[Fi] Rosetta 2: Fi is self centered?

[sculpting]

Same idea: two quotes from above Fe thread. how does this feel coming from each direction Fe vs Fi? Do you have examples of similiar scenarios involving the apparent self centric nature of Fi that could be used as examples? The root question is how does Fe perceive this and respond, and what does Fi really mean to project?

She is incapable of having a serious conversation that has any meaning to the participants. Everything must be back-filtered through her. "Well I wouldn't want this..." or "I felt this..." Baby, we're not talking about you. Can you relate to anything without injecting your own subjective experience into it? She makes people uncomfortable talking to her because she personalizes everything and her manner prevents people from really talking about things around her. Once her, myself and two other coworkers were talking about whether or not they liked where tattoos are placed on the body, particularly the tramp stamp. She goes in a small baby voice "Well I have a tramp stamp." Another coworker says, "well just because I don't like the tramp stamp, doesn't mean I think you're a tramp. It's just what they're called." .

I think this is a good time to address the issue directly linked to this. Fi tends to view things through it's own eyes. That *looks* like monopolization and self-centeredness, however it is certainly not intended that way. We tend to bond by sharing experiences and relating. And those experiences tend to be personal, as that's how we operate, from within.

One of the things I actually learned on this forum, because you get a chance to go back and edit (and I still sometimes forget and have to go edit), is adding one little paragraph to my posts. You see, when I relate to something, I share something personal of mine, to show that I've been there, that I understand and possibly, what I did. This is not meant for attention-whoring purposes, it is genuinly meant as a means to relate and form a bond with the person in pain and show that they are not alone.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always come off that way. What I try to do nowadays, is add after my personal story a little parargraph as to how it actually is relevant to the original topic and highlight the similarities, as well as get the topic back on track as such and the limelight back to the person I was relating to. It somehow comes off a lot less selfish to do it that way apparently, as you indicate that it's not a tangent and you are still in fact commenting on the main issue, and not just drawing attention to yourself and how much pain you had to endure in your ordeal. I used to assume this was self-evident, but the miscommunications in this area have led me to no longer assume that as such.

 

[Tallulah]

I think everyone does this to a certain extent. I know it's one of the ways I can bridge the gap and relate to those around me. But Fi users, more often than Fe users, seem like they need your approval for their personal choices, and that's weird to me. Or they feel like you're judging them when you're not. And it's not so much WHAT you say as how you say it. It's fine to go, "You all hate that tv show? That's weird, I really like it!" But some will imply that you've judged them personally for having bad taste. Eh, I don't have to like everything you like for you to be my friend, and vice versa. In fact, it's annoying that you're insisting I revise my opinion because I found out you like it.

 

[OrangeAppled]

But Fi users, more often than Fe users, seem like they need your approval for their personal choices, and that's weird to me. Or they feel like you're judging them when you're not. And it's not so much WHAT you say as how you say it. It's fine to go, "You all hate that tv show? That's weird, I really like it!" But some will imply that you've judged them personally for having bad taste. Eh, I don't have to like everything you like for you to be my friend, and vice versa. In fact, it's annoying that you're insisting I revise my opinion because I found out you like it.

Hmm, I don't relate to that at all. I may be used to having different taste from people around me though. I take some pride in it even.

I admit I do the personal relating thing though. I definitely don't try to one-up people (My Fi auxiliary friend does that in her "relating", grrr!), but it's just my way of saying "I know how you feel, and your feelings are perfectly legitimate." Or "I've been through that, and I came out okay, so you can too." It's also because I don't know what to say in response to what they've just said, so relating is a way to show I was listening and giving it thought.

More often now, I try to ask questions or just make brief comments like "that's terrible" or "how great!". I can understand the situation more through questions & also show I am listening without taking over the conversation & making it about me.

 

[Tallulah]

Hmm, I don't relate to that at all. I may be used to having different taste from people around me though. I take some pride in it even.

I admit I do the personal relating thing though. I definitely don't try to one-up people (My Fi auxiliary friend does that in her "relating", grrr!), but it's just my way of saying "I know how you feel, and your feelings are perfectly legitimate." Or "I've been through that, and I came out okay, so you can too." It's also because I don't know what to say in response to what they've just said, so relating is a way to show I was listening and giving it thought.

More often now, I try to ask questions or just make brief comments like "that's terrible" or "how great!". I can understand the situation more through questions & also show I am listening without taking over the conversation & making it about me.

Yeah, that's kind of how I do it, too.

 

[Amargith]

Ahh yes, the 'judging' tone. Fi really does get annoyed at it. For those who do not have Fi, the judging tone can also be described as the guiding question.

It's a question that already has information as to what the person who asks assumes is going to be the case and can...come off rather presumptuous, at least to those sensitive to it.

Example:

Fi (as perceived by me with for instance an INTJ):

When stating something that an INTJ cannot follow, he will ask: can you elaborate a bit? Or, he'll answer: That doesn't make sense to me. What is your reasoning behind this statement?
And an NFP will go one step furter and say: I'm not quite sure what exactly you mean, could you explain this to me a bit more before I reply to your question?

And once they get their new reply they will go: So what you're saying is that A might equal B in Case X?

They'll allow for a new reply at this point. And go: And in that case, case X would lead to Z? Isn't that wrong coz of this and this reason?

With the final reply going: So you can see how people believe in Z even though it has these disadvantages, for this and this an this reason. Well, I disagree coz of ....



Fe (ime)

That doesn't make sense. Why would you state that a=b when clearly it doesnt? And the only case in which it can equal b, is in in Case X, which means that you believe Y. And believing Y leads to Z, which means that you in fact are a Z. Are you a Z? Coz Z'ds in my book are *insert perceived judgement*

That...just makes me run away, sorry

 

[OrangeAppled]

You know, come to think of it, I find Fi the most selfish when used in the auxiliary or tertiary positions. ExFPs seem the most self-absorbed to me, in using Fi that is. My ESFP sister is one who gets annoyed if everyone around her does not agree with her. I find IxTJs to be most concerned with their comfort over the people around them.

I will assert that IxFPs have a more refined Fi. Yes, we can be self-absorbed sometimes, but I still think we're more balanced in our use of Fi. INFPs, being healers, are usually going to take a genuine personal interest in other people. I find myself listening to the woes of others, and not venting much myself. It can be very tiring playing therapist to all of your friends...

I also find tertiary Fe to be the worst in brushing off Fi. Fe-dom is also more refined to at least be polite about it, haha.

 

[Amargith]

It can indeed come off that way, orangeappled, because we use an extraverted function (Ne or Se) to vent about it. It...takes some time to learn how to shut up and listen, as you're stronger in the other function which does the venting.

I on the other hand find that Fi in a dominant position, as well as Fe in a dominant position is often quicker to judge as they're more sure of themselves and their abilities to read the situation right.

 

[Tallulah]

I also find tertiary Fe to be the worst in brushing off Fi. Fe-dom is also more refined to at least be polite about it, haha.

You know, I think you're probably right there. Sometimes I react to things on a gut level, and strong Fi can just rub me the wrong way and I don't realize that's what's happening. I need to pay closer attention to the fact that that's probably what it is, and not be automatically dismissive.