[INFP] INFP females

[Rhapsody]

Bet ya a million bucks there's a lot going on under that surface.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Although to be fair, the boring exterior many INFPs show the world can be REALLY hard to get underneath. A lot of people never get through my outer layer, and not through lack of trying—on both sides that is. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in some magical cave and unless the person standing at the entrance knows the secret password (which isn't something I necessarily even know) then some external force prevents me from coming out.

In response to the OP, I'd say just try asking this INFP lots of questions ... lots and lots of questions. Try to make her feel understood, and whatever you do, don't make her feel judged. Conversely, sharing a lot about yourself, and sharing things that are obviously meaningful to you, could also inspire her to open up and share what's meaningful to her. And feeding her Ne is never a bad idea. INFPs love quirky, off-the-wall ideas.

 

[The Outsider]

I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it.

 

[Orangey]

BUT I love love love her meek attitude, so hard to find people like that nowadays, especially in America.

Um, that's a really weird statement. I don't really know what to make of it.

 

[Udog]

^ what Orangey and The Outsider said.

You haven't said anything yet that suggests you respect her. Her meekness seems to be novelty, instead. Truth is, she's probably not opening up to you for good reason - we INFPs don't open up to people if we question their motives.

So when time comes in the future and I meet more of same types. I can have a better general understanding of the person. This will help me in the future to get cooperation from those when I need it.

I'm 100% okay with this as a principle. I can't condone you doing this with her, though. You'll only end up using her and then hurting her. Please stay away (emotionally, acquaintanceship if fine!), and find an INFP that you can respect and build a genuine, mutual friendship with.

 

[CrystalViolet]

I just like to know about people. Understand them. So when time comes in the future and I meet more of same types. I can have a better general understanding of the person. This will help me in the future to get cooperation from those when I need it. May sound a bit selfish but overall I crave TRUE knowledge, to help me with life as I slowly approach my inevitable grave.

I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it. In all reality.......she seems a little boring. BUT I love love love her meek attitude, so hard to find people like that nowadays, especially in America.

Dude, she's not gonna open up....in fact I feel duty bound to tell you, stop using her to statisfy your personal curiosity....I personally can tell when some one is trying to get inside my head for no other reason than intellectual curiosity. I can tell you now, if you think she's meek and boring, she's shut down already.

 

[Scott N Denver]

I'm going to take a different tone than several of the other responders and say go ahead and talk to this person. Personally, I've had plenty of great "getting to know you" talks with other NF, and in particular with other ENF's. Just be wary of treating this person like some sort of science project, that may or may not get very far.

Reactions I had: be wary of some very real IE PJ and FiNe FeNi differences. For example, as an EJ one is more likely to think that people should put things out there, E, and be declarative in the process, J. INFP's tend to have all sorts of interesting observations, thoughts, feelings, reactions, etc, but we aren't likely to share them with you unless you specifically ask. Also, be wary of trying to "put this person in a box", I think we INF's tend to really enjoy thwarting people's efforts to see us in only certain ways. For example, if you wanna see me as some boring non-social person I'll either 1) totally exaggerate that perception to make you believe it and hence go away faster, or 2) totally go the other extreme and try and fling all sorts of things in your face that are the opposite of your perception. In addition to the box thing, be wary of being/coming across judgemental, we don't take well to that either. We tend to have very deep, complex, perhaps even convoluted personalities, so when people do surface probing and try to slap a label on us, there is far more going on below that label, perhaps much of which would contradict that label.

Tolerate and see the value of Fi. Tolerate and see the value of Ne. Both may really push you, especially the Fi. I think that ENFJ's often see themselves as social leaders, which we as INFPs may or may not go along with. Be prepared to drop the reins and just go with things however they may flow. Don't be one iota surprised if after talking to this person you feel a lot less worthy, less impressive, less self-actualized, and not as good/nice of a person as you thought you were. As I've read ENFJ's saying "Fi really puts me in my place." I interpreted their context as saying "I thought I was a pretty good/nice/moral/developed person, and I am, but they are definitely better at it. Fe seems to make people socially adept, Fi, especially well-developed Fi, tends to lead to much more "saint-like" attitudes.


