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[ENFJ] ENFJ Women: Do You Like Ignoring?

fill

"Everything in its place"
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I went out with a girl I'm pretty sure is an ENFJ, and we had a lovely time. When we parted, she said we should hang out again. I tried contacting her, and got nothing.

So I hung out with another girl, and she's taken Myers-Briggs and scored ENFJ. We had a lovely time, and when we parted, she said we should hang out again. Tried contacting her, and got the same results as with the other.

Then I talked to my ISTJ friend who's had a long-term relationship with an ENFJ girl, and he said the exact same thing happened to him when he and his girlfriend first met.

What's the deal?
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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Eh? :-\

What is defined as "ignoring" anyway? One phone call? Five? Twenty?
 

fill

"Everything in its place"
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Hah, I'm not sure. Maybe it's not an ENFJ thing.

My friend told me that was his girlfriend's way of "acknowledging" him.

Maybe this topic isn't relevant, so you can just... ignore it. (Haha!)
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
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Can I be an enfj woman ? (say yes)

I can be very good at ignoring, I swear.
(say yes!)
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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I'm already deliciously ignoring you, Mr. Eck.
 

the state i am in

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i had a similar situation. at first it was upsetting but i was pretty quickly nonchalant about the whole thing. the weird thing was the girl always seemed to like me way more than i liked her, at times a good bit of melodrama and you-know-how-i-feel-about-you declaratory kind of messages over and over and over.

at the same time, i think she seriously had trouble feeling soooo much responsibility to so many others, and she really wasn't in touch with what was good for her. she had been a helper for so long, at times when she wasn't taking charge she just wanted something/someone to swoop in and take care of everything. she was a very strong person but, if left alone to Ti, she started to self-destruct.

without some Ti, the ability of enfjs to prioritize their own values is very difficult. i have tertiary Ti and it is fucking disastrous at times when i don't use it at all. it just feels like floating along without being in touch of your own inner needs. even if you are very in-touch with your outer plans/desires/hopes for the world and those around you. your ability to grab them and focus them and ground them in themselves makes you a greater priority. this is so crucial in my own relationships as an nfj, i love what good t does for me.
 

WieldingTheSword

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I don't know if this applies or not, but I am notorious among friends and family for NOT ANSWERING MY PHONE. This happens even for the people I care about the most. I've put a lot of thought into why I do this. I've come up with a few reasons:

1. I hate phone interaction. I prefer face-to-face interaction.

2. I feel like they are invading my time and I am invading theirs. As selfish as it sounds, I want to talk to people on my own terms and time frame.

I wouldn't necessarily say it is because I am too BUSY to answer the phone; I simply make a conscious decision not to. But this decision does not reflect my values toward the individual at all.
 

Wild horses

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Sometimes it's easy to ignore people unintentionally.. especially when you are running around trying to help/please so many people me and my ENFJ bF have this trait in common. Another problem is that we both are surrounded by peoplebut we love to be alone :( totally un 'E' likke I know but it's a trait we both seem to have
 

CzeCze

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Hmmm, that doesn't sound like an ENFJ thing to do... that sounds more ENFP. I think an Fe dom would be much better at making and keeping those kind of social obligatory promises.

Have you tried calling or contacting either of these people again?

When people ignore me and I don't know them very well and I'm interested in getting to know them better, I will make a couple attempts and then move on, no hard feelings. Well, sometimes hard feelings if they expressed all this interest and made promises (even if it's just the promise of "I'll call you") but such is life!
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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Yeah, this sounds Fi over Fe. I admit that I have definite experience with only male ENFJs, but they are great at keeping in touch. They don't let relationships die if they really care about you. Hate to say it, buuuuut.....maybe she's just not that into you? :tongue:
 

Clonester

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Say what? I can't speak for all ENFP's but I keep my commitments. Call people and call them back. Do hate phoning though but I force myself.
 

fill

"Everything in its place"
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Who knows what it is? I just saw the pattern and wrongly assumed it had to do with the personality type. I'm being a bit stereotypical, really.

