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[INFP] Accepting your Flaws..INFPs

Jack_Rabid

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May 14, 2009
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28
MBTI Type
ISFP
I am New here!! I am in a, or was in very intense relationship with an INFP

As predicted, things have kinda taken a turn for the "less than stellar".. I know a lot of it has to do with not being emotionally aware enough..

But my issue was/is... My INFP just can't seem to handle that she is not pure in every way.. what I mean is.. she really has trouble with her flaw being pointed out..(which is a touch of hypocrisy.. "I can break my rules.. you can't") .. And even on those rare occasions when I could articulate myself and seemed to find the key to communicating and show her how it hurt me, and see her express remorse.. She would almost immediately start to take it back..and before long I was saying sorry for something too..

Is this common for INFPs in general.. or was it simply a poor dynamic of our personality types???

Do you guys and gals have trouble knowing you have the odd less than desirable trait??

Please help me understand..what I am so obviously not getting

I do not enjoy hurting her.. and cannot always carry the burden of having done so..
 
Last edited:

Scott N Denver

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Apr 25, 2009
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2,898
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4w5
Kiersey says its a big deal for us. I've never felt that way though. Fi is very idealistic. The bar is set !!!VERY!!! high.
 

TSDesigner

Member
Joined
Jul 20, 2009
Messages
209
MBTI Type
INTJ
I watched an INFP on youtube and she gave me the impression that she expects everyone to conform to all her beliefs and all her humanitarian causes or else she will think you're a very bad person. She seemed really pushy with her beliefs and causes underneath her surface niceness.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
INFPs do have a hard time accepting their flaws. We hate contradicting ourselves, and when we do we get all weird on the inside. She was probably contradicting herself in some way and felt bad about it, and then seeing you break one of her unspoken rules made her angry.

Is this common for INFPs in general.. or was it simply a poor dynamic of our personality types???

Why would it be a poor dynamic of your personality types? This may very well be common for INFPs in general, I've observed this on here and also in people's complaints and experience with INFPs. This seems to be mostly with the females though strangely. I personally don't do this, but I like to consider myself different.

Do you guys and gals have trouble knowing you have the odd less than desirable trait??

What do you mean by this?

I watched an INFP on youtube and she gave me the impression that she expects everyone to conform to all her beliefs and all her humanitarian causes or else she will think you're a very bad person. She seemed really pushy with her beliefs and causes underneath her surface niceness.

Ignorance is bliss.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I am New here!! I was in a, or was in very intense relationship with an INFP

As predicted, things have kinda taken a turn for the "less than stellar".. I know a lot of it has to do with not being emotionally aware enough..

But my issue was/is... My INFP just can't seem to handle that she is not pure in every way.. what I mean is.. she really has trouble with her flaw being pointed out..(which is a touch of hypocrisy.. "I can break my rules.. you can't") .. And even on those rare occasions when I could articulate myself and seemed to find the key to communicating and show her how it hurt me, and see her express remorse.. She would almost immediately start to take it back..and before long I was saying sorry for something too..

Is this common for INFPs in general.. or was it simply a poor dynamic of our personality types???

Do you guys and gals have trouble knowing you have the odd less than desirable trait??

Please help me understand..what I am so obviously not getting

I do not enjoy hurting her.. and cannot always carry the burden of having done so..
She should get an older brother trust me, they're great at letting you know when you suck.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
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6w7
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sx
Hmm...first of all, is she young? That might be it. Some people won't admit their flaws because they're insecure or not ready to face themselves. I know my mom does that kind of thing, she's middle aged, and most likely an ESFP. I don't know that it's necessarily an INFP thing, but I do identify to doing that when I was younger. I am very conscious of trying to be real now, maybe because my mother's self-absorbed piety makes me want to punch her, and I don't want to be like that.
 

Thalassa

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sx
Come to think of it, maybe it's Fi that causes that crap - ESFPs and ISFPs have Fi just like INFPs and ENFPs do.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I am New here!! I was in a, or was in very intense relationship with an INFP

As predicted, things have kinda taken a turn for the "less than stellar".. I know a lot of it has to do with not being emotionally aware enough..

