[ENFP] Help Me Type Someone...Puleeze...

[Charmed Justice]

Help me type someone pleeze....

Facts:
*Young adult male
*High school drop out
*Has girlfriend(+1 year) and moved hundreds of miles from home to be with her(she's in college)
*Brags that girlfriend's BF/roomie is trying to sleep with him(claimed to have moved out of gf's place to avoid cheating) BUT-
*Attempts to physically cheat on GF right in her face


*Extremely friendly/charming
*Often seems to bubble over with joy(even has a little bounce to his walk)
*Flirts with all the ladies(old, young, ugly, cute...)


*Has developed a close relationship with my baby cousin(she seems very ENFP) and according to her, he has shared very private details of his life. That seemed surprising to me, because he seems to generally lack seriousness.
*According to my little cuz, he had a bad childhood, expressed that he hates his mother, parents are divorced and drug users(has used coke with both parents before), and he has a little sister at home(the only reason he states he even talks to his mother is to talk to his sister) He told my cousin that he wants to get his sister out of his mother's house
*He seems more outgoing than my cousin, and takes along to make rounds at parties

*According to what my cousin said that he told her, he uses drugs frequently, and seemingly uses whatever he can get his hands on(has a coke preference). Apparently he sees some of this as problematic, because he turns to my cousin for moral support when he feels he used too much.

*He has not tried to pressure her for sex, but he clearly wants some type of sexual relationship with her
*They sit and talk for hours and hours about "everything" according to her
*He is extremely sweet to me, and also has made an effort to get to know her mother(my sister).
*He wants to know all about our family
*He doesn't talk about the future of their relationship, but seems to assume that he will keep his gf(whose car he drives because he doesn't have his own) and also date my cousin
*My baby cousin is very smart(going to college), so it seems he likes college-educated women even though he dropped out of HS
*He has gone without a job for an extended period of time


*At work, he is apparently very good with customers. Getting down on their level to speak to them, smiling a lot, being attentive, and trying to meet their needs
*My cousin did state though that sometimes it seems he has a weak moral compass. For example, he worked at a restaurant for a time and dropped a spoon onto a dirty floor, and put it back into the serving dish citing that he didn't care because he didn't know the people and they didn't know he did it
*He has said some blatantly inappropriate things to people from what I hear, always apologizing, but still...
*He cracks a lot of jokes, and nothing seems to be off limits. My LC had to nearly break up a fight between this guy and another guy because this guy made a racial joke
*He and my cousin sit around listening to music and discussing it together
*He seems to dress well. Sometimes slightly peacocking with a flashy shirt. From what I've seen though, he dresses according to the trends, and accessorizes(hats, glasses, necklaces, sometimes diamond studs in his ears)
*He's a good speaker, a bad speller, but sends my cousin cute notes to pass the time when they are at work
*I'm confused between the F and T because frequently he seems to completely disregard the feelings of others as my cousin describes him, but he also seems incredibly sensitive to the her feelings, that of his sister, and other select people


My cousin is 18, and she and this guy spend nearly all of their time together. He is extremely sweet to her, and has no problem telling her how he feels about her(thinks/dreams about her, is crazy about her, etc...) She considers ethics all the time, and he follows her lead if she points out something he is doing that seems to be insensitive. He seems to have a lot of respect for her and she him as well, and frankly the two of them work very well together and take cues from each other well too. Anyway, interested in knowing what type you guys think he is. Again, I'm pretty sure my cousin is an ENFP.

 

[Charmed Justice]

:hi:

 

[Antimony]

Is he an ENFP?

 

[Fidelia]

Well, the childhood thing messes up being as sure of the typing. Some of the behaviour could be an attempt to deal with other things that are bothering him as well as his insecurities. Also drug use has an effect on moral compass and on behaviour, which also makes it more difficult to type. Would you guess him for some kind of NF? I don't think he sounds very much like a T. And if he's got that much in common to talk for hours with your baby cousin who is ENFP, he doesn't sound like an SJ. His attitude about responsibility also doesn't say SJ. He sounds pretty extroverted. So, EXFX so far. Any thoughts on your part? Does he seem intuitive or sensorlike?

