[ENFP] enfp's fact or fiction

[arcticangel02]

The guy...I don't know how his physical body doesn't just waste away...he's involved in so many things, and has like 3 jobs at once, and must only get like 4-5 hours of sleep a night - and historically has been this way too- (a 'real' job, going back to school, AND a 'fun' volunteer job, so he basically has no free time, or I guess he does, and squeezes socializing into everything else...but obviously likes it that way, and thrives off of it).

I find I go to extremes when it comes to sleeping. I either find myself sleeping for twelve hours or more straight, or existing happily on just about nothing at all. Funny this has come up - I've literally just spent the last week completing a massive project for uni (And believe me when I say it was HUGE. No other way could I possibly staple myself to one spot for six days straight). It was due today, so I didn't get any sleep at all last night because I was finishing it off.

But now it's 10 pm, and I'm feeling much the same as I would normally feel (in alertness, mood) at this time of night... despite the fact I haven't slept for.. *counts* 38 hours.

Can't catch up on the sleep much this weekend, either. Have things both evenings. I'll survive, though.

 

[arcticangel02]

I watch for it, and I love it, and usually get paranoid when I have to go without it more than usual...but I don't want people to know that I need it. That's just one of the many things I like to keep inside of me. I don't like seeming needy in any way. I'm usually alright with people knowing my weak points, though. I dunno. I think it's because I don't want people to think I'll slow them down or drain them out, or ever feel guilty or obliged to have to do something for me so that I can keep up.

Hmm. I don't think needing reassurance is such an obvious trait, for me. But reading your post (niffer, you're so insightful!) I think I hide a lot of stuff (habits, emotions) away from people because I am not sure that I'll recieve the reassurance from them that I really need. And I won't ever ask for it. My family has a habit of teasing and laughing at each other (which is usually good, but still...), and my best friend is an INTP. Neither of which are particularly prone to give out honest compliments. (Even though I know in my head that they're supportive and will never find what I do stupid or rediculous, my heart is not so sure...)

Huh. Does that make any sense? ^^


(Roflol. There I go with the reassurance!)

 

[targobelle]

so who here has to balance out their emotions?

You know when you spend way too much time socializing and having fun, so you need to unwind and relax or when you exhaust your Fi and your emotion it needs to be balanced with some silliness and excitement?

 

[autumn]

so who here has to balance out their emotions?

You know when you spend way too much time socializing and having fun, so you need to unwind and relax or when you exhaust your Fi and your emotion it needs to be balanced with some silliness and excitement?

Yes, I do this. Sometimes I will need time to unwind simply to unwind, and other times I will suddenly be very quiet because I have been very outgoing and maybe feel that I have "overdone it" and annoyed people, or if someone has insulted me. But under normal circumstances I think some quiet recharging time is just a natural part of balancing out one's time and emotions. When I am resting, I will be quiet until I sense the need to gradually, cautiously switch back "on" again, if that makes sense. Then I will chat with people a bit and make some fun quip here and there.

 

[targobelle]

I find the internet and forums really seem to add to this 'pressure' as there seems to be a constant swing of emotions. Especially with blogs where you share something personal and then I start to second guess my choices and what if I offended someone.... what if I shared too much.... oh no where do I hide...

yeah it can cause a roller coaster of emotions....

 

[chatoyer]

Do you guys, especially the women, feel like you have been forever typecast in the "little sister" role, where everyone feels compelled to tease you & insult you, to get a rise out of you? I've always felt that way, that my reactions must be so entertaining (or scary!), that this happens in nearly every environment I'm in.

I've seen it with ENFP guys, where other guys tease them like that too..........& usually the ENFPs are so self-deprecating that it becomes this non-threatening thing.

 

[targobelle]

yes it gets old after a while


my husband constantly does this and his response is that I look so cute when I am angry.... gggggrrrrrr!!!!!!!

