[ENFP] enfp's fact or fiction

[targobelle]

I always feel like I am too much, that I am smoothering, especially in my friendships, you need someone strong to handle you


mmmmm why is it that as enfp's we seem to 'feel' others on a level that they are unaware that they are projecting? I hate that, hate feeling others emotions especially when I get the feeling they don't want anyone else to know I feeling like I am invading their privacy, I wouldn't want others to feel my emotions.

I get to be in a high emotional cut the tension with a knife b/c of me environment this weekend I am trying to mentally prepare for this... any advice from my fellow enfp's???

 

[findthejake]

liquor... lots and lots.
(kidding. I rarely drink to be drunk)
I hate emotions, they are way too draining. I want to turn them off!

 

[targobelle]

yes so do I,, unfortunately I will not be able to drink at all during either or these events.... *sigh*

hhhmmmm no not before either UGH! lol j/k I don't drink often but it does help to calm me and even me out a bit.

 

[findthejake]

Well then I wish you the best of luck anyway. Let yourself control the room as only we can!


then go hide in the closet or bathroom to try and recharge!

 

[targobelle]

if only it were that simple....... yes if only

 

[Littlelostnf]

mmmm why is it that as enfp's we seem to 'feel' others on a level that they are unaware that they are projecting? I hate that, hate feeling others emotions especially when I get the feeling they don't want anyone else to know I feeling like I am invading their privacy, I wouldn't want others to feel my emotions.


I am not an ENFP and I get the same feelings about others. When I am in highly charged emotional situation I take time to escape periodically so that I don't get overwhelmed.

 

[Vortex]

Oh..I see, I see. But I can't imagine doing this all the time..like in regular conversation.

I didn't mean in regular conversation, unless that regular conversation becomes really boring and you need to cautiously make the other person change the subject. I'm not suggesting that every thought or every sentence is laced with some ulterior motive, but it might be, in some cases.

 

[Vortex]

And about the smothering: I try to be as non-smothering as possible, which quite often has the setback that people think I don't care. There's just no way to win at that sort of thing.

I feel like some sort of emotional sponge half the time. I pick up on other people's moods and feelings, but because it seems so obvious to me, I've never thought of it as invading someone's privacy. I'll have to think about that - the thought has never crossed my mind before.

 

[Metamorphosis]

I feel like some sort of emotional sponge half the time. I pick up on other people's moods and feelings, but because it seems so obvious to me, I've never thought of it as invading someone's privacy. I'll have to think about that - the thought has never crossed my mind before.

I always thought that was one of the most interesting thing about ENFPs. It's like they don't even have to look at you to know how you're feeling. I never would have even considered such a thing.

 

[arcticangel02]

Wow. Okay, so I just finished reading 15 pages of ENFP discussion, (instead of sleeping and/or doing homework) and OMG. So much of this is so very me!

ENFPs are like introverted extroverts. Every single one I've known had a distinct ability to be rather alone without notable negative effects, though they often yearned for more, they could also be content in this state much easier (and longer) than any other extrovert I've come in contact with. They're also the only non-NT extrovert that seem to enjoy being social online, but I have yet to understand why this is.

I've always been interested in personality tests and stuff, and only recently worked out what I probably was. But still, some of the descriptions of ENFPs seemed a bit off. But this quote here... Woah. Nothing's ever described me so perfectly! ^^

Lately I've been feeling like I've been getting into the habit of spending far too much time alone, though. I need to get out of this place.

Hrm. I have to resist writing an essay, here.

I have read that their biggest fault can be procrastination,
(probably caused by their idealism and perfectionism).
I have seen this.
It's worse for them than for other people.

Yes, yes, yes! Now it makes sense why just about everybody else seems to be able to knuckle down and get at least some work done on this huge project we have due whenever, wheras I can't. I just can't. Not until the last minute. (At which point I work continuously for hours (or even days) on end quite effectively.)

We secretly worry about other's perceptions of us and often feel like we aren't as popular as we are.

Absolutely. More than once I've been completely surprised by a person I've considered as being very popular turning around and saying how lovely and nice they think I am!

I feel like some sort of emotional sponge half the time.

Oh yes. My sponge-ness even extends into even opinions and likes/dislikes. Especially if they dislike something I previously liked/didn't mind. (Usually things I really really like aren't too affected). My regard for that thing goes down instantly. It's bizarre.

God, I love being an ENFP. Except for when I don't.

Amen to that.

