[ENFP] enfp's fact or fiction

[Vortex]

Niffer;

I think that's completely different for everyone. For some, it could be a gradual process, for others a sudden enlightenment. For me, it's hacking away at the surface and trying not to feel too uneasy about the areas exposed. I try to make a constant effort to be 'true' about who I am and I let myself get hurt. I would never do something like that before; instead I'd partition off any feelings that needed to be dealt with or let the surface persona deal with them or find other ways to get around the whole emotional aspect. I'm not saying that it's typical, only that I've observed, heard and read about this in other ENFPs, but it might be something quite a few types experience.

Okay, how can I tell that I shed my skin - well, first of all I feel a lot more exposed. Everything is a lot more raw and a lot more meaningful. It's like the difference between wearing and not wearing glasses. Only, in this case, things get a lot sharper, nastier and more true to life when you wear them - which would be shedding the skin. The muffled, grainy world I get from pouring energy into my 'skin' lifts and everything becomes more clear. But I'm not sure if I'm phrasing this correctly, or if I'm projecting my own battles onto my type. I'd love to hear if anyone can identify with some aspect of this. It's not the same as having a public and a private face - this is something constant, a 'buffer-barrier' you'll even set up for yourself. It took me some years to even become fully aware of it and it still puzzles me.

 

[targobelle]

YES Vortex I agree with every word. But maybe it's more common in those of us who have lived a lil longer than our dear young Niffer.

It's painfully raw and rips at your heart and you want to run and hide and and and...... you want to stay b/c it's hurts so bad yet feels so good to be able to trust someone on that level and vulnerable with someone on that level and just contect. It's not something I can do often it takes a lot out of me.

As for the buffer yes I have friends who have noticed it and I am always shocked by the reality of it being there b/c I thought I took it down and it was in the wash.... yet no it's always there. Sometimes it's like a think black concrete wall and other times it's like mesh material certain molecules can pass through but others cannot.....

I so much want to take it down but am so afraid too... in life I feel so lost and almost invisable... so often I feel like I am on the outside looking in....

 

[Vortex]

Targo;

You've explained it excellently, it's really amazing that our views on that are so alike.

It's a shame there are so few ENFPs here. I'd like to know if this is a trend or just us two

 

[targobelle]

Targo;

You've explained it excellently, it's really amazing that our views on that are so alike.

It's a shame there are so few ENFPs here. I'd like to know if this is a trend or just us two

thanks

Yes I wonder that too.... which is why I started this thread initially was to just clear things up for others and to actually learn about whether or not others were like me. Seems like there is a very hiddlen world with enfp's

I must admitted sharing this feels very vulnerable and I feel a huge need to pull away and regroup and gather my composure, I also feel a big need to go back and erase it all. But if I leave it up then I grow and like you said "skin is shed" which is really what I need right now.

 

[Metamorphosis]

Seems like there is a very hiddlen world with enfp's

I think this is part of the appeal of ENFPs.

 

[targobelle]

I think this is part of the appeal of ENFPs.

hhhmmmm

then why do people always seem to wander away just before they get to the middle of the book..... we are slow and patient and test you over and over again to see if we can really trust you with us. There are many fasaudes that are put up but they are all different variations of us.

I know it's really hard to get to know me and a lot of work to really stand the test of time but I promise you if your pursevere past the tipping point the reward shall be sweet.... I haven't met many who are willing to put in the time to get to that point, so alas I am always left feeling lost.... *sigh*

 

[Metamorphosis]

hhhmmmm

then why do people always seem to wander away just before they get to the middle of the book..... we are slow and patient and test you over and over again to see if we can really trust you with us. There are many fasaudes that are put up but they are all different variations of us.

I know it's really hard to get to know me and a lot of work to really stand the test of time but I promise you if your pursevere past the tipping point the reward shall be sweet.... I haven't met many who are willing to put in the time to get to that point, so alas I am always left feeling lost.... *sigh*

I think part of the problem is that (as you are pointing out), ENFPs are afraid to let go. Couple that with the fact that they tend to be friendly with pretty much everyone and it is difficult for people to know if they genuinely like you or are just nice to everyone. (Although, I think this is also because they are so afraid of offending anyone). I've discussed some ENFP traits with people of other types and they are always surprised when they will be talking to an ENFP friend of theirs and the ENFP will totally leave them hanging to talk to someone else they see, just because they are afraid of offending the other person by not talking to them. (This doesn't matter to me but some F types might interpret it differently).

I've also noticed that they tend to talk to people that they are just getting to know like they are testing the waters. It's like they think before every sentence. It's entertaining to me, but who knows what other types think.

