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[INFP] INFPs attract unusual people?

The Decline

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I was just having this conversation with my friend the other day. We posited that the other types shun the crazies or simply don't give them the time of day. Guardians have no time for a crazy who cries out endlessly for help, nor do they respect them. Artisans will simply laugh at them. Rationals understand that there's no reasoning with these people, so they generally avoid them. Who does this leave? The sympathizers. Especially INFP's.

that guy posting above me said:
But everyone is weirder than SJs.

No, I tend to think that extreme normality is especially weird.
 

Chimerical

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I don't know whether it's INFP or INFJ business, but yes Coeur, ever since I was young I've always attracted the "strange" people, whether romantically or otherwise. It used to be a running joke with my friends in high school, except for the times when it got actually scary.

If you're open and/or kind, especially if you pay people attention when others tend to overlook them, I think they'll naturally be drawn to you. Who doesn't like attention? Also, some people can sense a pushover, which INFP's can tend to be in certain situations.

I find it sad that sometimes when I make eye contact and smile at people, or focus on what they're saying in a very non flirtatious, general way, they seem to brighten up like it's never happened before. I'm sure it's true of any type, though, that a person who attempts to treat all people decently is bound to attract people who don't otherwise get treated decently.

And P.S. - I'm sure there are (or will be) stable guys interested in you! Either you haven't met them yet, or they're just not crazy enough to go running up to you and blurting it out. :) Sane is good... sane is good.

Most of my INFP friends love it when I hang out with them. I tend to attract crazy people as well for some reason, but once they cross a set line I step up and become assertive and tell them to fuck the fuck off.

My INFP friend was hanging out with me and sharing his pack of Cigarettes with me [we're on a buddy system, when I don't have any he'll give me some and vice versa]. So this guy comes up and wants to mouch off us, I know that's why he's there from the start but I was going to give him a chance rather than judge without actual evidence.

After a while he's begging us for all sorts of things and trying to hang out with us and wont leave us the fuck alone. I understand someone in need, I've been there, but he was trying to milk us.

So my INFP friend was looking a little weirded out and wanted to say no but didn't seem to know how to. So I step in and tell the guy, very nicely, that we're poor too and aren't able to give him all that we have. After I tell him this nicely he doesn't stop and thinks we're pushover's because I was nice.

He continues to beg so I tell my INFP friend to ignore him and formulate and escape plan that involves me carrying all the stuff this guy wants so he'll follow me [even though I'm really just carrying an empty pack of cigs.] and I'll ditch him then we'll meet up later. Which is exactly what happened. The plan wasn't needed it was just more fun that way.
 

jixmixfix

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By unusual I do not mean the good type of unusual. I mean the old/creepy/stalkerish/disturbed/unstable/mental disorder unusual.

It seems like no stable guys are interested in me. They barely notice that I exist. The weird ones, however, notice me immedietely and fall head over heels in love with me.

Any theories as to WHY this happens? I've heard lots of stories from INFPs that go this way, so is this an INFP thing, or just me?

hahaha I hear messed up creepy stories with INFP girls I know too..hahahha
 

jixmixfix

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I think it's because INFP's are weird. Why wouldn't they attract weird people?

Same for all NF's. (NFP's?) I used to wonder why I attracted weirdos until I realized I'm weird. Seems sensible.

LOL hahahahaha
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
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...Almost every person I've ever attracted (almost, mind you) has been quite unstable and low in confidence.

INFPs do need to work on not being so cling-able. People think they can leech on us and our niceness. I am so bad about that, it's like I'm nice and then I realize I have to be completely aloof to shake the person off. *sigh* Oh, well.
 

OrangeAppled

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:yes:

Yeah, I attract the "bad" weirdos.

However, attracting "bad" weirdos does not mean I allow them into my life, at least not anymore. I admit I have had moments where I was a bleeding heart, but after experiencing a stalker for several months, I've gotten a lot more callous in rejecting people from the get-go. I don't owe anyone a "chance".

That doesn't mean I am harshly judgmental, and I think my tendency to forgive social blunders stems from my own awkwardness, but I've learned to go with my gut on what is shy and what is creepy.

For the record, I do like "good" weirdos, but they are actually more unusual to come by and in higher demand than you might imagine :D.

In discussing something similar at INFPgc, there's also the issue of the aloof INFP scaring off "normal" people, and so only the obnoxious and creepy people will ignore our cool demeanor and come bounding over. And when "normal" people do make the effort, the comparative subtlety can go over our heads....
 

speculative

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In high school, I attracted the bad kind of weirdo. I have always attracted outcasts. For the rejects, they gain power by accepting you, while the popular people gain power by rejecting you. So, generally, if you are not with the "in" crowd, this is how it will work regardless of type.