 

[Antimony]

Well, the childhood thing messes up being as sure of the typing. Some of the behaviour could be an attempt to deal with other things that are bothering him as well as his insecurities. Also drug use has an effect on moral compass and on behaviour, which also makes it more difficult to type. Would you guess him for some kind of NF? I don't think he sounds very much like a T. And if he's got that much in common to talk for hours with your baby cousin who is ENFP, he doesn't sound like an SJ. His attitude about responsibility also doesn't say SJ. He sounds pretty extroverted. So, EXFX so far. Any thoughts on your part? Does he seem intuitive or sensorlike?

He is defintely not an SJ. I would also go with ENTP, some of it just sounds like some ENTP's I know, such as the whole putting the spoon back thing, as well as the "jokes that have gone too far for some people". I have a knack for doing that. But also, his ability to get down on people's level sounds very much like an ENFP I know.

I think he is intuitive, if he is so open to your cousin. N's I find are more apt to be much more open to other N's. The statement "you know, I never tell people things, but you are different" is one I hear a lot.

I would go with ENXP.

EDIT: re-reading, he is "trendy" and "flashy" and sounds just like an ENFP I know. Just because one does not consider another's feelings does not make them a thinker. T's can be highly considerate. However, ENTP's tend to dress nicely, but not so flashy.

He could be a misbalanced ENFP who is selfish.

 

[Charmed Justice]

He is defintely not an SJ. I would also go with ENTP, some of it just sounds like some ENTP's I know, such as the whole putting the spoon back thing, as well as the "jokes that have gone too far for some people". I have a knack for doing that. But also, his ability to get down on people's level sounds very much like an ENFP I know.

I think he is intuitive, if he is so open to your cousin. N's I find are more apt to be much more open to other N's. The statement "you know, I never tell people things, but you are different" is one I hear a lot.

I would go with ENXP.

EDIT: re-reading, he is "trendy" and "flashy" and sounds just like an ENFP I know. Just because one does not consider another's feelings does not make them a thinker. T's can be highly considerate. However, ENTP's tend to dress nicely, but not so flashy.

He could be a misbalanced ENFP who is selfish.

Yes, when I have seen him he has been occasionally flashy. Not so much as to call dramatic attention to himself, but enough that he is differentiated from the friends of his I've seen. Other times, he has simply dressed well put together with clothes that seem comfortable and up to date. I can see ENFP in that.

What throws me about the ENFP is that it's my cousin who always seems to be "reminding" him of his actions that seem utterly thoughtless and insensitive. She does it in very gentle ways that annoy our family and make many(mostly SJs) think she's gone mad. Like, the race joke he apparently made. She made no excuses for it, but explained to him that some people thought it was really offensive(I'm sure he knew). He seemed apologetic that he offended, according to her, but I thought us NFers were more sensitive than that.

He seems to have a thing for long term relationships...and cheating. I thought that was more SP.

Also to note, the kid has the most childish laugh I have ever witnessed in a young adult male. Very expressive. He almost giggles, mouth wide open, hand to belly. It's hilarious.

 

[Fidelia]

Just as a quick clarification, my reason for suspecting he was not an NT was not to do with lack of regard for other's feelings. In some respects Ts are better than Fs in that sense, depending on the maturity levels of either. However, the capriciousness doesn't sound like thinker behaviour. I think he'd be more likely to tell the girlfriend it was over if he was NT, not for moral reasons necessarily, but to reduce the mess of the aftermath. I also do not think he'd be looking to the ENFP as a moral compass, as he would have his own reasoning for it if he was an NT and not need someone else's approval for or against. It also doesn't sound NTish to gush on and on to the ENFP about how great she is.

My vote is ENFP (but would they really be attracted if they were exactly the same type? Maybe I guess...)

Or else SP (perhaps for some time the long talks could be sustained with him being entertaining and risk taking, while he enjoyed her warmth and interest in him which ENFPs are great at doing and could see her being a nice moral compass). SPs would also state what they think quite bluntly without embarrassment. They could be flashy sometimes. Still I think the childhood is a wildcard and I don't know enough SPs well to be accurate, but maybe a ESXP?

