[NF] Why does everyone think I'm sick?

[CzeCze]

If someone did that to me, I'm not sure I'd find it 'creepy'. Then again, I am fellow ENFP. I think it depends on how you do it, too. In general, I'm pretty blase about the wealth of free information on the 'net and I figure if you do NOT want people to find out X about you, then you would NOT have an accessible homepage etc. let alone tell people about it.

I think it helps on how you do it, too - like, "Wow, I couldn't help but notice on your homepage that you like fly fishing? So do I! Have you ever fished in blah blah blah place" When you use facts about people to help start conversations or show how you are similar, it seems more relevant and it shows you are interested in getting to know them better. I think, for me at least, that's natural and mirrors RL except IRL you usually find out info about people through them directly or mutual friends.

"Stalkerish" is when you start throwing out random facts like, 'You're O Negative and you went to 3rd grade at blah blah blah elementary school. I had a cheese sandwhich for lunch. Will you marry me?'

Ne curiousity and ENXP enthusiasm don't always translate well online. Actually, very rarely does anything translate well online until you get to know someone better.

 

[Lady_X]

Yeah I feel they don't trust me and think I am a bad person. Too emotional etc.

too emotional? how does this relate to that...it's quite possible i missed something but if this behavior is not being well received...you either change it or stop telling them about it...it's not a huge deal i just don't think the majority of people want someone doing research on them....mentioning something to someone on myspace about something you read there is quite a different thing then telling it to someone who never gave you their myspace url...know what i mean?

 

[proteanmix]

I think some of it is a lack of social discretion.

If you want to look up online information on someone, fine.
I do that sometimes, out of curiosity.
But usually only stalkers actually go TELL the person everything they found out.
Such information might give you some ideas on what to talk to them about, but usually you should "reacquire the information legitimately" -- i.e., by talking to them directly and having THEM tell you -- before you start bringing up details in conversation.

So... what sort of reaction do you expect?
It sounds almost like you're trying to instigate a reaction from them...?

Jennifer, great response!

dude...maybe you should just let people tell you what they want about themselves in their own time.

You beat me to this. This is basic information exchange and turn-taking. Even though a person knows information about you (via Facebook or googling) that information isn't officially "known" until it's told. I think it's a weird twilight zone with all these social networking sites and blogs how exhibitionist people are and then scream "Don't look at me!" on top of it. Which self-disclosure is more meaningful: what I told you or what you googled about me? Is posting basic facts about yourself meaningful self-disclosure?

It's like having a name tag Hello My Name is ________ and then asking people how did you know my name? If you put the information about yourself out there, you can't really be surprised if someone knows it.

 

[entropie]

I loved the porn site you sent me, tho I havent figure out the why yet

 

[hommefatal]

too emotional? how does this relate to that...it's quite possible i missed something but if this behavior is not being well received...you either change it or stop telling them about it...it's not a huge deal i just don't think the majority of people want someone doing research on them....mentioning something to someone on myspace about something you read there is quite a different thing then telling it to someone who never gave you their myspace url...know what i mean?

yeah of course i know. i like to seem intelligent and i will do everything i am able to. but i dont like it when people start telling lies about me. why cant people be just themselves. that would be the best. i hate it when people try to increase their intelligence and beauty because their personality doesnt change.

 

[OrangeAppled]

1. typologycentral profile, myspace profile specified

I would stop at visiting their listed website (in this case, myspace). No need to stalk further. If they have only listed one page for people to visit, and not the other ones you figured out, then stick to the info they've volunteered specifically. They may not have intended for you to find their other sites, even though, yes, it's on the internet for whoever wants to find it.

I think it's fine to mention you visited a page they chose to list, and even to say something harmless like, "I see from your myspace you like the movie [title] - so do I!", but mentioning that you now know their real name and the school they go to almost sounds like you're going to show up there with a shotgun. Unless you happened to go to the same school or something, then no need to mention it to them. I guess, bottom line is, keep it light and let their very personal info be mentioned by them first.

 

[hommefatal]

I would stop at visiting their listed website (in this case, myspace). No need to stalk further. If they have only listed one page for people to visit, and not the other ones you figured out, then stick to the info they've volunteered specifically. They may not have intended for you to find their other sites, even though, yes, it's on the internet for whoever wants to find it.

