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[INFP] So, INFPs...

RenaiReborn

New member
Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
495
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w2
Have converted me from pursuing only those 'intellectuals' who seemed to continuously mess with my mind.

I've never experienced anything as magnetic as this person whom I have met recently, and am apparently now in a relationship with. Being the INTJ that I am, however, my energies in this relationship are now going to go to make sure that he is absolutely and completely happy and satisfied with everything (or as close as we can get to that).

What makes INFPs happy?
What makes them feel appreciated?
Is there anything NOT to say/do?
What do they find attractive?
What do they not find attractive?
What is their primary method of communication?

^All of these questions are just to get a general understanding, not specific, or necessarily always correct. :)
 

whimsical

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
351
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
What makes INFPs happy?

---> Knowing they can be themselves around you is very important to happiness. They want to know that you will accept them for who they are and that you will be as nonjudgmental as you can, at least when you are spending time with them. As well, they love knowing that their partner is happy, so just try to have as much fun as you can. They care very deeply about how their partner is feeling.

What makes them feel appreciated?

---> It can be a lot of things. Small things like laughing at their jokes, complimenting them, telling them that they are very special, beautiful, etc. Talking about their ideas with them and being interested in their inner world as well as their outer.

Is there anything NOT to say/do?

---> Don't make judgmental comments. If you find them acting "weird" for example, don't say with attitude Why on Earth did you do that?? This is a very big not-to-say. Instead of scorning them for their actions they want to be appreciated as individuals. Take pleasure in their oddities.

What do they find attractive?

---> People who can be themselves and express themselves in a way that is unique. People who are smart and have vibrant personalities. And of course physical attraction is subjective.

What do they not find attractive?

---> Mean people, judgmental people, ignorant people.

What is their primary method of communication?

---> They love communicating through figuratives and metaphors. They will also do things that have much deeper meaning to them if you look behind it all. They love communicating in symbols and symbolism, it's very big with them.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
I don't know that many INFP's, so if the following seems wrong to you, please tell me. These are my impressions.

Unsolicited advice can feel condescending to the INFP spirit. We're probably accutely aware of the issue already, and having it brought into the light can feel like a slap.

It's important to us that the people we're with feel happy and understood, so we often demure. It gives us strength to do this. Of course, sometimes we just can't decide! And we seem wishy-washy.

Sincerity is everything. You can say almost anything, as long as you do it from the heart. We're unconcerned with how smart or sophisticated you seem.

My $.o2.
 

Wiley45

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
669
MBTI Type
INFP
I think these two hit a lot of good points, and I agree.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
A friend of mine on here (actually an INTJ himself) asked me this same question. Here is what I put-

BlackCat's PM said:
INFPs want someone that we can totally be ourselves with. We have to withhold all of the bad sides of ourselves since we don't want our Fi trampled, and someone who we can completely be ourselves with is a must. It's like a sanctuary. Along with all of that we seem to naturally want someone who "gets" us. We require someone who we can have meaningful conversations with. Someone who will be emotionally tender for us, and someone we can be emotionally tender around. Trust is a big thing, we like knowing you're totally trustworthy and we like knowing that you trust us. We tend to want someone who we can care for emotionally, we love to "fix" people's emotional problems who we are close to. We love people who are opinionated, people who are opinionated are very interesting and more trustworthy IMO.

Now, I think that that at least covered happiness. Now to answer the rest.

What makes them feel appreciated? I'd say what makes us specifically feel appreciated is that we are your doormat for your issues. We love to hear about your personal problems and to solve them (or of anyone else we care for). If you tell us these personal details it lets us know we're trusted. Other than that I'd say what makes a person feel appreciated is, well, subjective to them and you could figure it out or ask it.

Is there anything NOT to say/do? Don't trample our baby Te, and don't get onto us about things that baby Te has caused us unless it's constructive and not mean sounding.

What do they find attractive? Well, for male INFPs I imagine that they really like boobs. But I think the long paragraph up there might have summed this up.

What do they not find attractive? Well, I'd say reverse what we require- like I mentioned in the paragraph and you've got it.

What is their primary method of communication? I'm not really sure how to answer this.
 

Coeur

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
237
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
This is all in I/Me format because I don't know if it applies to ALL INFPs.

What makes INFPs happy?
Feeling loved, special, and appreciated.

What makes them feel appreciated?
Initiate things with me. Be the one to kiss me first, ask to hang out, etc. Verbal appreciation is great. Do small, subtle things that show that you care. Even if it seems insignificant, I will add meaning to them. Open up to me about your problems and emotions.

Is there anything NOT to say/do?
Don't be harsh and don't insult my values. Don't verbalize character judgements.