 

[Vortex]

haha, I felt totally offended by Meta's last post because it ws so blatantly true. Dammit!

 

[targobelle]

haha, I felt totally offended by Meta's last post because it ws so blatantly true. Dammit!

yes DAMMIT! lol

 

[niffer]

It was true but I didn't find it offensive. Also, about the testing people..I don't think I really test people. But I do think about every sentence I speak to someone I don't know very well. It's like I have a plan I've made of the attitude towards them I'm trying to project, to neutralize the unknown grounds between me and them that they should have as neutral (or so I'd like them to have), and I specialize every sentence I say and every action I take to carry out that plan.

hhhmmmm

then why do people always seem to wander away just before they get to the middle of the book

I had to think about this one for a while hehe. It is true that this is how it seems sometimes, but really we are the ones wandering away. Well not exactly wandering, and not exactly away, but most of us are pretty widespread in these terms, and you must admit that.

..... we are slow and patient and test you over and over again to see if we can really trust you with us. There are many fasaudes that are put up but they are all different variations of us.

Lol I totally agree with this. It's like Shrek, if you've ever watched that. Ogres are like onions. They have layers.

I know it's really hard to get to know me and a lot of work to really stand the test of time but I promise you if your pursevere past the tipping point the reward shall be sweet.... I haven't met many who are willing to put in the time to get to that point, so alas I am always left feeling lost.... *sigh*

I don't understand where the tipping point is. This part is a little confusing to me.

YEAAHHHHHHH targoooooooooooo~~~!!!

 

[targobelle]

The tipping point is usually when times get rough, when something difficult happens and you stick it through. If you don't well then you lose but if you do well then you get some sort of sweet reward.

 

[Vortex]

If somebody has helped me through a rough patch or whatever, I will start trusting them a lot more. It might just be a little thing a person has done, but I will show my gratitude. I think the tipping point for me is trust.

 

[Dom]

Makes me think that ENFPs are not talked about so much cause we'd actually have to wait for them to decide who they are before we could describe them properly

But that nebulous like quality we have IS part of who we are... though to be frank I do weary myself trying to pin down who I am, lol, most of the tiem i just end up with a clear picture of who i want to be in whatever, social climate is going on at the time.

Reflecting aspects of self image: I have many facets and sides, some introvertish and T-like, some gergarious and heavily extroverted. What people normally get, is a concentrated display of one or the other. Though there are lost of exmaple of when these two are in balance...

I think people don't talk about ENFPs much because we're easy to dismiss with a quick shallow interpration: All ENFPs are sensitive, party animals, cheaters, unreliable, fun loving and incredably warm.

The truth is beneath this list of behaviours there is some really complicated processing going on...

 

[targobelle]

The truth is beneath this list of behaviours there is some really complicated processing going on...

First off Dom so nice to have you back

and secondly that is so very very very very very very true!

 

[CzeCze]

OK here is the question for any ENFPs who would care to answer....


Let's say there were some tasks that you REALLY did not want/like to do. What "tactics" might you employ to get out of doing them given 'outright refusal' was not an option? If you have time could you also please explain the process of reasoning that would go into your answer(s).

Depending on how necessary it is to do (clean your room vs. turn in report on Friday or get fired) I would either

1) Procrastinate in pain for a SHORT while and then attack, attack, attack the task and ignore everything and everyone around until it is done. I would be so filled with panic and /or loathing and/or irritation that I would just channel all of it into beginning the task. Then when and if my internal panic and distate subside I would take a moment to step back and think about the task and not feel as panicked or annoyed because I had 'discharged' some of my negative energy.

2) I enlist other people to help or to do it outright. I'm pretty good at this. I would find people who were available and/or who would be willing, and/or who would be really helpful. Even if I thought they would say 'hell no' unless it was inappopriate to ask or would have negative consequences for me (like asking a manager to help with a basic task) I would approach anyone and everyone I could until the task basically finishes itself without me or with minimal input from me.


3) I don't do it. I actually hated one corporate big money job I had and more important, I really disliked the people I worked with and had recurring conflict with them. The longer I was in it, the more my ENFP personality broke down (like becoming the shadow of my Ennegream type). I literally WOULD NOT do some tasks or do them very very late. So someone I managed or a non-direct manager would do it for me. Needless to say, I did not last long in that job. Nor did I want to. I know you are supposed to be ashamed for 'not doing things' that you don't want to do. But, really, that is part of being me.

