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[NF] Have any other NFs felt like this?

metaphours

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I don't know why but a lot of times I feel like every time a girl recognizes me in some sort of social situation it means somehow by the will of the cosmos she's destined to be my "star 'crossed lover" or in other words the guy she "has sex on," ;) jokes, but a lot of times I cant help myself from feeling this way. It could be the slightest thing; a simple handwave from afar and I'll immediately become lovesick for almost no reason. This in turn starts an obsession with the girl which only ends when I have become lovesick for another girl. And it goes on and on and on. :/

It's extremely irritating for me, because one side of my brain is telling me to get real and return to Earth from my seemingly never ending "space-cadet"ing, while the other side of my brain is telling me to keep exploring the outer depths of the universe that is my psyche. LAWL, soz for the existentialism but it's very annoying for me and I'd like other people's opinions and it'd be cool to see if any other INFPs/NFs have felt like this.

Peace :D
 

Coeur

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I've experienced this lately. T_T; I feel it towards every decent guy I meet, like a baby bird seeing its mother for the first time.

I attribute it to that I'm eager to enter another dating relationship. I get my hopes up very quickly if I see someone promising. Or, they do something that just feels "meaningful" to me, and it intrigues me.

Fortunately, this passes really quickly.
 

Coeur

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lucky you

Mainly, it's because it involves people that I meet briefly and never see again. If I really like someone, I will admire them FOREVER and my feelings will never die! :doh:

Tell me: are you busy? Do you have other things to think about other than that girl? Do you have a good support system of friends?
 

metaphours

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Tell me: are you busy? Do you have other things to think about, other than that girl? Do you have a good support system of friends?

Hah no, I find myself a lot of times just sitting around thinking about things, and when I'm in a lovesick mood (i.e., 99.9% of the time) all my thoughts just end up re-routing themselves to that one girl. I guess I do have my hobbies, when I get in a real poetic/creative-y mood (which can be quite common, lawl), I'll forget everything that's going on in my life and just focus on that one thing. So I guess maybe I should start focusing on my writing moar? Idk, haha. And eh I have an OK support system of friends, considering I move around all the time and have to make new friends quite often as opposed to growing up with the same friends. But the main thing is, is I feel like I can't really get emotional and talk about shit with my friends haha. Whenever I do, I end up rambling about endless things and the person either ends up getting bored or wants to change the subject. Only rarely will I be able to talk to my friends about my truly personal thoughts and stuff.
 

Coeur

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Hah no, I find myself a lot of times just sitting around thinking about things, and when I'm in a lovesick mood (i.e., 99.9% of the time) all my thoughts just end up re-routing themselves to that one girl. I guess I do have my hobbies, when I get in a real poetic/creative-y mood (which can be quite common, lawl), I'll forget everything that's going on in my life and just focus on that one thing. So I guess maybe I should start focusing on my writing moar? Idk, haha. And eh I have an OK support system of friends, considering I move around all the time and have to make new friends quite often as opposed to growing up with the same friends. But the main thing is, is I feel like I can't really get emotional and talk about shit with my friends haha. Whenever I do, I end up rambling about endless things and the person either ends up getting bored or wants to change the subject. Only rarely will I be able to talk to my friends about my truly personal thoughts and stuff.

-nodds- Ok. I'm the same as you. Even if I have other stuff going on, my mind drifts to that person.

I'd say, figure out what you gain by thinking about the girl. What do you want from her? For me, I was obsessed with this guy for the longest time. [I'm talking YEARS.] What I wanted from him was actually to be at his level, because I always saw him as waay out of my league [and was desperate to impress him]. Now that I feel up to par with him, I don't think about him as much, although we're good friends. There was a reason other than me liking him that caused all of the thoughts.
 

metaphours

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I'd say, figure out what you gain by thinking about the girl. What do you want from her? For me, I was obsessed with this guy for the longest time. [I'm talking YEARS.] What I wanted from him was actually to be at his level, because I always saw him as waay out of my league. Now that I feel up to par with him, I don't think about him as much, although we're good friends. There was a reason other than me liking him that caused all of the thoughts.

