all relationships have trade-offs. none are easy, and none are impossible. if the expectations are primarily based on getting something outside of you that will save you from yourself, there's always a shelf-life to it (because it simply won't always be the object that fulfills this need). if it's being in a situation where you don't need to change as much, and that you can feel like you're already somewhat finished, so to speak, then focusing on someone with more similarity works better. sometimes we need different types of stability and different types of dynamic, change catalysts. saying one is better than the other is only even a meaningful statement in terms of some sense of ends, some sense of overarching purpose (unless it's for you, given your situation, where those things can be fully felt, and after your needs have realistically been assessed). and even then, it's still mostly a guess, because we are dealing with such complex interactions, and because regardless, we can find a way to do the work that will fulfill us in any situation if we really commit to staying connected to ourselves in this kind of spiritual way. kind of like every path is valid and offers some unique opportunities. relationships that are idealized in a way that take us away from this sense of work required for us to grow into our fulfillment, are generally set up to fail.
having a desperate desire to feel understood is a huge motivation, but if that's the desire, a lot of times there's a kind of trap in thinking that that objective must be what we need. it also could mean we need to let go of some of our continued attempts to fully understand ourselves (fellow head type, i truly relate to this), and instead focus on empathizing with ourselves more fully so that we can simply accept ourselves as we are, rather than understand all the reasons why, why, why. sometimes even a failed relationship with someone else can help point us where we need to go. maybe if less understanding was felt to be needed, and more empathy with oneself was given, it might be easier to ask for what you really need, more directly. for me, many times, even just recognizing what i really need changes the importance and the dug-in ness of it. and almost all of the time, my desire to be understood is to REALLY to have someone be able to give me what i need without me having to even know it myself, without me having to recognize that i am not just a mind, but a heart and a body that also are greatly impacting what is true for me in any given moment. to face those other aspects of ourselves is humbling, when we haven't given them the attention they need.
i also don't mean to undermine your experience in your relationship. i don't know anything about it. i just know that when we're stuck in right/wrong mode, we are generally focusing less on seeing what is really true for us, what it is like when we really practice being with ourselves fully, being present with our needs, being in touch with the vulnerabilities that drive our perspectives, the way the various parts of ourselves orient in the ongoing conversations that they have when creating our experience of reality.
finally, fwiw, my own relationship with an entp was very fulfilling. i don't even know if it's fair to say that "it didn't work out." it was worth it, i am very grateful for it, and she and i are still very close and will continue to be, even if we have to try to meet our own needs in other ways than we did when we were committed to a partnership. it is completely fair to say, however, that we have way different needs*, even if we meet some of each other's needs so well. so to me, the balancing of relationship is still an ongoing process that is always challenging to manage and cooperate with intelligently. and so even if we meet some needs so well, that doesn't mean that that alone can necessarily heal (the whole of) us. if appreciated, and if real giving was present, however, hopefully some good healing happens. it has for me.
*many of these are not caused by entpness/infjness but are better described through other lenses. in relationships in general, for instance, we have many lenses to examine conflicts, needs, and desires, such as instinctual subtype, enneagram type, physical chemistry, cultural identifications/projections, values we were raised with that have shaped our paths in significant ways, parental and family relationships, general levels of well-being and self-esteem, romantic relationship histories and expectations, salient social networks, spiritual development, occupational maturity, gender expectations, knowing what it is the fuck you want, etc. attraction, trust, sustainability, need for healing, forgiveness, there's a lot of shit to balance when you're trying to work it out not only with someone else, but with all the pieces of yourself.
