[ENFJ] ENFJ & INFP

[Thessaly]

So I had a little reunion with the rebounding ENFJ the other day. He had a sudden surge in interest in me again after I changed my status on facebook to "single" and asked to get together to catch up. Initially I believed he might have wanted to start something up again, but it appears as though he just wanted a brief warm encounter *sighs*. He asked me about the guy I had been seeing and what happened there. It was weird to speak to him about other guys so casually. I'm just glad he didn't speak about other girls to me. I can't make sense of this guy at all.

 

[Glycerine]

So I had a little reunion with the rebounding ENFJ the other day. He had a sudden surge in interest in me again after I changed my status on facebook to "single" and asked to get together to catch up. Initially I believed he might have wanted to start something up again, but it appears as though he just wanted a brief warm encounter *sighs*. He asked me about the guy I had been seeing and what happened there. It was weird to speak to him about other guys so casually. I'm just glad he didn't speak about other girls to me. I can't make sense of this guy at all.

ENFJs are like that. You shouldn't read too much into ENFJ friendliness unless he's EXTRA friendly to you comparable to other people he talks to. Also, many ENFJs are about appropriate boundaries so he might not have wanted it to be awkward if you were in another relationship. Maybe that's why he started to talk to you when you became single again. I would say "just wait and see" what unfolds before having expectations.

 

[Thessaly]

I think you're right. He seems to be fond of becoming friends with exes. I operate differently so I read more into it than I should. One thing I have realized through ENFJs is that directness and full disclosure are what I really need in a relationship. I am grateful when I get someone who will put judicial weight on me and my life and give it to me straight at all times. I don't want my feelings spared; I want growth and tough love.

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

This is a little off topic, but have there ever been any fictional representations of INFP & ENFJ together?

Usually when I see an ENFJ (although who I type as ENFJ is probably wrong) paired with someone in a movie/ book, their so turns out to be an ISxP or INTP. I'm just curious to see what this pairing looks like from an outsider's perspective.


Hope you're doing well, Thessaly.

 

[Fecal McAngry]

This is a little off topic, but have there ever been any fictional representations of INFP & ENFJ together?

Usually when I see an ENFJ (although who I type as ENFJ is probably wrong) paired with someone in a movie/ book, their so turns out to be an ISxP or INTP. I'm just curious to see what this pairing looks like from an outsider's perspective.

Blanking on that, but Amazon.com: And A Voice to Sing With: A Memoir (9781439169643): Joan Baez: Books has some great stuff on Joan and Bob.

Posted this before, but it deserves a 2nd listen:

YouTube - Joan Baez - Diamonds and Rust

Well I'll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit
Hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall

As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs
My poetry was lousy you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the midwest
Ten years ago
I bought you some cufflinks
You brought me something
We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust

Well you burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed

Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
And snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel
Over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there

Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

This is a little off topic, but have there ever been any fictional representations of INFP & ENFJ together?

Haha... this is weird quoting myself.

I was thinking though... maybe Holly and Gerry from the movie P.S. I Love You are an INFP-ENFJ couple? (Holly being the INFP, Gerry being the ENFJ?)

Just a guess, if anyone's seen that movie.

 

[Thessaly]

Great. Now I have to rent that movie lol and I'm doing well thanks Mystical Spaghetti! It appears as though my ENFJ is slowly coming around...

 

[OrangeAppled]

Great. Now I have to rent that movie lol and I'm doing well thanks Mystical Spaghetti! It appears as though my ENFJ is slowly coming around...

I hate when you think you've gotten the hook out and they start to reel you back in :steam:

 

[TheEmeraldCanopy]

Great. Now I have to rent that movie lol and I'm doing well thanks Mystical Spaghetti! It appears as though my ENFJ is slowly coming around...

Glad to hear that you're doing well.

I'm sorry if I'm totally wrong with the ENFJ/INFP thing here (or if you don't like the movie, it is a bit sad/ depressing).

I suck at typing sometimes... Holly seems generally IxFP though. Her career choice towards the end seems a little more ISFP but... And maybe he could be ESFP... I thought he was more ENFJ though.

 

[neptunesnet]

Can anyone think of ENFJ & INFP pairings in popular culture?

