[ENFP] disharmony

[wren]

Of all the types, I'm having the most trouble sorting out my friction with enfp, and I might add, though uncertain if this is exclusive, female enfp. The reason I noticed this is b/c of all the vibes I'm receiving from enfps here on the forum. No person has been mean outright, it's just this feeling that I get when listening to them speak. It's like such a put down to me. I feel enfps are critical of me.

These slight encounters on the forum make me reflect on my relationships with people thru the years. While I know NTs have always bugged me, it's only now that I've realised how much enfps do the same.

I'm pretty sure it's the Ne dominant with Fi backing up. (also reinforces my self knowledge that I'm not infp in the mb sense). If I were infp I doubt enfps would disturb me so much.

Do enfps have problems with infjs? Or is it that I'm making you all focus too much on me, when you'd rather be doing something else. Maybe I'm way off in my perceptions?

I'd like feedback.

 

[Scott N Denver]

INFJ and ENFP is often considered a VERY good pairing due to NF and both being dom N_'s, Ni and Ne respectively. Perhaps the biggest difference is in the "lifestyle continuum" with IJ and EP being the two ends of that spectrum.

If I may ask, what kind of vibes are you getting here on this forum? Personally, I have a hard time sensing much about people's vibes just through short written posts.

 

[Scott N Denver]

Thinking about it some more, there are 2 or 3 ENFP's here that don't remind me of the ENFP's that I have known "IRL", and they are all women. Who knows, maybe its a conversation style while posting? Where they live? What they've done/experienced in life? Other than subjects people have strong feelings on a given topic or antagonistic developments, I've never thought that people on this forum were putting each other down per se. And definitely I've not felt that way about the NF's here. Maybe it was just certain threads that brought up strong feelings for you and or them?

 

[Clonester]

Well, not everyone likes everyone else (or their type). It's just a fact of life.

I get along really well with the two INFJ's I know in real life. They are both really private whereas I love to be out and doing things, but we share VERY similar values. All the thoughts and viewpoints that INFJ's keep thinking about and expanding upon deep down inside, well, they have a very willing listening ear with this ENFP. I tend to share the same values with them and agree on many many points. I think they open up to me because of this more pretty much anyone else.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Of all the types, I'm having the most trouble sorting out my friction with enfp, and I might add, though uncertain if this is exclusive, female enfp. The reason I noticed this is b/c of all the vibes I'm receiving from enfps here on the forum. No person has been mean outright, it's just this feeling that I get when listening to them speak. It's like such a put down to me. I feel enfps are critical of me.

This forum is not a great reflection of real life, IMO. I think if an INFJ were to rely mainly on this forum for their idea of what an ENFP is, they would swear off ENFPs for life (no offense to the ENFPs on this forum ). IRL, ENFPs and INFJs get along very well, minus a few J/P differences. Also, there are many different types of ENFPs. Some are more critical of ways that are different than theirs. They believe that everyone should be more "free," and less serious, in addition to that they can have eccentric views that they champion fiercely. I don't think they notice how much their "championing" can seem oppressive to others, as I'm sure they don't mean to come off that way.

 

[iwakar]

Indeed. My encounters with ENFPs here have been far more off-putting than those IRL. It's hard to account for precisely all the differences. Could be a gender POV imbalance emerging? I see far more female ENFPs on board than male.

 

[Moiety]

I can't say I've had recurrent problems with INFJs or any type in particular.


[rant]

On a somewhat unrelated note: I think it's sad when people theorize about relationships in MBTI terms too much. For all my issues with Fe, for example, I could never say I got problems with ENFJs or ESFJ or ISFJs or INFJs. Broad generalizations are meaningless... but I always get the idea that people discuss these things in a very serious manner, which scares me quite frankly. Makes MBTI sort of poisonous in my eyes. I've seen people saying stuff like "I need to stay away from INTPs" and I seriously cannot comprehend the rationale behind it.

[/rant]

 

[Skyward]

I can't say I've had recurrent problems with INFJs or any type in particular.


[rant]

On a somewhat unrelated note: I think it's sad when people theorize about relationships in MBTI terms too much. For all my issues with Fe, for example, I could never say I got problems with ENFJs or ESFJ or ISFJs or INFJs. Broad generalizations are meaningless... but I always get the idea that people discuss these things in a very serious manner, which scares me quite frankly. Makes MBTI sort of poisonous in my eyes. I've seen people saying stuff like "I need to stay away from INTPs" and I seriously cannot comprehend the rationale behind it.

[/rant]

IT's the same for me, though I just look at those discussions as theory that is, really, not useful at all but only there for Ns to have brainfun with it. If they take it seriously... then I would tell them that MBTI is not what makes a relationship, lifestyle, values, and how much energy youre willing to put into the relationship makes a relationship.


I tend to get a blunt, forward vibe from the ENFPs posts (especially CaptainChick's). It's their lifestyle even if posts on a message board are really not 'them,' just their mind and writing style. Also, they seem to focus more on lumping the items with the person whereas I, an INFJ, try and split the problems from the person. What I mean is that ENFPs seem more 'critical' because they see the items and the person as one (IMO) and know that the person has to change it or whatever the situation is.