(Okay, so much for trying to not write an essay. What can I say? When something enthralls me... )

 

[Vortex]

Glad to have you aboard, Arcticangel :hi:

 

[autumn]

And drifting in and out of people's lives -- OMG, I thought this was just me! this is actually a problem for me and so true! I'm afraid that I'm overstepping my bounds or someone doesn't really like me just tolerating me, etc. etc. etc. and so I back off. I dont' really push most relationships, I let them happen. I have a lot of acquaintances and my INTP friend says that 'most people like me/ I get along with most people' but there's not a lot of people I feel comfortable really spending a nice evening out with.

I have read this in type descriptions before (about ENFPs basically having short interest spans, always looking for something new when they get tired of whatever they were doing, and drifting in and out of people's lives).

For me, I find that while I may do this with things, I don't really do it with people, at least not for the reasons usually given. For instance, if a new topic piques my interest, I will tend to focus on it for awhile while I research it, think it over, and discuss it with people. When I feel I have learned a lot about it, or if I have temporarily burnt myself out on it and want a break, or if I get too busy, or if I get interested in something else that I want to explore, then I will drop that topic and move on to something else.

However, I don't tend to focus on spending time with a person and then drop them like a hot potato because I no longer find them interesting or because I am some kind of flake. If I drift in and out of someone's life, it is generally for a good reason. If I feel that person is too busy for me to be telephoning (like a friend entering an especially busy semester of grad school), then I will back off to give them space and hope they contact me when they are not so busy. Sometimes, though very rarely, I come to realize that a person is really not someone I should be spending time with, for whatever reason, and I will back off because of that. Sometimes I am just shy. (Yes, extroverts can be shy.) Sometimes I may like certain people a lot, but I may find them intimidating or I may be busy with things myself and not have time to be in contact with them as much as I would like.

But I think that most often I back away from people after showing strong interest for the very reasons that CzeCze so eloquently described: I am concerned that I have come on too strong, and I am embarrassed and feel I should probably give them some time away from me and my talkative enthusiasm. And I do sometimes have a hard time accepting that people really do like me and are not "just tolerating me". What's funny is that my INTP friend told me basically the same thing CzeCze's did: that most people do like me very much! I wonder if the ENFP need for regular reassurance comes into play here?

I am really enjoying this discussion!

 

[findthejake]

I so need reassurance. All the time in everything, in work and definitely in relationships.

 

[targobelle]

warning I am feeling just a lil silly at the moment I think it's crazy music and lack of sleep

I need more crazy frog remixes......

Um yeah it's more crazy frog

and just incase you didn't get the crazy frog here's some more

 

[targobelle]

I so need reassurance. All the time in everything, in work and definitely in relationships.

um yes that is completely 100% true!

 

[arcticangel02]

For me, I find that while I may do this with things, I don't really do it with people, at least not for the reasons usually given. For instance, if a new topic piques my interest, I will tend to focus on it for awhile while I research it, think it over, and discuss it with people. When I feel I have learned a lot about it, or if I have temporarily burnt myself out on it and want a break, or if I get too busy, or if I get interested in something else that I want to explore, then I will drop that topic and move on to something else.

However, I don't tend to focus on spending time with a person and then drop them like a hot potato because I no longer find them interesting or because I am some kind of flake. If I drift in and out of someone's life, it is generally for a good reason. If I feel that person is too busy for me to be telephoning (like a friend entering an especially busy semester of grad school), then I will back off to give them space and hope they contact me when they are not so busy. Sometimes, though very rarely, I come to realize that a person is really not someone I should be spending time with, for whatever reason, and I will back off because of that. Sometimes I am just shy. (Yes, extroverts can be shy.) Sometimes I may like certain people a lot, but I may find them intimidating or I may be busy with things myself and not have time to be in contact with them as much as I would like.

That sounds pretty accurate to me. Things I tend to be obsessed with for a few months or so (depending on what sort of thing), then I'll get bored or whatever, and completely forget about them.

People, however, hmm. I find I tend to get along with most people instantly, and the like, but actually getting to know the real person takes a while. I don't like asking personal questions, and the way I see it, if I'm still friends with them in a year or five years, those things will eventually come out. I'm pretty good at figuring things out on my own, anyway. I rarely 'lose interest' in a person, but neither do I make an extraordinary effort to keep in contact with someone if they drift away (for whatever reason). Actually, I'm quite bad at that - keeping in contact with friends from overseas. I know I might send an email a month for three months, then forget about it and not send anything for six months. I always greatly enjoy any contact I have with them, but perhaps it's a bit like 'out of sight, out of mind'? ^^

 

[findthejake]

yeah definitely. My friends are scattered across the globe and I usually don't talk to them but once every few months but when we do talk or see each other, it's instant connection again. Of course I have an instant connection with everyone so I don't know why it would be any different with old friends.

