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[NF] Any NFs ever denied loving someone?

Charmed Justice

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I've done it twice, and can't begin to explain it. Both times were with people I have felt almost a soul connection with-the only two people for whom the feeling lasted for any real length of time and stood the test of reality. The denials both happened in the same way.

Once, was a childhood best guy friend(ISFP?). He was the first person for whom I ever felt a "sacrificial" love. He confronted me years into our friendship, after already making it obvious that he liked me, and just simply said,"Do you like me?" I looked him dead in the face and said no, and in turn, he raged at me and told me to never talk to him again...until the next day when he acted as though everything was fine. :huh:

The other time I did this was as an adult with another close guy friend, but we had a mutually understood liking of each other. I had no issue with flirting with him, or hanging out with him with it being understood by most that we were into each other, but when I fell for him, it was in a way I had/have never experienced. Just knowing that he existed made the world "work" for me. I didn't need him to be mine, although I would've liked it, but I felt immensely blessed just to have had him in my life. Just watching him move, hearing him talk, and being in his circle likely added another 20 years onto my life. Nonetheless, we had at one point(intoxicated) a conversation about our feelings that he started...he dreamed about me all the time, couldn't stop thinking about me, had no clue what it was about me exactly(besides everything) but that something just "seemed insanely right" between us. I agreed. A month later, he asked me if I loved him....and....I....said....NO!:doh:

Is it just me??
 

Nonsensical

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Urg! A tough tough question!

Technically... I love everybody. As a general rule of thumb, I love everybody on a spiritual level.

But..

Sometimes my anger blinds me. I see selfish people and evil people doing selfish and evil things and it really gets to me sometimes. Sympathy makes me feel for everybody and angry towards those who've hurt others. So it's these people who make it tough.

You've got to love everybody in the end. Love and hate are very powerful statements. It's much more severe than people think to say you hate somebody or that you don't love them. On the other hand, having love for somebody is also a lot deeper than people make it out to be.

In the end, I do love everybody because I feel so deeply for others and my sympathy is so strong. I can have grudges or anger towards others who do wrong, but it doesn't change my initial statement.
 

Edgar

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Urg! A tough tough question!

Technically... I love everybody. As a general rule of thumb, I love everybody on a spiritual level.

I never got that statement. How can one love everybody? Love is a very exclusive feeling of seeing someone else's utility as your own.

When I hear someone say that my immediate thought is that person is either full of shit or has a bizzare definition of love.
 

Nonsensical

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I never got that statement. How can one love everybody? Love is a very exclusive feeling of seeing someone else's utility as your own.

When I hear someone say that my immediate thought is that person is either full of shit or has a bizzare definition of love.

Let me rephrase that. I have the ability to love everybody despite of their flaws. I think that most NFs are this way too. I didn't mean that I naturally love everybody in the world, but more so that I can. In other words, I have the ability to still love a person even though they may have done wrong.

I wouldn't say that I am full of shit, and certainly don't have a bizarre definition of love. It's the ability to see through flaws, to see good in people.
 

Nillerz

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Never admit that you love someone. It makes you vulnerable and then they don'thave totry anymore.
 

Nonsensical

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Never admit that you love someone. It makes you vulnerable and then they don'thave totry anymore.

I guess it's a risk I'd be willing to take.

I'm not trying to sound all hippie beautiful love hearty here, I'm just saying that I think I have the general ability to love everybody. There's a difference, though. Personal love is much greater than a vast love you can share for humanity.
 

statuesquechica

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Wow...the idea of not telling the truth about loving someone is very foreign to me. I have never done that and really can't imagine doing it. When I fell in love with someone I always said it and felt prepared to deal with whatever happened, joyous or sad. Otherwise, I would feel like I was living a lie. But that's just me, I haven't walked in your shoes.
 

Lauren Ashley

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Yup, and they believed me. It was just a knee-jerk response for me; I think I was more afraid of them taking liberties once I said I loved them. Can't have them thinking they're irreplaceable (even if they actually are :D).
 

Nillerz

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Meh. I only say it if I've been going out with a chick for like, months and months, and even then I'm not sure if I really mean it. :<
 

Nonsensical

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I tell my close friends I love them sometimes, and mean it. I'm 17 and still tell my whole family I love them even in front of friends.

I'm not afraid of what it means. I know love can always turn into heartbreak, but I know that and I would rather love unconditionally know what could always happen than being afraid of what could happen and holding love back.

Love is something me that is itching to get out. it's the best feeling in the world, I'm like a lamp that always needs to be plugged in. Always.
 

statuesquechica

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Let me rephrase that. I have the ability to love everybody despite of their flaws. I think that most NFs are this way too. I didn't mean that I naturally love everybody in the world, but more so that I can. In other words, I have the ability to still love a person even though they may have done wrong.

:yes:I totally get this. I think when we truly love someone, we see all their sides, good and bad, we see their humanity. I don't believe this is a romantic notion at all, if anything it is a very holistic view of the person you love.
 

Charmed Justice

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Neat responses! I'm glad I'm not the only denier in the world. Strangely though, I don't have an issue with saying "I love you" per se. I mean, I say it all the time. I'm married, and I've had other relationships where saying "I love you" was quite normal. But I have felt, seen, and experienced a heightened sense of love/understanding/communion with a person that perhaps I couldn't admit to or even describe at the time. Maybe I was thinking the word "love" to not be encompassing enough. I also wonder rather or not I "knew" that the admitting of those feelings would've led to the finality of my search for a soul mate. (gags) I also know that I was rather shocked by the question, "Are you in love with me?"
 

Edgar

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Let me rephrase that. I have the ability to love everybody despite of their flaws.

The ability to do something is different than an actual acomplishment.

What you're doing is calling sperm a baby.
 

Nonsensical

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The ability to do something is different than an actual acomplishment.

What you're doing is calling sperm a baby.

Agreed. You're right. I wasn't thinking through it clearly when I initially posted, but I got it across later.
 

Coeur

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I've 'rejected' people I've really cared about before. Usually I justified it with moral reasons [they have conflicting morals], but mainly I would just feel very strong emotions pulling me away from them. I KNOW for a fact that if a person I loved extra much told me he loved me romantically, I would say no even if I felt the same.

I have no clue what is up with me, but I've always been like this. It's almost like knowing that they care is more important than being with them? Maybe it's too big of a risk?
 

Lady_X

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no...i haven't. i don't get why you would.
 

Halla74

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no...i haven't. i don't get why you would.

+1, me either.

What benefit is there to hiding fellings of love for someone, especially if they have similar feelings toward you?

My wifey is INFJ, and she definitely "holds back" emotions in general, internalizes alot. Due to a rough childhood she has a fear of close relationships going bad, and that I think is the root of withholding feelings for her. I think NFs can be much more so sensitive to their expression/interpretation of feelings. Such a concept is very foreign to me. If I love you or hate you, I will tell you immediately. :D
 

ReadingRainbows

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Yes I have. Sometimes how you feel about someone is very personal to you and in some situations it is just not a good idea to share it. It would do no good on your part. They will use your love and you know this. Or they do not feel the same way and it is really has no purpose in being said though. Now...if I was asked point blank on this I might be honest or try to downplay it. But in my expirence sometimes its just better to keep it to yourself.
 

heart

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I did it once as a teenager, to my later sorrow and I learned from it.
 
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