[INFP] Accepting your Flaws..INFPs

[runvardh]

This sounds of inexperience on both sides of the fence; I agree with most of what is said here. Myself, I'd take on an INTJ for her organized logic. Then again, in living the live that I have, I ended up becoming jaded about the idea of perfection. I've also found that it's easier to become what I want in myself than it is to expect it out of others. As a result I my standards for others is rather low.

 

[Stanton Moore]

Exactly! Excellent way to put that nebbykoo.

Thank you! the brain is working well this morning.

 

[kafkasmirkingrevenge]

I find the exact opposite in other INFPs and myself: we are painfully, painfully aware of our flaws, more so than others. However, we are very sensitive to having them thrown in our face, so it needs to be done with care and in a constructive manner. Being idealists, our flaws can become over-magnified to the point of immobilizing us, so gentle encouragement goes much farther than harsh critiques.

The bolded part is exactly it.

I am the INFP that's being discussed here.

This situation is WAY more complicated then the OP has set out. There is a whole other side to this that is not being understood at all.

I don't have the time at the moment, but I will be back to respond with my side to this.

For now, I will just say this. Flying into an emotional rage and bulldozing me with everything that's WRONG with ME doesn't work.

Also, when I say it's not a good time to talk and I need to be alone......


LISTEN


TO



ME



....I know it's hard when you think you're so f**king right all time.


But try.


Listening.....it doesn't hurt you know.

 

[Jack_Rabid]

I was going to write a long post after reading through this thread, but changed my mind and will tell you this instead:

The day I realized that I couldn't fix everything, couldn't save everyone, couldn't do all things, wouldn't understand all things, couldn't be perfect, I cried.

When I truly understood that my body would age and even betray me, that my mind could indeed be forgetful, that my heart wasn't always compassionate, and my soul not always open and honest, I cried.

I am not trying to be overly dramatic, but perfection means that much. Trying to be perfect may be illogical, but that still does not detract from the desired attainment of it. (We're like the Borg; resistance to that inner calling is futile!)

Your girl sounds like she has put up walls to protect her from these truths, to deflect from the harshness of them. You pointing out to her she is only human is probably not the reality check you think it is, it is paramount to telling her she is a failure.

If there is a chance for you to get back together, be gentle in this area. Be yourself though, don't just cave in to her emotional states. For any relationship to work, it requires honestly and willingness for both parties to "meet in the middle". But if I was with a man who continually wanted me to face my imperfections, it would be hard for me too. I already feel painfully aware of where I am lacking.

All of this is very true.. and When it comes to feeling a failure.. it's one area where empathy comes with ease.. the issue is not so much that I don't understand how and why she feels the way she does.. but when your shortcomings are the very things you find intolerable about others... Shouldn't you treat people the way you wish they would treat you.??

Now don't get me wrong.. because I can be the same kind of oblivious to this as she can .. I can also forget the treat others as you wish to be treated credo..the difference is that I own it..and that is because I respect her enough to own it.. I can't own it though.. if she is unwilling to own it also.. Simply put.. it's not fair

 

[Jack_Rabid]

I was going to write a long post after reading through this thread, but changed my mind and will tell you this instead:

The day I realized that I couldn't fix everything, couldn't save everyone, couldn't do all things, wouldn't understand all things, couldn't be perfect, I cried.

When I truly understood that my body would age and even betray me, that my mind could indeed be forgetful, that my heart wasn't always compassionate, and my soul not always open and honest, I cried.

I am not trying to be overly dramatic, but perfection means that much. Trying to be perfect may be illogical, but that still does not detract from the desired attainment of it. (We're like the Borg; resistance to that inner calling is futile!)

That is profound.. and logical.. See..? you guys can do it sometimes..:hi:

 

[runvardh]

The bolded part is exactly it.

I am the INFP that's being discussed here.

This situation is WAY more complicated then the OP has set out. There is a whole other side to this that is not being understood at all.

I don't have the time at the moment, but I will be back to respond with my side to this.

For now, I will just say this. Flying into an emotional rage and bulldozing me with everything that's WRONG with ME doesn't work.

Also, when I say it's not a good time to talk and I need to be alone......


LISTEN


TO



ME



....I know it's hard when you think you're so f**king right all time.


But try.


Listening.....it doesn't hurt you know.

This already sets a worrying stage that some of us may be right, but I'll wait and listen when you get back.

 

[Stanton Moore]

I was going to write a long post after reading through this thread, but changed my mind and will tell you this instead:

The day I realized that I couldn't fix everything, couldn't save everyone, couldn't do all things, wouldn't understand all things, couldn't be perfect, I cried.

When I truly understood that my body would age and even betray me, that my mind could indeed be forgetful, that my heart wasn't always compassionate, and my soul not always open and honest, I cried.

I am not trying to be overly dramatic, but perfection means that much. Trying to be perfect may be illogical, but that still does not detract from the desired attainment of it. (We're like the Borg; resistance to that inner calling is futile!).

Briliant. This sums it up, and in a subtle, complex, INFP way. Makes me proud to be one...