I think Burt and Verona from Away We Go were initially supposed to be an ENFJ and INFP pairing, but Maya Rudolph played her character more as an INTP because I think she's a TP. & I was really suprised at John Krasinski. I'm pretty sure he's an ENTP, but he played a Fe-dom really well (or what I thought to be an ENFJ character).

So, anyone else?

 

[Unkindloving]

Don't make the ENFJ the center of your life.

Keep reaching for your dreams ( I know it sounds cheezy- suck it) and through that we will be enthralled to help you attain them. If all you focus on is pleasing the ENFJ and have no goals of your own he won't know how to help you.

Bolded is a main reason my relationship with an INFP failed. He was exceptionally unhealthy and put all of his stock in dependency being 100% a-ok.
I like to help, love, and encourage, but when the focus isn't on me. I become very intimidated, defensive, and liable to lash out when it is. ENFJs can have enough trouble carrying themselves as their focus is external.

I'd imagine healthy and well-spread INFPs could be quite good.

HaHa, I am an ENFP and I find this same thing about ENFJs. I call to ask about them, they ask me about me, 10 minutes later I am like "Wait, I have been talking and you haven't said a word"

"......."

is the usual response, lol.

Pry it out of them, ENFJs actually like to talk when they feel like they aren't going to be judged for it negatively.

ENFPs can fascinate the hell out of me, but i'll interrupt if i have something to provide. When they are on a roll, i just vibe off of them even if the reaction seems slight.

I was thinking though... maybe Holly and Gerry from the movie P.S. I Love You are an INFP-ENFJ couple? (Holly being the INFP, Gerry being the ENFJ?)

Just a guess, if anyone's seen that movie.

If he's ENFJ, it may be a large reason that i adore this movie and have a great emotional response to it.

 

[Snuggletron]

I had an ENFJ friend who went off to college so I haven't seen him in a couple years, but he was pretty awesome. I could see how an ENFJ might help round out around an INFP and vice versa if you're talking a relationship. Never been too close to an ENFJ of the opp sex that I know of, but I'd imagine they'd be like the ESFJs I know just with more similar interests and maybe better possibility for a connection.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Can anyone think of ENFJ & INFP pairings in popular culture?

I think Burt and Verona from Away We Go were initially supposed to be an ENFJ and INFP pairing, but Maya Rudolph played her character more as an INTP because I think she's a TP. & I was really suprised at John Krasinski. I'm pretty sure he's an ENTP, but he played a Fe-dom really well (or what I thought to be an ENFJ character).

So, anyone else?

I've seen Krasinski typed ENFJ here actually. I could totally see him as Fe-dom IRL. I haven't seen that movie yet though....

I'd imagine healthy and well-spread INFPs could be quite good.

A healthy INFP will need a good amount of autonomy . An INFP that is too detached from others or too dependent is unhealthy. Making someone the center of my life is to me; as much as I'd like to be two peas in a pod, I need to maintain a unique identity. My ideal is more of a partnership and mutual support to reach common and individual goals.

 

[Thessaly]

Yeah, I don't know where this dependency thing comes from. Even when in love I don't want someone up in my space all the time. I have no problem with intimacy, but I need to have my own life.

 

[Lauren]

Yeah, I don't know where this dependency thing comes from. Even when in love I don't want someone up in my space all the time. I have no problem with intimacy, but I need to have my own life.

Because I'm flexible and accomodating about things that aren't important to me (and sometimes things that are), I think I come across as too dependent or eager to please. I can also seem intense which appears to be suffocating but in fact is just my passionate nature When I'm in love and know that someone loves me as well, I'll let them know when I need space and that I value that for them as well. That can mean space even though you're together in the same room. But I need to also spend time together doing things we both love or connecting in other ways fairly frequently. Intimacy grows in this way.

 

[Thessaly]

Because I'm flexible and accomodating about things that aren't important to me (and sometimes things that are), I think I come across as too dependent or eager to please. I can also seem intense which appears to be suffocating but in fact is just my passionate nature When I'm in love and know that someone loves me as well, I'll let them know when I need space and that I value that for them as well. That can mean space even though you're together in the same room. But I need to also spend time together doing things we both love or connecting in other ways fairly frequently. Intimacy grows in this way.

I guess I can see how our accommodating natures can be interpreted as dependency. It does remove a sense of challenge for sure. I think that the only time I'm interpreted as needy is when I'm with someone who makes hardly anytime for me. I see them say once every week and a half or twice a week tops. Nothing is going to progress from that. Feels like a waste of energy.