For those who say this is an Fi thing, one of these girls I think is more of an ENTJ with a high amount of Fi. But, again, who knows?
 

chris1207

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It's because they have enough on their plate and they aren't gonna answer the phone because they fear that they won't be able to give you their 110 percent.
 

Sparrow

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Edit: Double posted technical difficulties with the I Phone :)
 

Sparrow

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I went out with a girl I'm pretty sure is an ENFJ, and we had a lovely time. When we parted, she said we should hang out again. I tried contacting her, and got nothing.

So I hung out with another girl, and she's taken Myers-Briggs and scored ENFJ. We had a lovely time, and when we parted, she said we should hang out again. Tried contacting her, and got the same results as with the other.

Then I talked to my ISTJ friend who's had a long-term relationship with an ENFJ girl, and he said the exact same thing happened to him when he and his girlfriend first met.

What's the deal?

Did you say anything rude or inappropriate? Maybe you did and didn't even know it? You may have turned them off some how? I've ignored guys for that reason, sometimes it only takes 1 comment.
 

Litvyak

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This is more of an ENFP thing. Out of sight, out of mind.
As some others already said, Fe stands for polite rejection. Are you sure in said girl's type?
 

Spastic_Blondie

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Jul 12, 2010
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I'm not sure if I'm an ENFJ or ENFP, but I can tell you that I tend to ignore things/people when I am bored with them. If I like you, I would obviously respond, but also if I strongly dislike you or am angry with you. If we're in a conflict and I'm upset, chances are I won't give you the cold shoulder. In fact, I rarely EVER do that. I can't resist but to speak my mind.

If you are one of those people I wasn't having an interesting conversation with on the first date, and you text me later and say, "Hey, what's up?"...yeah, I will probably ignore you. It's the easiest way to get out of the situation...pretending I'm busy or my phone died so I don't have to tell you that you're boring me...

I guess that's maybe not the best way to handle it, but I have a tendency to do it. :doh:

She might have thought you were a nice guy and that she didn't have a terrible time, but she probably wasn't that interested. Now that she's not face to face, she doesnt have to say nice things and put on a big fat fake smile that ends up leading you on (and she KNOWS she's being misleading and feels bad about it)...she can just pretend she doesn't have her phone. If she were really into you, she would definitely reply.....unless by some twist of fate she actually DID lose her phone, lol. Unlikely.

This is what I naturally tend to do. I feel bad about it. I would like to say to someone, "Look, you're boring me. Let's not do this again." But that's just so...harsh. :blush:

That's definitely not to say you're a boring person. Different people have different interests, tastes, and familiarities. If the conversation was really an interesting one for her, she probably would have replied back. But being an ENF, sometimes I can fool people into thinking I am really into a conversation when I'm just not. I can't count the number of guys I've led on in my life...and I don't blame them for getting the idea that I'm really into them. It's mainly because I like to encourage people to be themselves and try to have a good time -- I bring out people's personalities. But at the same time, I should really try to tone it down with a guy I know is interested in me when I just don't like him back. It's very hard to do, knowing that I may make him uncomfortable by showing my disinterest.
 
Joined
Feb 5, 2011
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81
MBTI Type
ENFJ
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I genuinely like people and love to interact with them.
But if someone starts to hurt me with their actions or comments my first line of defence is to ignore them until they give up and leave me alone. It usually takes some time, as people get attached to me easily, but it usually works.
 

skylights

i love
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i think with both ENF types it can happen that we didn't really like you as much as we appeared to have liked you, and we shy away from letting someone down outright, so we tend not to be very communicative in a situation like that. and then you would get a lack of communication afterwards.

or there were other reasons that got in the way between the date and now, but we figured it would just be easiest to not contact. because what could you say, without hurting the person?

i think a lot of times with ENFs we are just much more private than we appear... much more going on below the surface driving our behavior than people tend to expect because we seem so extraverted, but we hide a lot.

i hate talking on the phone too, except with very close family/friends, fwiw.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I ignore people because i completely forget or I am trying to doorslam them. I am much more likely to be responsive but will be completely dismissive and make the whole situation indirectly uncomfortable for the other person.
 
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