 

[findthejake]

Yeah I've always been easy to rib on but I also started putting back quite a bit too so now I would say it's a 2 way street. It certainly wasn't in high school though, there it just got piled on me but 'all in love'.

 

[chatoyer]

Yeah I've always been easy to rib on but I also started putting back quite a bit too so now I would say it's a 2 way street. It certainly wasn't in high school though, there it just got piled on me but 'all in love'.

I do the same!

But with ENFP guys, even when they respond to the insulter, it takes all the competition out of it, almost like it's a parody of male competition, do you know what I mean??

 

[findthejake]

oh totally

 

[targobelle]

you know being an enfp female we are never taken seriously... it's always a game it's always "Just so much fun...." It's annoying and it gets hurtful and finally for anyone to listen we must explode and become a bitch and then everyone is shocked b/c they think we're always playing a game....

then along comes depression........ even then it's not seen b/c they think we're just tired, they don't realize that the games wore off and all that is left is hurt.... damn Fi.......

 

[chatoyer]

you know being an enfp female we are never taken seriously... it's always a game it's always "Just so much fun...." It's annoying and it gets hurtful and finally for anyone to listen we must explode and become a bitch and then everyone is shocked b/c they think we're always playing a game....

then along comes depression........ even then it's not seen b/c they think we're just tired, they don't realize that the games wore off and all that is left is hurt.... damn Fi.......

With me, I see the Fi as doing a bad job of recognizing & managing anger, I tend to adapt to other people (& pride myself on my adaptability), & then boom! There comes a time when I feel taken for granted, for all my flexibility, & then I realize how angry I am. Then the problem is how to express the anger, to risk confronting the person/people--I know I can do it without name-calling, & be civilized, but I don't know if I can keep my emotions in check, without just crying all over the place. So, often my anger is delayed, & it's cold & sarcastic, it's rarely in the moment, unless it's with someone I really trust.

 

[targobelle]

With me, I see the Fi as doing a bad job of recognizing & managing anger, I tend to adapt to other people (& pride myself on my adaptability), & then boom! There comes a time when I feel taken for granted, for all my flexibility, & then I realize how angry I am. Then the problem is how to express the anger, to risk confronting the person/people--I know I can do it without name-calling, & be civilized, but I don't know if I can keep my emotions in check, without just crying all over the place. So, often my anger is delayed, & it's cold & sarcastic, it's rarely in the moment, unless it's with someone I really trust.

yes yes yes that's it!

 

[CzeCze]

A Little Machiavellian Advice A Little Too Late but --

I always feel like I am too much, that I am
mmmmm why is it that as enfp's we seem to 'feel' others on a level that they are unaware that they are projecting? I hate that, hate feeling others emotions especially when I get the feeling they don't want anyone else to know I feeling like I am invading their privacy, I wouldn't want others to feel my emotions.

I get to be in a high emotional cut the tension with a knife b/c of me environment this weekend I am trying to mentally prepare for this... any advice from my fellow enfp's???

I think this super sensitivity and being empathic to almost being a psychic receptor is both a gift and a curse. A curse because if I'm correct in speaking for other ENFPs other than myself -- we literally *absorb* the emotional currents around us and we SEE people and we FEEL what they are feeling.

It's a curse because we have no choice in what kind of environments we are around. And why should we sometimes be the equivalent of a negative dumping ground for someone else? I think sometimes people can be assholes and WANT to make someone else feel bad and we unfortunately can be easy
prey.

But on the FLIP, and this is the answer to your question -- we can also turn into BEACONS and SEND OUT our vibes and 'infectious moods' instead of receiving. This is we're good at parties and on stage.

Turn OFF your receptor switch -- it might feel strange and unnatural and unpleasant at first. You will feel like you are talking through a wall to people, you won't be able to read their signals, you won't be as persuasive or connected to people.

BUT, for these reasons you will also be PROTECTED and if you instead focus on throwing out your own energy to be a BEACON instead of a receptor, you will get through the stressful event without feeling drained or used.

