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[ENFJ] ENFJ self-image as exemplary human being

Ghost of the dead horse

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well, they are not afraid to show their opinions on this board, I give them that. I appreciate that there are arrogant people outside NTs too, to divert criticism from us ^^
So, do you ENFJ's feel like being the best a person can be, to the point of being an example for others?
 

Ghost of the dead horse

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Not necessarily at all. I had self-identified as ENFJ for quite some time, when I was active in some humanitarian projects. I have more understanding and respect for ENFJ than might have been apparent from my opening message.

I thought that a sligtly provocative opener is quite ok for you, whom I've learned to know (from rl) as assertive and open folks.
 

proteanmix

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Is there anything you would specifically like to know?
 

Lookin4theBestNU

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Yes, I feel as though I should always try to be the best person I can be. I am an idealist and therefore have a picture of an ideal me always in my head. When I fall short of this ideal (everyday) it brings negative thoughts which get replayed continually. Do I try to be a role model? That is a tricky question but here is the personalized answer not the theory: at work I am a role model, the pacesetter and the motivator. I never try to tell anyone how to live in their personal lives unless they ask, which they often do. I do not consider myself to be judgmental. I have had a pretty rough history of bad decision making in my life and I am no authority.

Am I arrogant? Yes probably. However unlike NTs such a label causes me internal distress. I find arrogance outside of my ideal. I would strive for humility though I do often fail especially when my plan/agenda works perfectly.

I am assuming that this is meant to be the equivalent to the current rant threads on NTs?
 

Ghost of the dead horse

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Well, if you feel that you would be a good example to others, what motivates it? Is it motivated by good personal relations you have with people, or some ideas that you hold, or by teaching something valuable/mentoring/etc or just by being a regular person and holding personal integrity?
 

Ghost of the dead horse

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Am I arrogant? Yes probably. However unlike NTs such a label causes me internal distress. I find arrogance outside of my ideal. I would strive for humility though I do often fail especially when my plan/agenda works perfectly.
Well, I dont judge you for that. I am not a supporter of forced equality or sameness, meaning that we wouldn't be able to think more highly of some better actions or lines of thinking. I think humans are equal in some regard, which I haven't been able to find out. But this is off topic.

I am assuming that this is meant to be the equivalent to the current rant threads on NTs?
It wasn't ment exactly that way. I just read thru some messages by ENFJ jokingly advocating the idea of this thread. So I thought that I may ask this directly. I consider being able to do "best" choices in some areas and I feel the need to communicate that view to others. I was just following my curiosity in here.
 

Kiddo

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I have a good friend who is ENFJ and I've never noticed that about him. Usually he is like me or how Lookin described. I think the EJ types are usually confident (at least to outside appearances) and that can come across as arrogant or self assured to others.
 

Littlelostnf

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well, they are not afraid to show their opinions on this board, I give them that. I appreciate that there are arrogant people outside NTs too, to divert criticism from us ^^
So, do you ENFJ's feel like being the best a person can be, to the point of being an example for others?


Because of the job I have I'm asked to be a role model (required really) (I'm a teacher)
Because I'm active in my church I spend the rest of my life trying to be a role model. Do I try to be the best I can be...sure doesn't everyone? And I suppose I especially do because I am after all an Idealist and that includes idealizing myself. Do I put myself out there as an example for others...well i suppose because of the choices I've made in both my career and my personal life yes. But i don't say "Look at me Look at me" outloud. It's just the way I've chosen to live my life if someone uses me as an example that's their choice. I'd just like to be the best me I can be.

If I have an opinion and I'm not afraid to say it does it make me arrogant? Arrogance can be defined as having excessive pride. In that sense no I don't consider myself arrogant. Do I take pride in myself..well yeah of course I do.
But like Looking4 said in her response (and when it comes to my friends) I don't tell anyone how to live their lives unless they come do me...and they do..very very often) I know how hard it can be for me so I don't sit and judge them just try to help if they ask. I would not like to be thought of as arrogant because I do try to work on being humble (I suppose if I work on being humble there is that arrogance there huh?)


sigh...It's hard being perfect :smile:
 
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proteanmix

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Because of the job I have I spend my days trying to be a role model.
Because I'm active in my church I spend the rest of my life trying to be a role model. Do I try to be the best I can be...sure doesn't everyone?

No they don't which is a little shocking to me whenever I really have confront it. Some people are very much comfortable not being the best they can be and see no reason to try. These aren't bad or unambitious people, that's just not one of their life goals. It's strange really, when I try to talk about it and I get blank stares.

I have no problem being a role model, but I don't try to be perfect. I don't think there are enough role models in the world and I prefer to lead by example rather than just telling people what they should and shouldn't do. Hypocrites aren't cool.

My most inspired moment was when one of my managers at my old job cleaned the nasty shit off the floor because the toilet had overflowed. I was for sure I was going to lose my job because if she'd asked me to clean it up I would've said HELL NO!:steam: But I went in back and there she was with a mop and disinfectant. From that day forward I did just about everything she asked me to do because I knew she wasn't just talking about it, she was being about it. That's what I mean when I said being a role model who actually believes what they preach.
 