Also maybe it's an ENFP thing, but I could not bring myself to quit this job. I have a really hard time quitting things, even if like I said, I don't want to do it. I think it was not the most mature way to deal, but I think on some level I would rather get fired than quit. I have stayed in horribly underpaid and unfullfilling jobs long past their shelf date because I hated to disappoint my boss who really depended on me or feel like I was leaving the rest of my co-workers in a lurch.

Now my biological clock is ticking and I'm all about doing me and getting PAID.

But, maybe that is also related to my being an ENFP?

 

[CzeCze]

I 'd like to ask some questions about/to ENFPs, especially young ones (15-16):
- Do you use to devellop a mental bond with a person who isn't physically present? For instance, an older relative who lives in another city/country. If yes, why? Do you expect this person to feel this bond too, even if s/he knows nothing about the whole thing?
- Do you tend to take things very personally? If yes, how should someone express him/herself in order to make his/her point without your taking it personally? Is this something you overcome by growing up? Is there a reason for that, or it is just an age thing?
- When you are upset, how should people around you react? Do you want a physical proximity, some nice words or be left in peace until you feel better? Does it help when people try to present you a logical point of view, or is this not a good time?

1) When I was young and even now, yes distance does not matter with personal bonds and connections. You can be millions of miles away and we can talk infrequently, a few times a year if that. But if I feel connected to you and feel you are close to my heart, you might as well live next door. Some other friends don't understand this and need the physical proximity to feel 'close' but not me.

2) I am sensitive. But, when I was younger and in that 15-16 age bracket, I was painfully hypersensitive. To the point I really should have been on anti-anxiety medication. I developed minor OCD coping behavior like repeating numbers and coughing even numbers of times. I was also a well-endowed freak, so I got A LOT of shit from people at school when I first entered as a freshman. By the time I graduated though, I made all those bastards like me.

I would have really appreciated the calming and strengthening influence of a calm, confident, expressive person who would reassure me of my value and remind me that everyday things are not the end of the world.

Unfortunately, I was surrounded by people who were constantly tearing me down or did not 'get me' and ended up offending me in their very harsh and brusque ways of 'helping me' be more assertive.

3) When I'm upset, even if I don't show it, I really want and need people to reach out to me and show me that they truly care but in a way that isn't fake (I can smell fake an ocean away) or with ulterior motives. With friends, I need to know you sincerely apologize if you've done something 'wrong' and need to reassure me for several minutes that you are sorry and care about me and our friendship and value me. I'm a pain. I'm like the stereotypical high-maintenance girlfriend.

 

[chatoyer]

more enfpisms!

With tasks I don't like, I often play a game inside my head where I will do x amount of it (very Sish) & then reward myself to do something I like, like get back to a book I'm reading, or computer, or TV, or phone call, etc. I do a lot of interrupted tasks, I think because they are mind-numbingly tedious & it's the only way for me to tolerate it. Anything routine can just completely bore me, & I try to insert distractions with my interests as much as I can.

I suffer from muscle tension just like the profile states, I have horrible headaches, & I fidget all the time. I often get sick right after a high I get from a stressful situation, maybe a hosting type thing, but I love the high, I feel like myself, like a charged version of myself, I'm totally in my element--social & self-possessed--, then when I start to relax, I crash, & often get sick. When people advise me to pace myself better--I agree--I just don't want to live without those intense experiences, I want the benefit without the cost, so I'm trying to figure that out.

 

[Vortex]

I'd wish there was a way to relieve that muscle tension. I don't think I'm capable of relaxing completely, not even with all sorts of fancy yoga and meditation and so on.

 

[INTJMom]

I have known several ENFPs, all guys.
Generally they are wonderful people, easy to like.

I have read that their biggest fault can be procrastination,
(probably caused by their idealism and perfectionism).
I have seen this.
It's worse for them than for other people.

One is a musician and owns a recording studio.
He always has a great new idea he is working on
(and a lot of unfinished ones).
He sells radio jingles for a living.
His enthusiasm is catchy.

In my opinion, ENFPs need an SJ in their life to balance their idiosyncrasies out.

 

[Dom]

I have known several ENFPs, all guys.
Generally they are wonderful people, easy to like.

I have read that their biggest fault can be procrastination,
(probably caused by their idealism and perfectionism).
I have seen this.
It's worse for them than for other people.

One is a musician and owns a recording studio.
He always has a great new idea he is working on
(and a lot of unfinished ones).
He sells radio jingles for a living.
His enthusiasm is catchy.

In my opinion, ENFPs need an SJ in their life to balance their idiosyncrasies out.

ick.. an sj?? oh no please can't we just settle on an NJ? or maybe an NP? yes yes, defo another NP would work best...