I think it's fine to mention you visited a page they chose to list, and even to say something harmless like, "I see from your myspace you like the movie [title] - so do I!", but mentioning that you now know their real name and the school they go to almost sounds like you're going to show up there with a shotgun. Unless you happened to go to the same school or something, then no need to mention it to them. I guess, bottom line is, keep it light and let their very personal info be mentioned by them first.

For me it increases the level of intimacy. And I really love intimacy. I tend to manipulate people to make them dependent on me because then I'm never alone.

 

[OrangeAppled]

For me it increases the level of intimacy. And I really love intimacy. I tend to manipulate people to make them dependent on me because then I'm never alone.

It's not increasing intimacy if they are creeped out

 

[hommefatal]

It's not increasing intimacy if they are creeped out

if they're able to take it it is

 

[Lady_X]

yeah of course i know. i like to seem intelligent and i will do everything i am able to. but i dont like it when people start telling lies about me. why cant people be just themselves. that would be the best. i hate it when people try to increase their intelligence and beauty because their personality doesnt change.

just saying...i don't think their intention is to make themselves look better or tell lies about you necessarily but...when someone feels intruded upon they become naturally defensive...and may counter attack...the best advice i can give you is to allow people the space to be themselves and get to know you...show them you're interested...ask questions..discuss things you're knowledgeable about that won't creep them out.

 

[Lady_X]

For me it increases the level of intimacy. And I really love intimacy. I tend to manipulate people to make them dependent on me because then I'm never alone.

well stop.

 

[Moiety]

I just prefer to know a lot about someone so I try to find things about them, what I find out is often more honest.

Why?

 

[hommefatal]

just saying...i don't think their intention is to make themselves look better or tell lies about you necessarily but...when someone feels intruded upon they become naturally defensive...and may counter attack...the best advice i can give you is to allow people the space to be themselves and get to know you...show them you're interested...ask questions..discuss things you're knowledgeable about that won't creep them out.

But I prefer talking about sex and politics all the time.

Why?

I can't take rejection. If I was indifferent about them it would be fine. But then I wouldn't talk about sex with them.

 

[Athenian200]

For me it increases the level of intimacy. And I really love intimacy. I tend to manipulate people to make them dependent on me because then I'm never alone.

See, you shouldn't say things like that. Quite a few people do it unconsciously (and ironically, most of them probably do it in more hurtful ways than you would), but it's unacceptable to be so overt about it. You know what I mean?

I'd say your real problem is an immature approach to sharing with others (you're too open and obvious). Since you're a 15 year old E, it's more than forgivable. There are people much older who fail to grow out of such habits.

I can't take rejection. If I was indifferent about them it would be fine. But then I wouldn't talk about sex with them.

That's another thing you shouldn't say. It sounds exactly like the kind of thing people are usually looking to avoid. It makes you sound creepy.

 

[hommefatal]

See, you shouldn't say things like that. Quite a few people do it unconsciously (and ironically, most of them probably do it in more hurtful ways than you would), but it's unacceptable to be so overt about it. You know what I mean?

I'd say your real problem is an immature approach to sharing with others (you're too open and obvious). Since you're a 15 year old E, it's more than forgivable. There are people much older who fail to grow out of such habits.



That's another thing you shouldn't say. It sounds exactly like the kind of thing people are usually looking to avoid. It makes you sound creepy.

I like to provoke

 

[Moiety]

I can't take rejection. If I was indifferent about them it would be fine. But then I wouldn't talk about sex with them.

Rejection?Wth?Talking about sex?With strangers?

 

[Athenian200]

I like to provoke

Those who like to provoke need to be able to deal with rejection, because most will reject provocateurs (is that the right word?).

 

[hommefatal]

Those who like to provoke need to be able to deal with rejection, because most will reject provocateurs (is that the right word?).

That's different, it's not Fi, it's Ne. But when Fi is involved I can't take rejection.

Rejection?Wth?Talking about sex?With strangers?

romantically

 

[hommefatal]

To clarify something: It's always only temporarily, the next day I feel fine again.

 

[Athenian200]

That's different, it's not Fi, it's Ne. But when Fi is involved I can't take rejection.

What do you mean, "can't take it"? Do you mean you refuse to accept it, or that it hurts you badly?