[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[Unkindloving]

My first quoted thread.

EDIT: P.S. A lot of that advice really worked. Me and my ENFJ best friend had a really major conversation for about three hours over coffee last night. It was really awesome and we worked through a lot of stuff about both us - mainly little things that we do that annoys the other, which can be hard/awkward to talk about. But lately our friendship has gone to a whole new level. I think both time passing and many things in that thread helped us get to that point. Pretty much Id take a bullet for him, and he the same.

Aw happy to have quoted and responded in it.
That's awesome to hear. There are times when i wish i could give a readout of how ENFJs work to some friends to take seriously. Glad to hear that you took the initiative with yours and set out to better things.

 

[Thessaly]

This thread never dies...sort of like my unrequited love for ENFJs. I'm pretty sure they were put on earth to torment me.

 

[Glycerine]

no we aren't Besides that was just one or two??? ENFJ(s) that didn't work out for you.....

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

There's a thread for that specifically. You get under those layers, homeskillet!
Hopefully that is helpful

Okay! Thanks, Unkindloving! *runs off to check thread*

Oh, it's not hard. Be sweet, open to correction, and at least occasionally show him that you are willing to sacrifice for him...that will speak volumes.

The correction part sounds more ominous than it is...what I mean by that is we often like to give advice (speaks to an xNFP blind spot I've noticed)...at least be open to hearing what we've got to say.

Okay Thanks for the advice, Fuzzcrossed.

 

[Thessaly]

no we aren't Besides that was just one or two??? ENFJ(s) that didn't work out for you.....

There have been a couple...

 

[Venom]

There have been a couple...

looking for one more?

 

[runvardh]

Could I get one that won't try to be mommy to me?

 

[Forever_Jung]

Could I get one that won't try to be mommy to me?

OMG I know

For one, I ALWAYS attract ENFJ's and ESFJ's, even if I hate them (I usually don't) and they ALWAYS want to be my mom. Also my mom is the perfect embodiment of the ENFJ and I don't want to prove Freud right so I stay away from younger versions of my mom like they're the plague even though they're pretty awesome. Curse you ENFJ's!

 

[Venom]

Im a man....no acting like mommy!

 

[runvardh]

OMG I know

For one, I ALWAYS attract ENFJ's and ESFJ's, even if I hate them (I usually don't) and they ALWAYS want to be my mom. Also my mom is the perfect embodiment of the ENFJ and I don't want to prove Freud right so I stay away from younger versions of my mom like they're the plague even though they're pretty awesome. Curse you ENFJ's!

My mother is ESFP, but both my paternal grandmother and my great-aunt have a habit of mothering me when they see me and they're both EFJs. I also dated an ENFJ who seemed to not get enough mothering her daugher so she did it to me too...

Im a man....no acting like mommy!

Yeah, but your a dude. The ladies, on the other hand, seem to get into that mode with out another thought.

 

[Unkindloving]

Could I get one that won't try to be mommy to me?

There should be a test to determine how mothering one is. I don't feel like i'm one of those... or at least not when it is uncalled for.

 

[runvardh]

There should be a test to determine how mothering one is. I don't feel like i'm one of those... or at least not when it is uncalled for.

Grandma and great-aunt will at least not get their panties in a not when I'm in mission or support mode, so it's not that bad. The problem is in the case of my ex where she would take it as me being cold - though I wondered what she expected after messing around with the status of our relationship so much.

 

[William K]

There should be a test to determine how mothering one is. I don't feel like i'm one of those... or at least not when it is uncalled for.

HelloQuizzy.com: The How motherly are you Test

 

[Thessaly]

looking for one more?

Always. I am a masochist after all.

 

[Unkindloving]

Grandma and great-aunt will at least not get their panties in a not when I'm in mission or support mode, so it's not that bad. The problem is in the case of my ex where she would take it as me being cold - though I wondered what she expected after messing around with the status of our relationship so much.

Ah. Having a certain type in the family has its own perks and downfalls, so that is understandable.
Hmm. Cuddly control issues?

HelloQuizzy.com: The How motherly are you Test

Leave it to an INFP
:takes test:
I'm apparently average and go by instinct. Luckily i want grown men in my life and not children

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

So... why the lack of ENFJ-INFP relationships?

 

[Glycerine]

I think the pair would be too intense... I wouldn't want a battle of hurt feelings every couple of weeks from either side, for me personally.

 

[Venom]

So... why the lack of ENFJ-INFP relationships?

INFP Fi... doesnt want to submit to the ENFJ Fe.
So it would be a great match if the INFP happened to have Fi values that fit the Fe of the ENFJ. Otherwise it would be a "showdown" as bad as Te vs Fi.

 

[runvardh]

Ah. Having a certain type in the family has its own perks and downfalls, so that is understandable.
Hmm. Cuddly control issues?

Eh, the ex decided to downgrade our relationship from SO to friend status because her family was pulling her away. After that I acted like friends since I didn't want to do anything inappropriate. After she was gone a mutual friend told me she thought I was cold. I figure it was a case of her saying one thing and wanting another and hoping I'll figure it out or that she can use it to cease having feelings for me.

Edit: this also brings up the point that I need some one who will tell me what I need to know, not what she thinks I want to hear.

I think the pair would be too intense... I wouldn't want a battle of hurt feelings every couple of weeks from either side, for me personally.

INFP Fi... doesnt want to submit to the ENFJ Fe.
So it would be a great match if the INFP happened to have Fi values that fit the Fe of the ENFJ. Otherwise it would be a "showdown" as bad as Te vs Fi.

Matching values is something any NF needs especially when it's two NFs together. ENFP and INFJ are a little easier since they're percieving dominant, but even they can get a little bent when there's enough of a discrepancy. Then again, ENFJ's harmonizing Fe can soften things someone between two people the same time which may make that situation a little less explosive than two INFPs together (cold war + mutually assured distruction multiple times, anyone?)...

I'd definately need someone with close enough values to mine for it to work right.

 

[Forever_Jung]

INFP Fi... doesnt want to submit to the ENFJ Fe.
So it would be a great match if the INFP happened to have Fi values that fit the Fe of the ENFJ. Otherwise it would be a "showdown" as bad as Te vs Fi.

Agreed! I have a complicated relationship with Fe-doms, because I end up dating them, pursuing them, but eventually hating them so much. I always find them a bit too controlling, but the problem is the control is generally benevolent so I would seem unreasonable when I get testy. But I mean no one likes to be controlled all the time, even if it's a "looking out for you" control. It's hard to fight with them, because they're generally agreeable, so you end up holding it in until you just blindside them with all the pent up resentment a year later. Well, you do if you have assertiveness issues like me