[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[OrangeAppled]

I've given up on it. INTJs ftw! Same intensity and complementary growth as ENFJs without the erratic emotion and indecisive bull crap.

What's the appeal of INTJs? I've dated a few and I wasn't impressed.....

Thess, who in the hell are you dating? I am neither erratic, nor indecisive, thank you very much.

I think it goes back to not being able to tell if the ENFJ is really smitten with you, or just smitten with the whole world.... I've felt a bit like I'm on a yo-yo string with one ENFJ I know.

And as with many NFs, there is a hesitation to commit to that which does not seem "ideal".

Yes, and at 18 or 19, I was definetly all of those things as I struggled to learn my place in the hierarchy of life (at the top, of course ). I don't believe Thess is much older than that herself. Tis amazing how INFPs can be deep and caring in one moment, but so fickle the next...reducing the latter comes with time and maturity, and good influences, all coming together to lift them up to be amazing people. Just like us.

This is similar to what Thess is saying for ENFJs...INFPs can actually be similar to ENFJs in unintentionally giving the idea that they care more than they do (probably all NFs can do this....?). The two types just do it in very different ways. The INFP is calming, soothing, and the ENFJ is charming, exciting. But yes, maturity teaches you to adjust your level of intensity so as not to give the wrong impression. And the idealism is not as so much a hindrance as a motivation.

My GF is an ENFJ, and I must say, it's the best relationship I've ever been in. We seen to 'get' each other pretty well...She is very attuned to my moods and emotions, and is very protective and supportive, although I don't need her protection. I just take it as a symbol of her interest in me.
I really appreciate her social skills and her thoughtfulness - she has many friends, and seems to be intersted in all of them- in their happiness and success. She is also very enthusiastic, which is quite different from me!
I gave up a long time ago trying to be understood by most people, especially women, but she is so insightful and perceptive.

Our happiness is resting on yours

 

[runvardh]

What were you trying to say? Simplify it for me.

Just realized I was being the bigger ass, never mind.

 

[TopherRed]

Just realized I was being the bigger ass, never mind.

I forgive you. Just so you know though, I went though a lot of effort here, so I'm going to post it anyway. All is good, though.

What were you trying to say? Simplify it for me.

EDIT: Because here is what I gathered from this.
I got mad at a post disparaging my people.
Pitselah--who is a little younger than me, took the time to understand the context, which I did not, and explained it to me.

I accepted the explantion, and even went so far as to agree with him that when I was that age, I wasn't predictable, or decisive, though I am now.
You then commented that just because others can't handle a certain type [ENFJs] doesn't mean I should be upset about that. Then you insulted my maturity by saying Pitselah handled that better than I did. This upset me.
Pitselah is a wise, fellow ENFJ, whom I respect, and is certainly less reactionary; though I wouldn't say that's due to more or less maturity, but rather that we are operating at different levels of aggression at the moment. I appreciate his insight anytime he has it, and have found him to be a welcome part of any discussion I am in. He's welcome to correct me at any time.

I then proceeded to explain to you, carefully, what I meant with the original comment, in order to see if there was any sort of misunderstanding that led to your strong reaction. I did say that I stand by it, but I'll clarify; only so far as if she were talking to an ENFJ my own age, or of greater maturity. As I said before, I received more information, and changed my viewpoint accordingly.

Then, after taking the effort to explain all of that, you have the gaul to say something so pretentious as: "if it makes sense to you".

Can't you see I was trying to relate to you? Don't you get I was trying to understand? Or are you so angry because you believe I infringed on someone's sacred right to have a negative opinion about me and my kind?

If somebody has an opinion, then I have the right to desire an answer for it. She doesn't have to give me one, but I have the right to ask. Her comment hurt me, but out of context.

You've hurt me because you made assumptions about me without hearing me out. I am not some bully for you to push around. You are not always the victim. I will not accept your emotional guilt trip and hand it back to you, o' rouge INFP, because you've wounded me today.

I think I'll just go back to my den and bleed. :sad:

ENFJs have many layers, if people wanna look. We just don't talk about how we feel very often. Sometimes, it's hard for INFPs to realize that we are people too, and our emotions are just as complex.

 

[runvardh]

I forgive you. Just so you know though, I went though a lot of effort here, so I'm going to post it anyway. All is good, though.

Bleed me instead, it was my state of mind that I shouldn't have posted in and was too stupid to stop before it was too late.