Take the energy and focus you usually use on OTHER PEOPLE to read and accomodate them and totally refocus it on yourself. Do you!

The caveat is that later people may say you acted like an asshole or seemed distant, but depending on the occasion -- who cares?

I find that in my new career focus (and I will be working in a field with sharks and egomaniacs) that I leave my receptor switch off longer and longer and focus on impressing a strong image on others that is more intimidating and less warm and fuzzy. I still have a strong enough of an NF that even with my switch turned low, I can train myself to still be able to read people but not be affected by negativity. I can also come off as formidable and I definitely use this to my advantage.

Perhaps I am turning to the dark side?

Hahahahaa...um...actually it's not that funny if you think about it as a fellow ENFP.

 

[CzeCze]

OMG!!!!

Do you guys, especially the women, feel like you have been forever typecast in the "little sister" role, where everyone feels compelled to tease you & insult you, to get a rise out of you? I've always felt that way, that my reactions must be so entertaining (or scary!), that this happens in nearly every environment I'm in.

I've seen it with ENFP guys, where other guys tease them like that too..........& usually the ENFPs are so self-deprecating that it becomes this non-threatening thing.

I had no idea this was an ENFP thing!! I am so happy (and actually not happy too) to hear this!

People are ALWAYS MESSING WITH ME!! They are constantly teasing me and clowning me. And they tell me that they do this because they love getting my reaction -- I always flip out and get upset but they think it's 'cute' and/or 'funny' but definitely 'amusing'. They either think in my reaction that I ENJOY the teasing (after the first 2 seconds I do NOT enjoy it) or else they just don't care because I'm just so damn unintimidating and cuddly. BTW, can you see a connection between this and my previous post on learning to 'be evil' came from?

The only possible plus for people loving to mess with me is that people I like and flirt with try to find ways to get a reaction from me. And in those cases, I really am enjoying myself.

 

[Vortex]

The only people who manage to get a rise out of me, and for the same reason find it exceptionally amusing to tease me, are my parents. When I flare up they, without fail, accuse me of having no sense of humor. Which just makes me angry.

Everybody else seem to tease me on a 'tease among equals'-basis.

CzeCze, I found your post before last very enlightening. I'll be thinking that over in the time to come.

 

[chatoyer]

teach me how to use the Dark side of the Force, my Lord!

It's a curse because we have no choice in what kind of environments we are around. And why should we sometimes be the equivalent of a negative dumping ground for someone else? I think sometimes people can be assholes and WANT to make someone else feel bad and we unfortunately can be easy
prey.

But on the FLIP, and this is the answer to your question -- we can also turn into BEACONS and SEND OUT our vibes and 'infectious moods' instead of receiving. This is we're good at parties and on stage.

Turn OFF your receptor switch -- it might feel strange and unnatural and unpleasant at first. You will feel like you are talking through a wall to people, you won't be able to read their signals, you won't be as persuasive or connected to people.

BUT, for these reasons you will also be PROTECTED and if you instead focus on throwing out your own energy to be a BEACON instead of a receptor, you will get through the stressful event without feeling drained or used.

Take the energy and focus you usually use on OTHER PEOPLE to read and accomodate them and totally refocus it on yourself. Do you!

The caveat is that later people may say you acted like an asshole or seemed distant, but depending on the occasion -- who cares?

I find that in my new career focus (and I will be working in a field with sharks and egomaniacs) that I leave my receptor switch off longer and longer and focus on impressing a strong image on others that is more intimidating and less warm and fuzzy. I still have a strong enough of an NF that even with my switch turned low, I can train myself to still be able to read people but not be affected by negativity. I can also come off as formidable and I definitely use this to my advantage.

Perhaps I am turning to the dark side?

Hahahahaa...um...actually it's not that funny if you think about it as a fellow ENFP.