 

[Antimony]

Yes, when I have seen him he has been occasionally flashy. Not so much as to call dramatic attention to himself, but enough that he is differentiated from the friends of his I've seen. Other times, he has simply dressed well put together with clothes that seem comfortable and up to date. I can see ENFP in that.

What throws me about the ENFP is that it's my cousin who always seems to be "reminding" him of his actions that seem utterly thoughtless and insensitive. She does it in very gentle ways that annoy our family and make many(mostly SJs) think she's gone mad. Like, the race joke he apparently made. She made no excuses for it, but explained to him that some people thought it was really offensive(I'm sure he knew). He seemed apologetic that he offended, according to her, but I thought us NFers were more sensitive than that.

He seems to have a thing for long term relationships...and cheating. I thought that was more SP.

Also to note, the kid has the most childish laugh I have ever witnessed in a young adult male. Very expressive. He almost giggles, mouth wide open, hand to belly. It's hilarious.

NF's are supposed to be pretty sensitive. I know an ESFP who cheated, but had a flair for long term. Then again, I still feel there is an ENFP thing. I was greatly attracted to an ENTP like myself, moreso than I have been to anyone.

So, at least EXXP.

Just as a quick clarification, my reason for suspecting he was not an NT was not to do with lack of regard for other's feelings. In some respects Ts are better than Fs in that sense, depending on the maturity levels of either. However, the capriciousness doesn't sound like thinker behaviour. I think he'd be more likely to tell the girlfriend it was over if he was NT, not for moral reasons necessarily, but to reduce the mess of the aftermath. I also do not think he'd be looking to the ENFP as a moral compass, as he would have his own reasoning for it if he was an NT and not need someone else's approval for or against. It also doesn't sound NTish to gush on and on to the ENFP about how great she is.

My vote is ENFP (but would they really be attracted if they were exactly the same type? Maybe I guess...)

Or else SP (perhaps for some time the long talks could be sustained with him being entertaining and risk taking, while he enjoyed her warmth and interest in him which ENFPs are great at doing and could see her being a nice moral compass). SPs would also state what they think quite bluntly without embarrassment. They could be flashy sometimes. Still I think the childhood is a wildcard and I don't know enough SPs well to be accurate, but maybe a ESXP?

Maybe. I still was going for ENFP. The relation to each other is very great.

Yea, an NT would break that off. ESXP sounds plausible.

 

[Thalassa]

I think he sounds like an ESFP without question. I don't get ENFP at all.

 

[amelie]

I think he sounds too dysfunctional to type. The MBTI is designed as a personality measure for a normal population, but he is taking drugs and displaying some fairly problematic behaviors...too hard to tell.

 

[Thalassa]

I think he sounds too dysfunctional to type. The MBTI is designed as a personality measure for a normal population, but he is taking drugs and displaying some fairly problematic behaviors...too hard to tell.

I disagree. I don't think a person can be "too dysfunctional" to type. If that's the case, anyone with any sort of mental illness or personality disorder could not be typed.

It's not about being dysfunctional, it's about *the way* he's displaying his dysfunction.

There have been threads in this forum for typing Sylvia Plath and Eminem and Michael Jackson. Yeah, I think dysfunctional people can be typed.

I have a type.

 

[Fidelia]

I do think that dysfunctional people will display their dysfunction according to type. However, sometimes the fact that the shadow side of them is coming out, or that they are adopting different traits to cope with life circumstances (ie both parents having drug problems, ensuing insecurity etc) makes it hard to know. The behaviours displayed depend very much upon circumstances, the people surrounding them, how things are going in their personal life at the time and so on. This is what obscures or make the lines of someone's personality fuzzy for someone who does not know them extremely well.

 

[amelie]

I disagree. I don't think a person can be "too dysfunctional" to type. If that's the case, anyone with any sort of mental illness or personality disorder could not be typed.

It's not about being dysfunctional, it's about *the way* he's displaying his dysfunction.

There have been threads in this forum for typing Sylvia Plath and Eminem and Michael Jackson. Yeah, I think dysfunctional people can be typed.

I have a type.

I'm not too familiar with the norms for the Myers-Briggs, but I believe it was normed on a non-clinical population, and would therefore be invalid (or less valid) on someone who belongs in a clinical setting. But, you might be right...

