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[ENFP] enfp's fact or fiction

shen

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2007
Messages
129
MBTI Type
ENFP
Do ENFP's generally like each other when they meet?
oh yeh, the first time i met my friend i was hooked, then she got on my nerves cos i thought she was a tart, and every guy i fancied she made a play for,turns out when i typed her she was my kind, but very insecure and needy, i'm much more independant and secure normally
I was in a very fragile and unhappy phase in my life, in a less mature and searching phase of my ENFP and overall personality at the time I met the other ENFP so I think maybe I also was threatened by her confidence? Or made extra uneasy that someone "like me" was around? when i went through a black hole fragment of my life after being flung from a rocket, i found her irritable, too much...like the whole pie instead of a piece, the confidence part bugged me too, but like you say thats cos i lost mine a bit and felt threatened.
normally though we go together like 2 eggs in a basket
case. funny though, my intj friend says she thinks were an odd couple and cant see the connection....she cant stand her yet likes me:huh:

Anyone else here relate?

Supposedly ENFPs are supposed to get along fabulously in the real world. I wonder about that...
yeh but secretly.... we wonder if were accepted and not thought of as shallow cos we can be difficult to grasp under all the flowing body connoctions of emotions coupled with phantasy and dreams
 

KiwiBurst

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
38
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
I 'd like to ask some questions about/to ENFPs, especially young ones (15-16):
- Do you use to devellop a mental bond with a person who isn't physically present? For instance, an older relative who lives in another city/country. If yes, why? Do you expect this person to feel this bond too, even if s/he knows nothing about the whole thing?
- Do you tend to take things very personally? If yes, how should someone express him/herself in order to make his/her point without your taking it personally? Is this something you overcome by growing up? Is there a reason for that, or it is just an age thing?
- When you are upset, how should people around you react? Do you want a physical proximity, some nice words or be left in peace until you feel better? Does it help when people try to present you a logical point of view, or is this not a good time?

PLEASE NOTE: I do not assume ENFPs are like that. I wonder about a particular person, who I suspect she is an ENFP, is passing through the difficult age of 15 and I would like to understand more things about her behaviour and how to deal with it.


UHMM... no, not relatives. i have bonds with ppl who ARENT relatives that I meet online. Mostly older guys who live across the country. I have mini-crushes on them and i ask them how the weather is over there. yup.

Do i take things personally? Totally. ROFL. To avoid hurting someone's feelings, you could always generalize.

When I cry, it doesnt necessarily mean im upset. it just means im crying... ppl who dont cry are missing out. it feels soo good. [[sometimes!]] ROFL. :D
>.<

i like hugs but only if there from non-relative ppl. :party2:
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
8,975
MBTI Type
GONE
When I cry, it doesnt necessarily mean im upset. it just means im crying... ppl who dont cry are missing out. it feels soo good. [[sometimes!]] ROFL. :D
>.<

You know...I have to agree with you on this. And only because this is an anonymous board.

Crying is cathartic. I do it only in private and hide it very well.

Crying to me, especially in front of others, I still interpret as a sign of weakness and my self-respect and sense of social preservation prevent me from doing so...Unless it's a funeral or wedding or something BIG or a place where it is socially acceptable to be let out pain or joy through tears. I still wouldn't cry at a wedding though. Because I'm tough dammit! I'm not a weak sentimental woman!! -->Yes I'm aware how this sounds and know it's problematic. See below.

The idea of "showing weakness" is still a last hurdle I have to overcome despite my warm fuzzies. I admire people who are totally comfortable in their skins and can honor their emotions in the moment and just show let it all hang it out for the world to see.

I used to cry in my teens mostly out of frustration and anger. I wonder now how much of it was myself sublimating or masking my true emotions?

When I hear how touchy feely and soft and huggy other ENFPs on the board are (I don't say this at a put down at ALL, but if anything to point out that generally ENFPs including myself are pretty good natured about our own touchy-feely tendencies), it makes me wonder if I have to develop more warm fuzzies to catch up! I don't think I'm nearly as warm and fuzzy as a lot of other ENFPs here...unless it just comes out stronger online do to the nature of typing online and forums versus livign out in real life.

I think I'm pretty warm and fuzzy already though...

Though not physicaly demonstrative except with children, pets, and um yeah let's just say "people I am dating".
 

_Ti_

New member
Joined
Oct 14, 2007
Messages
16
MBTI Type
ENFP
I don't know if ENFP's and INTP's gravitate towards each other or not-but in my uninformed opinion, it's masochistic of us if we do. I guess I can see how it would work out really nicely, and in my case, sometimes the balance is so beautiful, but (and maybe this is just my situation) it seems like our need for attention/validation/reassurance doesn't get what it needs in the supremely focused space-needing genius of the INTP. I guess if one were a strong ENFP it would be different? Is there such a thing?

I find myself always putting my desires aside to accommodate the person I care about, even though that person doesn't always notice what I'm doing or wouldn't have asked me to if they had, wouldn't even want me to and as such doesn't appreciate it at all while still having good intentions.
The NF NT thing just... confuses me.

