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  1. #1
    Junior Member Aiguille's Avatar
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    Jul 2009

    Default Detach

    Seeking input.

    Last year I became involved with an ENFP. Started fast, started strong. Best sex ever. Best jive ever. Best connection ever. Yadda yadda.

    I was frankly taken by surprise. I've not felt so strongly for anyone quite like that before, and was both terrified and excited by the phenomenon. And I found myself naturally editing far less than I normally do around people - also a good thing.

    Things were great. Except that I had a nagging feeling something very carefully hidden (because despite his effervescent facade he actually plays things pretty darn close, almost as close as I do) was not quite... hinged right.

    And then graduation approaches for him and things fall apart. His emotional baggage from his past toxic five year relationship catches up to him, and he becomes enamored with his plan, or at least his idea, of going west to figure himself out and start a business.

    After having to be the one to bring it up, we decide to try and be smart and break up then.

    As this is all going down he tells me that he loves me too much and that he needs to be cautious with his feelings because although 'not an emotional person,' his emotions are crippling when they're there.

    My instinct is to withdraw completely and I do - I disappear.

    Problem is he hasn't left yet and we still have contact (his initiation, after three weeks apart he cracked). He continues to tell me he loves me, that I 'get him' like no one else, and that he thinks we're going to end up together some day. And now because we're both weak when it comes to one another, we've been having a not-thing summer thing. Awesome.

    With August approaching however I'm increasingly wanting to cut him off. His lease expires Aug 31st and supposedly he has a paralegal job landed out west for Sept. The futility of my spending energy in this torn up carcass of a situation is starting to get to me, and the part of me that wants to get out is getting louder. I don't usually stick around for this kind of garbage.

    But I'm trying very hard not to burn bridges that don't need to be burned. Especially since I understand that he's confused. And I absolutely do not want to get in the way of him doing what he needs to for himself.

    If I can count on him to actually leave if that's what he needs to do then I can ride it out and let this thing go of its own accord. It's more peaceful that way.

    However if he can't do that on his own, I'm worried I'm going to have to make the hard decision and do it for him by cutting myself out of the equation. Which could be more terminal than is necessary.

    What are the odds he'll figure this out on his own and make this easier for me? And why, if he really needed to be 'cautious,' did he contact me when I made it super easy for him by disappearing completely after our separation? Are all ENFPs this deeply uncertain of themselves??

  2. #2
    Senior Member Nillerz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008


    Find a group he doesn't agree with on a moral level
    Find a way to link "going west and finding myself/starting a business" to the group

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