I've had really good experiences with ENFJ's. Fi and Fe can be extremely complementary. Ne and Ni can both share insights and possibilities. Be respectful, be open, listen, share. If so, you should be fine, and this may be among the most eye-opening conversations of your life. If nothing else, it should be pleasant and enjoyable.

One last thought: ENFJ's seem to tend to have definitive plans, aims, and goals, and be actively working towards accomplishing those. INFP's are FAR more just in the moment. We tend to go with the flow wherever it may take us, and just use our values to understand what to do in that moment. Be wary of looking down on INFP's for not having strong enough concrete life plans, or for not taking pre-planned actions that might further us towards our ideals/goals.

 

[Scott N Denver]

Oh, another quick thought: ENFJ's and INFP's are often considered a very good pairing, ESPECIALLY when the ENFJ is a male and the INFP a female. Who knows what you will think about this person in particular, but don't be surprised if you feel super-drawn to them, or if your like" well, this one i particular doesn't especially do much for me, but man I could totally see myself marrying some other INFP someday", or something like that.

Let us know!

 

[phthalocyanine]

..I personally can tell when some one is trying to get inside my head for no other reason than intellectual curiosity. I can tell you now, if you think she's meek and boring, she's shut down already.

interesting notion. i can't say it's entirely unlikely..although again i think this is all too general to jump to a conclusion.. so long as OP isn't "using her to satisfy personal curiosity" (which she probably would pick up on relatively quickly anyway) there is open potential.

I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it. In all reality.......she seems a little boring.

i'd recommend you re-read an INFP description - and ask yourself if this really seems like the kind of person you should have this laissez faire attitude with when it comes to romance (if anyone).

..and if she's boring, why'd you make a thread dedicated to figuring more out about her? -i think by 'boring' you must've meant 'hard to get to know'.. (if i were you i would admit i was at a loss rather than placing the blame on her for being reserved).
i can guarantee INFPs are only really "boring" when they are bored..or don't feel understood.. try to relate to this girl without too many preconceptions of who you think she is or what you think her shortcomings are.

 

[the state i am in]

infps are really good at discerning when something is just a technique. it feels sleazy. there is nothing wrong with intellectual curiosity and learning about other people as a reason for digging. but doing so without sensitivity and without disclosing feelings, sharing the way in which you relate to each other openly and honestly, they don't really have time for it or interest.

with infjs or infps or hell probably all nf types, advice like this can't be taken as like bullet points/things to do. they're just like "a closer look," insight to help you realize what is going on underneath the hood and respond accordingly, with more sensitivity and awareness, etc. i've had many a clash with an infp when issues would pop up resulting from such a different inverted perspective. things like communication style, idea over value/thought vs feeling (perceiving vs judging), would show us that we were not operating in the same way. but in finding better ways to communicate, it is easier to like open palm it and show your intentions are actually good and relate self-to-self. that you DO in fact share similar values, and that they are very fucking important to you. and that as a result the encounter is significant and meaningful to you. care is the key.

 

[michL87]

I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it. In all reality.......she seems a little boring. BUT I love love love her meek attitude, so hard to find people like that nowadays, especially in America.

W-o-w ... I think that's the reason she won't open up to you and is "meek." If you're not romantically interested in her, she can probably tell, and I think guys who are just interested in "getting with me" and not me as a person are a waste of my time. I wouldn't bother talking with them.

Perhaps it isn't that she's meek and won't open up, but that's she's gotten this vibe from you and doesn't feel the need to expend the energy when she could be hanging out with those who are interested in her, opposed to those who simply "wouldn't mind kissing her."

 

[OrangeAppled]

I just like to know about people. Understand them. So when time comes in the future and I meet more of same types. I can have a better general understanding of the person. This will help me in the future to get cooperation from those when I need it. May sound a bit selfish but overall I crave TRUE knowledge, to help me with life as I slowly approach my inevitable grave.

I'm not romantically interested in her at all but I wouldn't mind kissing her. That's about it. In all reality.......she seems a little boring. BUT I love love love her meek attitude, so hard to find people like that nowadays, especially in America.

She already has picked up on this and that is why she is closed off & "boring". INFPs only open up when we feel emotionally safe to do so.

