[Fi] Issues you have with Fi types

[scantilyclad]

So, for example, if you were thinking about something, you wouldn't find it as needful to have another person to bounce ideas off of to clarify or ignite your own thoughts?

Would they want someone to come around if they were sick or feeling down or would they prefer their own space at that time?

Would they not care quite as much about other people's reactions to their thoughts/feeling/opinions/wishes?

What other ways might they not need people as much?

before i answer these questions i must openly admit that i am not the most emotionally healthy INFP, so it may be quite a bit different for most people.


I often find that i develop ideas better when i'm thinking on my own. Being around people often inhibits my thought process and mental preparedness.

If i am sick or feeling down I'd prefer that no one come around me. I usually feel good just knowing that someone cared. If my best friend doesn't hear from me for awhile he always sends me some sort of a message letting me know that he loves me and is worried, and that is always enough. No visits are necessary. if i'm extremely sick, like about to die, I'd want my close friends around and people that make me happy. Usually when I'm feeling really down i isolate myself completely so no one actually has the opportunity to come around.

Generally speaking i don't care much about what people think or feel about my opinions etc., because they are personal, and I'm not going to sugar coat what i believe or feel or think. I do often worry about offending people though. I feel really bad if i make someone unhappy with me, but i think it has to do with a lack of self esteem.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

JJJ - I'm thinking only of you being a delicate shade of medium-deep turquoise in your spirits, not navy blue. Or maybe you have that achy flu, but aren't in the hospital. My normal reaction would be quickly dropping off lemons to make good getting well stuff with, or getting something they had run out of to save them having to leave the house, like gingerale for sick stomach or something and then leaving right away. But I'd only do that for someone I was close to. I'm not sure how much imposing you people would want and I'm naturally hyper-sensitive against any imposing myself in any way on any one if they show even the faintest signs of non-appreciation for it. See this is why we pussyfoot around you. We just aren't sure what you all want!

Ah, ok. Then I'd leave it a few days before a visit, and only make it the one for physical illness. Depression and even melancholy are a bit different. I tend to resent people for interrupting me in that state, but in retrospect (in most cases) I can see that it's absolutely the best thing for me. And even when I resent the intrusion, I still value the care it shows. That's assuming I correctly interpreted their motives.

 

[Fidelia]

So should they do it anyway even if you resent it at the time or let you wallow in gloom and misery till the mental clouds disperse?

 

[matilda]

And even when I resent the intrusion, I still value the care it shows.

My normal reaction would be quickly dropping off lemons to make good getting well stuff with, or getting something they had run out of to save them having to leave the house, like gingerale for sick stomach or something and then leaving right away.

OR you could just send a package.

 

[Fidelia]

In the mail? Lemons? You'll be well by then. I'll just email and not expect to hear back. That should be good enough.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

So should they do it anyway even if you resent it at the time or let you wallow in gloom and misery till the mental clouds disperse?

Ha, it isn't always "wallowing". Sometimes things just need to be worked through and they aren't happy things. I had an ESFP mother who was always of the opinion that you should smile in all circumstances and find ways to distract yourself when you were down. Put on a cheery face - preach it til you get it. I strongly believe that's unhelpful at times - addressing the symptom rather than the cause.

However, I think all INFPs enjoy a good, unhelpful wallow at times. Maybe everyone does (except ESFPs). This can be part of a natural emotional cycle but if they get stuck there then they may well need some loving intervention. Even if it is annoying at the time. The kind of intervention they probably won't appreciate is the kind which looks more like exasperation or judgement. "I'm sick of your shit, get it together because you're being selfish and weak!"

 

[Fidelia]

I totally agree with your first paragraph. Faking it till you make it works for small things, but not for a real issue that needs to be worked out. What kind of intervention to you suggest in the second paragraph?

 

[CzeCze]

Blah Blah Blah On The Nature of Fi

I actually started this thread with her in mind and with ENTPs in mind. A lot of the ENTPs I've talked to and associated with on this forum are wary of Fi and don't understand it or trust it. I figured they'd be attacking this thread by now, I'm actually surprised.

