Thank you. Sorry about the put you up thing - that's what comes of rewriting bits and pieces and then not proofing before posting. I fixed it on the post. I just meant put you to any trouble.
You are right about omission - I have a bad tendancy in that way when I feel like we can't find any common ground. It doesn't work well and I think it can also cause real problems in a relationship. There is a fear of being rejected for something I like, am interested in, I've done, I wish I could do, something I think etc and so I have a tendancy to hide it. When I was younger I was going out to BC for a wedding. Two people went along with me, including a guy that I felt attraction for, but whom I knew was a poor bet with whom I could not successfully have a relationship. (much older, alcohol dependency, uncertain future, difficult past involving quitting school and leaving home at 15, lots of childhood baggage, two divorces and several long term live in relationships, custody battles over his only child). I was soon leaving the city he was in, which was good timing, but I wanted to spend time with him before I left. We were crossing into some hazy friendship/dating territory where we weren't fooling around, but also would have felt weird about going on dates with anyone else because of the time we were spending together. I realized my mother, who is very insightful, would have (justified) qualms about me spending that much time together during the trip and alone in the car on the way back, even though nothing untoward did happen. However, I did end up staying at his mother's and grandmother's houses (kind of a girlfriendy thing to do) while I was away. I finally felt so guilty about it that I told her a year later and was surprised at how big it had seemed before telling, and how much less important and horrible after. These problems of omission are not only untruthful, but I think could lead to more serious secrets that could tear a relationship apart entirely.
As far as inconveniencing others, I think that we have to remember that all types do not feel like us. Therefore, we can trust that most T types will straight out tell us what works best and without worry that they are just being polite. I think it's the hypersensitivity to other's feelings that makes me experience much more discomfort when others feel uncomfortable than when I myself. With the latter, I have control over what I do with my feelings. With the former I can't control what they do with theirs. I extrapolate to a point where others aren't actually feeling nearly as put out, or unhappy as I might believe them to be.
Yes, I see what you mean in the last paragraph. Nice to the point where it is really not serving our ultimate purpose or ourselves well and is frustrating others, not nice in a naive, unaware way. Yes?
