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  1. #71
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    May 2007


    I find it sort of amusing that my INFJ friend went through the same thing about 3-4 Years ago. It appears to be an extremely common problem. I don't think I have ever experienced this sort of thing, but I do identify with the desire to be altruistic except I later realised it's impossible.

    It's not possible to be selfless since it'd mean that we'd derive no pleasure from our action. The only way this would be possible is if a person was commiting a good action, but to him or her it would be a natural action. There would be no ego involved at all. So it's time to ditch that concept...

    It should be mentioned that there's a huge difference between being self-interested and selfish. They both mean the same thing literally, but at the same time there's usually a difference between the two. Selfish implies that we're doing something at the cost of another person, where as self-interest can be a mutual gain. Unfortunately it seems that some NFJs may be prone to the whole "I can do better, and if I'm not spending my time helping others, then they are disadvantanges, therefore this may be selfish action" which pushes them to exhuast themselves. Why do we strive to be altruistic? I guess it's the ideal world where people would be much better off if people were willing to help without expecting return.

    Back to real life. I find it's best to not expect anything at all from other people when helping them. You can hope for something but logically people are under no obligation to do anything, unless it's been agreed upon.

    As for whether there are people that aren't 'selfish'... I've found lots of people that are rather helpful and these are my friends. I wouldn't say the road is that empty, however people express help in different ways. For example: I'm not really one to offer help unless it's really obvious that they need it, because I don't like the idea of interfering with them.

    Some people prefer to comfort someone by spending time with them eatting cookies and icecream, other people like me are an open ear but until spoken to, will assume that you want your own time to regroup. Some people help the world by encouraging people to follow their own values, it may not be conscious helping but it's still helping...

  2. #72
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009


    This is exactly me. Oh, and you.

  3. #73
    Member LavaLucy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008


    And me too.

    Even though I learn from my mistakes and know what to expect and not expect from certain people... they or I with an expectation still let me down. I'm not asking them to guess either which yes I am often guilty of, it's when I explain what I need and why, and it's usually just a little thing, then I'm annoyed. Or when someone is in a position to help someone else that I am not in and they just refuse=

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