[ENFP] WTF?! ENFPS: Engaging YET ALOOF!

[greenfairy]

i've been told i can be aloof and flippant and look completely uninterested...i think for me it's just when i'm lost in my head and not paying attention to what's going on around me. it's like i have 2 modes completely engaged or completely unengaged...on...off...like that.

This is consistent with the ENFP I know best. I always just thought she was preoccupied with something that was bothering her or focused on a practical problem that needed solving. When she has free time and I'm around she's always happy to see me; but I notice if something bothers her she can get irritable and withdrawn.

 

[Amargith]

This is consistent with the ENFP I know best. I always just thought she was preoccupied with something that was bothering her or focused on a practical problem that needed solving. When she has free time and I'm around she's always happy to see me; but I notice if something bothers her she can get irritable and withdrawn.

It's Fi cleaning house and working out solutions for the most part. And due to the amount of self-reflection and energy it costs, it requires all your attention and focus. It's what I call my 'cocooning' phase where I hang a sign 'Out of order, plz come back later' on the door. And it is needed for my sanity - you don't wanna come near me if I'm being kept from doing this, I guarantee it

 

[Dancing_Queen]

I hate to say it, but that rep we get is because often we push it. We aren't open books, but its comfortable to have an image projected so that people are distracted with it while we evaluate them.

It's possible but as I've said, I've never seen an actual ENFP do that in person, only in fiction or mistyped ESFPs/ENFJs

 

[Dancing_Queen]

I took that to mean that we just don't hold shit back like others might. That we prefer to be open and direct and just real. We will say the completely honest thing that not everyone will.

But you're right and I agree with you that I don't just sit and tell everyone my business. I don't even get very personal on here and I've been here a long time. It's too public.

Definetly

Also always hated the Disney princess stuff too.

God knows how I love Merida and a few others, but I just can't take all the Rapunzel avatars and gifs in anything
related to ENFPs

Is it bad if I fulfill that stereotype though?

Noooo, you can and should be whatever you are.

 

[ellenrose]

I've been called a flake on quite a few occasions, because I used to have a lot more trouble saying no when people wanted to hang out. I'd immediately say yes, but then be left to do with the consequences later when I didn't feel like it anymore. This is something I've really worked on... and am still working on hah.

But to answer your question, yes.. I become immediately fascinated with people in an intense way and want to know everything about them. But, this can fade a bit as time goes on and I can appear (and perhaps even become) a lot more aloof (and, in turn, flakey).

 

[sillyfacez]

=)

We are not Fe users. Nor are we dominant feelers. Our feelings about things are cultivated on our own time, and in private. Our interest is not emotionally motivated. If someone is the most interesting person in the room one minute it's for mostly intellectual reasons. "This is a kind of person I haven't seen before. I wish to know more about it for my database." They're not the most interesting person the next day because we did enough research the last time we met them and have found something new to study somewhere else.

Just because we find someone interesting doesn't mean we are deeply emotionally invested in building a long lasting and meaningful relationship with them. We were just curious. We don't need to take the time to gauge friendship potential because making friends comes easily to us and isn't as big a deal as it is to introvert feelers. A friend is someone whose number is in your phone and who you can call when you want to hang out with them. This could happen twice a week or once every three years. It doesn't make a difference to us.

TOTALLY nailed it. And is not meant in a negative way. =)

 

[GAEL]

is this My problem?

My kindred ENFP spirits, this is the way I see it. If I have a pleasant, spirited exchange or conversation with someone I've just met, then I'm glad. It is in my nature to seek that out, and be glad when I experience it. There is no implication that we should/could/must undertake more communication at a later date. Why do people assume that? It's socially retarded. Maybe it should be called a cultural misunderstanding. Like when a woman makes eye contact with a man as part of a normal civil exchange, and he assumes she wants to fornicate with him immediately. Excuse me? Please do not visit my planet ever again.

 

[Qlip]

My kindred ENFP spirits, this is the way I see it. If I have a pleasant, spirited exchange or conversation with someone I've just met, then I'm glad. It is in my nature to seek that out, and be glad when I experience it. There is no implication that we should/could/must undertake more communication at a later date. Why do people assume that? It's socially retarded. Maybe it should be called a cultural misunderstanding. Like when a woman makes eye contact with a man as part of a normal civil exchange, and he assumes she wants to fornicate with him immediately. Excuse me? Please do not visit my planet ever again.

The male version of this is more confusing. Either someone is kind of mad at me for supposedly coming on to them and not asking them out, and I won't be any wiser about it unless I somehow run into them afterward. Or, conversations will shut down abruptly at midpoint because I've been rejected as a potential suitor when that's not even what I'm going for. Once I figured out what was going on, I decided I'm okay with it. I prefer people who aren't so myopically goal oriented in their personal interactions, in friendships or otherwise.

 

[GAEL]

Hey Qlip...I guess we've been at some of the same parties. Being misinterpreted like this is doubly baffling for enfp, because it is not only irritating, it is the kind of blunder We would not be likely to make. Other blunders, yes. But not mistaking someone's friendly banter for a come-on of some kind. Eeeuw. So ickily contemptible. Did these people fall off the back of a turnip truck?

 

[five sounds]

My kindred ENFP spirits, this is the way I see it. If I have a pleasant, spirited exchange or conversation with someone I've just met, then I'm glad. It is in my nature to seek that out, and be glad when I experience it. There is no implication that we should/could/must undertake more communication at a later date. Why do people assume that? It's socially retarded. Maybe it should be called a cultural misunderstanding. Like when a woman makes eye contact with a man as part of a normal civil exchange, and he assumes she wants to fornicate with him immediately. Excuse me? Please do not visit my planet ever again.

Yes. You are one of us and that is our problem I guess. Except I can't help but keep coming to the conclusion that I'm not the one with the problem. I can see you understand my opinion on the matter because of that awesome rant you went on. Nice to meet you, GAEL. I don't believe we've met.

 

[The Cat]

 

[Sacrophagus]

EXACTLY. I DREAD agreeing to a committment.

Friend: How about Saturday at eight?
Me: <reluctantly> ummmm, yeah... call me...
Friend: So Saturday at eight then right?
Me: <with smile and wink> It's definitely possible!!
Friend: Ok meet me at _____.
Me: Yeah I will call you...

They can't really pin down if I'm concretely saying yes. I like to keep my options open, but also don't like to hurt people's feelings.

I don't like scheduling events because in the present moment, in the "state" I'm in, I may truly feel like going ot the event - but when it actually rolls around a week later - I don't know what my "state" will be and chances are I will very well not feel like going!!

Later, you're like "LET'S GO! LET'S GO! YES! YASS BEBIIIII!CUM WITH ME!".

What a pain in the ass.