Haha, I was obsessed with this one girl for almost 2 years, but then (FINALLY) I got over her a little while ago (we're talking like mid-May 2009, haha) But my mind still goes drifts back to her sometimes. But I can relate to everything you just said in that last post, haha. A lot of times I understand that the girl I'm chasing is just way out of my league, but like I said earlier, I'll just keep persisting on chasing her for almost no reason it seems :/
 

Coeur

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Haha, I was obsessed with this one girl for almost 2 years, but then (FINALLY) I got over her a little while ago (we're talking like mid-May 2009, haha) But my mind still goes drifts back to her sometimes. But I can relate to everything you just said in that last post, haha. A lot of times I understand that the girl I'm chasing is just way out of my league, but like I said earlier, I'll just keep persisting on chasing her for almost no reason it seems :/

There's ALWAYS a reason. Often, there's more than one, and they may be hard to spot. I honestly think that it is a confidence thing, for me at least. Or, I'm just bored because I have nothing more interesting going on. And I relate to you with the same loop of thought repeating itself.
 

metaphours

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There's ALWAYS a reason. Often, there's more than one, and they may be hard to spot. I honestly think that it is a confidence thing, for me at least. Or, I'm just bored because I have nothing more interesting going on. And I relate to you with the same loop of thought repeating itself.

Hmm, I concur. hahaha
But yeah, confidence is a major factor for me because a lot of the chicks (in Feminist language "bright young ladies") I feel this way about I can never approach and talk to on a serious level. Hell, most of 'em I can't even talk to on a non serious level, bahah. But the whole lovesickness issue becomes even WORSE when I begin a truly friendly relationship with the girl (which consists of me truly coming out of my shell and being the extremely dorky and totally funneh/charming guy I can be) because then I REALLY begin to like the girl and I begin to fear that she doesn't feel the same way/I begin to fantasize that she DOES feel the same way.
 

scantilyclad

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i did this in high school a lot, but i don't do this anymore, but i also haven't been single in a long time.
 

Wiley45

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Yeah, I've experienced this type of thing many times. In this case my imagination has always worked against me. I imagine that people hate me or that they are in love with me, when in reality, they're probably not even thinking much about me at all. I never seem to relate to people normally in my head, and always have to "come back down to earth" and remind myself of what's actually going on, because if I don't, I can accidentally offend or surprise people with my arrogance or jumping to conclusions, etc.

I think it's also because I am always thinking in metaphors and symbols, and the slightest things that mean nothing to others mean things to me, so a lot of times I pick up cues from others that they probably didn't even intend to give.

Actually, it's something I hate about myself. I never feel balanced in that way, and I feel too self-absorbed. It's like there's always some sort of crazy story going on in my head and I have to work so hard to make my brain correspond with reality. :/ Actually, I feel embarrassed admitting this right now. :) The only way I console myself about my wild and ridiculous imagination is by planning to write a really good novel one day. Haha.
 

Coeur

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Hmm, I concur. hahaha
But yeah, confidence is a major factor for me because a lot of the chicks (in Feminist language "bright young ladies") I feel this way about I can never approach and talk to on a serious level. Hell, most of 'em I can't even talk to on a non serious level, bahah. But the whole lovesickness issue becomes even WORSE when I begin a truly friendly relationship with the girl (which consists of me truly coming out of my shell and being the extremely dorky and totally funneh/charming guy I can be) because then I REALLY begin to like the girl and I begin to fear that she doesn't feel the same way/I begin to fantasize that she DOES feel the same way.

Part of the 'liking her more when you open up to her' is that you can be yourself around her. That is special, thus, that makes the girl appear special.

Think about this: if the girl likes you, she will like you whether you think about it or not. Hopefully, it will be clear. You do not need to overanalyze everything. I do this too, and really it is pointless. I'm surprised how much EASIER relationships are when you go with the flow, instead of trying to process what's happening every step of the way.

As for communicating with us "bright young ladies," don't overanalyze that either. It is not WHAT you say it is HOW you present yourself. If someone says something with confidence, it will be much more likely to be accepted. Most people do not expect a highly articulate, brilliant conversation. Just talk naturally about whatever pops into your head! You said that you are a funneh/charming guy. Think of it this way: you are depriving these girls of the awesome person that is you by keeping yourself inside!

And what if you are rejected? It is not YOU. It is THEM. If the girl doesn't like charming/funneh guys, that is her problem!
 

OrangeAppled

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It could be the slightest thing; a simple handwave from afar and I'll immediately become lovesick for almost no reason.