I also attract the mentally unstable or mentally handicapped. (Not sure the original tone of this thread, so want to make sure that I am classifying this group as "unusual" but not "bad.") For example, in stores if there any any mentally handicapped people around they will undoubtedly come up to me and start talking to me. (Whereas before I entered the area, they were just minding their own business even with other people around.) And, if there is anyone of the unstable variety, the voices in their head seem to talk louder to them when I get near them vs. when other poeple get near them. Just something I've noticed over the years...
 

Coeur

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That doesn't mean I am harshly judgmental, and I think my tendency to forgive social blunders stems from my own awkwardness, but I've learned to go with my gut on what is shy and what is creepy.

I think that this is true. I don't feel like I have the "right" to push anyone away, because I know I've had poor social skills in the past.

You're right that boundaries need to be set. Usually, I become as close to people as they become to me, and when I decide to pull away it ends badly... [even if we were only "close" for a very brief period of time, like a couple days.]

I just don't want to be mean. :( Like I said before, I don't think I'm awesome, or even normal, enough to reject certain types of people. I want to be nice and polite to everyone. Maybe I need to realize that premature bonding causes more pain than initial rejection?
 

Wiley45

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^ In terms of romantic relationships and attraction, yes, it's better to let people know in no uncertain terms that you're not interested. When I was younger, I got myself into a couple of situations where "niceness" was misinterpreted and by the time I clarified and had to outright "reject" people, they were extremely hurt and I felt awful. It's definitely better to be very clear right away if you're not interested. At least if someone will be hurt or disappointed, it's to a lesser degree than it would be if they spent a long period of time thinking they had a chance with you.
 

Coeur

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would say that people are strange when you're the stranger in my case. People will tell me things they don't tell other people.

People will also act out towards me in ways they won't with other people. I am always having to fend off boundary violators and put them into their places.

I'm like that and I like that. I LIKE it when people are unusual round me... it just seems like people who are unusual in a good way are also unusual in a bad way.

^ In terms of romantic relationships and attraction, yes, it's better to let people know in no uncertain terms that you're not interested. When I was younger, I got myself into a couple of situations where "niceness" was misinterpreted and by the time I clarified and had to outright "reject" people, they were extremely hurt and I felt awful. :( It's definitely better to be very clear right away if you're not interested. At least if someone will be hurt or disappointed, it's to a lesser degree than it would be if they spent a long period of time thinking they had a chance with you.

True. It's just that sometimes I will have a minor crush on someone, but they have a HUGE crush on me. If after one date I decide that I'm not interested, then they'll absolutely shattered and I walk away free... I feel like I need to avoid people who care about me too much, lest I hurt them.

I just want there to be an in-between. It seems like guys regard me with complete adoration or complete indifference.
 

Wiley45

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As long as you're being honest and respectful of others, that's really the only obligation you have. It's ultimately up to them to be in control of their lives, including their emotions. If they are fragile enough to be shattered emotionally after one date, it's kind of a big personal problem, for them.

I try hard to remember that the number one thing I can do to serve the world around me is be responsible for myself. When I run around trying to fix/help everybody else and forget to care for myself, I don't end up getting much accomplished. I just get worn out and turn nutzoid.

I :heart: nice people!!! I hope things improve for you and you find a wonderful, sane, balanced, cool guy who does, indeed, adore you. :)
 

Coeur

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As long as you're being honest and respectful of others, that's really the only obligation you have. It's ultimately up to them to be in control of their lives, including their emotions. If they are fragile enough to be shattered emotionally after one date, it's kind of a big personal problem, for them.

I try hard to remember that the number one thing I can do to serve the world around me is be responsible for myself. When I run around trying to fix/help everybody else and forget to care for myself, I don't end up getting much accomplished. I just get worn out and turn nutzoid.

I :heart: nice people!!! I hope things improve for you and you find a wonderful, sane, balanced, cool guy who does, indeed, adore you. :)

You're right, thanks :hug:. I'll try to remember that. I just sometimes feel like it's my fault because I was the one who made them upset, even if I didn't do anything 'wrong.'
 

CzeCze

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You're right, thanks :hug:. I'll try to remember that. I just sometimes feel like it's my fault because I was the one who made them upset, even if I didn't do anything 'wrong.'