No, they don't want to set off an endless round of shrill passive-aggressive hurt recrimination. LOLOLOLOL.

But, I'm sure they've already hashed out how they loathe Fi-doms in their sekret ENTP pow-wow room somewhere.

But really, there are a lot of "anti" Fi/INFP/ENP already, so that's probably why.

I can't really say why other people would like/dislike Fi doms myself so I'll just wait for more responses.

I do have some comments on Fi, though:

I will say though Fidelia, from my personal experience, and I've said this before and had a lot of other INFP members concru, INFPs are generally *not* warm or demonstrative. Or even very expressive.

A person can be introverted but approachable and even friendly, but there is almost a prickly, guarded quality to them. Or else they have a really soft and kind, almost dreamy quality to them (i.e. lost in their own worlds LOL) Whatever it is they are really experiencing, their ego, it's deep on the inside away from your direct view and guarded. That's for sure.

People often mistake "F" for 'nice'. "F" crudely and in a nutshell, just means you experience the world emotionally. Everyone has emotions, but "F"s just own the hell out of our emotions and live in them, no processing, no rationalizing, no denying, just BAM.

INFPs more often than not seem pretty aloof. Being so Fi and feeling so much internally in a way (unless supported by a lot of Fe?) it 'maxes out' the persons resources and almost immobilizes the person's ability to extravert any more "emotion". And if you are very Fi dom and very sensitive, and don't have a lot of support (Fe/Ti/Te) to shield you from the effects of "pure Fi" and/or have had negative experiences with others in the past trampling your Fi, you will consciously withdraw further to protect yourself and that's on top of the unconscious internal orienting you already do. Then you will be hella prickly and/or standoffish, lol.

At least, that's my take on it.

But to me, maybe because I am also Fi dom (and an extravert, and grew up in a house full of extreme introverted Ts), the prickliness and "off on an invisible cloud somewhere I can't see" quality doesn't faze me. I feel like I can see past the prickliness and I know there is a warm gooey Fi center that feels familiar to me if I show you that you can trust me with it.

Oh, and Fi apparently is really kooky but I don't know why. I think most people on this forum though, regardless of type, like kookiness?

Yeah, people say ENFPs can be eccentric but mang, you INFPs can be fucking kooky. I love it!

Fi is also like a code and unless you have the reader (the values, the cosmic view, the belief system) the Fi-dom can seem to have a predictable pattern of behavior and then BAM! What happened?

 

[CzeCze]

PS Can some Fe users chime in on Fi if they have not already? That's what I'm really interested in.

Protean? Pink?

Fe-doms, your input is requested!

 

[Lurker]

I have to work too hard to figure out how they feel. I'm not comfortable with quiet brooding. Just say how you feel, for god's sake. Quit using your feelings as a weapon.

Also, if I go out of my way to comfort you, don't act huffy. It's hard for me to do in the first place. Appreciate a simple gesture rather than viewing it as inadequate because I didn't follow some script that is known only to you.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I totally agree with your first paragraph. Faking it till you make it works for small things, but not for a real issue that needs to be worked out.

Yeah actually it always annoyed me a bit how often "fake it til you make it" works. It's pretty anti-INFP I guess.

What kind of intervention do you suggest in the second paragraph?

Maybe I'm being lazy, but I really don't think there's one right way to do it, though there are definitely many wrong ways. Sometimes INFPs (ie me) will respond well to one way at one time and at another time won't. There are probably a lot of variables between one time and another which I'm not taking into account. I don't think any expression of concern will cause offence so long as it is sincere and not motivated out of disdain or dismissal of whatever issues are making the person blue.

Actually, you'd probably find than a probing email asking what's wrong could be your best bet. That way the person has time in privacy to organize their thoughts and thus give you an honest answer. Less chance that you'd get an answer of "I'm ok", especially if it's a guy. If they don't reply and you're worried then a follow-up visit with that kind of preface would be more likely to open them up than a follow-up visit without it. At least they've had a chance to think about how they would respond to your question (ie what's bothering them), even if they didn't actually respond.

