[ENFJ] What should I tell an ENFJ?

[hommefatal]

I don't know much about extroverted feeling. It makes me (an introverted feeler) very happy when someone says something nice.
But ENFJs could take such comments as superficial and a lie.
So what makes them become happy? How could I convince them it's meant seriously?

 

[The Grand Chameleon]

Although you may want to give a genuine compliment based on your observations, the ENFJ might take that as a general "peace offering" rather than as a literal compliment. We are our toughest critic, and therefore often feel we aren't deserving of compliments (even though we might be). However, appealing to what the ENFJ believes is his/her strengths will rarely be met with suspicion.

Or perhaps if you said, "I don't care what you think. I think you're (insert positive compliment)." It might take us by surprise, but we'll respect both your ardency and your kind words.

*disclaimer: when I refer to pronouns such as "we, us, our," I really mean, "I, me and my own," respectively.*

 

[hommefatal]

Although you may want to give a genuine compliment based on your observations, the ENFJ might take that as a general "peace offering" rather than as a literal compliment. We are our toughest critic, and therefore often feel we aren't deserving of compliments (even though we might be). However, appealing to what the ENFJ believes is his/her strengths will rarely be met with suspicion.

Or perhaps if you said, "I don't care what you think. I think you're (insert positive compliment)." It might take us by surprise, but we'll respect both your ardency and your kind words.

*disclaimer: when I refer to pronouns such as "we, us, our," I really mean, "I, me and my own," respectively.*

Thanks for your hint.

 

[Domino]

I like to know that my friends think of me in a positive light. I wouldn't take it as a lie or buttering up if I liked you already and trusted you.

 

[proteanmix]

Threads that ask what should I do to appeal to XXXX type are amusing to me because when you see the responses they basically say the same thing regardless of type.

My default setting when someone says something nice to me isn't suspicion, especially if I can see no reason why they would need to lie. Gracefully say thank you or some other witticism and don't awkwardly dwell on it. That's such an insecure thing to do, imo. I know what I do well and I know what I don't do well. If I get a boost in something I don't do well, it always feels good...it's added motivation and incentive to strive.

I think some ENFJs may be suspicious of such behavior because game recognizes game and if they're prone to say things to people for effect and not out of sincerity then everyone is suspect.

From a general Fe-dom perspective I know that I really enjoy a good conversationalist and banter, someone with whom I can establish dialogue. I really enjoy verbal and mental acuity. They become a person of interest. Believe it or not for me as a Fe-dom I don't like having to play Mama Bear. It feels so therapist-patient and that's not what I look for.

 

[hommefatal]

I think some ENFJs may be suspicious of such behavior because game recognizes game and if they're prone to say things to people for effect and not out of sincerity then everyone is suspect.

This totally fits my situation. I don't if it helps me but thanks.

 

[ENFJ_Catholic]

Or perhaps if you said, "I don't care what you think. I think you're (insert positive compliment)." It might take us by surprise, but we'll respect both your ardency and your kind words.

*disclaimer: when I refer to pronouns such as "we, us, our," I really mean, "I, me and my own," respectively.*

This is for me, too. ENFJs, in general, do have a lot of issues with being our worst own critic. We have (at times) believing the best of ourselves.

The best thing probably to say if they are feeling particularly down on themselves to do as Grand Chameleon says to do... say: "I don't care what you think. I think you're (insert positive compliment)." It should work like a charm to boost our dour feelings. Rinse and repeat.

 

[Glycerine]

It seemed like we felt obligated to give each other compliments. I guess be persistent and give them a foolproof rationale why you think "they are..."

 

[Domino]

YAY! IDK is one of "us" now. *plots*

 

[A Schnitzel]

Just ask her out already.

 

[Glycerine]

YAY! IDK is one of "us" now. *plots*

An ENFJ who was stuck in a prolonged introverted state so I am a INFJ/ENFJ hybrid haha.

 

[SpottingTrains]

Be interested in our values and idealistic visions of nonsense. I also don't see this as something you can fake, at least for the long term.

 

[Afkan]

I am always okay if someone asks first. I don't know why, but if I'm caught off guard I get grouchy. If I know its coming I can prepare myself for a more socially appropriate response.
"Can I give you a compliment?" always works for me.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

Tell them that you have candy corn in your car, and you'll let them have all of it. Mind you, it only works if you live up to your word.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

Just ask her out already.

How did you determine that the person was looking for a date, or oriented toward females?

 

[hommefatal]

Be interested in our values and idealistic visions of nonsense. I also don't see this as something you can fake, at least for the long term.

I agree. You need to gain trust first though.

How did you determine that the person was looking for a date, or oriented toward females?

hahaha, yeah. He was right though but I am attracted to ENFJs in general so it was both general and specific.
Also, I could easily imagine an ENFJ detesting small talk or extremely direct questions when it comes to flirting.