What do they find attractive?
1. Depth, intelligence
2. Openness, honesty
3. Affection, romance
4. Humor, banter
5. When the other person takes charge. When they're a solid rock.
6. When you listen to me.

What do they not find attractive?
1. Anything that clashes with our morals.
2. Lack of morals.
3. Violence/harshness/cruelty
4. Judgemental people

What is their primary method of communication?
I don't know what you're asking exactly, but I'll try.
It is easier to open up over the phone than in person.
I'm very direct. I'll only hide stuff if I feel like you'll get needlessly upset.
I love symbolism.
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
Joined
Mar 13, 2009
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
What makes INFPs happy?
Feeling they can trust you. Being accepted. Hugs. :hug:

What makes them feel appreciated?
Praise. Trust. Honesty. Hugs. :hug:

Is there anything NOT to say/do?
Don't criticize us! We hates it! D:

What do they find attractive?
Confidence, kindness, openness, warmth. Gentleness.

What do they not find attractive?
Uncaring actions. Coldness. Rudeness.

What is their primary method of communication?
Gushing out their soul and feelings. >.> Well okay, if they trust you they want to open up as much as possible. Metaphors and pretty language are often apparent. We are also smashing listeners. ;)
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'll answer the important ones:

What makes INFPs happy?
Marshmallow Peeps.

What makes them feel appreciated?
Buying us Marshmallow Peeps.

Is there anything NOT to say/do?
Take away our Marshmallow Peeps.

;)
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'll answer this personally, and keep in mind I am a woman, and individual male answers may be totally different.

What makes INFPs happy?
Feeling special, connecting on "deeper" levels with people in conversation, feeling safe to share what is important to me and having it respected and/or in common with someone, feeling accepted by those I admire/value, having interest shown in my thoughts/inner world.

What makes them feel appreciated?
Praise and acknowledgment for my skills/talent/intelligence as not only being practical contributions (often in an abstract sense), but also as beautifying the world and bringing it closer to an ideal.
Seeking me out specifically and wanting to spend quality alone time together. Making me a priority over other people. A simple "thanks" goes a long way; I know I can feel my efforts get overlooked a lot. Giving positive reinforcement when I take the initiative, as it can be scary for me.

Is there anything NOT to say/do?
Do not trivialize my feelings. Do not invalidate my viewpoint. Do not belittle my beliefs. Do not nitpick every little error I make; please see the "big picture", as that's where I'm coming from. Don't make unjustified and harsh criticism; encourage "growth" instead. Avoid stepping on my values. My main values can easily be determined by getting to know the basics about me. Tread carefully when you tease - don't take it too far.

What do they find attractive?
Well, in a friend or a potential romantic partner, I like someone who is more outgoing than me, takes initiative, imaginative and spontaneous, adventurous, playful, both witty and silly, enjoys conversation about ideas/concepts/theories, affectionate, appreciates culture and the arts, not pretentious or snobby, recognizes a need for spirituality, kind, compassionate, and intelligent.

What do they not find attractive?
Arrogance, competitiveness, violence, vulgarity, aesthetically unappealing things (ie. ugly clothes), people who are all about the physical and who may even mock intellectual things (they seem "shallow" to me), immorality, being overly practical, and surface chit-chat.

What is their primary method of communication?
Email :tongue:
Written word is easiest for me. However, if I am going to talk, I like to talk in person. Nothing can replace facial expressions, hand gestures, and tone of voice. Oh, and I'll echo that metaphors/symbolism is a big thing with me. I also like absurdities and I tend to use understated humor.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
What makes INFPs happy?
Cuddles, semi-indepth conversations on random subjects, time alone with SO

What makes them feel appreciated?
cuddles, sex (depending on how close the relationship is), actions based on that appreciation involving what the individual INFP enjoys

Is there anything NOT to say/do?
call one a cold, unfeeling bastard... hammer at their mistakes too much

What do they find attractive?
too subjective (for me: good discussion partners, the look of "I'm trouble" on her face...)

What do they not find attractive?
excessively controlling or limiting (eg: my ability to go outside is non-negotiable, all attempts to prevent this will fail)

What is their primary method of communication?
subtle body language, though can be trained to use other methods (personally, I know I'm more physical than verbal with my affection)
 

WoodsWoman

New member
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
778
MBTI Type
INFP
Aside - when this INFP is upset don't jump into 'fix' mode - just be there, listen, be the shoulder to cry on. When the tempest seems to be letting up encourage me to talk about how a feel about whatever is bothering me if I'm not going there already (if still not sure of a 100% safe place the feelings won't be spoken of at first). Let this happen then ask 'How can I help?' - let me provide an idea or two. At this point begin to make a suggestion or two, carefully watching body language. Encourage me to write a letter to you about it - this provides space and an opportunity to order my thoughts coherently.