Sideswipe topic: Is it possible to stop being passive aggressive? Because I really hate it.
 

arcticangel02

To the top of the world
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
892
MBTI Type
eNFP
Crying to me, especially in front of others, I still interpret as a sign of weakness and my self-respect and sense of social preservation prevent me from doing so...Unless it's a funeral or wedding or something BIG or a place where it is socially acceptable to be let out pain or joy through tears. I still wouldn't cry at a wedding though. Because I'm tough dammit! I'm not a weak sentimental woman!! -->Yes I'm aware how this sounds and know it's problematic. See below.

The idea of "showing weakness" is still a last hurdle I have to overcome despite my warm fuzzies. I admire people who are totally comfortable in their skins and can honor their emotions in the moment and just show let it all hang it out for the world to see.

I've heard you mention once or twice elsewhere that your F is more borderline, so maybe your 'lack of warm fuzzies' :D might be some indication of that? As we all know, there are great big variations even amongst ENFPs. :)

On the other hand, I'm too F, I think. I cry at the drop of a hat - once I recall struggling to hold back tears when some tutor told me that 'I needed to relax a little, have a bit more fun with this project and things'll be easier'. Now, c'mon! That's not even critisism, yet still... :blush:

Any sort of personal argument gets me :cry:, at which point I shut down and refuse to continue the argument because I know if I say anything I'll just cry more, which frustrates me to no end that I can't get out any sort of reasonable argument. I really don't like crying in front of others, but if I can't escape very soon after being personally targeted*, I can't help it.

*That sounds a bit odd. Basically I mean any sort of serious 'negative' (as you will) directed towards me personally. I'm fine with debating any issue under the sun, as long as it's not *personal*, per se.

I don't know, I suppose there are ways to get better at dealing with that sort of thing, but it probably involves putting myself in those situations more often, which I'm loathe to do. :/

Being a little tougher is not a bad thing!

Although, as an afterthought:

it makes me wonder if I have to develop more warm fuzzies to catch up!

Y'know, I've thought that before! About some of the ENFP-ish tendencies you guys were talking about earlier which I didn't identify so strongly, I wondered if I should make an effort to recognise and develop those things in myself!? :thinking:
 

arcticangel02

To the top of the world
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
892
MBTI Type
eNFP
Ti,
Why don't you have a look around INTPCentral? Maybe there'll be some stuff there about ENFPs from an INTP point of view that might shed some light on some things?

I do know what you mean, though. Communication with an INTP can be a bit... :huh:
 

targobelle

~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
2,584
MBTI Type
enfp
Ti,
Why don't you have a look around INTPCentral? Maybe there'll be some stuff there about ENFPs from an INTP point of view that might shed some light on some things?

I do know what you mean, though. Communication with an INTP can be a bit... :huh:


um good luck with that....

typically intp's lack the patience to get to know enfp's and all the intp's from INTPcentral that like enfp's are um here.......
 

arcticangel02

To the top of the world
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
892
MBTI Type
eNFP
LOL. Okay, if you say so. I haven't really had a good look around there myself. ^^
 

Roger Mexico

New member
Joined
Nov 2, 2007
Messages
131
MBTI Type
INTP
I don't know if ENFP's and INTP's gravitate towards each other or not-but in my uninformed opinion, it's masochistic of us if we do. I guess I can see how it would work out really nicely, and in my case, sometimes the balance is so beautiful, but (and maybe this is just my situation) it seems like our need for attention/validation/reassurance doesn't get what it needs in the supremely focused space-needing genius of the INTP. I guess if one were a strong ENFP it would be different? Is there such a thing?

I find myself always putting my desires aside to accommodate the person I care about, even though that person doesn't always notice what I'm doing or wouldn't have asked me to if they had, wouldn't even want me to and as such doesn't appreciate it at all while still having good intentions.
The NF NT thing just... confuses me.

Sideswipe topic: Is it possible to stop being passive aggressive? Because I really hate it.

The INTP perspective on it tends to be that we can't tell the difference between an ENFP who's attracted to us vs. one who's just kind of effusive and demonstrative with everyone in general. I can give you a lot of attention,... until I see you seeking what looks like the same attention and validation from someone else. And, since when we get emotional it tends to pour out uncontrollably, perceived lack of specificity in your attraction + holding back a little looks to us like "oh, she wasn't really interested in the first place" and/or "shit, I let the Fe I keep in the basement out of its cage and it scared her off."


I agree with you on the masochism thing. Hard to say if the regret for a foregone opportunity is worse than the trainwreck that ensues when it doesn't work.
 

Gen

New member
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
319
MBTI Type
INTP
I don't know if ENFP's and INTP's gravitate towards each other or not-but in my uninformed opinion, it's masochistic of us if we do. I guess I can see how it would work out really nicely, and in my case, sometimes the balance is so beautiful, but (and maybe this is just my situation) it seems like our need for attention/validation/reassurance doesn't get what it needs in the supremely focused space-needing genius of the INTP. I guess if one were a strong ENFP it would be different? Is there such a thing?

I find myself always putting my desires aside to accommodate the person I care about, even though that person doesn't always notice what I'm doing or wouldn't have asked me to if they had, wouldn't even want me to and as such doesn't appreciate it at all while still having good intentions.
The NF NT thing just... confuses me.