 

[Charmed Justice]

I love the analysis, and hope to get better at it, so thanks guys!


I would agree, he is rather dysfunctional at 21. Nonetheless, his behavior has been very consistent with my cousin for quite awhile now. She did ask him why he wouldn't break up with the girlfriend, and he does seem to fear a break-up in general. Further, my cousin has made no commitment to him, although she loves him the drug use keeps her at a distance. He has publicly raged at his gf while high-all verbal-but still...My cousin was there to see it, and actually got him to calm down, but she is waiting to see if he cares to ever seek help before getting involved on a committed level. He also expressed to her that he doesn't want to be "alone". God, I'm glad I'm not 20ish anymore!!

Has anyone read the book How To Stop Elderly Abuse? Strangely, it's all about the Myers Briggs, marriage compatibility, and the way the types act when being....dysfunctional. How to Stop Elderly Abuse: A ... - Google Books

Also, according to this book the ESFP man can be a soul mate to the ENFP woman. And according to PersonalityDesk.com, opposites do not attract, and the ENFP does best with another ENFP, other NFs, and extroverted NTs. Interesting....

 

[Charmed Justice]

I think he sounds like an ESFP without question. I don't get ENFP at all.

Do SPs talk in terms of their "dreams"?

 

[SubjectA]

ENFP or ESFP I think.

 

[BlueScreen]

I've known an ESTP who fitted that pretty closely. Just because he fills out ENFP or ESFP actions, doesn't make him one. He may have just liked that image.

 

[Antimony]

I love the analysis, and hope to get better at it, so thanks guys!


I would agree, he is rather dysfunctional at 21. Nonetheless, his behavior has been very consistent with my cousin for quite awhile now. She did ask him why he wouldn't break up with the girlfriend, and he does seem to fear a break-up in general. Further, my cousin has made no commitment to him, although she loves him the drug use keeps her at a distance. He has publicly raged at his gf while high-all verbal-but still...My cousin was there to see it, and actually got him to calm down, but she is waiting to see if he cares to ever seek help before getting involved on a committed level. He also expressed to her that he doesn't want to be "alone". God, I'm glad I'm not 20ish anymore!!

Has anyone read the book How To Stop Elderly Abuse? Strangely, it's all about the Myers Briggs, marriage compatibility, and the way the types act when being....dysfunctional. How to Stop Elderly Abuse: A ... - Google Books

Also, according to this book the ESFP man can be a soul mate to the ENFP woman. And according to PersonalityDesk.com, opposites do not attract, and the ENFP does best with another ENFP, other NFs, and extroverted NTs. Interesting....

The odd thing about that was I was theorizing on that the other night.

I still hold with ENFP though. Especially about the "dream" thing.

 

[Heart&Brain]

Help me type someone pleeze....

*Extremely friendly/charming
*Often seems to bubble over with joy(even has a little bounce to his walk)
*Flirts with all the ladies(old, young, ugly, cute...)


*Has developed a close relationship with my baby cousin(she seems very ENFP) and according to her, he has shared very private details of his life. That seemed surprising to me, because he seems to generally lack seriousness.
*According to my little cuz, he had a bad childhood, expressed that he hates his mother, parents are divorced and drug users(has used coke with both parents before), and he has a little sister at home(the only reason he states he even talks to his mother is to talk to his sister) He told my cousin that he wants to get his sister out of his mother's house
*He seems more outgoing than my cousin, and takes along to make rounds at parties

*According to what my cousin said that he told her, he uses drugs frequently, and seemingly uses whatever he can get his hands on(has a coke preference). Apparently he sees some of this as problematic, because he turns to my cousin for moral support when he feels he used too much.