 

[Lauren]

I guess I can see how our accommodating natures can be interpreted as dependency. It does remove a sense of challenge for sure. I think that the only time I'm interpreted as needy is when I'm with someone who makes hardly anytime for me. I see them say once every week and a half or twice a week tops. Nothing is going to progress from that. Feels like a waste of energy.

To the bolded part: absolutely. I've noticed this and I'm not sure what to do about it. Just because I'm accomodating doesn't mean I'll give you everything you need all the time and subvert my own needs. But, it does appear that way to others, I think. The areas I need to grow in are those where I show I need the love that others give me, that I desire it and need it, just as they do. As to removing that sense of challenge: I'm in that quandry right now. But, if you're always accomodating, always saying: I'm here for you the other person doesn't have to do any work. I'm trying very hard to not do this as much.

 

[Thursday]

A healthy INFP will need a good amount of autonomy . An INFP that is too detached from others or too dependent is unhealthy. Making someone the center of my life is to me; as much as I'd like to be two peas in a pod, I need to maintain a unique identity. My ideal is more of a partnership and mutual support to reach common and individual goals.

this post is so full of win I should frame it and tattoo it across my chest

 

[Koocoomoo]

I have actually wondered this too. Even when we do start seeing each other again, unless he gives up his extra-curriculars, with work alone I'd only see him maybe twice a week. I think the main problem he is having over the ex is the fact that he never sits down on his own to introspect. I really believe he doesn't understand why or how he feels over everything. Even now with the space I am giving him he still out and about 24/7

That's because - from what I've seen - when you give ENFJs time to sit ALONE and THINK, the end result is usually disastrous.

 

[nicola.kirwan]

ENFJ frustrations...

Thessaly, I completely understand your frustrations.

I'm a complete newbie here, though I've been really into MBTI and Jung for years now. Anyway...I came searching for some insight into ENFJ men given a pseudo-romantic "friendship" I've been in with one for a few years now.
He's been: 1. hot and cold--definitely pursues based on his feeling, then has to back up when it looks like it might be going somewhere. But he starts and stops over and over again. 2. Indecisive--definitely does the holding on to past relationships, but this man seems to take it to another level...

I know he definitely let me in and shared personal things with me regularly, so I don't doubt his feelings, but somehow I always suspect insincerity with him. He definitely has a string of "good" female friends...

Ugh...I just want to totally dump his friendship, but I feel really guilty in doing so. He has a way of making it seem like he's the well-intentioned good guy in everything. I'm admittedly crazy about him, but it's frustrating. Is this perhaps a part of the tendency to manipulation present with ENFJs? They know how to construe things so that they always appear to be a certain way? I remember one of my first conversations with this guy, he started telling me that wearing emotional masks with people was good and necessary.

Anyway, we have been stuck in this cycle of he shows a lot of attention and interest, doesn't make anything official or formal, and so I ask what his intentions are. He says he's not sure, he really likes me, etc., and then I back off and our friendship cools. And then some months later, he starts with his interest, doesn't make it official, I ask what's up, he gives some reason it's not the right time, our friendship cools. And on again. Oh, no sex or making out involved, btw.

This last time around he actually admitted to being confused and needing to do some introspection. He's definitely holding onto the failure of past relationships.

I don't even know if I like him anymore. I mean he's a terrific guy, but very very hard to even be friends with, as he also doesn't seem to be able to do genuinely platonic friendship without acting on romantic feelings. It's just messy. I'm so frustrated and I want to just cut him out of my life entirely at this point, but I feel really bad in doing so. Is that just the INFP's inability to let go of bad relationships?

ENFJs are Js, they're supposed to be able to be decisive, right??? I think it's the indecision that drives me the most batty. I mean say yes or say no, but "I don't know" shouldn't last forever.

I also think that ENFJs feel a desire to say things in a way that they think will hurt you the least instead of just being wholly honest. I feel like it took him 3 years to say what he could have said in year 1, and I would have taken that and moved on. I think that Fi is much more concerned about truth than Fe.

Sorry, I had to vent! Any insights or tips would be greatly appreciated. Thus far I've just concluded that I'm not the right woman for him and I hope that he finds a woman that will help bring clarity and focus to his life and emotions.