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[Fi] Issues you have with Fi types

scantilyclad

almost nekkid
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I happen to know that I appear cold and uncaring, "bad attitude" on the outside until people get to know me, if they take the time to get to know me and if I am willing to let them into my inner circle. It's very, very hard for me to extrovert emotion when I do not know people well. People think I am cold, aloof, pissed off, etc. (Conversely when I am mad and say so, they don't believe me!)

this is completely the same for me.
and it seems to drive my enfj friend more crazy than anyone else.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
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They can be weird, and staunch in their beliefs, but FPs tend to be lovers, not haters.

I especially love how exotically strange the INFPs are, simply from another planet, this breed is.

(I bet you they are the kinkiest in teh sack too :newwink:)
 

heart

heart on fire
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I've found with the Fi types I know that they are outwardly warmer and more demonstrative than me, yet inwardly more distant.

How many IFP here have gotten the "You're too intense" thing from people when you really opened up?

I know I have. :D
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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Thank you all. Very informative and helpful!
 

Scott N Denver

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How many IFP here have gotten the "You're too intense" thing from people when you really opened up?

I know I have. :D

Hmmmph, yeah! It's always "you seem so self-contained!" or "your just so INTENSE!!!!" Where is the middle ground people, where is the middle ground?

I don't usually get called cold, but instead "self-contained and non-demonstrative." When I'm called cold its usually by T's though. Go figure.
 

heart

heart on fire
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Hmmmph, yeah! It's always "you seem so self-contained!" or "your just so INTENSE!!!!" Where is the middle ground people, where is the middle ground?

I don't usually get called cold, but instead "self-contained and non-demonstrative." When I'm called cold its usually by T's though. Go figure.

Yes, Te types seem to take the most offense at my "coldness" but I am female so I think that's why they use the word cold, a more negative connotation than self-contained because women are supposed to be :smile: :static: not :mellow:
 

Scott N Denver

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Yes, Te types seem to take the most offense at my "coldness" but I am female so I think that's why they use the word cold, a more negative connotation than self-contained because women are supposed to be :smile: :static: not :mellow:

Also, at my workplace and ones in the past, people get on "nerd trips" which I refuse to do [for the most part anyways, and usually even those I keep to myself], so I think they see me as uptight and unemotional cuz, unlike them, I'm not displaying affection for the latest iPhone, WoW, D&D, the newest computer processor, or goodness only knows what all else.
 

OrangeAppled

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Hmmmph, yeah! It's always "you seem so self-contained!" or "your just so INTENSE!!!!" Where is the middle ground people, where is the middle ground?

I don't usually get called cold, but instead "self-contained and non-demonstrative." When I'm called cold its usually by T's though. Go figure.

Like Heart says, this is probably because you are a man and we are women. Different expectations from society....

I agree with that first paragraph....I just can't find the middle ground :doh: :D
 

Scott N Denver

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Like Heart says, this is probably because you are a man and we are women. Different expectations from society....

I agree with that first paragraph....I just can't find the middle ground :doh: :D

Okay, but I grew up a military brat and work with INT scientists/engineers, whom apparently think I am too emotional and wishywashy. I've been called that. Oh, and "Your such a pushover!" by a female INTJ.
 

Scott N Denver

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Like Heart says, this is probably because you are a man and we are women. Different expectations from society....

I agree with that first paragraph....I just can't find the middle ground :doh: :D

Oh, is that pic you? If so, I like it! If not, I still like it! Seriously, its a really good pic and has lots going on in it. I need a cool pic...I have some but they are all too big memory-wise
 

Scott N Denver

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There concern for others and lack of "just get it done!" mentality. We don't go around "potentially exposing others to hazardous materials", unlike the ESTJ at work today and the INTJ who helped them. If my kidneys quit working tomorrow you'll know why! :steam:

Concern for others well-being, pashah!
 

Fidelia

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Have we answered your questions or is it more like seeing things from the other side?

