[ENFP] Under the Spell of an ENFP

[seeker22]

ENFPs are notorious for their ability to engage others and connect - reading through the forums it seems that a fair amount of people have found themselves "under the spell" of an ENFP at one point or another (I believe that's how it was described)...

My question is:

ENFPs: How do you know when you *REALLY* like someone vs. just doing our normal playful flirting thing??

I am an ENFP who recently began dating again and (without sounding like a cocky jerk) am receiving plenty of attention from the ladies - the problem is sorting out for myself WHO I REALLY LIKE???!

Honestly, I can find great qualities in EVERYONE!!! How the heck will I know who that "special" one is?? People say "you just know." I've never had that. Input??

Non-ENFPs: How did you determine that your ENFP actually LIKED YOU and was not just doing their normal flirty thing??

 

[Laurie]

How does an ENFP know when someone likes them for "them" instead of the ENFP fun?

just adding something

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

Non-ENFPs: How did you determine that your ENFP actually LIKED YOU and was not just doing their normal flirty thing??

Moving in together was a good sign.

 

[seeker22]

How does an ENFP know when someone likes them for "them" instead of the ENFP fun?

just adding something

So true. Nice addition...

 

[seeker22]

Moving in together was a good sign.

LOL! Umm... Yeah! Pretty big indicator!

How about PRIOR to moving in together?!

 

[Edgar]

ENFPs are notorious for their ability to engage others and connect - reading through the forums it seems that a fair amount of people have found themselves "under the spell" of an ENFP at one point or another (I believe that's how it was described)...

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGPhpvqtOc"]Typcal ENFP[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Chloe]

How does an ENFP know when someone likes them for "them" instead of the ENFP fun?

just adding something

so true. we cant know.

addition: how does ENFP know you like them for ENFP fun and not for their boobs/ass?

how do we know anything?

 

[BlahBlahNounBlah]

LOL! Umm... Yeah! Pretty big indicator!

How about PRIOR to moving in together?!

The thing is I don't worry about whether anyone likes me, ENFP or otherwise. I act and then see where it goes. So I liked the ENFP, I continued to act on my feelings, and we ended up living together.


And that's how I knew.

 

[seeker22]

so true. we cant know.

addition: how does ENFP knows you like them for ENFP fun and not for their boobs/ass?

how do we know anything?

That cracked me up!!!

And Elaur - I believe you've mentioned before that you're married - how did you "know?" If you don't mind... =)

 

[ergophobe]

First, as an ENFP, there is a *huge* difference in my style of flirting with someone I am romantically interested in and the general world of people that I find fascinating.

Every conversation may be met with a requisite intensity and curiosity and humor that infects our being. That part holds across everyone. Sometimes this can be mistaken for flirting. I always pull back though in these conversations at some point.

With a romantic interest, I don't hold back. I pull out all stops. It's like getting the full, unadulterated version of ENFP essence. I also don't use compliments quite at the same rate as when I am interested in someone. I become *more* complimentary, emboldened by my interest, and there is just no way that the other person can be confused by the attention. I'm a much braver, uninhibited version of myself. The messages received are crystal clear - I am thinking

The more you meet and get to know different people and spend time with them, the more you'll begin to distinguish between interesting people and fascinating people where there is a real mind-body connection. The romantic connection -- it hits you square in the head when you least expect it. You won't miss it. Just give it time to develop and keep examining for yourself if the person meets everything you need/want.

 

[Amargith]

You ask yourself who you see yourself further down the road with. Who do you see yourself growing old with? For me, the fact that my SO not only accepted my 'dark side' but even loved me because of it, sealed the deal. I've rarely met someone who rarely misunderstands what I'm saying and in case it does happen, will always give me the benefit of the doubt. I wasn't about to let that get away.

Where I might have a great understanding, and even an intense connection with others, to the point where they are very much datable and interesting that way, it's pales in comparison of what I have with him.

I flirt a little with most, as an icebreaker, but it's the reaction I get from the other person that determines if I up the ante. It gives me a chance to get to know them and see if they are in fact interesting as a potential mate.

 

[Nijntje]

I flirt a little with most, as an icebreaker, but it's the reaction I get from the other person that determines if I up the ante. It gives me a chance to get to know them and see if they are in fact interesting as a potential mate.

there is a *huge* difference in my style of flirting with someone I am romantically interested in and the general world of people that I find fascinating.

Every conversation may be met with a requisite intensity and curiosity and humor that infects our being. That part holds across everyone. Sometimes this can be mistaken for flirting. I always pull back though in these conversations at some point.

I think if flirt with just about everyone i meet if I'm in the right mood, male and female alike, generally not in a full on sense, but more of a gentle icebreaker, to put the other person at ease. I'll also flirt to get what i want/make things run smoother, like if i have to call about a utility bill, or make any phone enquiry, to someone in a department store to the guy who owns the wine cellar near me and gives me little free things because i'll engage him in conversation when i buy my alcohol.

My SO has to be understanding that I'm not doing it in a sexual sense to undermine him, but that a lot of the time i don't even realise I'm doing it, it's just that when i feel 'good' I love engaging with people.

You ask yourself who you see yourself further down the road with. Who do you see yourself growing old with? For me, the fact that my SO not only accepted my 'dark side' but even loved me because of it, sealed the deal. I've rarely met someone who rarely misunderstands what I'm saying and in case it does happen, will always give me the benefit of the doubt. I wasn't about to let that get away.