This is all stuff I learned about myself through years with an ENTJ.

If your both comfortable with it as a philosophical subject take it as a mutual challenge to write out what you need in times of emotional stress and compare notes.

Very best wishes!!
 

Little_Sticks

New member
Joined
Aug 19, 2009
Messages
1,358
...
Being the INTJ that I am, however, my energies in this relationship are now going to go to make sure that he is absolutely and completely happy and satisfied with everything (or as close as we can get to that).
...

Uhht-oohh. My something is wrong here sense is tingling. Here's some advice...don't do that. If I'm an INFP then I know that there's nothing more annoying then someone trying to make everything perfect and wanting to always know when something is wrong or that they did something. If this person likes you just enjoy being with them and not try to over-plan everything.

Oh, and I looked up the relationship on socionics and it confirms my first reaction, so it's probably worth looking over and considering.


Relations of Benefit

These relations are asymmetrical. One partner, called the Benefactor, is always in a more favourable position in respect to the other partner who is known as Beneficiary.

The Beneficiary thinks of the Benefactor as an interesting and meaningful person, usually over-evaluating them in the beginning. The Beneficiary can be impressed and delighted by their partner's behaviour, manners, thoughts and their ability to easily deal with things that the Beneficiary conceives as complicated. When partners are together, the Beneficiary involuntarily starts to ingratiate themselves with the Benefactor, trying to please them without any obvious reason. In the worst cases this starts from little things and then becomes bigger until the Beneficiary realises the foolishness of their situation.

The Beneficiary can see the weakness of the Benefactor, wishing to help their partner to strengthen themselves. Because the strongest point of the Beneficiary is the weak and unconscious point of the Benefactor, the Beneficiary is convinced that they are able to help. However, when the Beneficiary tries to help, the Benefactor usually refuses the help without any good explanation. The Beneficiary usually listens to every word the Benefactor says but there is no feedback, the Benefactor can not hear the Beneficiary. This may be sometimes unpleasant and even irritating for the Beneficiary.

The Benefactor accepts the Beneficiary as somebody who is lower in rank or social position and often undervalues them in the beginning. The reason for this is that the Benefactor feels that the Beneficiary needs something from them, that special something that only the Benefactor can provide. Therefore the Benefactor naturally finds themselves in an advanced position in respect to the Beneficiary, but are at the same time willing to encourage and take care of the Beneficiary.

Relations of Benefit may appear even and conflict free. Usually it is the Benefactor who initiates the contact. Partners can even feel some kind of spiritual connection between them. However, relations last only as long as the Benefactor has something to give and the Beneficiary has need of it. If this major condition is no longer fulfilled, relations enter quite an unpleasant stage of their development. The Beneficiary may begin ignoring the Benefactor completely or they may start to accentuate too many of the Benefactors inability, provoking arguments and quarrels. Finally, when the Benefactor is in a superior position to the Beneficiary, it can work quite well, but not when it is the other way round!
 

Costrin

rawr
Joined
Nov 1, 2008
Messages
2,320
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
I'm pretty sure Kristen is actually ILI (along with most MBTI INTJs). Making it a Kindred relationship. Unless the guy is EII, which is also common for MBTI INFPs. Making it Benefit again.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Why must people refer to socionics in reference to MBTI...

WHYYYYY

Just because you feel a certain way doesn't make it universal to all INFPs. :)

Kristen just so happens to be very happy in her relationship, and he likes her a lot.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Why must people refer to socionics in reference to MBTI...

WHYYYYY

Just because you feel a certain way doesn't make it universal to all INFPs. :)

Kristen just so happens to be very happy in her relationship, and he likes her a lot.

Some people just don't know the difference, and many of them don't seem to care that there is one.
 

Little_Sticks

New member
Joined
Aug 19, 2009
Messages
1,358
Some people just don't know the difference, and many of them don't seem to care that there is one.

It's close enough to MBTI (yes, it's technically different but people are more familiar with MBTI and probably won't want to invest in an hour long test to find out they are probably still the same type) and that's why I say consider and not this will happen, beware! even if they were sure of their socionic type.

All I know is I've successfully applied socionic relation examples to types (that I'm sure of) of people close to me that have failed relationships and have found the reasoning described in Socionics to be a very accurate depiction of what went wrong.

;) So don't freak out, it's just something to think about. That's why I post those things. Logic has its place to sometimes. If you pet logic on the head and give it ice cream once in a while sometimes it will help clarify some things. You can never have enough knowledge about a given situation. It always helps.
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
Joined
Mar 13, 2009
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
*cough* Benefit relationships do too work... *cough*

Was never here. ;)
 
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