I don't like the new age kind of self-help stuff out there like Conversations With God, or Deepak Chopra (sp?), or M. Scott Peck or A Course In Miracles.
However, reading books by people like Dale Carnegie shaped my thinking as far as relating to people effectively, paying attention to people when they talk and listening rather than only transmitting your own ideas or agenda, making them feel special and focussing on someone other than yourself.
While I don't agree with Dr. Phil on some things and am a little skeptical about him generally and think he is a sell out now, I think he had a good message for the times and I took away the statement "You teach people how to treat you".
Dr. Laura Schlessinger had, I believe, some very practical advice for people during that space in the 90s when no one else was saying the same thing. Growing up in Canada, I didn't have the same experience as I've found in the States of radio personalities being either way right (Rush Limbaugh) or way left, so she doesn't have those connotations for me. She just sparked me thinking about some things that I maybe wouldn't have considered as early on otherwise and filled a gap where it was needed for those times.
I don't agree with every line the John Gray has written and I believe he isn't even a real Dr. even though his book covers claim that distinction. On the other hand, there were a few useful bits I carried away from Men Are From Mars...He also said something later about men having difficulties apologizing and women having trouble forgiving and letting things go. He proposed that the purpose of engagement is for each gender to practice what they are weak at in that regard and to make sure that they can successfully resolve conflict.
There was one book I read (never bought it because they didn't have a soft cover version) and can't remember what the title was. They had an idea in there though that we all need a circle of go to people in our lives: people who either possess different qualities and perspectives, or who have different professions and skill sets. We should be thinking about what we bring to a friendship in those terms and also look at what the other person has to offer in a friendship that way. They suggest expanding your circle of friends to include a variety of types of people for both practical reasons as well as for having access to people who can introduce you to whole sets of different types of people than you would normally encounter. I thought that idea had some merit.
There was another book called Why Men Marry Bitches (or some stupid title like that). While it wouldn't have been something I'd buy, it made a couple of good points. One of them is that women should not be turning themselves inside out trying to adjust for someone who may or may not commit to them. The other is that a man will actually much better respect someone who draws lines for how they expect to be treated and what they will tolerate and they will be treated much better than if they are too accommodating (in an unhealthy way). I think that's good advice.