Have to totally agree with you on this one... as a 'sick' XNFP my 'dark side' if you will, tends to cross both channels (woo double hit!) and being with someone who not only accepts you for your flaws but loves you for them and will always give you the benefit of the doubt in a misunderstanding is just about the nicest thing possible..

 

[kiddykat]

How do I know I REALLY like someone? Something about their heart captivates me. Something about their character, their integrity, the way they treat others? Something about their warmthness is what really makes my heart melt (on top of other things- such as sharing similar values, views in life, and if they're humble, down-to-earth- an all around kind soul).

I guess the word would be 'genuine.'

There are guys who I like, who look great on the outside. There are one's who are intellectually stimulating, but I think at the heart of it all- for me- it's a spiritual connection.. something about their vibe maybe? Something much deeper/unexplainable. When it's there, it's there. I think it could also be about our own perception, and the other person being comfortable in their own skin to really allow us to fall for who they are, vice versa. It's a one-in-a-million bond that I get, and it makes me think, "Time just freezes and everything not only feels good, it feels right" when I'm with that person. It's like coming home to a familiar place..

 

[Lady_X]

could've written that too viv. i am fascinated and interested in many people but very rarely impressed...so if someone can make me say wow...who are you?! then that's something...an unmistakable knowing that this is someone special.

 

[BlueScreen]

Agree. I investigate lots, but am wowed rarely. I think that is the part where the flirting comes from. I want to know the person and see. It's one of a squillion mechanisms used to read people when we first meet them. And I think we have a natural drive to craziness and fun, so are on the look out, and rarely close options. It feels like herion sometimes though. What it takes to really interest me and get me out of first gear gets more every year.

 

[CzeCze]

OP - I'm not sure how old you are or what your relationship/dating experience is - but when you know, you know

All you gotta do is have it happen once and that will be your litmus test for future encounters.

If you gotta ask - at the very least you are conflicted and can't move forward.

As an ENFP I'm sure you are familiar with that gut pull that draws you towards some people and some relationships.

I've had a decent amount of experience for my age and all I know is when I get sucked in, it's OVER. Very little to do but let the attraction run its course.

When you know, you don't have to ask. It is undeniable and very clear.

There is a HUGE difference between being attracted to someone's qualities and lusting after them and wanting a relationship with them.

Honestly, I would be careful if I were you not to mislead or hurt people unintentionally. If you are unsure of things, it's important to still behave responsibly and not lead people on or create unrealistic expectations.

And when you find someone you are drawn towards and it's mutual - It's the awesome. Especially for an ENFP. It's like crack, but free.

 

[MattC333]

When I like someone, I literally cannot stop thinking abouyt them. They just rule my world to the point where other people don't get the full attention that I'd normally give them.
Tbh, I've rarely dated someone long-term that understood some of my most vital traits.
Like my ability to think about a carrot and go through several segways seamlessly to history and politics! Or my terrible penchant for wailing at things that happen on shows or films or books. Or my need to express things musically, both through other peoples songs or my own.
When that happens, I'm usually sure it's a good sign.
That's just my personal preferences.

I'd go with my first point, when they consume my attention and I can't get them out of my fantasy world/daydreams, thats when I really know.

 

[Nillerz]

ENFPs are notorious for their ability to engage others and connect - reading through the forums it seems that a fair amount of people have found themselves "under the spell" of an ENFP at one point or another (I believe that's how it was described)...

My question is:

ENFPs: How do you know when you *REALLY* like someone vs. just doing our normal playful flirting thing??

I am an ENFP who recently began dating again and (without sounding like a cocky jerk) am receiving plenty of attention from the ladies - the problem is sorting out for myself WHO I REALLY LIKE???!

Honestly, I can find great qualities in EVERYONE!!! How the heck will I know who that "special" one is?? People say "you just know." I've never had that. Input??

Non-ENFPs: How did you determine that your ENFP actually LIKED YOU and was not just doing their normal flirty thing??

I hate this!

There's this one chick I totally don't like and is ugly but I am incapable of not flirting with her and since she plays along I've made out with her even though I didn't actually like her. This is not only bad for me but probably bad for her too because I'm leading her on. :c

 

[seeker22]

If you gotta ask - at the very least you are conflicted and can't move forward.

When you know, you don't have to ask. It is undeniable and very clear.

Great insight! Excellent point! I am going to use that! Oh and I am in my early thirties - still have not experienced the "when you know, you know" thing but wow - can't wait!

 

[Salomé]

ENFPs are notorious for their ability to engage others and connect - reading through the forums it seems that a fair amount of people have found themselves "under the spell" of an ENFP at one point or another (I believe that's how it was described)...

My question is:

ENFPs: How do you know when you *REALLY* like someone vs. just doing our normal playful flirting thing??

I am an ENFP who recently began dating again and (without sounding like a cocky jerk) am receiving plenty of attention from the ladies - the problem is sorting out for myself WHO I REALLY LIKE???!

Honestly, I can find great qualities in EVERYONE!!! How the heck will I know who that "special" one is?? People say "you just know." I've never had that. Input??

Non-ENFPs: How did you determine that your ENFP actually LIKED YOU and was not just doing their normal flirty thing??

What happened with your INTP?