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[Fe] Poll: Overthinking

Do you overthink/try to hard to start a relationship?


  • Total voters
    28

Wyst

lurking....
Joined
Jul 6, 2008
Messages
1,662
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I'm curious if more people tend to overthink things with regard to starting a relationship.

Do you think, plan, strategize and scheme?

or

Do you just wake up one day and realize you're in a relationship with even having tried to get in one?
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
I'm curious if more people tend to overthink things with regard to starting a relationship.

Do you think, plan, strategize and scheme?

or

Do you just wake up one day and realize you're in a relationship with even having tried to get in one?


I do both lol I think about it, make out lists of so called requirements in my head, but then ultimately stumble into love without even realising it's happening.
 

hommefatal

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2009
Messages
938
I'm curious if more people tend to overthink things with regard to starting a relationship.

Do you think, plan, strategize and scheme?

or

Do you just wake up one day and realize you're in a relationship with even having tried to get in one?
I usually fantasise a lot but then just get into it.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I don't overthink. I overfeel...does that count?

What I mean is, I take my sweet time feeling my way through the connection we have and are likely to have in the future. And that helps me decide to go for it or not. And even that decision isn't conscious. I just let it happen. At some point there is that meaningfull silence, that gaze and the kiss that follows.

If I don't get the right vibe however, I tend to think things through in order to be able to explain to myself (and him) why it is that we wouldn't work.
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
9,581
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
There is no such thing as over-thinking a situation.

There is however such a thing to think wrongly about a situation, and be at fault for other reasons for thinking.
 

JuneBugGemini

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENFP
I don't overthink. I overfeel...does that count?

What I mean is, I take my sweet time feeling my way through the connection we have and are likely to have in the future. And that helps me decide to go for it or not. And even that decision isn't conscious. I just let it happen. At some point there is that meaningfull silence, that gaze and the kiss that follows.

If I don't get the right vibe however, I tend to think things through in order to be able to explain to myself (and him) why it is that we wouldn't work.

This sounds all too familiar...:doh: lol
 
G

garbage

Guest
I usually end up having some idea of what I want things to look like with another person, and I try to shape things to fit that. I roll with the punches, though, in that I modify my "vision" to coincide with reality as it occurs.

In other words, I do think, plan, and strategize.

My plan right now is to marry my current; I'm going to ask her when she graduates. This could change as the next several months unfold, but I do like at least having a general notion of where things are headed.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Can't imagine just finding myself in something. I definitely think, but I believe it's overthinking if you are evaluating for chances of success down the road. I don't like unnecessary heartbreak for me or the other person. The only problem comes when you have concluded it wouldn't work (person has incompatible values, has ongoing addiction problems, or whatever else) but you fall for them anyway. Then you either have to go into it knowing you are doing something stupid that is going to end badly, or else you need to go far away until the danger of acting on it has passed.
 

Qre:us

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
4,890
I'm curious if more people tend to overthink things with regard to starting a relationship.

Do you think, plan, strategize and scheme?

or

Do you just wake up one day and realize you're in a relationship with even having tried to get in one?

Only if there is/are candidate(s) in reality...then, will I think of it.

First thought, what vibe do I get from this person? If I get a 'good person' vibe, they're in, otherwise, outta sight outta mind.

And, then, I just let whatever happens happen...and the things that I overthink about are instances/situations that somehow struck a chord, something was amiss, something was said but not fully understood...and then I'll mull over and over the possibilities of 'meanings' for them.

But, yeah, my overthinking when it comes to relationships always needs that reality-based trigger, be it a potential person, then, an action of theirs, or an interaction of ours.

I rarely dabble in 'what ifs'...of the imaginary kind when it comes to relationships. I rather dissect what is.
 

Zoom

Self sustaining supernova
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
1,045
Enneagram
9w8
At the beginning, in all honesty it's normally the other person who initiates it. I have a tendency to develop my rare hardcore attractions to people I share passions with and whatnot... which means they are a TA who is off-limits, or some other form of "Silentium no touchy". (I should probably work on that. :cheese:)

I believe one definitely can overthink it, whether it be what Eff spoke of or another variety, such as when one thinks of as many possibilities (of what they should/could do) as they can to try and work through a problem, end up with an overwhelming view that is hard to focus in on.

Especially when other people are giving you 'advice'.

When other people bring up negative hypothetical possibilities for my own situation, past a certain point it just muddies the waters and makes me more anxious.

So I think that at certain points one has to stop analyzing and thinking and simply take action. Figure out what you want - or think you want - and go for it. :)
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
1,111
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4, 7
A true test for a strong bond for me is when I get into a relationship- if we can sit there and have fun out of nothing.. we can talk about anything and everything with each other and just 'enjoy' each other's company.

I enter relationships with the intent of just having fun. If things works out, then great. I think when I can go with the flow and we just 'click' like that, it doesn't matter what we do/say.. we're just into it.

I think the key thing is to be honest with ourselves, and let it be..
 

stigmatica

New member
Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
308
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I have a bad habit of taking offense to being misunderstood, which probably derails a lot of relationships, no matter the level of relationship desired. This is only compounded by the fact that I'm probably one of the most misunderstood individuals on the face of the planet, hence all the X's in my MBTI type.

In other words, I just end up either scaring people off, or inviting them too close without ever meaning to. When it happens, I try to rectify the situation with further communication, which just ends up digging the hole even deeper. Eventually, I'll just come out and say "this is who I am, and this is what I want", but then everyone starts looking for small print and hidden meaning, cause it's usually there in what I say, so when I speak plainly, it gets scrambled and dissected into something else.

A withdrawal into extreme introverted behavior can sometimes occur as a result. My way of avoiding the social shackles I tend to create in my extreme extroverted phases. Every once in a while, someone manages to survive this roller coaster ride, and then I have a true friend, acquaintance, whatever...

Or, maybe I'm just over thinking all this :yes:

Edit: Oh, and I chose "I see dead people" because it seemed to be the "cool people" option so often required over on INTPc for anyone to make a choice. I figured I'd try on the "cool people" option and see how it fit. :cool:
 

Chloe

New member
Joined
May 1, 2009
Messages
2,196
Do what? Couldn't understand you, Chloee... a bit too random, I think. :D

Everytime a J tries to be random - it doesn't finish well, I'm afraid. :cry::cry::cry:

you really didn't understand my poetic English, or you are fucking me, poor Cinderella? :cry:
 

stigmatica

New member
Joined
May 8, 2009
Messages
308
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Everytime a J tries to be random - it doesn't finish well, I'm afraid. :cry::cry::cry:

you really didn't understand my poetic English, or you are fucking me, poor Cinderella? :cry:

Case and point!

You always make me laugh, Chloee :blink:

I was trying to be funny, and perhaps fucking WITH you ;) I'm thinking I'd have remembered had I been fucking you, though ;) :blink:
 

Chloe

New member
Joined
May 1, 2009
Messages
2,196
I was trying to be funny, and perhaps fucking WITH you ;) I'm thinking I'd have remembered had I been fucking you, though ;) :blink:

you don't remember because I was dressed like this, and not like in my avatar;my everyday life work clothes.
as a matter fact i think you're still hiding under that ball dress :mellow:
 
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