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  1. #41
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by lillyofthevalley View Post
    I agree that you don't need her permission to like her and you should treat her as a woman you like. The rest of this stuff...hmmm.

    Better make that gift something simple but poignant. Even something as simple as a pretty pebble given with the exclamation that when you found it, it reminded you of the color of her hair, or an inexpensive gift from a conversation past, would be way better than a bunch of flowers.

    It's good to tell her your stories but it will turn her off if it sounds like you're boasting. I can't tell you how many times I've met a guy and had to listen to him blah blah blah about all the reasons why he's such a dynamo (the worst is when he goes on and on about how good he is at some sport,) or all the stuff he owns. I can't stand a man's salesman approach. If the guy can't stop to ask a few simple questions about me, which shows me that he's curious about my life, I get turned off....or bored.

    Being seen with other attractive females, go carefully with this one. Just show her that you are nice to women, but any guy who's too nice to too many women causes suspicion and reluctance. Unless she's not that into you, then it's a relief that it's not just her.

    Talking to her about her feelings, go easy with this one also unless you two are already expressing your feelings on things. I would just say things like, what do you think? Expressing an interest in her opinions shows her you are listening and that you are genuinely interested in her as an individual. We like that.

    The drink and home for a movie is OK if she's pretty sure you're not going to make a move on her when you're home. Getting together one on one is a good idea, but make it a fun event like canoeing and a light lunch or just walking in a park and feeding the ducks.Keep the first date casual, fun, and down to about 4 hours. Most INFJ's love being around nature and if she's HSP it's helpful to keep the date short at first.

    I can't speak for all INFJ women but witty men who aren't afraid to tease me a little in good fun are turn ons.
    My basic point is that the OP should be his best person - which is an attractive, sensitive guy who doesn't need affirmation from the women he likes. What exactly, does that mean? Well, I'm Christian and we have a pretty clear set of guidelines about how to love other people and one of the most important within that is how to treat a woman you love who you are considering as a potential spouse -- honesty, respect, patience, empathy, all those things -- without seeking anything from her in return.

    Regarding the specfic tips --

    -- for gifts, I would specifically not do anything at all romantic at this stage. Get her something you would get one of your other close friends that shows you know what she's into.

    -- about telling stories, I didn't mean boasting. It wasn't clear from my post. Talk to her about the experiences you've had in life that illustrate your values and at the same time are fun to listen to and keep her engaged. That is, don't tell her what to think of you -- which would be pretty lame -- but give her something to work with on her own. Don't be shy about this. Lead the conversation, make sure she's having fun.

    -- about being seen with other attractive women, I agree you shouldn't give the impression you're a player. But she should get the sense that other high-quality women think you are an attractive guy. Actually, not just women -- you should surround yourself with great male friends too and she should be able to tell that they respect you.

    -- about talking to her about her feelings, I don't know what to say. I think it's a part of getting to know someone on a less superficial level.

    -- for the dates -- yes! keep it fun and light hearted. Another thing you could try is asking her to help you with something -- run errands, pick out a gift for your mom, etc. It changes the dynamic so it's not always just you pursuing her. She'll feel closer because she helped you.

    -- definitely agreed on be willing to tease her. Not in a mean way at all. But you need to show that you haven't put her on a pedestal and will also take some of the pressure and seriousness off.

    In short, I guarantee she wants to have fun, may be interested in you, and will be happy if you can lead the way.

    - unagi

  2. #42
    Junior Member ldzpplin518's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009


    Just giving an update on the situation. Our weekend trip is this weekend and I decided that I didn't want to make things weird beforehand. I'll probably say/do something there when a good moment arises. I'm still getting mixed signals, but definitely more good than bad.

    The only thing that troubles me now is that because we've been seeing each other so often (just about every day) when we go for a run, there's nothing to talk about. We hung out the whole weekend together, so there's nothing to catch up on or anything new. For me the silence is comforting, but I don't know if she views it the same way or as an awkward silence.

    In any case, I'll have an update next week on the outcome.
    How in the world can we expect to solve the problems of inflation....with more inflation? - Ron Paul

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