But my issue was/is... My INFP just can't seem to handle that she is not pure in every way.. what I mean is.. she really has trouble with her flaw being pointed out..(which is a touch of hypocrisy.. "I can break my rules.. you can't") .. And even on those rare occasions when I could articulate myself and seemed to find the key to communicating and show her how it hurt me, and see her express remorse.. She would almost immediately start to take it back..and before long I was saying sorry for something too..

Is this common for INFPs in general.. or was it simply a poor dynamic of our personality types???

Do you guys and gals have trouble knowing you have the odd less than desirable trait??

Please help me understand..what I am so obviously not getting

I do not enjoy hurting her.. and cannot always carry the burden of having done so..

There's not enough information here to give any kind of real feedback. jmo. What were the flaws that you had a problem with? What was the context in which the discussions came up?
 

Jack_Rabid

New member
Joined
May 14, 2009
Messages
28
MBTI Type
ISFP
INFPs do have a hard time accepting their flaws. We hate contradicting ourselves, and when we do we get all weird on the inside. She was probably contradicting herself in some way and felt bad about it, and then seeing you break one of her unspoken rules made her angry.

This I would say nails it..

Why would it be a poor dynamic of your personality types? This may very well be common for INFPs in general, I've observed this on here and also in people's complaints and experience with INFPs. This seems to be mostly with the females though strangely. I personally don't do this, but I like to consider myself different.

Well we get along so brilliantly every way.. except conflict.. and no amount of intellect,reasoning or emotional submission seems to help.. We just end accusing each other or not listening..

What do you mean by this?

Simply, is it common for the type to take criticism.. even soft and gentle criticism very poorly?

Ignorance is bliss.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 

Jack_Rabid

New member
Joined
May 14, 2009
Messages
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ISFP
Hmm...first of all, is she young? That might be it. Some people won't admit their flaws because they're insecure or not ready to face themselves. I know my mom does that kind of thing, she's middle aged, and most likely an ESFP. I don't know that it's necessarily an INFP thing, but I do identify to doing that when I was younger. I am very conscious of trying to be real now, maybe because my mother's self-absorbed piety makes me want to punch her, and I don't want to be like that.

She is 47.. very wise.. yet not always so self aware.. Or is it Too self aware??
 

Jack_Rabid

New member
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May 14, 2009
Messages
28
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ISFP
There's not enough information here to give any kind of real feedback. jmo. What were the flaws that you had a problem with? What was the context in which the discussions came up?

Ok then.. I am kinda private.. but I am also really hurting.. and willing to gain whatever insight I can..so I will share a little.. But I must say in advance.. that you are only getting my perception and she might have something completely different to say on the subject if she was part of the conversation..

For example.. honesty.. she says this is paramount.. yet she is not so willing to practice it herself... I am expected to share all .. and I have no justification for ever being dishonest or withholding info.. But she is justified always.. it's almost like she considers herself the Moral expert so her judgment is always valid but mine is underhanded.. they probably came up at the wrong time a little too often.. I seemed to get that one wrong quite often.. not knowing when not too approach her

Is that more helpful??

Oh!! or how about?.. internet history.. mine is never deleted and there for her to see.. hers on the other hand is deleted automatically when she closes a window.. or so she says.. but I checked her settings.. and it is set to delete after 3 days.. which means she manually deletes it..

Yet I am questioned about my internet behavior ..and not believed often when I respond.. however I must trust her that she is not hiding something and if I dare to question it.. I have gone where I shouldn't.. I lack faith in her love.. and she only deletes her history because her kids use her PC.. which is silly.. because she see her kids on average once a month..and even when she does.. they don't always go her PC..

Obviously I am going to point out the hypocrisy at this point..

I hope that helps more with context
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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sp/sx
I find the exact opposite in other INFPs and myself: we are painfully, painfully aware of our flaws, more so than others. However, we are very sensitive to having them thrown in our face, so it needs to be done with care and in a constructive manner. Being idealists, our flaws can become over-magnified to the point of immobilizing us, so gentle encouragement goes much farther than harsh critiques.
 