Theory

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Ditto to everything Lookin and Littlelostnf just said. I often feel the need to be a role model to others, and I feel like the responsibility is all on my shoulders. (I think the leadership thing is just inherent and instinctive for ENFJs.) But people have mistaken this -- and my outward confidence, whether I'm actually confident or not -- for being arrogant, and there is almost nothing I hate more than that; the feeling of being misread as stuck-up. But in almost every situation that requires a leader or role model, I feel the need to take charge, because the way my thought process goes, nobody else might take the responsibility.
 

Maverick

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at work I am a role model, the pacesetter and the motivator.

What is your official function? In what sector? Are you a manager? In any case, with how many people do you work with and how many are below you?

(I think the leadership thing is just inherent and instinctive for ENFJs.) [...]

But in almost every situation that requires a leader or role model, I feel the need to take charge, because the way my thought process goes, nobody else might take the responsibility.

Can you give examples of situations in which you have been the leader? How many people were involved and at what level? How did you exercize your leadership?
 

FDG

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Life is so much more pleasurable when you're not trying to be a role model to anybody =)

In any case, I have dealt with ENFJs in leadership positions before. They are okay, as long as they just tell me what job I have to do, and don't try to "motivate" me.
 

Maverick

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Life is so much more pleasurable when you're not trying to be a role model to anybody =)

Have you already tried to be a role model and what made it non pleasurable for you?
 

FDG

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Have you already tried to be a role model and what made it non pleasurable for you?

I lost a lot of freedom by trying to be a role model. An increasing number of tasks to do in the most perfect possible way slowly erodes free time. Now I have found the compromise of concentrating myself in being very good only at a limited amount of skills, so that I also have time for everything else. Basically, at the time I was trying to get high grades at school, be in a mid-managerial position at work, playing soccer at a competitive level, and going out with my girlfriend on a consistent basis. I was able to pull it off actually, but one day I stopped and considered that my body wouldn't have been able to stand all that for my whole life, so I changed gear.
 

substitute

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An ENFJ male that I know does seem to see himself as exemplary. He's a nice guy and all, but he often comes across as a bit pompous and self-important. Interestingly, he's a priest as well.

In some ways he makes a good role model/father figure type, but in other ways I think he could use a bit of examining the straws in his own eyes if you know what I mean... sometimes he can seem a bit of a hypocrite because he talks about wanting to help people and he's all for cheering people up and helping with their problems, but in reality if you try to talk to him about a problem he always seems to focus on just wanting to cheer you up, when you might not WANT to cheer up right now, you just want to be heard. I suspect it's because he just needs the mood to be happy and light all the time and can't handle people 'getting intense'.
 

Lookin4theBestNU

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Maverick said:
What is your official function? In what sector? Are you a manager? In any case, with how many people do you work with and how many are below you?
Yes I am in management and training to go higher...it is just retail though. I work with an average of anywhere from 8-16 people per shift depending on what needs to be accomplished that day. Unless my boss is there while shifts are overlapping I am in charge of them all.
 

INTJMom

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Well, if you feel that you would be a good example to others, what motivates it? Is it motivated by good personal relations you have with people, or some ideas that you hold, or by teaching something valuable/mentoring/etc or just by being a regular person and holding personal integrity?
Since the immediate question is about being a good example,
I would like to weigh in.
I believe I am a defective INTJ in that some of my motivations, i.e. self-improvement, are more INFJ.
In other words, I think I am an INTJ on the outside,
but I believe I am an INFJ on the inside.

Anyway, one of the major measurements I use in my life is "my example to others".
I make decisions based on whether it will be a good example or a bad example.
This is one of my primary standards for life-decisions.

What is it motivated by?
Hmmm... I have frequently pondered that.
- not good relations
-not teaching something - or maybe sometimes
-just by being a regular person and holding personal integrity - I like this one the best.

I think that if I show a good example of doing the right thing,
it encourages other people to do the right thing, too.
It's so hard to do the right thing when everyone around you is doing the wrong thing.
So I don't mind sticking out like a sore thumb and being the example
so other people will have the courage it takes to do the right thing.
 

substitute

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I think that if I show a good example of doing the right thing,
it encourages other people to do the right thing, too.
It's so hard to do the right thing when everyone around you is doing the wrong thing.
So I don't mind sticking out like a sore thumb and being the example
so other people will have the courage it takes to do the right thing.

This is very commendable, but I think perhaps deceptively so.... I mean, how do you decide what "the right thing" is, and is your decision as to what it is, final? I mean does this mean that you judge others who make a different decision, but one that they equally feel is 'right', as bad people, and their action as 'wrong'?
 

INTJMom

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This is very commendable, but I think perhaps deceptively so.... I mean, how do you decide what "the right thing" is, and is your decision as to what it is, final? I mean does this mean that you judge others who make a different decision, but one that they equally feel is 'right', as bad people, and their action as 'wrong'?
Well, that's a good question.
Some things are black and white, like U.S. laws, for instance.
But you're right, obviously, some things would be "my opinion".
In that case, I can be pleased if people choose to follow me,
and sad if they don't.

I used to be extremely black & white and very judgmental.
I have mellowed out quite a bit in that.
Most people today would say that they think I am not judgmental.
 
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