Oh and I hate being ignored. Makes me want to scream.

 

[cascadeco]

I know two ENFP's fairly well - one was one of the few friends I had growing up, who is female, the other is a guy I've known for a handful of years.

Both are *incredibly* interesting, fascinating people....but both are the most chatty people I know, which can get really draining for an introvert. ;-) Another friend of mine knows the guy equally well, and she jokes about a time they were both on a roadtrip, and it was night, and the guy was driving and was chatting about something, and she fell asleep, and woke up a bit later and he was still talking, and didn't seem to notice she'd drifted off briefly.

I find them both quite insightful, and both tend to have this hidden introvert side! So they both read a lot (erm..if they have time ;-), and both have tons of ideas about things, and both can show a rather serious, contemplative side that appears introvert-ish. Both can expound on their theories of X, Y, and Z. Both can also appear to be quite 'flaky'/random though, like they're in their own little world, but both also have a pretty large social network, and know lots of people. Both, sadly, are horrible at planning social things though, because they're a bit random and spontaneous, and tend to be late.

The guy...I don't know how his physical body doesn't just waste away...he's involved in so many things, and has like 3 jobs at once, and must only get like 4-5 hours of sleep a night - and historically has been this way too- (a 'real' job, going back to school, AND a 'fun' volunteer job, so he basically has no free time, or I guess he does, and squeezes socializing into everything else...but obviously likes it that way, and thrives off of it).

I never got the vibe that they brushed people off, or jumped from one to the other; I always felt they valued me. I think the vibe is more that they just have tons of interests and other things on their mind, so I knew I wasn't the only person in their world...they had lots of other things/people to see and explore!

Both are highly sensitive, values-based, though...and have lofty ideals, and the way the world should be. They're awesome. Almost always positive and upbeat, and enthusiastic..but with that rather somber undercurrent, too. At least, that's my take.

 

[autumn]

Cascademn, I loved your post. I think you are very perceptive in having noticed many facets of your ENFP friends. A difficulty I have sometimes is when I feel someone has only noticed the energetic, happy, funny side of me and thinks that that's all there is. (Does anyone else feel this way?) Yet I most definitely have a strong serious philosophical bent that is quite logical (while still being imaginitive and frequently explained with metaphors). I am so glad to hear from someone who has noticed that other ENFPs are like that too. I also appreciated what you said about ENFPs having a "hidden introvert side" and being "almost always positive and upbeat, and enthusiastic..but with that rather somber undercurrent, too." I really think that's true, and very insightful.

It's funny you should mention the chattiness; not too long ago I made kind of a vow to rein in the chattiness a bit and concentrate on listening better, especially when talking to introverts.

Also, about your friend with the three jobs and so on...when I was younger people would comment about how energetic I was (still energetic now, but older and busier, so it's more subdued). What not all of them knew is that I actually got quite a bit of sleep, taking naps whenever I could (I still do), unlike your busy friend! I also spent significant time being nice and calm by myself; reading books, walking, listening to music, praying, and reflecting, but I think they did know that part.

 

[niffer]

I so need reassurance. All the time in everything, in work and definitely in relationships.

I watch for it, and I love it, and usually get paranoid when I have to go without it more than usual...but I don't want people to know that I need it. That's just one of the many things I like to keep inside of me. I don't like seeming needy in any way. I'm usually alright with people knowing my weak points, though. I dunno. I think it's because I don't want people to think I'll slow them down or drain them out, or ever feel guilty or obliged to have to do something for me so that I can keep up.

One of the main messages I want to send to the world is to go on the way it wants to; that I can just bend and re-mold myself and catch up on my own...partially to prove myself worthy and partially to show that I understand and accomodate, and I want to. It's like tagging along with your older cousin. And if they like the me the way I am, I'll show more and more of me, because they'll realize that all the bending and molding I do isn't exactly the way I truly am even though I enjoy doing it, and that I can't always change myself or catch up without help, and I don't always understand. And so maybe, just maybe, they'll help me in a way that doesn't make me have to bend and swallow and rewire myself in order to survive; a way during which I can relax and just get what I need emotionally without a hot fuss (all the questions and doubting and criticism just wears little old sensitive me out)...without it is like getting fed grapes in bed. And maybe, they'll actually enjoy it.

A difficulty I have sometimes is when I feel someone has only noticed the energetic, happy, funny side of me and thinks that that's all there is. (Does anyone else feel this way?)

Yeah, I hate that...

Sometimes it seems like it's the only way people know how to describe me. Not that it's untrue or unflattering, but that's not all I want to be remembered for after I'm gone, y'know what I mean?