Sideswipe topic: Is it possible to stop being passive aggressive? Because I really hate it.

Haha, sometimes I feel like I might be smothering my ENFP, I also know there have been times when he needed attention and I didn't recognize that. But mostly I just can't leave him alone. I don't think that INTP's are necessarily all that bad at showing care if they really feel it. Or I'm a freak, I dunno.
 

Xander

Lex Parsimoniae
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
4,463
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9w8
Who says ENFPs and INTPs don't mix well?

Sure there's the whole risk of offending the ENFP cause you've just quietly assassinated his entire emotional well being without noticing but with a few helpful warning signs and such it's fine...most days.

I still tend to find on some days I return home to reports of being in trouble, usually to my surprise, but mostly me and my ENFP buddy do quite well to support each other most of the time.

Like Sherlock and Watson each brings something to the table that the other lacks. The whole being greater than the sum of it's parts.
 

Dom

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2007
Messages
458
MBTI Type
ENFP
Who says ENFPs and INTPs don't mix well?

Sure there's the whole risk of offending the ENFP cause you've just quietly assassinated his entire emotional well being without noticing but with a few helpful warning signs and such it's fine...most days.

I still tend to find on some days I return home to reports of being in trouble, usually to my surprise, but mostly me and my ENFP buddy do quite well to support each other most of the time.

Like Sherlock and Watson each brings something to the table that the other lacks. The whole being greater than the sum of it's parts.

HEHEHE...

Sometimes I want to scream, because I don't mind when people disagree with me, you can assinate my emotional well being... it's the not noticing part that tends to send me :ng_mad:

But we fix it, once we understand each other... and sometimes he does come home and finds he is in trouble, but mostly we sort it easily...

Once you understand the differences you can work it out and it gets good.

In my relationship i'm learning how to avoid my fear of going directly to problem, and yelling when i'm feeling like i need a hug... this is good fro an enfp because we can wrap ourselves up in our paranoia's so easily, so instead of thinking abotu it and jumping to conclusions, i try to ask and go direct to the point. It's actually refreshing and not as scary as i thought... (So far, mind you that may be die to beign with someone whoa ctually does like me just the way i am! :yay:)



The NF NT thing just... confuses me.

All my cloests friendship (bar one) and most significant relationships have been my NF and thier NT, somehow i couldn't imagine it any other way... Though it can be scarey...
 

autumn

New member
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
106
MBTI Type
eNFP
One of my very best friends is an INTP. I am very happily married to another NT (of the extroverted variety :)). I love NTs. NTs and NFs have the preference for intuition in common, which is hugely important. Doesn't David Keirsey consider this to the the greatest line of demarcation among the functions, moreso than T/F or anything else? I would tend to think, from my experiences, that there is something to that. This is of course not to say that Ns and Ss can't have great relationships also (since there is a lot more to relationships than type), but it would seem that at a certain fundamental, even unspoken level, there is an understanding of worldview that people who share the same N or S preference would have in common.

Not only that, but when you consider the N in common, but paired with the complementary judging functions F and T, there is the possibility of great complementary teamwork with an NF/NT combination.

I guess what I'm saying is that, in general, NT and NF likely have enough in common to readily understand, communicate with, and accept each other, and yet are different enough, and in the right way, to be complementary to each other too.

Now, in all the different possible combinations, (with P and J and I and E) there is a lot of variation here too. And of course there are so many more factors that determine who will get along well with whom. But some of my favorite people are NTs!
 

arcticangel02

To the top of the world
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
892
MBTI Type
eNFP
Not only that, but when you consider the N in common, but paired with the complementary judging functions F and T, there is the possibility of great complementary teamwork with an NF/NT combination.


ENFP + INTP = Complete lack of decision-making skills. :D
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
14,081
MBTI Type
Yin
Enneagram
One
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
The bind has seemed pretty tight to me.
I've consistently found ENFJs and ENFPs interested in INTPs and INTJs, and vice-versa.

It's become so common that I actually smile a little whenever I come across the cliche.
 

Dom

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2007
Messages
458
MBTI Type
ENFP
ENFP + INTP = Complete lack of decision-making skills. :D

Yes this is so scarilly true though....
The bind has seemed pretty tight to me.
I've consistently found ENFJs and ENFPs interested in INTPs and INTJs, and vice-versa.

It's become so common that I actually smile a little whenever I come across the cliche.


Oh Shit, you just called me a cliche... and my INTP Girl... oh hell now what are we going to do!
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
The bind has seemed pretty tight to me.
I've consistently found ENFJs and ENFPs interested in INTPs and INTJs, and vice-versa.

It's become so common that I actually smile a little whenever I come across the cliche.

I can lend support for this assertion! My sister ENFJ loves INTP's, and seems to have an immediate dialogue with them. Now, INTJ's - they seem to enjoy me, but not know exactly what to do with me sometimes. Perhaps I overwhelm them a little, although I take pains not to. Our best friend is an INTJ, and I can tell he really appreciates our sociability, but also finds it tiring.
 
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