What a great post, CzeCze, you are so self-aware of your superpowers! .........is it possible to dial down the receptor but not completely?

I disagree on dialing it down completely, because I don't think that people should infect others with their bad moods, I see that as a character flaw, akin to body odor, it's emotional odor!

While I would like to filter out some of the negativity I get from people, I still want that awareness so I can adapt to the person & be effective in career, or persuasion, or whatever. Do you have "how to's", more specific tips on dialing down & focusing more on the self??

 

[findthejake]

wowzer. So I totally put myself out there and this crazy infj chick is stomping my heart into a million little pieces why she battles demons in her brain. I am feeling my pain and her pain and it is destroying me. I need a tranquilizer shot or to be put into a coma or something until she figures out what the hell she is doing. It's bad enough feeling my own pain but to feel hers on top of it without understanding why she is doing this, it's more pain than I can bare.
I need a therapist...or her to call me....

 

[_Ti_]

I 'd like to ask some questions about/to ENFPs, especially young ones (15-16):
- Do you use to devellop a mental bond with a person who isn't physically present? For instance, an older relative who lives in another city/country. If yes, why? Do you expect this person to feel this bond too, even if s/he knows nothing about the whole thing?
- Do you tend to take things very personally? If yes, how should someone express him/herself in order to make his/her point without your taking it personally? Is this something you overcome by growing up? Is there a reason for that, or it is just an age thing?
- When you are upset, how should people around you react? Do you want a physical proximity, some nice words or be left in peace until you feel better? Does it help when people try to present you a logical point of view, or is this not a good time?

PLEASE NOTE: I do not assume ENFPs are like that. I wonder about a particular person, who I suspect she is an ENFP, is passing through the difficult age of 15 and I would like to understand more things about her behaviour and how to deal with it.

YES we take things personally, but you might never find out. If you're talking to an ENFP and they go quiet or look away or provide any of many subtle non-verbal signals that suggest something is wrong, they took it personally. I know I haven' grown out of taking things that way completely but it does get better. The best way to get past it I think is to be straightforward. "Are you okay? Did I say something? What is it?" It might just be me but I don't think so, ENFP's want to be cared about more than anything, so even if we take everything you say super personally, as long as you make it clear that you didn't mean it and that you really really care, we'll be fine. We can be a very forgiving type.

As for being upset, if they push you away, they might want you to prove you care by pushing back, getting close to them, not letting them be alone and upset. I know I'm like that a lot. I'll be hurt by something and withdraw, when all I want is the person who hurt me to follow my withdrawl and make me come back.
The logical point of view doesn't work very well. We see that it makes sense, but it doesn't make us feel any better. Logic is not important when an NF is upset. It just holds no weight. The feeling is too strong, too real and too important and the best thing through all of it is to be VERY obvious about caring.

<ENFP's-if this doesn't sound like a general thing, tell me- I might be being too personal and not general enough>

 

[_Ti_]

With me, I see the Fi as doing a bad job of recognizing & managing anger, I tend to adapt to other people (& pride myself on my adaptability), & then boom! There comes a time when I feel taken for granted, for all my flexibility, & then I realize how angry I am. Then the problem is how to express the anger, to risk confronting the person/people--I know I can do it without name-calling, & be civilized, but I don't know if I can keep my emotions in check, without just crying all over the place. So, often my anger is delayed, & it's cold & sarcastic, it's rarely in the moment, unless it's with someone I really trust.

Man is this true!!!
I am so bad this way... I cannot deal with anger, at all, mine or anyone else's.
I get up on my high horse about how giving and forgiving and flexible and tolerant I am and then someone says one thing to many and I realize I could scream until my eyes popped out. But for those same accommodating self-deprecating reasons above, I don't, and at some point I'm harsh and hurtful and sarcastic and someone with no idea what is going on has just been verbally stabbed in their weak spots. It sucks!
I just want to stand up for myself without feeling like an asshole.
Am I alone in this?