I think more seeing things from the other side. Part of the problem is that these are only vague feelings based on too small a sample of the population to feel confident in stating observations about. Anything you could offer that either explains the reasons for the things I brought up/validates or invalidates their accuracy/or anything else that you could tell me about Fi would be most useful. Also delineating the main differences between ENFPs and INFPs. I know far more of the latter than the former, which I am basing on a sample population of one, plus what I have noticed online.

Probably the comment about the warmth applies more to the ENFPs, but there is a easy going acceptance that I've noticed about INFPs that is distinct from INFJ interest/curiosity in others. That's what I would call warmth in them. On the other hand, I do notice that some INFPs I know seem fairly undemonstrative or unanimated in features until you know them a little bit better. When they get excited, they are much more intense. However I still feel that while the enthusiasm and interest is high at that time, my personal connection to their inner emotions is still kind of distant. However I've never reached the inner, inner circle of an INFP. The one I did know the most was also going through a lot of turmoil, so it's hard to judge what was personality and what was shadow and what was just him as an individual going through hard circumstances. The other INFPs were a casual friend who had a crush on me which he never expressed (his best friend told me after the fact) and a couple of students that connected with me a lot in class and took classes from me more than once.

Thanks!
 

Fidelia

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So, for example, if you were thinking about something, you wouldn't find it as needful to have another person to bounce ideas off of to clarify or ignite your own thoughts?

Would they want someone to come around if they were sick or feeling down or would they prefer their own space at that time?

Would they not care quite as much about other people's reactions to their thoughts/feeling/opinions/wishes?

What other ways might they not need people as much?
 

BlackCat

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So, for example, if you were thinking about something, you wouldn't find it as needful to have another person to bounce ideas off of to clarify or ignite your own thoughts?

I don't usually talk to anyone about my ideas except for people that I trust and/or am close to (haha, adding to the theme of the thread here :p). I really just don't need to, I don't understand why you need to talk to others to develop an idea that YOU personally got.

Would they want someone to come around if they were sick or feeling down or would they prefer their own space at that time?

I usually confide in, again, someone I trust and/or am close to. Not just random people.

Would they not care quite as much about other people's reactions to their thoughts/feeling/opinions/wishes?

Well, I don't personally care, but unless it really meant something to me and I thought it would mean something to them I won't really care. Otherwise if they don't it's like "oh, dang" then I search for something else to talk about (Ne time). If I get a negative reaction out of expressing one of those things it usually rattles my inner peace pretty badly, and try to change the subject afterwards. However I relate this type of reaction to being a 9, the peace gets shaken up and that flips a switch in my head. I also relate to not expressing certain things because I'm a 9, not wanting that peace to be rattled. The only time that I express these selected things to withhold are when it's an absolute necessity.

What other ways might they not need people as much?

I dunno, I mean, I think I need people as much as any IXXP (I'm guessing IXFJs would require more people). It's cool to be around people, but I don't really care if there's downtime. This summer I've gone 4 and 5 days without associating with another human being in real life and it doesn't phase me at all. I of course try to socialize more just because I need not waste my life, but yeah. I don't really require people as much. I start to go crazy after the 4th or 5th day though...

In classes I had no issue just sitting alone in complete silence. I can easily entertain myself with my thoughts and the constant ideas that I can get about things. This is what I do at my house too. :D
 

JivinJeffJones

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Hmm, since I suspect this thread is mostly for you, I'll address your post as others have. Disclaimer: I'm basing this mostly on myself, since I've only met two INFPs irl, neither of whom I was close to. And I'm not the healthiest INFP you'll run into, I suspect. So bear that in mind.

I've found with the Fi types I know that they are outwardly warmer and more demonstrative than me, yet inwardly more distant. I appear more reserved on the outside, but am quite warm on the inside towards other people. Is that an accurate assessment? I understand that people cannot show what matters to them indiscriminately, but even to the ones I am close to I feel held at arm's length.

As discussed in the INFJ thread, I also find that Fi types are less likely to state openly what is going on with them (whether the factors are external or internal) and yet will stick around and let their moods be felt in a prickly kind of a way.