IME, ENFPs are much more amiable and use body language more than words to express reactions to what people do.


And I do hope that I made sense, at least a little.

 

[lamp]

I tend to get a blunt, forward vibe from the ENFPs posts

Not sure if this contributes to the vibe you tend to get, but I often feel like the posts I submit are not-quite-finished or do not accurately convey my intentions. I think this is because I have trouble wording my thoughts and at some point I simply have to post 'something' or I risk losing my thought cloud entirely.

 

[nightning]

To put it plainly, I don't really feel any friction with ENFPs here on the forum except the occasional times where CaptainChick goes off a little over the top with defending her values. Agree with skyward that it's probably not so much type as to individual differences that causes disharmony.

 

[ergophobe]

Wren - could you say more about these vibes? As a female ENFP, I'm curious as well. Thanks.

 

[wren]

The feeling I've gotten around the enfp, if indeed my idea of the enfp is the same as others, is a very forward, brazen presence, Skyward may have said it: blunt, forward style. Clonester (enfp?) begins a post this way in response to my OP:

"Well, not everyone likes everyone else (or their type). It's just a fact of life."

That comment, above, is sort of the feeling I get from the enfp, and when directed at me, or when one gives advice, I am left with an impression that I pushed their buttons and I'm not thinking correctly. Maybe enfps take things personally too.

Enfps and, NTs, in general, exude a different kind of confidence, each in their own way, of course, which when communicated impatiently, make me feel like a shrimp. However, after reading the entire Jeffster thread about SPs, I'm beginning to feel the same way about them--but he was pretty humorous--- thus I may let it slide, my inferiority complex, partly to thank him for adding a bit of levity in my life.

JUST KIDDING! Geesh, don't any of you have an ability to read me over the internet?

Well thnx everyone, for the comments, I think you all made sense. And, no, I really don't let personality typing play a part in real life dynamics too much. I don't pigeon hole people, I have a hard time determining others' types anyway, and in real time I don't analyze that quickly, so the people I'm around don't suffer my judgment. It's when I get home by myself I start mulling over all of this.

I pick on a few types (over others) on these personality forums because they seem more readily discernible than other types to me. And the nature of a forum like this seems to lump similar people into categories, uh, so how else should I view everyone here? Hardly as individuals, altho, saying that I could receive 40 lashes.

What I said just then, let me again add, I hardly feel knowledgeable about these mb types, keirsey descriptions, socionics, cognitive functions etc, but I've learned much just listening to everyone go on and on. It's great!

 

[Xellotath]

You might not be off the mark. The potential putting down part might come from Fi not necessarily Ne. Ne is like a ferret that just goes around happily connecting ideas. Fi however -is- a judgment function, one that in the hands of an unhealthy ENFP such as myself compulsively judges the whole world according to impossible, ineffable standards for human interaction.

It is -nothing- to get a inferiority complex for.

In fact, I would argue the opposite. Fi users are truly pitiful human beings. There is no beauty in what we do and we miss out on life running after an ideal which in reality is nothing but our own feelings pretending to be omnipresent and omniscient on all perception while simultaneously giving their user an invisible license to secretly psychologically police everyone for "evil".

But beyond my humble opinion (and i'm sure 99% of the board's Fi users disagree with my hatred of the function), ENFP is the collection of all your shadow functions. Meaning they are comfortable where you are not. Fi happens to be on your "critical parent", meaning its natural to feel a bit vulnerable. Lucky for you, because you're Fe.. you're free to just ignore them and be genuinely fine and move on with your life.

Hm.. maybe I have an INFJ complex? Haha.

 

[fill]

But beyond my humble opinion (and i'm sure 99% of the board's Fi users disagree with my hatred of the function), ENFP is the collection of all your shadow functions. Meaning they are comfortable where you are not. Fi happens to be on your "critical parent", meaning its natural to feel a bit vulnerable. Lucky for you, because you're Fe.. you're free to just ignore them and be genuinely fine and move on with your life.

Of the five ENFPs I know (3 guys, 2 girls), I've always been able to connect with them very well. I really do enjoy them, and I think the internet skews what would sound acceptable to many people into an emotionless statement.

"Vibes" given off by posts don't entirely convince me because a) it is the internet and b) not everyone writes as they speak.

 

[Clonester]

The feeling I've gotten around the enfp, if indeed my idea of the enfp is the same as others, is a very forward, brazen presence, Skyward may have said it: blunt, forward style. Clonester (enfp?) begins a post this way in response to my OP:

"Well, not everyone likes everyone else (or their type). It's just a fact of life."

That comment, above, is sort of the feeling I get from the enfp, and when directed at me, or when one gives advice, I am left with an impression that I pushed their buttons and I'm not thinking correctly. Maybe enfps take things personally too.

Sweet! I wish I could be more direct and straight forward in real life, lol. Sometimes I wish I could just say things bluntly like an ESTJ. I can't speak for all ENFP's, but I'm not really one to take comments too personally. Or at least I've learned not too.

That and I think extroverted guys in general are fairly straightforward about things. Other than that I greatly respect every INFJ I know and their careful analysis of life is incredible. I guess it's just an Internet thing.