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[MBTI General] Dating: One at a time, or multiple?

seeker22

New member
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
173
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XNTJ
As many of you have read from earlier posts, I am single, having gotten out of my LTR (five years) one year ago and gone through all my grieving and all that. I have just recently felt ready to date again.

So: how do people date these days? One at a time? Or multiple "irons in the fire?"

I was all set to do the "one at a time" thing and people told me that was old school, and people date many at once now.

So now, we have to define dating! I guess for me dating = getting to know someone. For others, dating means sex.

So if you date around, does that also mean sleep around?? I could not do that.

Hmmm... There are pros and cons to both approaches.

Would anyone here be offended if the person you were dating told you they were also dating other people?? I guess it goes back to how that person defines dating... Discuss...
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
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One, please. I couldn't/wouldn't focus on more than one person at a time.
 

Lady_X

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i don't think there's a thing wrong with it. i'm just not wired that way. i've always dated one at a time...there has been times where i was interested in more than one person but if i decide to date them i wouldn't be dating anyone else.

and...it would have to be the same for them.
 

ring the bell

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I think it depends on age and how serious a person is about finding their other half. When I was younger, I did date around quite a bit. I wasn't really serious about finding someone though. It was just a means to get out and have fun. There weren't any real strong bonds in place. Now, though, I'm older and getting to where I do want to meet someone and settle down. I feel as if I approach dating with a much more serious attitude now. I don't want to be wtih more than one guy at a time and I definitly wouldn't sleep with more than one guy either. It's really been just a shift in attitude for me. I also have a much more honed in idea of what I'm looking for too so I don't waste my time as much!
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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I usually date multiple people at once. (this does not mean sex)
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
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Nov 20, 2008
Messages
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If I am exploring options of a romantic relationship I'll typically focus on just one person, and I'd expect my partner to do the same.
 
G

garbage

Guest
One at a time.

But then, I'm usually looking for a serious relationship rather than casual dating, and I can often tell whether someone will fit that bill within a date or two.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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If I am exploring options of a romantic relationship I'll typically focus on just one person, and I'd expect my partner to do the same.

Do you only apply to one job at a time?
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
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To address the second question, I would probably discontinue dating a person if they told me they were also dating other people. But I don't do "casual" dating.
 

Chloe

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May 1, 2009
Messages
2,196
you "get to know someone" in everyday life million people, but when it's a date, then it's only with one..

and i would also quit dating person who dates few people at time. that's just mean we are not on same level and he's not that into me, and i don't like waiting for other person to notice me. actually, i don't mind waiting, but i just don't believe in that... so much.
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
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Mar 13, 2009
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Well, if you're apart I think it's only fair to do that: see other people and make sure you're happy with this person. But if you're close and can still see the person you're dating, there's no reason to date anyone else. Am I making sense? ^^;
 

binlid

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Jun 12, 2009
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cheaters

I recently had a co-worker whom I've only known for a short while, Seriously ask me if i believed if she cheated on her boyfriend while in another state whether it would still be considered cheating!
I was quite shocked, being an ISTJ loyalty is nearly everything and it shocked me to think some people are so reckless with others hearts.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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I only have one boyfriend at a time, for the most part. But until then, I will date other people and never assume an exclusive relationship until it is discussed and agreed upon.
 

Bubbles

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I recently had a co-worker whom I've only known for a short while, Seriously ask me if i believed if she cheated on her boyfriend while in another state whether it would still be considered cheating!
I was quite shocked, being an ISTJ loyalty is nearly everything and it shocked me to think some people are so reckless with others hearts.

Well you'd have to discuss it with the person beforehand! Otherwise that IS cheating. Just agree to take a break and see other people, it's different than taking advantage of your situation.
 

OrangeAppled

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Dating = getting to know someone for me also. Sex is far off in the land of commitment. A relationship would be when I date someone exclusively, as agreed upon by both parties.

I'm usually talking to several people at once, and I'm okay with seeing several people around the same time. I'll go out with a guy, find that we don't clique, and that is that. I'll probably have another date already scheduled a few nights later, and be emailing/texting a third guy. It's the "don't put all my eggs in one basket" mentality.

This has NOT been effective. I usually abandon all dating for several months in total frustration, and then resume again when I get really lonely.

I think focusing on one person would be better in some ways, but it creates a few problems:
1. Focusing on one person causes me to over-fantasize about them, leading to obsession and unhealthy attachment to a person I've created in my head.
2. The people I'm interested in focusing on and taking the time to get to know never return the interest. :sad:
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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Going for a first coffee date to become better acquainted - maybe more than one person, but no physical contact. Beyond that, one at a time only!
 

Popsicle

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Dating = getting to know someone for me also. Sex is far off in the land of commitment. A relationship would be when I date someone exclusively, as agreed upon by both parties.

I'm usually talking to several people at once, and I'm okay with seeing several people around the same time. I'll go out with a guy, find that we don't clique, and that is that. I'll probably have another date already scheduled a few nights later, and be emailing/texting a third guy. It's the "don't put all my eggs in one basket" mentality.

This has NOT been effective. I usually abandon all dating for several months in total frustration, and then resume again when I get really lonely.

I wish I could do that, but I have never been able to. I don't seem to be able to focus on more than one guy at a time. I do think your method is probably better in the long run.
 

OrangeAppled

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I wish I could do that, but I have never been able to. I don't seem to be able to focus on more than one guy at a time. I do think your method is probably better in the long run.

Eh, the only thing it has really been good for is discovering what I don't want in a partner. :D
 
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