 

[Jonathanthegreat]

She already has picked up on this and that is why she is closed off & "boring". INFPs only open up when we feel emotionally safe to do so.

lol! says you! You don't even know the girl, and you definitely cannot read minds

 

[SurlyAdam]

I just like to know about people. Understand them. So when time comes in the future and I meet more of same types. I can have a better general understanding of the person. This will help me in the future to get cooperation from those when I need it. May sound a bit selfish but overall I crave TRUE knowledge, to help me with life as I slowly approach my inevitable grave.

I can read people in an instant, and I can only imagine that a woman's intuition is more developed than mine. She likely senses that you're being disingenuous and she's purposely remaining distant. She probably oveflowing with insight and emotion, but you won't see any of it if she doesn't trust you.

You learn anything, like taking a genuine interest in understanding someone instead of using them as some sort of project? She's a person, not just a type.

 

[laughingebony]

W-o-w ... I think that's the reason she won't open up to you and is "meek." If you're not romantically interested in her, she can probably tell, and I think guys who are just interested in "getting with me" and not me as a person are a waste of my time. I wouldn't bother talking with them.

I, like Jonathanthegreat, know an INFP female whom I desperately would like to know better. Although I hardly know her, my interest in her is definitely romantic in nature. How do INFPs generally feel about people who hardly know them being interested in them romantically? How should I approach her? I really don't talk much, and she doesn't seem to, either. Most of the time, I don't deliberately refrain from speaking; I just don't have anything to say. As such, how can I get a good conversation started? What are your experiences with INTP/INFP compatibility? These questions are directed toward anyone.

I should probably mention that I am almost INFP, myself.

Also, I'm sorry if it seems as though I'm hijacking your thread, Jonathanthegreat. I didn't think my questions warranted creating a new topic.

 

[garbage]

lol! says you! You don't even know the girl, and you definitely cannot read minds

You're looking for someone to confirm your specific reasoning as to why she won't open up to you. I don't think that's going to happen.

 

[phthalocyanine]

I, like Jonathanthegreat, know an INFP female whom I desperately would like to know better. Although I hardly know her, my interest in her is definitely romantic in nature. How do INFPs generally feel about people who hardly know them being interested in them romantically? How should I approach her? I really don't talk much, and she doesn't seem to, either. Most of the time, I don't deliberately refrain from speaking; I just don't have anything to say. As such, how can I get a good conversation started? What are your experiences with INTP/INFP compatibility? These questions are directed toward anyone.

I should probably mention that I am almost INFP, myself.

INFPs enjoy romantic interest and attention, generally..at least as an abstract.

unless you as a person come off to her as very insincere, unsensitive, or callous, i'd say the playing field is at least neutral..

books or music might be a safe bet in terms of relating. not an icebreaker topic necessarily, but something to keep in mind.

observe her a bit (NTs are good at this) and look at details..most INFPs i know make their hobbies and habits known relatively easily without meaning to - if she is a creative type, for example, there should be something visible to give that away...instrument case, notebook, sketchbook, etc.. when you do find something to talk about, she will probably really appreciate your interest in her interests..(as long as they're earnest - if you are interested in the arts but not well read on 'em, make it known - that may be counter intuitive to an NT, but an NF will appreciate the honesty and is not disposed to look down on you for not being all-knowing! a curious and open mind appeals to an INFP more than a human database anyway).

INTP and INFP can have similar senses of humor; both seem to have a cynical bent and an appreciation for the obscure (word of caution to any INTP interested in an INFP - just be cautious about the really politically incorrect stuff until you establish a better idea of where her boundaries are; some NFs dont like too much 'grit' - though i myself find i enjoy it thoroughly so long as it's actually funny...and i can tell the person is joking!)

don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. self-effacing tongue in cheek comments come naturally to many NTs and in my experience NFs will always respond to these - either by laughing or with an "aww", usually both! this usually spurs some kind of conversation.. go with the tangents!



avoid excessive shows of intellect if they are unwarranted in the conversation; INFPs hate braggarts ...and loathe insincerity (which is easy for us to pick up on)...so if being a know-it-all type is your thing, don't cut it out entirely..be yourself. just remember you're talking to an essentially feeling type. choose your words with some care.


most INTPs and INFPs are aware of society and have some opinions about it. you may relate on some points there, especially if you're interested in ethics..

empty compliments - avoid at all costs.

sincere compliments - don't hesitate! (pick one and go with it though, if you heap em on there is a danger her modest/self-doubting side will surface and question it).