Jack_Rabid

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I find the exact opposite in other INFPs and myself: we are painfully, painfully aware of our flaws, more so than others. However, we are very sensitive to having them thrown in our face, so it needs to be done with care and in a constructive manner. Being idealists, our flaws can become over-magnified to the point of immobilizing us, so gentle encouragement goes much farther than harsh critiques.

This is a serious failing of mine... and you sound exactly like her...

I am realizing that she is right.. I am an asshole
 

OrangeAppled

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This is a serious failing of mine... and you sound exactly like her...

I am realizing that she is right.. I am an asshole

Actually, you may be right about her flaws, but INFPs have to be dealt with delicately in these situations, which I imagine can be a bit like walking on egg shells for people. You may need to soften a bit, and she may need to toughen up a bit & take criticism without always going on the defense.

In my case, when I receive criticism, even if I refute it in the moment out of hurt, I do reflect later on it, mull it over, and make changes if I decide it's necessary. So if she sounds like me, maybe she is not brushing the criticism off internally.
 

Scott N Denver

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I find the exact opposite in other INFPs and myself: we are painfully, painfully aware of our flaws, more so than others. However, we are very sensitive to having them thrown in our face, so it needs to be done with care and in a constructive manner. Being idealists, our flaws can become over-magnified to the point of immobilizing us, so gentle encouragement goes much farther than harsh critiques.

I fully concur.

"Why aren't I perfect yet!?!?!?!" could be the official INFP motto
 

Jack_Rabid

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Actually, you may be right about her flaws, but INFPs have to be dealt with delicately in these situations, which I imagine can be a bit like walking on egg shells for people. You may need to soften a bit, and she may need to toughen up a bit & take criticism without always going on the defense.

In my case, when I receive criticism, even if I refute it in the moment out of hurt, I do reflect later on it, mull it over, and make changes if I decide it's necessary. So if she sounds like me, maybe she is not brushing the criticism off internally.

YES!!!!!! but that is also my failing.. I want results and can rarely give her the time she needs..

but after she has mulled and apologized.. If of course I was in fact correct in the 1st place...It seems that the admission itself is something that cannot be accepted and the she goes on the offensive..

it would have been wonderful indeed, if she could have also toughened up a little or at least realized my ultimate goal was harmony between us..and not take it as an all out personal attack..I am not always soft.. but I try to be fair honest and just in lieu.. I guess that is just not what she needs
 

Jack_Rabid

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I fully concur.

"Why aren't I perfect yet!?!?!?!" could be the official INFP motto

Perfect is unattainable.. especially in human dynamics.. personally or in relations to others ..

Just come to grips with that..You may not be perfect.. but pretty damn awesome is still pretty damn awesome and it's nothing to be ashamed of..
 

Scott N Denver

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Perfect is unattainable.. especially in human dynamics.. personally or in relations to others ..

Just come to grips with that..You may not be perfect.. but pretty damn awesome is still pretty damn awesome and it's nothing to be ashamed of..

You miss the point. INFP's are perfectionists, particularly wrt to our own morals/ethics. Don't try to bring reality or even just reasonableness into this! :newwink:

INFP's are generally considered the most idealistic of all the NF idealists. I don't know how to convey just how to idealistic we are/can be, other than to say VERY!!!
 

Jack_Rabid

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Messages
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ISFP
You miss the point. INFP's are perfectionists, particularly wrt to our own morals/ethics. Don't try to bring reality or even just reasonableness into this! :newwink:

INFP's are generally considered the most idealistic of all the NF idealists. I don't know how to convey just how to idealistic we are/can be, other than to say VERY!!!
I guess I DO miss the point and this is typical of me in dealing with my INFP.. I am intelligent an observant but When it comes to her.. and you, now.. I simply miss the point..

being a perfectionist when you are not perfect .. especially morally and ethically.. is illogical.. all you do is set yourself up disappointment by setting standards that cant always be maintained by you or the people you love
 
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