 

[TopherRed]

Run, I know you're a dude, but . Thanks for being .

 

[runvardh]

Run, I know you're a dude, but . Thanks for being .

Not sure about being cool, haven't been that for years. I just realized where my head was at and that you didn't deserve to be its victim.

 

[Glycerine]

Fuzz, I guess you didn't see my picture in the "You Without Make Up" thread. Which was probably good because I look 12 in the picture...dead serious. However, I'm a female. Thank you for your kind words!

 

[Glycerine]

Random thought: when I around INFPs, I feel REALLY vulnerable around them and I think the same goes for them. It's like we are extra in tune w/ each other. This kind of creeps me out. The only other type that can read me better is an ENFJ...that's even more creepy.

 

[Thessaly]

Random thought: when I around INFPs, I feel REALLY vulnerable around them and I think the same goes for them. It's like we are extra in tune w/ each other. This kind of creeps me out. The only other type that can read me better is an ENFJ...that's even more creepy.

I am all about the creepy. I loves me some creepy woo!

 

[Thessaly]

Yes, and at 18 or 19, I was definetly all of those things as I struggled to learn my place in the hierarchy of life (at the top, of course ). I don't believe Thess is much older than that herself. Tis amazing how INFPs can be deep and caring in one moment, but so fickle the next...reducing the latter comes with time and maturity, and good influences, all coming together to lift them up to be amazing people. Just like us.

I'm 23. The ENFJ referred to in this thread is 27 this year. Not sure where y'all got the teenage years from! I'm not going to look for an excuse for his 'come hither now watch me disappear!' act though. A dick move is a dick move.

 

[Glycerine]

haha, maybe "unnerving" is a better word?

 

[Thessaly]

What's the appeal of INTJs? I've dated a few and I wasn't impressed.....

I know a few INTJs. A couple are rather cold, boring, uptight whatever...the others are unreal. Just so incredibly romantic and wonderful and *sighs*. I can see your confusion and I guess it does come down to the person and surrounding circumstances, but if you manage to find a fairly warm INTJ and open them up with your Fi it can be quite beautiful.

 

[Thessaly]

haha, maybe "unnerving" is a better word?

Probably more accurate, but creepy is good too

 

[Glycerine]

I'm 23. The ENFJ referred to in this thread is 27 this year. Not sure where y'all got the teenage years from! I'm not going to look for an excuse for his 'come hither now watch me disappear!' act though. A dick move is a dick move.

My mistake, I for some reason thought he was a teenager. I might have had you confused w/ someone else. But seriously???? 27??? That's insane. Sounded like high school games to me.

 

[Thessaly]

Yup. Should definitely have known better than to act the way he did. I'm over it though. At least he's not as cutting as the Chinese throwing stars the ENTP ex is currently tossing my way.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Random thought: when I around INFPs, I feel REALLY vulnerable around them and I think the same goes for them. It's like we are extra in tune w/ each other. This kind of creeps me out. The only other type that can read me better is an ENFJ...that's even more creepy.

That's what I LOVE about ENFJs. I don't feel vulnerable in a bad way though. It's a good kind of openness I rarely feel with people.

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

ENFJs have many layers, if people wanna look. We just don't talk about how we feel very often. Sometimes, it's hard for INFPs to realize that we are people too, and our emotions are just as complex.

How do you get under all of those ENFJ layers? *takes notes*

 

[TopherRed]

Oh, it's not hard. Be sweet, open to correction, and at least occasionally show him that you are willing to sacrifice for him...that will speak volumes.

The correction part sounds more ominous than it is...what I mean by that is we often like to give advice (speaks to an xNFP blind spot I've noticed)...at least be open to hearing what we've got to say.

 

[Unkindloving]

How do you get under all of those ENFJ layers? *takes notes*

There's a thread for that specifically. You get under those layers, homeskillet!
Hopefully that is helpful

 

[Malkavia]

There's a thread for that specifically. You get under those layers, homeskillet!
Hopefully that is helpful

My first quoted thread.

EDIT: P.S. A lot of that advice really worked. Me and my ENFJ best friend had a really major conversation for about three hours over coffee last night. It was really awesome and we worked through a lot of stuff about both us - mainly little things that we do that annoys the other, which can be hard/awkward to talk about. But lately our friendship has gone to a whole new level. I think both time passing and many things in that thread helped us get to that point. Pretty much Id take a bullet for him, and he the same.