*He has not tried to pressure her for sex, but he clearly wants some type of sexual relationship with her
*They sit and talk for hours and hours about "everything" according to her
*He is extremely sweet to me, and also has made an effort to get to know her mother(my sister).
*He wants to know all about our family
*He doesn't talk about the future of their relationship, but seems to assume that he will keep his gf(whose car he drives because he doesn't have his own) and also date my cousin
*My baby cousin is very smart(going to college), so it seems he likes college-educated women even though he dropped out of HS
*He has gone without a job for an extended period of time


*At work, he is apparently very good with customers. Getting down on their level to speak to them, smiling a lot, being attentive, and trying to meet their needs
*My cousin did state though that sometimes it seems he has a weak moral compass. For example, he worked at a restaurant for a time and dropped a spoon onto a dirty floor, and put it back into the serving dish citing that he didn't care because he didn't know the people and they didn't know he did it
*He has said some blatantly inappropriate things to people from what I hear, always apologizing, but still...
*He cracks a lot of jokes, and nothing seems to be off limits. My LC had to nearly break up a fight between this guy and another guy because this guy made a racial joke
*He and my cousin sit around listening to music and discussing it together
*He seems to dress well. Sometimes slightly peacocking with a flashy shirt. From what I've seen though, he dresses according to the trends, and accessorizes(hats, glasses, necklaces, sometimes diamond studs in his ears)
*He's a good speaker, a bad speller, but sends my cousin cute notes to pass the time when they are at work
*I'm confused between the F and T because frequently he seems to completely disregard the feelings of others as my cousin describes him, but he also seems incredibly sensitive to the her feelings, that of his sister, and other select people


My cousin is 18, and she and this guy spend nearly all of their time together. He is extremely sweet to her, and has no problem telling her how he feels about her(thinks/dreams about her, is crazy about her, etc...) She considers ethics all the time, and he follows her lead if she points out something he is doing that seems to be insensitive. He seems to have a lot of respect for her and she him as well, and frankly the two of them work very well together and take cues from each other well too. Anyway, interested in knowing what type you guys think he is. Again, I'm pretty sure my cousin is an ENFP.

ESFP. Definitely ESFP.
Everything you've told reminds me of a female ESFP I know a bit. Extremely charming, reads situations and people's feelings and body language immediately and trusts her impulses as to how to interact with them to make things feel even better. Men hit on her when she is not flirting, and I think it's because she in a completely natural and unconscious way makes everybody around her feel seen and engaged simply with her powerful presence in the here&now. She is totally outgoing, much more than an ENFP like me. She dated my ENFJ-friend intensely (everything she does is intense!) for half a year and they didn't stay home to make dinner one single time during that period.

A really big issue for him, and I guess for any NF with an ESFP, was exactly the dreams. They would dream about buying a house together and make a lot of babies. For an NF dreams are real motivators for action to come. He was feeding intuitions of the future. For her, on the contrary, talking about the future FELT NICE IN THE MOMENT. But it was only in the moment. It was a way to make their infatuated here&now even more intense. She loved to talk future plans, but it had no impact whatsoever on the actions she would take a day, a week or a year later. Or even an hour later sometimes!

If she could stick with a normal plan for just the 15 minutes it took him to go to meet her, it was already impressive. Most likely the plan would have been changed a couple of times before he got there and they would end up doing yet another thing that just showed up on the horizon. Future plans even further than 15 minutes? Nope.

They don't date anymore, but occasionally, when she hasn't got other things to do, she remembers the nice, warm feeling from sharing grand, loving dreams with him and calls him for a few hours to get that feeling again. Of course it still has no impact on building up to fulfilling dreams. The fulfilling IS the intense connection it creates in the moment.

She is not dishonest about her feelings at that moment, not at all manipulative or calculating. She feels the truth of every word in the moment she says them. But an NF gets utterly confused to learn that IT IS ONLY IN THAT MOMENT. What the next moment will bring for her to feel warm and nice and intense about is unpredictable. NF's trust their intuition for the future. SP's trust their impulses for the here&now.
That's why an impulse to engage in dreaming with an NF might seem N-ish, but it is really a way of working SP-magic to intensify positive interaction in the here&now. But idealistic dreams and NF-intuitions have zero influence on future choices for an ESFP like her. Needless to say, it hurts an NF when they discover that dreaming and dreaming can be two different things. Eventually it wore my friend's feelings thin.

Oh - and with the flashy look?
I've read that one way to tell the differences between ENFP and ESFP is that the ESFP knows how to apply nail polish so it looks good!

 

[Charmed Justice]

So we're between ESFP and ENFP-the look a likes.