Hm, no, I haven't gotten infatuations from afar since HS, and usually that was just based on physical attraction, not attention received. Generally, I am not attracted to most guys who give me attention, and a mere hand wave is really not going to flatter me into any obsession.

I do, however, fall susceptible to "limerence" and get a bit fixated on an unavailable individual for awhile, sometimes years. It involves a lot more interaction or knowledge of the person than just a brief encounter, but also enough distance to prevent a real relationship from forming. I basically idealize the person into my perfect image of a partner, which makes them hard to get over, since the distance doesn't allow for a direct rejection or burst bubble, and so the fantasy lives on in my head. I think I do it because 1) it's safe (no risk with someone unavailable), 2) it's a distraction from other issues in my life, and 3) I'm picky, and it's rare that I click with someone and am physically attracted to him, so I tend to latch on mentally when it happens.

And yeah, that's sort of embarrassing to admit :blush:
 

metaphours

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Hm, no, I haven't gotten infatuations from afar since HS, and usually that was just based on physical attraction, not attention received. Generally, I am not attracted to most guys who give me attention, and a mere hand wave is really not going to flatter me into any obsession.

I do, however, fall susceptible to "limerence" and get a bit fixated on an unavailable individual for awhile, sometimes years. It involves a lot more interaction or knowledge of the person than just a brief encounter, but also enough distance to prevent a real relationship from forming. I basically idealize the person into my perfect image of a partner, which makes them hard to get over, since the distance doesn't allow for a direct rejection or burst bubble, and so the fantasy lives on in my head. I think I do it because 1) it's safe (no risk with someone unavailable), 2) it's a distraction from other issues in my life, and 3) I'm picky, and it's rare that I click with someone and am physically attracted to him, so I tend to latch on mentally when it happens.

And yeah, that's sort of embarrassing to admit :blush:

YES, THANK YOU. LIMERENCE was the word I was looking for. I had read an article about it on wikipedia (lawl) a while back and completely related to what it was describing. Then I forgot about it, hahah. But yeah thats it right there lol.

Oh and btw, for future reference, I am in HS. lawl
 

OrangeAppled

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Yeah, I've experienced this type of thing many times. In this case my imagination has always worked against me. I imagine that people hate me or that they are in love with me, when in reality, they're probably not even thinking much about me at all. I never seem to relate to people normally in my head, and always have to "come back down to earth" and remind myself of what's actually going on, because if I don't, I can accidentally offend or surprise people with my arrogance or jumping to conclusions, etc.

I think it's also because I am always thinking in metaphors and symbols, and the slightest things that mean nothing to others mean things to me, so a lot of times I pick up cues from others that they probably didn't even intend to give.

Actually, it's something I hate about myself. I never feel balanced in that way, and I feel too self-absorbed. It's like there's always some sort of crazy story going on in my head and I have to work so hard to make my brain correspond with reality. :/ Actually, I feel embarrassed admitting this right now. :) The only way I console myself about my wild and ridiculous imagination is by planning to write a really good novel one day. Haha.

:yes:

My imagination runs wild too.... I don't imagine anyone is in love with me (I do imagine they dislike me), but I tend to read into things a bit too much and then create some entire story in my head.

I've told myself that just because a guy asks for my number or shows some interest doesn't mean he is going to call or that his interest is any more than a brief flirtation at the moment. On the other hand, that can make me overly suspicious and closed-off to new people... And in a total contradiction of what I just said, I can also miss obvious clues and convince myself that a perceived attraction is all in my head when really the person does like me. :doh:

It's so complicated being an INFP :cry: :D
 

OrangeAppled

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Oh and btw, for future reference, I am in HS. lawl

Oh, well, those kinds of crushes are pretty normal in HS. You'll probably find your imagination getting pickier with its subjects as you age :D, but you might fall even harder when you do find a worthy one, because the fantasy will have more basis in reality.

When I learn the trick of meeting someone realistically available that I like, then I will let you in on it :tongue:
 

Wiley45

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I've told myself that just because a guy asks for my number or shows some interest doesn't mean he is going to call or that his interest is any more than a brief flirtation at the moment. On the other hand, that can make me overly suspicious and closed-off to new people... And in a total contradiction of what I just said, I can also miss obvious clues and convince myself that a perceived attraction is all in my head when really the person does like me. :doh:

Yes. I think it's very hard to find a balance in the middle and not swing too far one way or the other in terms of perceptions and expectations.
 
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