Hey Coeur! Aww, I know you want to do the right thing for everyone but I think the best lesson for an INFP to learn is that sometimes love is TOUGH love. Being good to people is not necessarily always making them feel good at any cost. And doing right also means doing right by yourself, not necessarily always trying to accomodate others.

And at the end of the day, people expect you to be an individual and do a good job of expressing your wants and desires. That's kinda the minimum expectation for each of us.

If you don't do that, in a way you are misleading people and not keeping up your part of the unspoken social pact - because people will think that you WANT certain things and LIKE certain things when you are merely accomodating them. That's why they will be upset or hurt when they find out this isn't the case, because they felt misled, not because you do not like or want something.

I think as you get better at this (along with strong boundaries and tough love!), you will see more non-bad-crazy people attracted to you - because they will see who and what you are actually about.

Right now when your goal is to be really nice to everyone and all the stuff that gets wrapped into that like "not imposing" you really quiet your own ego - and you are signalling to the world that you are a grand Receptor/Receiver and don't take this the wrong way, but 'passive' - and the only people who will go out of their way to seek you out will be kooky and troubled ones because you're the only one who will give them the attention they want and they can encroach on you.

Once you become more about yourself, taking a stand, asserting who you are - you will give out a clearer signal of who you are then more 'normal' people will be attracted to you because they see you, not your desire to not hurt others. They can also sense that you're able to keep up your part of that unspoken social contract.

Honestly, most normal healthy people (the kind you want attracted to you! lol!) are not interested in taking advantage of your kindness. Normal healthy people do not want to feel responsible for you in a way or like they have second guess how you really feel.

Troubled people though WILL flock to that - you're like an attention buffet!

I know for an INFP it feels like a damned if you/damned if you don't situation, because really - why are people always getting hurt or disappointed "no matter what you do"? (<--At least one or two INFPs irl have told me this)

But really, most normal healthy people actually want and expect you to be more selfish and assertive and will not mind getting rejected by you. Everyone gets hurt and rejected and healthy people have learned to get over and process it quickly or not be bothered. In a way, you do people a favor by rejecting them because it gives them an opportunity to grow as people and learn to deal with disappointment. And people may not like rejection - but there is big difference in someone not being pleased with something you do and not liking you as a person. Healthy people are able to separate the two and will not hate you or think you are a bad person for not agreeing with them or not being romantically interested in them.

In fact, people will think better of you for it because they know they can depend on you to represent yourself in a clear and honest way.

So good luck! :D + :hug:
 

iwakar

crush the fences
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It's arguable INFPs are attracted to unusual people.
 

Clover

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I attract odd people too. Not even interesting odd people, just stalkers on my campus. I can't escape them! They follow me everywhere, popping out of random buildings, even when I ignore them and walk quickly away. They chase me, grab me, their attentions border on molestation. These are just people without boundaries, and they annoy the crap outta me. Can't they take a bloody hint? If being ignored doesn't send signals, there must be something terribly wrong with them. It's not that most of them are bad people or anything, they just don't seem to understand how to interact properly with other people. I feel too bad to just tell them off because they are genuinely nice, and I don't think they'd do anything to hurt me, well except for that one guy but persistence isn't going to win me over if that's what they are thinking. I attract the attention of "normal" people as well, but my aloofness tends to make them keep their distance, which I don't mind at all. Of course I have a couple of friends I have found here who I can just feel comfortable with, and a couple of interesting contacts that I converse with regularly, so I do seem to attract a balanced variety of people. Still, why can't these other creepy people go away? :cry:
 

MonkeyGrass

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I think the only reason I'm with the reasonably stable guy I'm with now is he caught my attention in a moment of stubborn weirdo-rejection, after having been burnt badly by a psycho sob story narcissist. It worked out nicely that way. ;OP At least two guys who used to follow me like puppy dogs ended up rather confused afa sexual orientation goes. Wait, three. Four. I think i put out a "I can fix your emotional problems" vibe unintentionally.

But, yeah, that's something I'm slowly learning how to manage. Back when my J was still a little baby, it was much worse.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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I attract people, odd or otherwise. Old ladies on the NYC subway. People who are lost in some way. Homeless people. when you are 'open' others can just tell.
 

Nillerz

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All my friends are INFPs. This makes sense as I am quite strange...
 

statuesquechica

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I attract people, odd or otherwise. Old ladies on the NYC subway. People who are lost in some way. Homeless people. when you are 'open' others can just tell.


This is so very true. I once met a man on the bus who became infatuated with my earlobes and wanted to sketch them. So many bizarre incidences:shock:
 
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