Interesting. I would've thought it would be the other way around (Fe users appearing warm on the outside and cool on the inside, Fi cool on the outside and warm on the inside). I guess for me I don't have much of a drive to keep up a running commentary (so to speak) about what's going on inside me even with those I love. Actually I tell a lie - I don't have a problem communicating about small stuff (to a point), but the big stuff stays below the surface where I'm busy processing it and running it through umpteen filters to try to figure out what it is. What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? Is there any solid basis for feeling the way I do? What can I do about it? When this is happening it must look like I've gone into "superficial mode", functioning on social auto-pilot, and I tend to avoid company because any probing can be frustrating.

Once I've worked through the issue I often talk about it with people I'm close to, presenting it as a fait accompli. Either that or, if I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels, it will finally occur to me to turn to someone close for an outside perspective. Usually I do so more in hope than expectation though.

So I guess I agree that I'm unlikely to state openly what's going on with me, but not necessarily out of a desire for secrecy. It's usually more out of ignorance - I don't know what's going on with me. I'm working that out. And if I'm prickly it's often more frustration with myself than genuine hostility. But I don't stick around and let my mood be felt. I seek solitude.

I sometimes find them a little hot and cold with friends. Like lots of pursuing for awhile, then suddenly nothing. It feels fickle, although I don't think it is intended or experienced in that way by them.

I can definitely identify with that. I do it a lot. I'll visit friends every day for a few weeks, and then I'll get caught up with something else and it doesn't occur to me to visit. Actually, sometimes it doesn't occur to me to visit or get in contact even when I'm not doing something else. I could be doing nothing, missing my friends and wondering what they're doing and somehow it doesn't occur to me that I can just hop in my car and go find out. I'm not sure why this is. I guess it's a tendency to see smaller issues as symbolic or symptomatic of greater ones. So when I'm missing my friends that somehow translates in my head into the ultimate aloneness of the human condition and the transitory nature of life rather than just a simple indication that I need to get off my ass and go visiting. That's maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but not always. It certainly doesn't mean I've gone cold on my friends.

I guess sometimes in the back of my mind there's also the thought that I'd rather they get less of my company than they'd like than more of it than they'd like.

Sometimes they choose hills to die on that aren't strategically advantageous and want to do battle at inappropriate times, when they'd be better served doing it privately.

I suppose I can relate to this a bit too. I don't do it as much as I once did, and I'd almost always rather deal with things privately than publicly from a practical point of view (calling people out publicly can be very counterproductive), but life doesn't always afford you that opportunity. I tend to take a stand on small issues usually when I think larger issues are at stake (slippery slopes, unforseen consequences, objectionable motives, symptomatic of a larger issue etc). I can get drawn into escalating vehemence if I don't think my reservations are being heard or, in extreme cases, if I consider the issue so important that I can't in good conscience let it slide. As such, it doesn't seem to me that I've chosen that hill to die on so much as that that's the hill I've been cornered on.

The being true to themselves sometimes trumps doing what is needed in a friendship. I don't think people should be hypocritical, but I also don't understand why they can't temporarily make adjustments as long as it isn't a constant thing.

Hmm, not sure I can relate to this one. Could you give me any examples? I personally have no problem with temporary adjustments.


Sorry this post is so long. Now I'll go away and change my mind completely about everything I've said.
 

Fidelia

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Re talking about ideas to ignite thinking: You know how House insists on having his team around even though they generally aren't the ones that come up with the good ideas? He needs them to be around to say something or make a dumb argument or have something happen that will trigger one of his brilliant ideas.

I'm not saying we're all like him, or that we have all the good ideas. For me however, I find the process to be somewhat the same. I enjoy having this forum to write in not so much to share parts of my inner self, but as a way to have my own thinking sparked and to clarify my thoughts as I express them to someone. It helps me see where there are gaps or things I haven't considered. When I do share, it's only the parts that I have had time to clarify, discuss with many people, observe and have already built into the framework of what I think. As new information comes to light, I can also turn it over and consider whether there's a place it belongs as well. I also like this forum because it allows me to gather more information about the things I am interested or "specializing" in, which I can in turn build into the framework of my thinking.

I think you guys have a process, but it's much different than this.
 
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