 

[heart]

Criticism offends me when:
1. The person is not in a position to criticize me. For example, if I was a hairstylist and some random person on the street said that I was doing something wrong, that'd really irritate me.
2. When I think the person means it personally. Meaning: "I hate this about you. It drives me insane. I think less of you for it." That hurts. I don't like that I have traits that drive people insane. If the person meant it in an objective, "I love you anyways" way, I wouldn't care as much.
3. If it's too harsh. It isn't constructive, or neccessary. The person said it just to say it. It's like: jeez, what did I do to deserve THAT?

Yes.

Criticism offends me when it appears that the other person is nitpicking and looking for things to nab me on. But then again, it seems to be the nature of INJs to look for things to be critical about when under stress and when I am under stress that's a bad time to bring the laundry list out to berate me with. So this often sets up bad times between me and my INFJ husband in times of our stress.

I'd prefer a negotiation type exchange than someone just ratting on me like they are a superior or manager.

But I've seen enough years to know that I am not perfect and I certainly have my bad points that I try hard to work on.

..

 

[Jack_Rabid]

The bolded part is exactly it.

I am the INFP that's being discussed here.

This situation is WAY more complicated then the OP has set out. There is a whole other side to this that is not being understood at all.

I don't have the time at the moment, but I will be back to respond with my side to this.

For now, I will just say this. Flying into an emotional rage and bulldozing me with everything that's WRONG with ME doesn't work.

Also, when I say it's not a good time to talk and I need to be alone......


LISTEN


TO



ME



....I know it's hard when you think you're so f**king right all time.


But try.


Listening.....it doesn't hurt you know.

Darling, I did say at the very beginning of this thread.. that I am only presenting My side of things.. and that I am sure you would likely have a much different perspective..

I am here because I care enough to want to understand why I am failing you in what matters most to you....Not because I want to hurt or pick on you.. The people who have taken the time to respond, have been very helpful.. and that is because they do not have any emotional involvement..I need to hear about this.. without feeling threatened.. Or hurt myself.. A few people have spoken directly to my logic.. yet managed to get the emotional result needed for me to empathize.. Directly appealing to empathy seems to be the key.. It's incredible what you can learn on the internet

 

[PeaceBaby]

That is profound.. and logical.. See..? you guys can do it sometimes..:hi:

Careful now ...

This already sets a worrying stage that some of us may be right, but I'll wait and listen when you get back.

 

[Nonsensical]

I think INFPs are perfect as they are.

 

[Nonsensical]

One should see perfection even through sometimes meaningless flaws.

 

[Saslou]

One should see perfection even through sometimes meaningless flaws.

I know i shouldn't be posting here but i don't really care.
Perfection although taking many forms means you have to take control of everything, no errors, perfect performances to be totally competent. Name me one individual who is capable of that. Those expectations are far to high, you can only disappoint yourself which can lead to depression.
A perfectionists mindset means you will find flaws, how frustrating must that be to others and yourself.

Jeez. Lower the bar and live a happy and healthy life.
We get one chance to go, be and do. Yet we put these obstacles in our way.

 

[Udog]

For now, I will just say this. Flying into an emotional rage and bulldozing me with everything that's WRONG with ME doesn't work.

Also, when I say it's not a good time to talk and I need to be alone......


LISTEN


TO



ME

Yes, this is very important when dealing with an INFP.

Listening.....it doesn't hurt you know.

Just remember this is a two way street. With some people, you have to hear them out before they will be willing to listen to you. However, if you hear them out and they still won't listen to your side, then you need to find someone new in your life.

 

[Prototype]

I'll put my INFP stamp of approval on this thread

 

[Prototype]

Is it just me, or is there almost an angelic feel to most INFP's/

 

[Nonsensical]

I know i shouldn't be posting here but i don't really care.
Perfection although taking many forms means you have to take control of everything, no errors, perfect performances to be totally competent. Name me one individual who is capable of that. Those expectations are far to high, you can only disappoint yourself which can lead to depression.
A perfectionists mindset means you will find flaws, how frustrating must that be to others and yourself.

Jeez. Lower the bar and live a happy and healthy life.
We get one chance to go, be and do. Yet we put these obstacles in our way.

I know that. Maybe they aren't perfect to everybody..but they are perfect in my eyes. It's simple.

 

[Scott N Denver]

I know i shouldn't be posting here but i don't really care.
Perfection although taking many forms means you have to take control of everything, no errors, perfect performances to be totally competent. Name me one individual who is capable of that. Those expectations are far to high, you can only disappoint yourself which can lead to depression.
A perfectionists mindset means you will find flaws, how frustrating must that be to others and yourself.

Jeez. Lower the bar and live a happy and healthy life.
We get one chance to go, be and do. Yet we put these obstacles in our way.

consider it "aspriing for an ideal" instead of "seeking perfection"

 

[heart]

This already sets a worrying stage that some of us may be right, but I'll wait and listen when you get back.

I don't understand how this comment can be made. There hasn't been enough information here to make a judgement on either one's behavior.

 

[Saslou]

consider it "aspriing for an ideal" instead of "seeking perfection"

You are not just playing with words here. Aspiring for an (your) ideal is still going to be perfection in your eyes due to the morals and values you place on it/that/them etc.

P.S. I love spinning words also.