Meh, to be honest I don't know. I've thought about it. Sometimes a kick in the ass may actually be the best thing. This kind of question might be best asked of the people who have successfully dealt with INFPs on a regular basis - people married to them or friends with them etc.

Plus, I've hogged this thread enough.

Edit: Ladypinkington is married to an outstanding INFP if I remember rightly. She could probably give you some useful practical tips.

 

[bluebell]

I've worked with a few IXFPs (one INFP, a few ISFPs). Once I've mentally mapped their core values, their reactions tend to be fairly predictable and I know what to avoid saying. And then I find it easy to get on with them/work with them.

At work, they also tend to be the people I ask for help when I'm confused by other people's behaviour or don't know how to respond to a particular person/situation. Learnt a lot so far from each of them.

 

[SurlyAdam]

Fi is very personal. You take everything you've read and all you've experience in life and use that information to make a decision based on how you feel, and what makes sense to you. It's SO personal that no one could possibly understand the depths of it or the reasoning behind it. I think this is why those strongly influenced by Fi can feel, and often are, misunderstood. Views and drives are not based on logic or societal norms, but rather on what makes sense and feels right for them alone. It is truly individualistic. The aloofness comes from learning that no one else sees the world the same way and very few will appreciate or understand their views.

I don't really get standoffish because I know who I am and don't worry about what others expect of me any longer. In the past, however, I would withdraw and choose not do deal with the stress of being misunderstood or questioned.

 

[CzeCze]

From one Fi user to another - I've dated enough INFPs to know how damneable unsupported Fi can be. Many unecessary fights and stonewalling due to mis or non communication because someone's Fi was getting tripped.

Here's the thing - Fi alone is not what causes the snags Lurker referred to - it's the person's inability or unwillingness to clearly explain what is going on. I think that's caused by two main things and the silent third:

1) The person themselves doesn't understand what's going
2) They do not feel comfortable sharing this information with you because it makes them feel extremely vulnerable and they do not trust you enough.
3) You should already know "if you care about them"

I know how hyper insecure and threatened about certain feelings, responses you can get if you are an Fi dom. That's also why I don't let other Fi users off the hook when they fail at clear communication especially after I go beyond and above trying to understand them and reach them. If you still can't explain to me clearly or hear what I'm saying then it's time for - NEXT!

I had an INFP I dated tell me "there are some things you are not meant to understand [about me] it's for me to understand and not you" and "I don't like telling people everything, there are some things you will never know about me, I'm sorry I told you that".

Three guesses to figure out how that scenario played out! EPIC FAIL on her part, no wonder why she has consistently horrible relationships and I have absolutely no sympathy for her. Yeah, I'm a bastard for saying it, AND IT'S TRUE. OMG, thinking about her and her nutty overly emotional hypersensitive horrifically miscommunicating irresponsible selfish self-absorbed ways sets me off still.

:breathe:

BTW, you can call that "Fi gone wrong" (waaaaaaaaaay wrong) ^^

Sorry, continue!

 

[JivinJeffJones]

"I don't like telling people everything, there are some things you will never know about me, I'm sorry I told you that".

 

[CzeCze]

Thanks for laughing at my pain JJJ!

I hate you!!

:wails shrilly and runs sobbing big gushy harlequin-esque tears:

Man, where do we Fi-doms find the energy???

LOL. You know I kid, I kid.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Thanks for laughing at my pain JJJ!

I hate you!!

:wails shrilly and runs sobbing big gushy harlequin-esque tears:

Man, where do we Fi-doms find the energy???

LOL. You know I kid, I kid.

I just can't believe she said that out loud. And then adding the "I'm sorry I told you that"? Priceless!

 

[matilda]

I'm prone to intentional slips esp. online/in writing.

Tis what secret blogs are for,

 

[BlackCat]

What are they?

Freudian slips. I am the master of them.

 

[matilda]

those times you allow the Fi droplets to fall. or just that one drop. because you feel that you have to. that you need to. because if you don't you're probably going to explode. no, implode.

(intentional slip)