else???

 

[Fuulie]

Orange, we are twins separated at birth. Accept the mind link...

 

[Agnosco311]

I identify with all of that... especially time... at work I am seldom late but that is because it takes an INCREDIBLE amount of conscious thought to make myself get ready early... time flies by so fast for me...

Also, does anyone ever feel a sense of tabula rasa? You have all these great ideas one day and put together plans of what you are going to do... then you wake up the next day and don't even think about what you planned on doing the day before? For me that is probably one of the hugest pains in the ass for me.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Vocabulary/Introverted intuition - Wikisocion

They complain or just comment on the fact that X amount of time has passed?

I don't know anyone in particular who complains.

I've gotten actual complaints.

 

[PeaceBaby]

1. I have no sense of time.

Strangely I don't identify with this, although I do "zone out" (if you will) in my own mind or get distracted while multi-multi-tasking. I have an inner clock in my head somehow - we could be working outside and you could wonder what the time is, and I would say "It's around 3:37 pm" and strangely I would be close, if not bang on. Once in a while if I'm painting or not feeling well I can be 30 minutes off or so. But usually, the inner clock is telling the time right on!

Now, being late for stuff - my famous saying is I'm an "on-time" person - not late, not early, just "on-time". 90% of the time. LOL!

2. I am always waiting for THE PERFECT MOMENT (imagine cymbals clashing here!) to initiate contact with people.

It's a symptom of procrastination really. There is no perfect moment, as that only exists in our own minds, not the minds of most other people. So nah, not so much, especially now at this point in my life. I used to think about that more. But now I just pick up the phone and trust that if it's a bad time for them, they'll either tell me or else put up with my convo as much as I've put up with other people calling me at bad times through the years. I can generally sense if I'm calling at a bad time anyway and discretely but suavely cut the convo short. So I trust that inner knowing.

3. Universal Application of Negative Experience

Not much any more. Other people own their own feelings, and I can't control that, and I realize that people have a lot more going on in their lives that I don't know about so I have consciously worked on not attributing what I sense from them to be something wrong about me.

And realize too there are a lot of what I term "emotionally careless" people around who let their feelings "slosh out" on other people all the time, not realizing that they affect others. You don't have to own all those feelings that you pick up on; they don't necessarily belong to you.

Any INFPs who relate? If so, what is your way of getting around these weak points and out of this frame of mind?

You just have to do it - get out of your head and stop attributing your own feelings (and the feelings of others) to some shortcoming in yourself. You don't have to wear someone else's clothes.

But wear a watch.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Also, does anyone ever feel a sense of tabula rasa? You have all these great ideas one day and put together plans of what you are going to do... then you wake up the next day and don't even think about what you planned on doing the day before? For me that is probably one of the hugest pains in the ass for me.

Write it down in all free-flowing beauty. Get up at 3 am if you have to and write your ideas and plans down. THEN, you actually have to FOLLOW the plan in order for your thoughts to bear fruit and be real in the real world. Keep pulling yourself back to that piece of paper and break all the tasks into little wee pieces that you can complete before you get distracted again.

 

[Wiley45]

I identify with all of that... especially time... at work I am seldom late but that is because it takes an INCREDIBLE amount of conscious thought to make myself get ready early... time flies by so fast for me...

Me too. In fact, sometimes I feel exhausted just by everyday life because it takes so much concentration to be a responsible adult in the "real world," whether it be showing up on time or keeping myself organized, etc. Not to mention just being with people in general, which can get exhausting.

It got worse for me when I had my son, because I had to consciously pay attention to the clock all the time. If I don't pay attention to the time, I would easily forget to feed him lunch or take him to the bathroom, etc., which is not cool. I would never be purposely neglectful, but I really have to work my tail off at paying attention to these everyday details.

I think a large part of my depression in the first couple years of parenting had to do with the fact that I felt like my head was full of numbers. What time did he eat? How much did he have? When does he nap? Etc. I was so jealous of parents who seemed to deal with this stuff effortlessly. In my mind's eye, I could always see numbers falling out my ears and bursting out the top of my head, as if there was no room for anything else in there but those boring and stressful numbers. Maybe that sounds weird. LOL.

It's still better with my kiddo than dealing with these issues of time with other people, though. He doesn't know the difference and just adores me regardless. Other people either get annoyed with me, or I assume they're annoyed with me when I have trouble with time.

 

[Lacey]

Oh, man, I relate to the OP so much.

On a related note:

There have been times when I'm trying to make plans with friends, but I have other things going on that day. So, we're trying to figure out a good time to get together, and they ask me things like: "How long will it take for you to do such-and-such?"

I HAVE NO IDEA

 

[LavaLucy]

There is a clock in my bathroom. It is shaped like a fish and is around 7 minutes fast - that uncertainty is what makes it so effective! (I have a friend with a clock that is 57 minutes fast and I do not know how that helps I just get confused)

Sounds like me complaining to my infp friend
She is a pain because it's the equivalent of against her religion to be early for something. When I say better to be half an hour early than 5 minutes late I had better look out! Consequently we miss a lot of trains...

I am pretty good at forgetting the date or even day of the week sometimes myself.
When making phone calls I do worry that I will ring at an inappropriate time and that it will somehow be catastrophic (more for people I don't well<--phone call phobia it sounds funny but it ain't) and if it does go badly I can have the tendancy to apply it to every similar situation past and future - this is not good and is not in the least bit helpful so try to catch yourself if this sort of thing happens and chuck some rational thinking at it.

If it's a friend and you're worried about the right time could you not send them a txt or email or hey even a snail mail that they will read when the time is right for them and take that pressure off yourself for finding a perfect moment?

StomySunshine good advice there that I wish I could use more!