[ENFP] ENFPs & destroying relationships

[sculpting]

I would suggest it also has to do with an need for security and closure via Te. Te wants to establish boundaries and commitment. Once done, then Fi can be openly shared with less risk of rejection.

However FiTe recognizes that for commitment to be real, the full truth must be shared. To do less would be judged a lie and dishonorable.

Thus you vomit insanity at them. I havent done this myself however I can see the potential.

Turns out other types seem much more comfy maintaining a facade as an integral part of the relationship.

 

[triciajean1215]

hahaha this is the story of my life.

i did this with someone i was dating who thought it would be awesome to hit on my friend in front of me, and then ask me to be his girlfriend. i was all- THIS IS ME. I DESERVE THIS. I DONT TOLERATE THAT. THIS IS WHAT I STAND FOR. THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH. THIS IS WHERE IM GOING. never heard from him again. gladly, too.. since he's a complete jackass for having the audacity to pretend like what we had held any meaning, when he treated our relationship like dirt.
i also did this REPEATEDLY in my most recent relationship. i was falling deep in love with my ex... and i was terrified of him rejecting me... so i pushed him away... far too many times. i'll always regret doing that and hope to never do it again. though, i did realize through doing that that i was subconsciously picking up on a lack of genuine acceptance from my ex. the things i thought he loved about me (the intensity), he was just tolerating because he loved a lot of other things about me.

i need someone to love it all.

 

[skylights]

hey, i've even done this with platonic friends, how awesome am i?! ._.

i always feel like they deserve fair warning of me... the people close to me often comment about how incredibly much i keep inside... it's like a glacier, you can only see the tip of the iceberg... i think it's some bizarre sort of defense mechanism also... like... if i tell you all my flaws up front... then maybe you will not hate me so much when i inevitably do something with the potential to hurt and disappoint you, probably because i've driven myself into a paranoid corner and am flipping out... and maybe, beyond all odds, you will even withstand my storm...

especially those that go: I already knew this about you a long time ago and it never phased me..those are the people you treasure forever and are worth keeping.

YES. thank god for NJs, huh?

 

[Rosabel]

Two ENFP friends of mine are ALWAYS doing it with ever single guy they date. And then, they complain about it. It's kind of funny, but really sad after all...

 

[Fourplay]

When someone does this I just get up and leave.

I feel its rather manipulative to receive acceptance this way.

I know people mean well, and they do it subconsciously to shield away from people who may eventually judge, but it's not an honest way to communicate.

 

[Winds of Thor]

 

[Poindexter Arachnid]

This doesn't surprise me.
Of all personality types, ENFPs rank highest of those with Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

[RaptorWizard]

This doesn't surprise me.
Of all personality types, ENFPs rank highest of those with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I am sure ESFP is right after ENFP in being Borderline making these 2 types the very worst and obnoxious annoyances of them all!

 

[Qlip]

This doesn't surprise me.
Of all personality types, ENFPs rank highest of those with Borderline Personality Disorder.

and
[MENTION=15371]RaptorWizard[/MENTION]


Ah, if you took time to read the OP, you'd know this isn't about ENFPs being BPD. This is about ENFPs appearing crazy by disclosing early in attempt to get it out of the way, a very rational, yet maybe not well thought out action.

 

[Poindexter Arachnid]

...And?

 

[Spin]

Related? http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/22618-enfp-self-sabotage-relationships.html

 

[Amargith]

When someone does this I just get up and leave.

I feel its rather manipulative to receive acceptance this way.

I know people mean well, and they do it subconsciously to shield away from people who may eventually judge, but it's not an honest way to communicate.

... It is about as honest as it gets. I understand that some people do not enjoy this kind of intensity hurled at them, and that is their choice..but I do not get any more honest than this. This is pure Fi. And it is scary, and painful and difficult to do, but necessary in our case to take the relationship to the next level and give you full disclosure in order to do so. Not Fe trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for us and stay with us. It isnt a ploy. We are trying to get an authentic response out of you by sharing it all and seeing if you can truly love us for who we are. Do us all a favour and please do be honest in your response back, coz being lied to and placated at such a moment is like a slap in the face and would be worse than you packing up and leaving, imo. There is nothing worse than being completely honest with someone and have them not only secretly spit on that gesture, but actually 'pander' to you as if you were a child. Doing that would be reason for me to actually leave you, as there can never be any true intimacy nor understanding of each other between us

 

[Betty Blue]

Haha, so been there. Both in a healthy and unhealthy capacity.

 

[Fourplay]

... It is about as honest as it gets. I understand that some people do not enjoy this kind of intensity hurled at them, and that is their choice..but I do not get any more honest than this. This is pure Fi. And it is scary, and painful and difficult to do, but necessary in our case to take the relationship to the next level and give you full disclosure in order to do so. Not Fe trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for us and stay with us. It isnt a ploy. We are trying to get an authentic response out of you by sharing it all and seeing if you can truly love us for who we are. Do us all a favour and please do be honest in your response back, coz being lied to and placated at such a moment is like a slap in the face and would be worse than you packing up and leaving, imo. There is nothing worse than being completely honest with someone and have them not only secretly spit on that gesture, but actually 'pander' to you as if you were a child. Doing that would be reason for me to actually leave you, as there can never be any true intimacy nor understanding of each other between us

Thank you for this perspective. I'll have a thought about it more deeply next time.

 

[You]

why not go with the questionnaire approach instead of unloading without context? ever heard of 21 questions?

 

[Avocado]

I am very permitting with others, but I am super-hard on myself.

I am my own bully…though I've had other people bully me before, too…

 

[21%]

I think I also did this to my INFP when he finally asked me out.

It's like.. you better know what you're getting yourself into...

 

[skylights]

Haha aww I do this too!! Glad to hear it isn't just me

 

[five sounds]

Hey ENFPs . . . have you ever done this? You are dating / seeing someone & the relationship is starting to actually feel like it may work out & you all of a sudden out of nowhere start telling the person how horrible you are. You list off all of your bad qualities & insecurities because you do not have the patience for the slow unraveling of getting to know each other . . . and you are like, "this is me - - you sure you want this???" . . . you feel like you are preventing future hurt for yourself . . . but what you've really done is you've probably ruined everything & terrified the other person & you probably appear schizophrenic / bipolar to them . . . any comments / stories / confessions / insight . . . ???

I realize this is from a long time ago, but I've only done this one time. I was dating a guy who I didn't think "got" me. He was head over heels for me, which made me a little uncomfortable since we hadn't been dating that long, and I just didn't think he was compatible with my social and crazy side (he didn't naturally bring it out, so he hadn't seen it for himself yet). So I tried to explain that to him, and he was pretty flippant like, "yeah, ok, that's fine." That's when I really turned it on. I showed him rap songs that I liked, told him crazy stories from my past, etc. He still didn't care, and after a while I realized that I was so bothered by this because that part of me was not being satisfied by him (not the other way around).

I've been the one to break up with most of my exes, but I always go through a phase first where I want them to want to break up with me first. Like hellooo can't you see this isn't working? Help me out here. It never worked, and usually ended up prolonging the inevitable breakup, and probably resulted in a little more heartache than necessary. Glad I don't have to worry about that anymore!