 

[CrystalViolet]

interesting notion. i can't say it's entirely unlikely..although again i think this is all too general to jump to a conclusion.. so long as OP isn't "using her to satisfy personal curiosity" (which she probably would pick up on relatively quickly anyway) there is open potential.

I'm sorry, do you know me IRL? Do you know what I can and can't do? Do you know my experiences with people?
Because we are both INFP, it does not mean our abilities are the same, or even that our perceptions are similar. How ever it is very rare that I have to point this out to another INFP.
Whatever "conclusion" I've come to is coloured by my own experience, but I've had a fair bit of experience with people who try to get figure out how I tick for the sake of it, and hoping to score some pointers for manipulation futher down the track.
I do not think my intreptation of the OP is entirely out of bounds.

 

[the state i am in]

every infp i've ever connected with has been on a "oh you like this, me too" kind of similar art basis. working backwards you start to get a sense how someone relates to artisitic expressions and the way that organizes and represents their attitudes towards life. infps see thru people who view such aspect of life as consummables and adornments. creative self-expression and humane ways to live and self-actualization are often the coloured glues that hold them together. religion too, in whatever form that might be/take. some way of symbolizing their experience and organizing the expression of it, of connecting to meanings and places that are deeply relevant to what matters most to them, places where significant events happened, where they self-identify strongly with the depicted scene.

art and religion are rooted in the same things. symbols used to communicate complex subjective experiences (somewhat!) objectively. to like polarize and magnetize us so we all come out the waterslide chute on the same page, are connected and basking in communion with each other, have a language of experience to communicate with, are equipped to better understand ourselves and each other better from the encounter. it's very healing. infps are custom-built for this mission. some are way more introverted and focused on their own experience and the much smaller stream of people who they encounter, others are more focused on the realm of discourse itself and contributing something authentic and innovative in a more extraverted relevant prescient to what exists now and changing it kind of way. when engaged with the mission they trample over their own meekness.

when you have similar values and share them, it's a great thing to be a part of.

 

[OrangeAppled]

lol! says you! You don't even know the girl, and you definitely cannot read minds

I think the "in my opinion" is a given

 

[phthalocyanine]

I'm sorry, do you know me IRL? Do you know what I can and can't do? Do you know my experiences with people?

Because we are both INFP, it does not mean our abilities are the same, or even that our perceptions are similar. How ever it is very rare that I have to point this out to another INFP.

well, I know you no better than you know the girl in question that the OP (and both of us) were talking about..

it seemed you were okay with interpreting this persons' actions to mirror your own based solely on her being an INFP (supposedly, according to someone else).. so why 'point [anything] out' to me..?


my post you quoted was in response mostly to OP (not to you personally - it seems by your reply you may have taken it the wrong way)..

i was only responding to the idea that you suggested - in a roundabout way saying it may be at play in OPs situation. i stand firm that his details provided were too scanty for a confident conclusion to be drawn. that is my opinion. yours is welcome to differ. but that doesn't make anything personal here with regard to argument.

I do not think my intreptation of the OP is entirely out of bounds.

I don't either, and i never said it was..au contraire.. in fact, the reason i quoted and responded to it was because i thought you made a good point.. i think it's insightful and quite possibly correct, but the rational side of me is/was unwilling to say so without expressing reasonable doubt (after all, it really is a very detail-deficient post we're all responding to here).
i know i can be over-analytical and too careful with rationale at times, but i won't apologise for that...
i will apologise for offending you if i have, however. like i said, nothing was meant personally.. i don't think i've read enough of your posts to make any judgments (or attacks!) anyway.

next time i would appreciate being talked down to a bit less, though- if you come at people with fervor and flame right off the bat they are less likely to say "i'm sorry" and mean it.


i'll quit the rhetoric before this thread is derailed.